A collection of improvised piano memories written by NΣΣT.

Tracklist:
1. Goodnight Kiss
2. I'm still in love with you
3. Can we stay like this forever?
4. Moon Waltz
5. Teach me how to love you
6. I'm not giving up on you
7. If Only...
8. Across The Bridge
9. You've been on my mind
10. Holding Hands
11. I'll Come Back
12. Wait For Me
13. Lilac Lullaby
14. Just For You

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Dream Keys

I’m still in love with you. 

We haven’t exchanged thoughts in…a while. Feels like days have escalated into years it seems. Even though you probably won’t see or hear this…how are you? Are you well? Have you met someone who’s soul matches yours?

I just woke up from one of those “real” dreams just now. Y’know the ones that almost feel like they happened in real life? The ones so vivid, your brain confuses it as a memory of some sort. Yeah, one of those dreams. It was one of those dreams you wake up from and think “Damn…but it felt so real!” …I hate those dreams. But I can’t help but love them too. 

Also, I… don’t think I’ve ever seen myself that happy before….it was actually quite the awkward experience. Then again, maybe it was just weird seeing us together.  Waking up, my heart has never felt so fragile and strong at the same time… it was interesting to dwell upon so I made this song to remember the feeling.

I remember reading that you can only know how much you truly love someone until they’re gone. It makes more and more sense now that I think about it. 

To me, falling in love is a lot like falling into a crack in the earth. As soon as you fall, you freak out but… at the same time you accept it. Before you know it, you’ve reached the bottom. It felt like you were gonna die but, surprisingly you survived. 

When you look up, theres a fine line of light representing who you used to be. Do you choose to stay? Or attempt at climbing back up?

Choosing the latter never felt so bittersweet. 
I hope your doing well, in my dreams we may meet. 
…maybe please. 

Goodnight.


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I’m still in love with you

"Can we stay like this forever?"

It was the last thing you said before I woke up, in tears. I hate when that happens. I wasn't sad at all, just a little irked. I dunno the correct word to explain it, but it's that "Fuck, are you kidding me right now?" feeling. Of all nights, you chose to appear tonight... I guess it's good to have a taste of feels every so now and then. 

I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about you. It happens occasionally, mostly when I take naps. Sometimes you show up, sometimes you don't. But the times you do appear in my dreams, we're always just...chilling. Like at a coffee shop or on public transit. In this dream, we were on the last train home and no one was there except us. Your head was on my shoulder and that's when you said it.... then I woke up, had a cigarette and recorded this song. 

You'll never hear this song. At least, I hope you don't. Hmm...maybe I'm lying to myself though... maybe I want you to hear it.... but it's not like I want things to be the way they were or something. It's just...part of me feels like holding on to that little piece of memory I have of us...that's all. I guess my heart wanted to open up again for some reason. I'm thankful for that at least. You always said to do what feels right even if you're nervous. 

Wherever you may be...I hope you're well and you're doing what you love. I hope you're with someone who takes care of you and loves you unconditionally. I hope your dreams come true and that you're waking up every morning with a smile.

For now, I'll keep dreaming.
It's a lot better than waking up.


Can we stay like this forever?

May I have this dance?

Artwork by Animaiden
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☾

Moon Waltz

I miss you. It probably won't make a difference how you feel about me, but I just thought you should know. It's been a rough week and some too, thinking about it gives me a headache. An amalgamation of mixed emotions, more negative, some positive. But maybe it's a good thing that you're gone... actually no, I can't think of anything good about it at all. I know you didn't intend for things to be this way either, it's not like we were together or anything. It's just like you said, we were just a couple floating bubbles that just so happened to come together to form a bigger one. I think we both knew it would pop eventually, I just never thought it would happen so soon.

If only I hadn't told you how I felt. If only I wasn't so insecure. If only I didn't open up so much.

I'm far from being okay, but I'm stable otherwise. It's hard to operate with you always finding a way to interrupt my thoughts. I really wasn't lying when I said I couldn't forget you even if I tried. Although, now that I think about it I haven't been trying that hard. Part of me still wants to keep you around for some reason. It doesn't help that I still have your photos saved on my iPod, I should probably delete those. I just can't find it in myself to act like you were just some memory... just another something that happened at some point in my life. There's still so much I want to experience together with you...but you don't want that do you.

If only I were stronger. If only I hadn't given up. If only you felt the same way.

I still don't understand what you meant that day. I don't think I ever will. Maybe I respect you too much to question it or maybe I'm too scared to face the reality of it all. Then again, I'm a dreamer so it's hard for me to accept reality. I don't even know what purpose this letter serves, maybe I just want you back in my life. Maybe I just want to hear your voice and hear you talk about your day and tell me how you've been doing, watch you draw, see you smile and tell you stories to help you fall asleep. Maybe I can't move on from you because I'm not supposed to. 

Maybe I'm just in love with you.

If only we had never met.


If Only...

Teach me how to love you. Teach me how to love you the way you want to be loved. Because all this time I've been loving you the only way I know how. I don't know any other way, I haven't exactly acquired the proper skill set to love so, how else am I supposed to know? How else am I supposed to know how to be with someone correctly if before you, I was alone. Alone for what seemed like eternity when suddenly, like a random gust of wind, you appeared in my life. Little did I know, it would pick up speed and spiral into a tornado of emotions I never knew existed. Little did I know, the challenges and responsibilities that lay ahead. Little did I know, of what love could possibly be until you appeared in my life. 

It seems like I've made so many mistakes. It's almost as if you learn to love someone through trial and error. Okay, you don't like it when I ask dumb questions or when I make that silly face. Okay, it felt like you liked it when I held your hand in the car but it turned out you found it annoying. I'm still not sure if you're okay with the way I show affection. I'm still not sure if you're okay with me being needy or if you want space. I developed quite a few insecurities and I can't help but blame myself for either not taking in your information fast enough, or simply being oblivious. I'll be honest, it hurts not knowing completely what I should be doing to make you happy. But I want to. I so badly want to know.

I know you've been hurt many times in the past. So many times it disgusts me people like that even exist. If I was big and strong I'd beat them all up, but we both know I can't do that physically. I know theres nothing I can do to change what happened and I know theres no way to vacuum all the demons surrounding you. I know you're who you are because of everything you've been through. Once upon a time you were an innocent girl ready to give her heart to someone, someone...someone. But now things are different, you're so much stronger than you were before. It makes me happy knowing that you've given me a chance. It makes me nervous because I could mess things up at any moment. You really deserve better than anyone you've ever had before. With what little I have I'm trying the best I possibly can my love. I really am.

This song might be a huge risk, but I'm willing to take that leap of faith. After I messaged you, I felt the urge to play piano so I went to the piano, hit record, and played what was in my heart and went wherever my fingers wanted to. I may be horrible at how to words and speak, but put me on a piano and I can tell you absolutely everything I'm feeling. It's only a matter of if you understand what I'm saying and if you're okay with it. If you're okay with us.

I'm ready to learn. 

Please be patient with me. 