VPC7 ALL TRACKS

Fandom: Aqua Teen Hunger Force
Character: Dr. Weird

Live from my lab at the South Jersey Shore
My ass ate my hand -- it hungers for more
My creations chafe being called nerdcore
So I'll gobble up your scene until you're all done for!
Grey hair spiked with the fishbowl helmet
Y'all heard the name Walter Melon
King of the castle
Fist my asshole
Splice DNA
And cause a scandal
Purple gown cut with the nips displayed
My dick give more than Christmas Day
Gave your momma that swordplay
Got more fish than Hemingway
On holiday in Uruguay
Hold the country hostage
death ray on some bond shit
Leather servant bondage like

Ooh, do the Dr. Weird, do the Dr. Weird baby 
Ooh let's get fuckin weird let's get fuckin weird baby
Ooh do the Dr. Weird, do the Dr. Weird baby
Ooh you'll be fuckin weird you'll be fuckin weird ooh

Truth teller like no cap
Disrespect like no DAP
Made a bot that hates rap
Ben Shapiro, no WAP
His wife dry like Atacama
Doc got her wetter than a hot sauna
Capture all the local fauna
For the next monster to drop on ya
It's part shrimp, part dog, part duck
Got lightning breath, you're thunderstruck
Doc says you're outta luck
Cause you fucked around with ShrimpDogDuck!
This thing is almost ten foot long
Like a feral hog
Diet full of nitrogen
letting out these Primal Winds

Your track? Never heard of it
Bars? not a word of it
Cleverness? Not detected
My dick? Not erected!
Dope shades, protect me from these hater rays
You bouta need some Gatorade
You lookin like a mirror glaze
On entremet
I cut that cake now you're awake
Got new meds for you to take
Swallow now, sip of water
Have a nice dream of rappin harder
I'mma go to your house and clap ya mama
She slobber harder than a St. Bernard
Your dad ain't bad, imma ring the post
Then I get gone like a space ghost

VPC 7 Round 1

YNG SLLVN [LL YZZ, YNGSLLVN] - La Danse Palourdes

Fandom: Harry Potter
Character: The Sorting Hat

This one goes out to my man Robert Galbraith. 
Sorting gang. We're the worst. 

[chorus] x2
If I can sort you in then I can sort you out. 
You couldn't thwart all the things that I've brought about. 
How did Lord Voldemort find supportive crowds? 
See, you're taught to be naughty in the naughty house. 

[verse 1]
I set the wheels in motion. I sense your real emotions 
and send you reeling into the field I've chosen. 
Perchance evil potions, deeds of deep revulsion. 
I'll achieve my goals as long as I meet the quotient. 
I'm not even coaching, just picking the teams 
and filling Slytherin with all of the shittiest tweens. 
These kids will be in smithereens and no one intervenes. 
My little scheme tickles me till I split at the seams. 
And Dumbledore... 
Did you think that dumdum just stumbled through the door? 
Or got that gig on merits? Like being careless 
and looking away when children perish 
in perilous scenarios? Or get very close to some scary ghost 
with varicose veins and hairy toes, wearing burial clothes? 
I put him in with confidence 
that I would find the odd use for his obtuse incompetence. 

[chorus] x2

[verse 2]
Who divides and conquers spies and plonkers? 
'Tis I, the bonnet. "And why? It's wrong?" 'Cause I'm just bonkers. 
My best sponsors are mindless wanderers, 
floundering onwards unaware of what unkindness conjures. 
Blind, unconscious, while I write destinies 
and set trajectories. Yes I'm a hat, but I pick the accessories. 
Expressed unease, rest in peace. No one suspects a headpiece, 
but I've got the future all laid out in excel spreadsheets. 
Deadbeats and death eaters make up my faculty 
I pick the children like fruit off an apple tree. 
The alchemy of apathy as I essentialize, 
categorize and emphasize the differential lines. 
Never empathize. Just spread empty lies like how Mars and Venus, 
and vulvas, ovaries, balls and penis 
share an important link, and other sordid things. 
It's a boring kink, I know, but I sort of think...

[chorus]

[outro variant]
If I can sort you in then I can sort you out. 
You couldn't thwart all the things that I've brought about. 
How did Joanne Rowling find supportive crowds? 
See, you're taught to be naughty...

.5 Quartet [Vincent E.L., Ardamus] - Sort You Out

Game Genre 
Point & Click Role Playing Game


The Kobayashi Alternative II is a followup to the 1985 release “The Kobayashi Alternative” and was released in 1997 by Interplay for Microsoft Windows and MacOS. In the game, the player navigates life through Starfleet Academy as they participate in simulated deep space missions. As the player works on the simulator, they discover that the AI in the computer has become sentient - yet unaware that the scenario it plays out over and over again with a different crew each time is not real. 


Screen Choice
The Final Encounter


As the simulator responsible for running the Kobayashi Maru is discovered to be sentient, a cutscene plays just as the player needs to decide their next step.


V Slot (giggity): Ph’th’kuh’s Throat Balm
P Slot (also giggity): The Bear Hammock 29-F

Lyrics
I’ve seen so many die 
that I wonder if the humans even know they’re alive
All over who it is that owns this part of the sky
It’ll never compute no matter how many times I try


Cutscene Script (or at least close)


Cadet Hall’s Log 9652.6: I’ve been working with Commander Checkov putting some extra time in, helping maintain the simulator. It’s quite an honor to be working with such a decorated Starfleet officer but he can be confusing sometimes 


 [insert “load old missions”]


Me: Yessir, but...aren’t those really old missions?


[insert “wussian wisdom”]


Me: You’ve got a singular wit, Commander I’ll get right on it


Cadet’s Log, Addendum: While working on the data transfer project for the commander, I noticed that there were some strange pathways being formed in the simulator’s artificial intelligence circuits so I called in my friend David from the scien   to help
 
[insert convo w/David and Chekov]

Me: Wait, what are these? Are these decision making algorithms identifying that the crew of the Kobayashi Maru are living beings? Commander Chekov...I think the simulator might be alive

VPC 7 Round 2

[#%^] [MessiahCarey, Jared Sparks] - The Kobayashi Alternative II

Challenges accepted:
Vocals - (double time - Zolt Energy Serum)
Producer - (no snares in the beat - The Bear Hammock 29-F)

Game genre: Dating Sim
Screen: The Final Encounter

V: Oh, here we have it, the final encounter. This is a tough one, to be sure. Many have tried, all have failed so far, but maybe this is the one. 
A: It's a challenge, for sure, but we have a challenger. 
V: Oh, a true player. Let's see how it goes. 
A: Round one. Shoot your shot! 

I'm the final boss of the dating sim.  
There's no way to win, 'cause I can't take a hint. 
You're gonna fail and then you'll wanna play again 
Your loss, take it in, let the games begin.  
I've got all my defenses up, 
all tensed up and my comprehension tends to suck. 
Try to bend your luck with charms and methods of 
seduction, but we all know where you're ending up. 
Zone of friendship? What? No, twit, that's a prize. 
You're going home alone. Big fat surprise. 
Like Macaulay Culkin, without supplies. 
Always sulking, rip out your eyes  
if you don't wanna see the blank stare on my face 
as I dismiss your compliments as having terrible taste. 
I've had my fair share of dates, so I'm set, except 
I only found out in retrospect. (That's what that was?)  
  
V: Oh, you hate to see it, folks. Striking out in the first round. 
A: Well, let's see if there's any bouncing back from this. 
V: It is not looking too good right now, but it ain't over yet. 
A: Round two. Make your move! 

You know you'll be ill at ease, I don't show 
vulnerabilities. You've honed your skills, increased 
your ammo as sociable charmer, 
but cupid's arrows ricochet off my emotional armor. 
And my heart doesn't glow, so it's harder to get to. 
You try to connect, I'm just not gonna let you. 
With all the respect due, every romance Lothario 
measures on a scale from no chance to very low, 
no matter the scenario, even with careful listening, 
say you're getting hot, I'll hit the air conditioning. 
It's not your whispering nor a matter of discipline. 
I simply miss the gist of what it is you're propositioning. 
Not a single inkling. I just stare into space, 
unaware of infatuation you wear on your face. 
I've had my fair share of dates and before I left 
there wasn't one who wasn't bored to death. 

V: Ooooh! That's gotta hurt! Advances went right over the head *and* were countered with absolute tedium. 
A: This is a disaster, folks, and after so many successes. 
V: Well, there is one more round, so maybe not all is lost. 
A: Round three. Date!

I'm like talking to a brick wall, 
mindless conversations. 
A human bottle of rohypnol, 
minus connotations 
When we're walking through a strip mall, 
I'll exhaust your patience. 
What I'm saying's I'm an awful date, 
and you're gonna wanna escape from the jaws of fate 
before it all too late. They're already agape, 
frothing and starting to oscillate. 
Being my lawful mate is not so great, 
like a box of defrosted flakes. 
To get dad jokes like that for the rest of your life 
put me in a dress that is white and address me as wife. 
I've had my fair share of dates on repeat, the same 
every time 'cause no one's beat the game. 

A: Oh no, I think that's game over, folks. 
V: It sure is. The only way to move forward now is to start over from the last checkpoint at the beginning of the encounter. 
A: Press any key before the end of the countdown. 3...2...1...

.5 Quartet [Vincent E.L., Ardamus] - Beyond Reach

Stuck on this island, the trouble just piling 
up and then rising above the horizon. 
Nothing surprising under the bright sun. 
Fuck with poseidon, get struck by the trident! 
Son of the titans. Thunder and lightning. 
The undeniably crummiest timing. 
A couple of hyphens-- 
I suck at describing my struggle in writing. 
I wonder if I might become reunited with dry land, 
or if anyone can even find me where I stand... 
You wouldn't happen to recognize this white sand 
by chance? 'Cause I can't! 
The return address: Desertedness. If this ever surfaces, 
pretty sure I guess you've never heard of this. 
Purposeless! Better start preparing for permanence, 
'cause of the limitations I observe myself working with. 
I wanna leave, but it dawns on me I'll probably rot on this beach. 
If I thought I'd see other people, I'd believe posthumously. 
Ardamus keeps working hard on this beat, 
but I'd find it less awkward if he'd bother talking to me. 
In shock, or just seething 'cause he thinks I caused this debacle? 
Lost in his thoughts while mine get tossed in this bottle? 
Contents long gone, God crossed off of the gospel. 
Just gotta process the awful like hot sauce up a nostril. 
Nature, a hostel as hostile as possible, 
fatally harsh and too far from a hospital. 
Lots of unsolvable problems and obstacles. 
Consciousness distorted as if through a Boss pedal. 
Give me the bronze medal in shit going wrong! 
The minute we've gone, I'll sing the victory song. 
Time ticking along. Trickery! Contradictory! Wrong! 
Shorter hours; seconds getting unpredictably long. 
Don't know what we should do, 
except accept we've stepped into a Kobayashi Maru. 
Colossally screwed across the great blue yonder. 
A quandary we don't have the philosophy to ponder, 
finding the long shot our hearts grew fonder-- 
Better yet, new harbor. Hardly. Too somber? 
Two goners, doomed to wander a handful of square feet, 
lucky if we last a mere week.

VPC 7 Round 3

.5 Quartet [Vincent E.L., Ardamus] - Flaskpost

30 second intro.
Ardamus: check it check it check it….it goes like this….XOC is in the house….Vincent E.L. they're in the house...Ardamus I'm in the house….Point Seven 5 we're in the house and….(intro fades)


(Intro fades. Then intro of beat drops)
(Banter from Vincent E. L. and XOC? Optional)


Chorus:
Ardamus: I'm celebratin' elevating other paths
Never settle fo.r the medal when the devil stab a brotha's back
Break the bank, break it down but dont break ya neck
You can take a chill pill still while you take the check 
XOC: -Everything is changing I’m no longer what I thought about, 
steady rearranging, the complaining getting smothered out,
 begging for forgiveness, those are things I do not talk about,
 burying my past, take my future on another route -
Vincent E. L.:I've been depressed of late and estimate 
it's not my last time feeling less than great, 
but as I investigate my mind in its present state, 
I guess you could say it's better than yesterday. Arda, you good? 
A: Damn right, I'm good. Yo XO are you good? 
X: Damn right, I'm good. E. L. are you good?
V: All things considered, I'm good.
All: damn right yo it's still all good




Verses pt. 1
X:-Blessed be my day, cause I finally could say so, 
blessed be my day, I no longer have to lay low,
 blessed be my day cause it’s looking like a new one, 
finally can say I made it out of the confusion
A:Illusion, Enforced vision of course hit em'
core twitchin' rewired my whole support system
Hundid percent, come get me, run efficiently 
sippin' rum, having some epiphanies
V: Just when I think I've forgotten how to write, 
and any other thought is out of sight and inspiration's not about to strike, 
I hear this sound, and it's like I'm surrounded by 
astounding amounts to type and signs that life is finally right. 


Chorus:
Ardamus: I'm celebratin' elevating other paths
Never settle for the medal when the devil stab a brotha's back
Break the bank, break it down but dont break ya neck
You can take a chill pill still while you take the check 
XOC: -Everything is changing I’m no longer what I thought about, 
steady rearranging, the complaining getting smothered out,
 begging for forgiveness, those are things I do not talk about,
 burying my past, take my future on another route -
Vincent E. L.:I've been depressed of late and estimate 
it's not my last time feeling less than great, 
but as I investigate my mind in its present state, 
I guess you could say it's better than yesterday. Arda, you good? 
A: Damn right, I'm good. Yo XO are you good? 
X: Damn right, I'm good. E. L. are you good?
V: All things considered, I'm good.
All: damn right yo it's still all good


Verses pt. 2
V: It's a new dawn, new day, new life, 
loose ties turn to tight bonds when the glue dries. 
Up ahead, a promise of blue skies, 
as long as I choose wisely as I deduce where the truth lies.  
X:-Vision the imagery, 
talk about the balance and the symmetry,
Witness an existence with a past they planted into me,
Started as a child, when they promptly ran it into me,
You kidding me, left me here with years to fight the misery
A:- Oozin' out my pores, blood and sweat
Held back the tears with enough regrets
I'm slowin' down, speedin' up, the revelation
Happens everytime around the team when we're….

VPC7 Round 4

.5 Quartet [Vincent E.L., Ardamus] - Still All Good (ft. XOC)

Sorry to bother you. 
I know you've got a lot of stuff on your plate. 
You're brushing up against the date and look at the nothing you've made! 
It's tough to resuscitate your lust to create. You've been crushing it lately, 
but now you're getting crushed under the weight. 
Must be great knowing it's much too late to start. 
A game of art, not for the faint of heart. 
Play your cards, portray this as your "favorite part" 
and maybe they won't pay regard to the quotation marks. 
[Aw, poor baby...] I hear you're supposed to write a letter to yourself. 
I don't envy you, but at least you know you better than anyone else. 
You won't excel with every breath you exhale, 
but never put pencil to paper and you'll definitely fail. 
You're in the belly of the whale. Telling a tale 
you might as well be spelling in braille to an elephant snail. 
That's a hell of a way to tell em you're well on your way to dismount 
the intelligence scale looking delicate, frail and incredibly pale. 
Better get it together, level with Nebuchadnezzar, 
and tell yourself you're better than ever, 
and get the twenty that's left on the dresser. 
A generous treasure for selling a pheasant your feathers. 
An elegant gesture, but can you weather the pressure 
of penning an eloquent letter from behind the delicatessen? 
I don't know what you expect to get for sending a message except 
an exacerbated sense of emptiness. Depressed and upset 
at the sentiment settling in the sediment. 
Is it getting too meta to meditate on the genuine? 
Would you have to explain what every letter meant? 
You're writing to yourself. It's technically self-evident. 
You're reticent, hesitant to express your perspective and 
you've never said anything without any prep and editing. 
You're spending a minute twenty ingeminating the premise when 
you could instead with brevity pretend to be semi-intelligent. 

[Write. You cannot write. 
Write, on time. 
Three days until the deadline, 
still not having written a word? 
Write. You cannot write. 
You cannot...write words. 
Write. You cannot... 
...write on time.]

Dear waste paper basket, this halfwitted draft 
written past the halfway mark's definitely getting trashed, 
pretty fast. It is massively daft. 
Asininity about to hit critical mass. 
When you tell yourself you won't finish the given task, 
you're spitting scientific facts. It's simple math. 
At the risk of getting crass, you and your shitty raps 
are committing acts of lyrical Syrup of Ipecac. 
If they don't skip this track, you're getting ripped in half. 
Like the the napkin you scratch your inscriptions at. 
They will snicker and laugh, tickled pastel pink 
with nipple clamps and compare you to Nickelback. 
A triple pass of rewrites won't fix this gaffe. 
Your talent's as nonexistent as the middle class. 
You need to get off your ass, you haven't achieved a thing 
since bringing your babysitter back from Fribbulus Xax. 
Maybe it's for the best that all you're gonna do 
is send a dorky message to an audience of you. 
It's been a long time since you seemed promising and new. 
You're a disgrace to your name and your mom is gonna sue. 
Are you getting through to yourself or is it in one ear, 
out the other, as you sputter another opinion? 
Weird? Utterly, but it's been done, all you could think of. 
Enough, pencils down, it's time to give up.

VPC7 Round 5

.5 Quartet [Vincent E.L., Ardamus] Emetographia feat. Klopfenpop

You know I live a life of intrigue
Big fish, you wish
I know I'm in my own league*
20,000 under the sea
What up, Sebastian
Y'all crabs I'm Viagra
Because I'm lasting
My time is Neverending Story
But I'm not a cheater, Peter
Hauling in my lorry/Lorre**
Y'all bore*** me
Like a worm in my tomato garden
Y'all lames in flames
You couldn't get my James Harden****
At Busch Garden
With my homie from the Nerdlucks
I can't hear your raft
Because I never herd/heard ducks*****
Spare me if I can't strike******
When you dare me to touch a
Mike/mic Myers/My, yers*******
Don't matter just let me at a butcher knife
Life is but a dream sweetheart
And I'm the dream master
Sewing******** at the speed of light
Yeah I know I seam/seem faster*********
And I can't even tell if you're listening
I stay posted********** like the mail
The most interesting

*nautical / sports
**actor / British term for semi truck
***ennui / insect action
****basketball player / penis erection
*****to gather a group (raft) of ducks / to hear + water fowl / sucker mcs
******bowling  / oh please (spare me) + attack (strike)
*******Halloween villain / microphone + possessive pronouns
********planting seeds / making clothes
*********sewing / appear to be
**********mail / vigilant


I'm the most interesting man in the world
Holding a beer in between two girls
Salt and pepper beard
And the moment that you feared
Is when I grab the mic
And proceed to get weird

I don't always wild out 
But when I do it's full moon
Don't always play guitar
But when I do it's in tune
I don't always hate
But when I do it's because I'm driving
I don't always turn away
But when I do it's because you're lying
Don't always lock the door
Except when I've been watching Forensic Files
Don't always get high
But when I do
New hairstyle
I don't always need a friend
But when I do it's because I"m tripping
I don't always use an mp3
My LP was skipping
I don't always eat meat
But when I do I wanna have a cow
Don't tell me what to do, Bart
I hang with homies that allow
Me to be the most interesting G
And I don't always do coke
But when I do it's because it's free
I don't always dance
But when I do it's Paper Planes
Maybe Mamma Mia
Or Jump Around by House of Pain
I don't always sell drugs
But when I do it's marijuana bud
And I don't always wrestle
But when I do it's mud
Don't unsheath my katana
Unless I wanna draw blood
Don't always use a drywall anchor
Unless the hole's not on a stud
I don't always make the beer run
But when I do I get snacks
Don't always play M.K.
But when I do I pick Jax
Don't always go to church
But when I do it's cus of funerals
And when I make a sequel
I use the Roman numerals
I don't always confess
Unless they use a wire tap and
I don't always talk mess
But when I do it's because I'm rapping

Zero Cool - Stay Thirsty

Instrumental by DopeBoyzMusic.
--------------------------
They say I should stop making diss tracks 
Against these bastards who are just acting as rappers and probably wouldn't hit back
But I gotta make em pay for the errors of their ways.
As a hacker and a rapper, I put interest on their syntax
I see the racism inside, I peeped the peephole
You get through ya life, stereotyping all people
You say that it’s common sense but try to escape the consequence
With back-handed compliments, your tactics are all see through
mc chris-level apology, it don’t even matter
You can't see the problem with ya tweets, and that’s even sadder
They say I should rise above, get my feet up on the ladder 
But I'm pissed off, you'll get pissed on. Suck my dick, I'll clear my bladder
You actually call yourself a rapper.  The audacity
Get out the kitchen, Josh. You ain't cookin' bars. You can't stand the heat  
It’ll cost you an arm and leg to think you can handle me
And when you've lost, we'll see your family bury an amputee

YEEEEAH, there’s some like Joshua
Racists around the world stay dumb like Joshua
YEEEEAH, better run fast Joshua
Black rappers in nerdcore and none like Joshua

You say that Asians dominate intelligence, you don't
Say that to my face and try to walk away, you won't
You need to check yourself, better talk with a new tone
Or I'mma having you cryin' for your momma like a Cubone
Culture vulture, fast rap isn’t done well
Got receipts of deleted tweets, left a crumb trail
You advertised music with "RAP" in ya thumbnails
After George Floyd, you advertised with Blacks in ya thumbnails
Checked your Youtube, saw millions of new views,
Plus some rappers  you were dope, but I ignored them  
I watched some video of yours, my IQ getting low of course
You bring a whole brand new definition to boredom
The only difference tween you and these other generic
Youtube anime rappers is occasionally you tour some
But underneath I see that you only achieve to be another
White rapper in the scene appropriatin' for fun

YEEEEAH, there’s some like Joshua
Racists around the world stay dumb like Joshua
YEEEEAH, better run fast Joshua
Black rappers in nerdcore and none like Joshua

Alright, that last line might seem like a pompous statement
Because you say there's a part of you that's partly Asian
Now I ain't tryna hate on the way you that address yourself
But take a  good long look in the mirror and assess yourself
You used to record verses, said you like rappin' 
Then you grew a beard, now you're white-passin'
So when I say appropriation, there's a way I mean it
You only bring up being an Asian when it's convenient

YEEEEAH, there’s some like Joshua
Racists around the world stay dumb like Joshua
YEEEEAH, better run fast Joshua
Black rappers in nerdcore and none like Joshua

[#%^] [MessiahCarey, Jared Sparks] - The Kobayashi Alternative II

NerdcoreVPC

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