Dear Me! Challenge Criteria:

3 minute maximum length
Vocalist must write a letter to themselves
and
Producer must feature a guest producer
and
Instrumental must contain an impactful instrumental drop/acapella section

VPC7 Round Five - Dear Me!

Fandom: Aqua Teen Hunger Force
Character: Dr. Weird

Live from my lab at the South Jersey Shore
My ass ate my hand -- it hungers for more
My creations chafe being called nerdcore
So I'll gobble up your scene until you're all done for!
Grey hair spiked with the fishbowl helmet
Y'all heard the name Walter Melon
King of the castle
Fist my asshole
Splice DNA
And cause a scandal
Purple gown cut with the nips displayed
My dick give more than Christmas Day
Gave your momma that swordplay
Got more fish than Hemingway
On holiday in Uruguay
Hold the country hostage
death ray on some bond shit
Leather servant bondage like

Ooh, do the Dr. Weird, do the Dr. Weird baby 
Ooh let's get fuckin weird let's get fuckin weird baby
Ooh do the Dr. Weird, do the Dr. Weird baby
Ooh you'll be fuckin weird you'll be fuckin weird ooh

Truth teller like no cap
Disrespect like no DAP
Made a bot that hates rap
Ben Shapiro, no WAP
His wife dry like Atacama
Doc got her wetter than a hot sauna
Capture all the local fauna
For the next monster to drop on ya
It's part shrimp, part dog, part duck
Got lightning breath, you're thunderstruck
Doc says you're outta luck
Cause you fucked around with ShrimpDogDuck!
This thing is almost ten foot long
Like a feral hog
Diet full of nitrogen
letting out these Primal Winds

Your track? Never heard of it
Bars? not a word of it
Cleverness? Not detected
My dick? Not erected!
Dope shades, protect me from these hater rays
You bouta need some Gatorade
You lookin like a mirror glaze
On entremet
I cut that cake now you're awake
Got new meds for you to take
Swallow now, sip of water
Have a nice dream of rappin harder
I'mma go to your house and clap ya mama
She slobber harder than a St. Bernard
Your dad ain't bad, imma ring the post
Then I get gone like a space ghost

VPC 7 Round 1

YNG SLLVN [LL YZZ, YNGSLLVN] - La Danse Palourdes

Featuring Klofenpop & Big Fake

OH YOU THOUGHT YOUD BE THE BIGGEST FUCKIN FISH IN THIS LITTLE POND HUH
YOU LITTLE FUCKIN MONSTER
YOU MUST BE FUCKIN BONKERS
YOU PEACE FOR EIGHT YEARS AINT DO SHIT TO STAY IN TOUCH
AND NEVER CHECK WHATS COMING OUT
SURPRISE, YOU AINT THAT GOOD YOU LITTLE FUCK
OUT HERE REVIEWING AND CRITICIZING LIKE YOU'RE SOMETHING
MISTER TWO-LIVE-SHOWS, TWENTY-SEVEN-TAKES
AND ALL OF EM PUNCHINS
YOU MUNCHKIN, ONLY LOUD WHEN YOU THINK NOBODY'S AROUND TO CHECK THE SHIT
COMPRESSING AND DOUBLING UP YOUR VOCALS JUST TO SOUND BIG
TALKIN BOUT CRAFT
YOU HAVENT SWITCHED UP YOUR STYLE SINCE YOU STARTED IT
JUST GRADUATED FROM MOMS HOUSE TO AN APARTMENT
BUILT YOUR WHOLE REP OFF THIS SCENE AND OTHER ARTISTS SHIT
SPECIFICALLY OFF TRYNA MAKE THEM NOT FEEL LIKE A PART OF IT
SORRY TO YOUR DOWNSTAIRS NEIGHBORS FOR THAT DUDE RAPPIN ABOVE THEM
LEAST YOU GOT THE APARTMENT
ALL YOUR FRIENDS GOT FAMILIES WHO LOVE THEM
I KNOW YOUR STYLE
I KNOW EXACTLY HOW TO RUN UP ON YA
SNAKE YOUR DEFENSES
KICKIN YOUR SHINS LIKE ADESANYA
WASTING YOUR LIFE, YOU AINT A VETERAN JUST INVETERATE
JUST MAKIN MONEY OFF THE SCENE
AND THE FANS THAT YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN
TELL ME THAT BOBBY'S WRONG
SHOW ME A STREAM THAT YOU AINT HELLA BENT
JUST A SAD SOCK MUPPET FROM A SITE THAT'S NO LONGER RELEVANT
GAVE YOURSELF A NICE LITTLE OUT WHERE YOU DONT HAVE TO WRITE GOOD VERSES
BS BARS RAPPED IN A FUNNY VOICE, CLAIMIN IT'S ON PURPOSE
WHATS THE PURPOSE
STILL ACTING LIKE YOU THE MAN
YOU LOOK AND SOUND WORSE THAN THE JUGGALO RAPPERS YOU CAN'T STAND
I REMEMBER YOU WERE COMFORTABLE CALLING PEOPLE FUCKIN F****T N SHIT
ALMIGHTY! SUDDENLY TALKING ALL LIKE A SOCIAL JUSTICE ACTIVIST!
PRETENDING LIKE YOU GIVE A FUCK, YOU BASTARD, I THINK THAT'S THE BIT
TRYNA IMPRESS YOUR FRIENDS
YOU'D PROLLY HAPPILY GO BACK TO IT
LIKE YOU STOPPED SAYING BITCH TILL YOU HAD WOMEN HITTING YOUR MATTRESSES
HUH, THAT DIDN'T LAST DID IT
SPEAKIN OF WHICH, AN ASTERISK****
REMEMBER HOW YOU USED TO BE ALL OVER RAPPIN ABOUT FUCKIN
WHEN YOU HADNT SO MUCH AS BREATHED IN A GIRLS DIRECTION
THAT WAS SOMETHIN
WEAVIN SOME REAL LIES WITH ALL THOSE MONSTROUS SPINNERETS
TRYNA RECORD BEFORE NINE PM WHEN YOUR MOM TURNED OFF THE INTERNET
IN EFFECT...THIS WAS ALL DURING YOUR GILDED AGE
SO TELL ME WHAT IN THE FUCK MAKES YOU THINK YOU'RE WORTH A SHIT TODAY
YOU AINT A BATTLE VET
NOBODY HERE'S COMING FOR YOUR TITLES KID
EVEN THAT PIXEL GLASSES RAPPER'S PROLLY GOT MORE SPINE IN HIM
LUCKY YOU DON'T HAVE FEELINGS THAT I CAN HURT
YOU LITTLE SPITEFUL PRICK
THIS TRACKS A FAKEOUT JOKE
SO WHY YOURE SHAKING ALL WHILE YOU'RE WRITING IT
YOUR INSINCERITY'S TAKING UP TOO MUCH SPACE ON THE MIC
GOT PEOPLE LOOKING UP TO YOU FOR SHIT YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE (KABUTO!)
I SEE YOU SHRINKIN BACK FROM ME (KABUTO!) BETTER STAY COILED
AND KEEP CASHIN THOSE DISTROKID CHECKS SELLING YOUR SNAKE OIL

VPC7 Round 5

Muppet Ronin [Kabuto the Python, Beaker Sullivan] - Snake Oil

TS BN A LNG RD ND TA NLY GTTN LNGR DD
F YR GNNA TRP YBTTR PCK YR ATTD
CHRG N WRH A SML ND A QCK JK
BT DNT B FRD TLT M HNG THMSLVS WTH SHRT RP
YR TH PRHPT N TH MNTN SPK MDNSS TRTH ND VRT 
N A WELD THTS BNN SPCFCLLY DSGND T FCKN HRTY
WLL YTLST A LTTL BT THR FLKS LT
IF YNT WLN T THN HNDS UP HLPS U NT GT SHT
YTND TRP TH GNDR THT TH DCTS LL SSGNDY
BT TH LNG HRS THRWN FLKS MKN SSMPTNS FRM BHND Y
YR PNCHT FR VN TMPS MKS HTRS UPST N S
SHKT T FF MK T BTTR HL TH WRLD LT T G

WHN TS TM FR TH SHA MMA GO BNG BNG
TS TH RP PTBLL BTA SHW M FNGS
VRYN LSTN TTH WRDS I SLNG
THM THR MTHFCKRS THY JST CNT HNG

SHT N TH SKLLS F SM SCLLD "NC GYS"
PPR THN SKN TRN P LK A PRC GD
LN M P KNS BNT NS TTH WLL
HMMR BCK BNG BNG THN YWTCHN M FLL
BLLTS TTH BRN CS VDN TTH BRNCS
GRY MTTR SPLTTR DLT M LK A BCKSPC
CLM TRF HRT M WHR THY FXT
GD RTH, TL FR TH TX RT
THT'S GRT, MD  FCKN SMMR CMP FR BLL GTS
JFF B, LN ND GRMS N  GRP DT

VRY JKR THNKS THR MVS R TH BST
BT WHL THYR DNCNG PLYNG CHCKRS YRR N 5D CHSS 
HNDSM BNDTS RDN T T RB TH PNY XPRSS
BTTR MPTY T YR PCKTS R T'S TW N TH CHST
TLKN SHTS T TH BRST, PLSTC SRGN'S TH BST
TNGL WTH TH SLLY FM ND Y'LL LV CRSD ND DPRSSD
NCK DP BG SLP LD T RST N YR SNDY BST
PLS GV P TH GDS  GT YR RLTVS NDR DRSS
F Y KCK TH HRNT'S NST N TH FCKN NTRRNT
ND KNW BTTR THN Y BTTR WN THT SHT
STRT  FGHT ND G BLLS DP NTL Y FNSH T
F Y CNT TK TH SHT THN Y SHLD PT  LTTL PN N T
MK SM RM FR SNNN T TH HLDY NN ND 
WLL KCK Y RGHT N YR VSN ND LV Y CRSN ND SPTTN
RRRNGN YR MG KCK YR SS N TH KTCHN
PST THT JRNYMN PHS Y GTT SPT WTH PRCSN
YR FCKN TNGS NT N Z, TSS MR LK NCLR FSSN
WHT GD MD S N, LL YZZLL B SPLTTN
LK THCK THGHS N GLS GYS ND NYN LS
YH M TH B PN DMBSS WH JST TLD N HMSLF
SP

YNG SLLVN [LL YZZ, YNGSLLVN] - BNG BNG

(ft. Prod. Ultraklystron, Klopfenpop, Tanner4105)

intro.
Dear Nursehella,
Oh! Wait, I meant Nunchuck Bitch!
Aw, fucked that one up!
Uh, yeah, I'm not the same person...
...as I was before.

ch.
I'm basically a master
Cause I mastered the basics
And I debated the bastards
And masterbate in their faces

v.
(yeah)
I ain't here to make enemies
I ain't here to make friends
I'm just here to make money (cha-ching)
Like my dad always said
You keep your shit on the low
Don't ask and don't tell
The basis is need to know
So you look out for yourself
Note to self: acquire wealth,
Keep your bitch on the shelf,
Trade happiness for dreams
Trade fame for mental health
An' I'm a a glass of molasses
Half empty, half jackass
You're a handful of assholes
With the rose tinted glasses

You put your bros before hoes
And yr chicks before dicks
You put your mother before others
Yes, you best remember this
Take the best, leave the rest
Fuck the gun, leave the cannole (Nolely!)
If the best is yet to come
I'm a save it like a goalie
I'm a right the wrongs I left
My mistakes are my perfection
I'm a move on to the next
Still respectin' my depressions
Cause I once was Under Pressure, boyee
Now it ain't a thing
Like Ice, I'm not the same
I got that lil bitty ting (tiss!)


post script.
Yeah, you never eat 
a fuckin' hamburger with onions 
before you bout ta fuckin' do a rap!

Thot Team Epic [Nursehella, Ultraklystron] - The Basics

The only lyrics you need
Are the ones that have
Been in your heart
For the longest time.

The Crown Joels [The Crown, EBILLY] - Finale

You gotta fight, not always but sometimes you do.
I’d keep that in mind if I were you, 

Fight or flight motherfucker, it’s one or the other
And times are gonna come when the run won’t cut it. 
Believe in your judgement, when it’s time to run in 
you’ll go off and let em know.

You can deliver when your backs against the wall.
So heads up, keep your back straight and stand tall.

You gotta fight when chips are down, you know you wanna
just put that damn foot in front of the other. 
Commit hit the lever, your shits as together 
now as it ever will be.

Commit to the risks and stand for causes 
Take the wins and access losses.
Learn from people  Learn the process
Cut the shit, you know where the saw is

Obvious Corruption [Obvious Lee, Cosmic Ray Corruption] - Stand Up Feat. Klopfenpop

Hey Andrew, think that you can write this track?
When put a pen to paper your panic attack
Will distract from what you're 'sposed to do,
I'm on call with a pharmacy getting meds for you

That I probably should take myself,
But I've neither time nor money to afford my mental health,
It's just as well that my wealth and healthcare,
Are too tied together to be there for my welfare

My selfcare consists of writing this down
For you to pick it apart and then critique how it sounds,
I know to grow you that have to cut it back at times,
But can we wait 'til I find right the frame of mind?

You're not well, dude, and rap isn't therapy,
Music isn't medication, lyrics aren't clarity,
Why don't you just ask for help?
You can only love others as you feel loved yourself

(Chorus)
What does my voice sound like?
WHAT DOES MY VOICE SOUND LIKE?
Does it sound like me? I don't need wear a mask when I lie through my teeth,
I'm a thief to all genres, a pawn to the king with defeat as my mantra,
You don't know who you are, more or less you're the best at departure,
You can't blame someone for this mess, you are the author

Yo Johnny, wait you really go by that?
You think you're Johnny Depp? You think you're Johnny Cash?
No adult male ends their name in "Y",
But you're a self-deprecating child, guess it applies

I'm guessing the lies you told yourself made you feel flattered,
"You do a good job" "you actually matter"
I shattered the glass house you live in, so give in,
You probably should give up 'cause you're just not driven

Took too much time to not sound like someone else,
You don't even sound like yourself,
There's nothing genuine, better do this draft again,
This was supposed to be the part where you write "the end"

Yeah, you let the words play, but I'm totally lost,
What the heck did you say? Get your point across!
Did you just quit writing?
Just skip to the chorus, I'm done fighting

Chorus

Dear me, cut the crap so you can see clearly,
You're merely a bit weary from this year, we
Experienced a lot, not together, but distant
And man, your depression's persistent!

In case you missed it, you really need to read the room,
Or next time your write, use a better nom de plume,
These are not the type of folx that'll like your jokes that'll like your tropes,
You should probably ghost like an unstable isotope

Everything you write is ridiculous!
Pick a side! Are you pessimist or an optimist?
No one wants to hear you speak your stream of consciousness,
No one wants to hear any of this

But don't quit, that, that's not it
When you finish this know I will cease to exist,
I'm the doubt in mind, your anxiety, your thoughts
If you stick a pen in me than I'll pop

Mechanical Peasants [AJB, Kyle Vice] - The Author (feat. Vincent E.L., Klopfenpop, and Alex is Free)

You know I live a life of intrigue
Big fish, you wish
I know I'm in my own league*
20,000 under the sea
What up, Sebastian
Y'all crabs I'm Viagra
Because I'm lasting
My time is Neverending Story
But I'm not a cheater, Peter
Hauling in my lorry/Lorre**
Y'all bore*** me
Like a worm in my tomato garden
Y'all lames in flames
You couldn't get my James Harden****
At Busch Garden
With my homie from the Nerdlucks
I can't hear your raft
Because I never herd/heard ducks*****
Spare me if I can't strike******
When you dare me to touch a
Mike/mic Myers/My, yers*******
Don't matter just let me at a butcher knife
Life is but a dream sweetheart
And I'm the dream master
Sewing******** at the speed of light
Yeah I know I seam/seem faster*********
And I can't even tell if you're listening
I stay posted********** like the mail
The most interesting

*nautical / sports
**actor / British term for semi truck
***ennui / insect action
****basketball player / penis erection
*****to gather a group (raft) of ducks / to hear + water fowl / sucker mcs
******bowling  / oh please (spare me) + attack (strike)
*******Halloween villain / microphone + possessive pronouns
********planting seeds / making clothes
*********sewing / appear to be
**********mail / vigilant


I'm the most interesting man in the world
Holding a beer in between two girls
Salt and pepper beard
And the moment that you feared
Is when I grab the mic
And proceed to get weird

I don't always wild out 
But when I do it's full moon
Don't always play guitar
But when I do it's in tune
I don't always hate
But when I do it's because I'm driving
I don't always turn away
But when I do it's because you're lying
Don't always lock the door
Except when I've been watching Forensic Files
Don't always get high
But when I do
New hairstyle
I don't always need a friend
But when I do it's because I"m tripping
I don't always use an mp3
My LP was skipping
I don't always eat meat
But when I do I wanna have a cow
Don't tell me what to do, Bart
I hang with homies that allow
Me to be the most interesting G
And I don't always do coke
But when I do it's because it's free
I don't always dance
But when I do it's Paper Planes
Maybe Mamma Mia
Or Jump Around by House of Pain
I don't always sell drugs
But when I do it's marijuana bud
And I don't always wrestle
But when I do it's mud
Don't unsheath my katana
Unless I wanna draw blood
Don't always use a drywall anchor
Unless the hole's not on a stud
I don't always make the beer run
But when I do I get snacks
Don't always play M.K.
But when I do I pick Jax
Don't always go to church
But when I do it's cus of funerals
And when I make a sequel
I use the Roman numerals
I don't always confess
Unless they use a wire tap and
I don't always talk mess
But when I do it's because I'm rapping

Zero Cool - Stay Thirsty

Instrumental by DopeBoyzMusic.
--------------------------
They say I should stop making diss tracks 
Against these bastards who are just acting as rappers and probably wouldn't hit back
But I gotta make em pay for the errors of their ways.
As a hacker and a rapper, I put interest on their syntax
I see the racism inside, I peeped the peephole
You get through ya life, stereotyping all people
You say that it’s common sense but try to escape the consequence
With back-handed compliments, your tactics are all see through
mc chris-level apology, it don’t even matter
You can't see the problem with ya tweets, and that’s even sadder
They say I should rise above, get my feet up on the ladder 
But I'm pissed off, you'll get pissed on. Suck my dick, I'll clear my bladder
You actually call yourself a rapper.  The audacity
Get out the kitchen, Josh. You ain't cookin' bars. You can't stand the heat  
It’ll cost you an arm and leg to think you can handle me
And when you've lost, we'll see your family bury an amputee

YEEEEAH, there’s some like Joshua
Racists around the world stay dumb like Joshua
YEEEEAH, better run fast Joshua
Black rappers in nerdcore and none like Joshua

You say that Asians dominate intelligence, you don't
Say that to my face and try to walk away, you won't
You need to check yourself, better talk with a new tone
Or I'mma having you cryin' for your momma like a Cubone
Culture vulture, fast rap isn’t done well
Got receipts of deleted tweets, left a crumb trail
You advertised music with "RAP" in ya thumbnails
After George Floyd, you advertised with Blacks in ya thumbnails
Checked your Youtube, saw millions of new views,
Plus some rappers  you were dope, but I ignored them  
I watched some video of yours, my IQ getting low of course
You bring a whole brand new definition to boredom
The only difference tween you and these other generic
Youtube anime rappers is occasionally you tour some
But underneath I see that you only achieve to be another
White rapper in the scene appropriatin' for fun

YEEEEAH, there’s some like Joshua
Racists around the world stay dumb like Joshua
YEEEEAH, better run fast Joshua
Black rappers in nerdcore and none like Joshua

Alright, that last line might seem like a pompous statement
Because you say there's a part of you that's partly Asian
Now I ain't tryna hate on the way you that address yourself
But take a  good long look in the mirror and assess yourself
You used to record verses, said you like rappin' 
Then you grew a beard, now you're white-passin'
So when I say appropriation, there's a way I mean it
You only bring up being an Asian when it's convenient

YEEEEAH, there’s some like Joshua
Racists around the world stay dumb like Joshua
YEEEEAH, better run fast Joshua
Black rappers in nerdcore and none like Joshua

Thot Team Epic [Nursehella, Ultraklystron] - The Basics

NerdcoreVPC

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