I dont wanna be in love with another even in another life

Song: Heavy by The Marias (Slowed + Reverb)

Heavy - The Marias

carly holton is angelic

Idia Shroud prided himself on his memory. His skill with computers and mechanics and technology and his smarts—it all came from his incredible memory and being a genius like him. But what good was some memory and smarts when he found (knew) that he was undesirable in every way and he was chained to the fate that everyone in his family was for generations passed and to come. He didn't have good looks nor truly freedom or the lack of blood on his hands to deserve that freedom. 

He found himself hopeless. To both the world, his own fate, and to growing close to anyone for the same fate that would befall.. Any of them. A memory wiped clean of both him and STYX if they grew too close, knew too much. Like everyone before him, he believed himself to be better off alone. 

So, why did he try so hard? Why would he be so hung up about the lost memory of a stupidly stubborn and rude ikemen beastman and the past? Why did everything scream at him to both try and rebuild a relationship with one of the few people he found he could but his body froze when he did try to come close? In the end, each and every time, ended up in disappointment.

In his memory, he thinks about stumbling upon a chessboard left abandoned when he fetched alchemy ingredients, positively sure nobody was there, and moving a piece to present a new opportunity for the previously losing side. He thinks about days going by and him and an unknown stranger continuing a game of chess that Idia ended up losing—yet he gained a new friend in a way. Their chess matches when they eventually met each other in person were always silent, but never uncomfortable. Idia misses that time and then growing close enough to tease and poke fun at each other, and in a way, Idia had found himself victim to the way Leona slotted himself into his frankly blank and blurred life so easily. 

He misses that. He wants to go back. He wants to go back to the moment they met face-to-face for the first time and Idia almost fainted as he pulled his hood further up and over his head and he could feel his face flush red and his hair burst into pink from under his hood when eyes as bright and clean as the forest focused so intently on him before his voice rumbled and he gestured to the board set in front of him. And from there, Idia grew less and less tense as he lost himself more and more to the chess game. He found something else to focus on especially when he got back to his dorm, pouring over chess strategies online to prepare and absolutely crush Leona in the next match they had. 

The last time they played, the score had been perfectly even between the 2. Sometimes, he wonders if the newest strategy he had before STYX had intervened into his life once more would give Idia the one-over above Leona.

Idia missed it so much. And it hurt when he couldn't remember some details of their times and moments together. What had Leona said, when he first 'confessed' to Idia—almost demanding him to let Leona properly court him, instead of running away whenever Leona showed the slightest bit of affection or genuine care for Idia. He laughed so much as how it troubled Leona so, but did make his promise that he'd try not to. He tried to keep his promises as best as he can, yet he failed to protect Leona and stop the inevitable end of their fairy tale.

And the little part of Idia, the little part that cries out to him when Leona gives him (his tablet, really) a troubled look and when Leona speaks up about Idia being a talented individual despite his hikkomori tendancies. The little part of him cries that Leona might remember. But Idia silences it with the bigger, more reasonable part of himself that knew that SYTX's system of memory wipes was perfected to where there was a 0% chance anyone would recover the memories they lost. 

So Idia is fine, wasting away once more in his room to enjoy the freedom of the internet before the Underworld comes to take back its own.

about you - the 1975 (carly’s part)

heavy by the Marias but it's reverbed

This is the slowed to perfection version of vampire by Olivia rodrigo

Olivia Rodrigo - Vampire (Slowed to perfection)

MARGARET by lana del rey (slowed  good part on loop)

Vogue

manchild ‪‪❤︎‬ !

And I wake up in the morning
Realising I'm alone,
And it's been ever so long since
You've been gone ...

And I go visit the music site
Where some writers wrote a song
About love and life and friendships,
Marriages that last so long ...

Such beautiful songs ... such beautiful songs ...

And I want to write a classic,
A love song, for you and me,
Then I look around, remembering
You're no longer here, you see.

And I want to sing out loud
About all that we once were ...
And yet everything I'm left with are
Memories of yesteryear ...

Do you still care?
Do you still care?

There's the country star that writes
Stunning songs in voice so deep;
There's the rocker, there's the crooner,
They could write songs in their sleep.

And I want so bad to have
The kind of love they sing about ...
I remember what we had
And I wonder, full of doubt ...

Has all we had ... just turned to naught?

***

And I want to sing out loud
About all that we once were ...
And yet everything I'm left with are
Memories of yesteryear ...

And I want to write a classic,
A love song, for you and me,
Then I look around, remembering
You're no longer here, you see ...

No longer with me.

No Longer With Me (2025 remix)

🔻 Song Insight
What’s Left To Love captures the moment when devotion collapses into disillusionment. It’s a stripped confessional where love’s ruin becomes a quiet reckoning—one voice, one 12-string guitar, and the echo of what used to matter. Every breath feels recorded from inches away, like an afterthought whispered into an empty room. The song wrestles with identity and worth after betrayal, blurring the line between what’s real and what was performed.

🔻 Lyrics

Intro:
Distant reverb, low-end hum, soft reverse piano swells.

Verse 1:
What I had, you’d take—
It’s not what you say,
It’s in my pain,
Your praise to your fame.

Interlude:
12-string acoustic in open Dm; faint room echo; breath in mic; minimal hum bleed.

Bridge:
Dying by your hands,
Fighting to be free,
Nothing inside,
No longer me.

Pre-Chorus:
I wanted you to care,
My insides you tare.

Chorus:
Left me to my own,
You saw my bones,
Tighten this noose,
No longer I was of use.

Verse 2:
You pull at my flesh,
I hand you what’s left,
You spit in my eye,
As blood soaked your lies.

Refrain:
You left your name inside my scars.

Chorus:
Hate me—the parts I lost,
Hate you—what was us,
Broken—what was inside,
Taken—hope that died.

Interlude:
Same 12-string pattern, slower; ambient mic hum; distant heartbeat rhythm.

Verse 3:
You stole the one thing I’d known,
Parts that made me real,
My heart that bleeds,
A reason to feel.

Bridge:
I looked for you in your eyes,
Nothing looking back,
Blank memories is all I’d see.

Pre-Chorus:
I wanted you to care,
My insides you tare.

Chorus:
You pull at my flesh,
Handed you what’s left,
You spit in my eye,
As blood soaked your lies.

Refrain (fading):
Your voice still breathes inside my scars.

Outro:
The cost of gold—you’ll never know,
The pain—you’d never feel,
It’s lost on you, this screenplay,
Full of what’s left to lose.

Refrain:
The cost of pain lost on you,
Lost on you,
Lost on you.

🔻 Personal Reflection
There’s a point where you stop fighting to be understood and start singing to survive. What’s Left To Love came from that edge—the silence after everything breaks. I wanted to capture the moment the performance ends, when all the noise falls away and you realize you’ve been playing your part in someone else’s story.

🔻 4Me2BeFree
This track represents 4Me2BeFree’s dedication to vulnerability over perfection. It blurs the line between confessional art and cinematic intimacy—songs built from truth, recorded in emotional close-up. What’s Left To Love is the sound of rediscovery, where pain transforms into presence and raw honesty replaces production gloss.

🔻 Copyright Notice
All lyrics and content featured in this post are protected under copyright (© 2025) and have been securely time-locked and validated through a crypto-based verification system to ensure originality and ownership. Unauthorized reproduction or distribution of any part of these works without explicit consent is strictly prohibited.

Vogue

Joey Keating