//
always breaking, always healing
all I tried to find was meaning
fill my heart and learn to let go
sacrificing all my being 

always healing, always breaking
I’ve lost track of what my age is
in this little lifeless meadow
I thought I could bring salvation
//

Thank you everyone for your patience and support while I pour the totality of my heart and soul into creating my album; it means the world to me.

always breaking, always healing

this was a freestyle recorded in 2020 on a night when i was drunk and sad.

purchase on bandcamp here: https://otrapic.bandcamp.com/track/flutter

stream on spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/7vYyDasfVor6TpYtOOP5RJ?si=dde422623649419d

listen on apple music: https://music.apple.com/us/album/flutter/1606804327?i=1606804328&app=music

flutter

sinkholes

@oakscreen, prod in 24h for anv7
piano from @ninthparallel,  guitar from julie k + @jaronsteele

loving love, with oakscreen

Music Video: https://youtu.be/SZW7eoFDP6k

ITS TRUCK MONTH BABY !!!!

thanks to @jessephamel for the cover art and the MUSIC VIDEO!
thanks to @wishlane for backup vocals on the last chorus !
thanks to all of YOU for your love and support !

lyrics:
i'm scared to leave my room now
i'm scared to leave my house
my mom says it's unhealthy
that i never get out
i'm scared of the helicopters
scared of the cops
i'm scared of the chem-trails
keep my door locked

keep in the filtered air
recycle everything
everywhere now
see me through my webcam
you know they can
you know they can
you know you know

don't want my life to pass me by
god damnit maybe it's really my star sign
you said i'm prone to hiding
i said it's just anxiety
"why would you be afraid of what you don't know?
take the risk take the shot
and see wherever it goes"
i wish it was that simple
but i can't shake this syndrome

i'm tired of baggy eyes
of being an adult
white guys on youtube always tell me it's my fault
i need to try to meditate
get off of these meds
if there's no [redacted] left
then fuck it it's the end



keep in the filtered air
recycle everything
everywhere now
see me through my webcam
you know they can
you know they can
you know you know

don't want my life to pass me by
god damnit maybe it's really my star sign
you said i'm prone to hiding
i said it's just anxiety
"why would you be afraid of what you don't know?
take the risk take the shot
and see wherever it goes"
i wish it was that simple
but i can't shake this syndrome

PG-13

special thanks to @phritzmusic for the gorgeous strings 

i miss the woods - examining my relationship with the woods near my house, and cataloguing my history of going out to sleep in them, in a hammock.

lyrics:
i walk throughout the birches
on the appalachian trail
i comfort all the oak trees
that the cloud's fellow fell
i strain to sight a dogwood
with its pus covered tail
i sleep with matted heartache
and the kiss of ivy veil
and the bugs are there
and the birds are there

i wake to bismuth lake lap
and a speedboats strident flare
i press my cheek to cotton
so the wind's not lonely there
i peek above the windbreak
and feel my shadow bare
but i dont feel like crying
cause the hammock stroked my hair
and the bugs are there
and the birds are there

i step to pass the threshold
of sacrament dune stair
and feel his heavy hand press
against my tepid air
i open up the doorway
and breathe his thickened air
i finally feel a dreamscape
it cradles my despair
and he lives in there
but the woods are there
and the bugs are there
and the birds are there

i miss the woods

download/pwyw

indigo awning - i miss the woods

do yall ever get sad and upload music that was written a long time ago.

buy on bandcamp: https://otrapic.bandcamp.com/track/sand-sun

˳sand + sun ☼

amazing cover art by @musictravels (jacob travels)
thank you Jacob for all the encouragement, advice, and painting.

thank you Christian and Paddy for feedback.

sifting through the worst of it, I know it shouldn't hurt
sifting through the worst of the words

Quit it with the philosopher pose
Just start singing some words and record
It doesn't need to make sense right now
and you know it I'm not built like a poet, baby

United States of America Centric Chart-Topping Lyrical Miracle 2022
I look up to you, I know it's a sin but I feel like it's my only escape

hide the fact that I am writing something pretty bad but it's okay,
hiding terrible songs that you'll never hear
but you know it I'm not built like a poet baby

Can't I stop making it hard, there is nothing to write
I know all of the words and they're just trying to hide

Plan is to bring my folks over to the show, to show them that I could do it
And in good time oh how much I'd grow, I'll tell them that they knew it

I wish I could write like Phoebe, Matty, You, Justin, Tracy, and you

Can't I stop making it hard, there is nothing to write
I know all of the words and they're just trying to hide

Just stop making it hard, there is nothing to write
You know all of the words in your heart and your mind

Lyrics 2022

we do a lil sad

buy on bandcamp: https://otrapic.bandcamp.com/track/gravedigger

~~~
dig a grave
oh ill ruminate on the thought of your thoughts going blank
bottled thoughts in your hand
feel ashamed
or don't feel anything
and i go to waste

see your face
put a knife to my chest you said you'll never put your faith in me again, or that you're better off dead
feel erased
tell me I shouldn't feel anything at all because they "weren't your thoughts"

feel your body heat, you're sound asleep next to a monster
~~~

shoutout to @charlie-zacks for recording some vocal harmonies

gravedigger

buy on bandcamp: https://otrapic.bandcamp.com/track/222-confide

stream on spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/7AkiwfHiSxAxU7AtAsloII?si=C2m3F-DpR7-8wOTUVFeFXA&context=spotify%3Aalbum%3A0taEiwYEg4gWjOcNNzj02L

listen on apple music: https://music.apple.com/us/album/222-confide/1665450831?i=1665450832

~~~

to confide in this feeling
her sapling: overgrown
to sing into the bleeding heavens

im waiting
or am i sinking?

got some mud in my blood, let it rot
got some crud in my brain, let it clot up
and will i miss this sound when it’s not around?
will i miss the sound?

gravedigger

otrapic

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