Leehi - Breathe covered by Ateez San

Tohoshinki - Proud

キタニタツヤ -青のすみか #로운 #RO

Vaundy - 怪獣の花唄#로운 #ROWOON (128 kbps).mp3

I. it's the summer of pot smoke and porch days and i am staring at my toothpaste-splattered reflection in the bathroom mirror: heavy 1PM eyes, shitty skin, lazy ring of hickeys just above my collarbone. through the wall, i listen to my housemate run a poem with my name now crammed between every syllable. my hair is still tangled from someone else's fingers. i feel exactly as disgusted as the tiles sticking to my feet, the mold colony overhead, the "WANTED" poster left by the last tenants: a pen-and-ink centipede with a speech bubble containing my new favorite word: "I'M DISGUSTING. IF YOU SEE ME, PLEASE KILL ME."

II. I've closed my eyes so the boy in my bed can't see how dry they are. the room is dark, except for the light sneaking in where the wall meets ceiling. this place is more half-assed diorama than apartment and i have the emotional capacity of clay. i have decided that pretending to cry might make me seem less heartless. i am hoping that with a magic combination of words, he will simply vanish from my bed, my apartment, the past six months of my life, that i will wake up with clean sheets and a clear conscience instead of this feeling bubbling through my throat that is not sadness or guilty, really, but a sense that everything wrong in the world is all my fault.

III. my body is molding from the inside, mushrooms blossoming in the soft parts of my skull. new year's eve again and i am going to be good this time. i am going to be good. but, after my assault: the so-called "psychotically depressed" person who tries to kill herself doesn't do so out of a quote 'hopelessness' or any abstract conviction that life's assets and debits do not square. and surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. the person in whom it's invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows and can't sleep at night. their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view. i.e the fear of falling remains a constant, and outweighs the possibility of release. the variable here is the other terror, the fire's flames: when the flames get close enough, people mutter selfishness as a hope of falling to death. this becomes slightly less terrible of two terrors. and yet, nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling "DON'T!" and "HANG ON!", can understand the jump. not really, you'd have to have been personally trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling. 

IIII. i had no interests. i had no interest in anything. i had no idea how i was going to escape. at least the other had some taste for life. they seemed to understand something that i didn't understand. maybe i was lacking, it was possible. i often felt inferior. i just wanted to get away from them. but there was no place to go. suicide? jesus christ, just more work to feel like I've been sleeping for five years. i'm not a good person, ask anyone who loves me. 

IIIII. i never write, i never call & i never think of anyone at all. and when i had finally rotted away on a sunday, my parents didn't answer. when i called for help, they were in church in their nice clothes praying to god about more important things.

ways in which i am a horrible person, with examples.

Jungkook (BTS) covered DEAN's "D (Half Moon)" in his recent tweet on 160717 (https://twitter.com/BTS_twt/status/754661750830534656).
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보컬 커버 2016.07.17

キタニタツヤ -青のすみか #로운 #RO

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