I feel myself slipping. I go to bed and I don't wake up until I physically can no longer sleep. Even in my waking hours i feel like i'm dreaming. Nothing is real anymore, i am not who i'm living as.
in my sleep i live as a different person each night through dreaming, and those dreams feel more real than real life. So much so that doing anything in real life feels like it's not worth the effort. When I can live and be so effortlessly in my dreams what is the point of living my actual life.
I don't want the people in my life to know for I don't want them to worry. I can't let them help cause that makes me the inconvenience I fear to be. I can't let myself hurt anyone and that's why i can't let myself live my dreams. I'm stuck in a limbo between a real life that feels like a dream and dreams that feel real. The only grounding that I have are the mistakes I catch myself making. The only moments that real life feels real is when i get frustrated or mad at myself. I tell myself I study and work for my passion but what I really do is waste my time doing things I wish I was actually good at. Cause I'm not. I'm not good at anything. I'm perfectly mediocre at everything I touch or try. Slightly above the median line, unable to stand out. Purely because of a lack of motivation, because of a lack of importance. Nothing matters to me. I care, but it doesn't matter. All I am, is a blur.

► pre-order insomnia ep
https://music.patchstep.com/album/insomnia

► stream this track elsewhere:
https://music.patchstep.com/track/5-am

► find me
https://ffm.bio/patch
https://discord.gg/y7bgzvzQaa
https://twitter.com/patchstep
https://instagram.com/patch.step

► find my music
https://patchstep.bandcamp.com/
https://open.spotify.com/artist/5QKpNE47kzOTNDAYyaAzOd
https://youtube.com/@patchstep

► mastered by jom
https://soundcloud.com/totallynotjom
https://open.spotify.com/artist/0razahbAVTJeoSKGMrfbUV

5 AM is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike
You are allowed to adapt, remix and reupload 5 AM as long as you provide sufficient attribution (see below) and license your work under the same license.

Example of sufficient attribution:
Music: Patch - 5 AM (https://music.patchstep.com/album/5am)

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insomnia

5 AM

pre-order

inventor of patchstep, generator of melodies.

bookings & commissions:
contact@patchstep.com

people that inspire me:
@lunanescence, @nuphory, @isoisoisoisoiso, @tennysonmusic, @iammodus, @voltra, @invertedsilence, @sekaitunes, @directmusic, @vulfpeck, @jacobcollier, @snarkypuppy, @porter-robinson