Avian

Reality

New Hope is 20 chronologically ordered recordings from the months of November 2023 - June 2024. Made with two microphones and a focusrite, the raw records play with room feedback and tape speed to reflect the sound of grieving while falling in love. Runtime is 90 minutes and gapless playback is recommended in a setting where you feel comfortable.

New Hope

video: https://youtu.be/0PK8Q0pubG8

maybe I don't know you
for who you are I told you
it's not that I don't love it
I'm just apathetic
lost in your eyes like diamonds
you say whatever goes and I'm with it
we're close then we're distant
your curves I keep getting involved in

it's not that I don't love it
I'm just apathetic
lost in your eyes like diamonds

if only we had known we were in it
for only a minute too long

maybe I don't know you
for who you are I told you
it's not that I don't love it
I'm just apathetic
lost in your eyes like diamonds
you say whatever goes and I'm with it
we're close then we're distant
your curves I keep getting involved in

so you hold me
in the morning
It's like my head gets dark
and the bed's on fire
when you told me
no, you warned me
of bein' too honest when you're especially quiet

hahaha... fuq!
okay, listen

so yeah I'm scared like a bitch!
this decision's hard to make
'cause either way Imma end up with a different vision
yeah your diamond eyes hit me quick
I ain't even get the chance to say
I don't want it
I was apathetic all night

Apathetic

no it's not to make you happy
that's not why i'm here
can you read me without asking?
can you see that i don't care??

was hopin' i could seeeee you
only if you need to come here if you wanna
baby take it farther
we touch, we turn into mirages no
i wasn't in the picture
was running from our issues
living in a bubble
we touch we turn into mirages

no it's not to make you happy
that's not why i'm here
can you read me without asking?
can you see that i don't care??

hey!
you say your fear is you won't see my face again
i swear that you're wrong
i promise this ain't the end
i told you how i see it all as just a mirage
it's just a mirage
it's just a mirage no

no it's not to make you happy
that's not why i'm here
can you read me without asking?
can you see that i don't care??

was hopin' i could seeeee you
only if you need to come here if you wanna
baby take it farther
we touch, we turn into mirages no
i wasn't in the picture
was running from our issues
living in a bubble
we touch we turn into mirages

Mirages

https://spiritofariel.com

shh

the way you move
the lighting sets the mood
we chat like birds in June
she see me too?
it seems unlikely
or sorry that did I mistake?

wait don't miss the lights now
baby you're too nice
baby you're too nice no
wait don't miss the lights
bit me make me cry now
baby you're too nice
baby you're too nice no
you won't make me cry

what you found you were proud
now you're waning from the fear
that you sold it all for living a lie
so push me down take me out
I'm just waiting here for someone to
make me catch a glimpse of the light
yeah rip out my soul and
take the wings from a bird in flight
she lets out a roar
as golden fire ignites her eyes
she says "I need to know we're not just fucking as friends
no more pretending to love, 'cause knowin' us, if it ends it burns" and
still, I go back, no, still, I go back
still, I go back, no, still, I go back
shh

wait don't miss the lights now
baby you're too nice
baby you're too nice no
wait don't miss the lights
bite me, make me cry now
baby, you're too nice
baby, you're too nice, no
you won't make me cry

babyur2nice

I can't emphasize 'Always' enough

Thank you I love you good bye

been away for a little while feels great to be back

lyrics:

baby what I told you
is a lie
and I’m stupid for thinking it was over
surrounded by clovers
soon to fall over
am I a weeping willow
surrounded by trees?
wonder when you’re gonna sit next to me
wonder how you think of all the ways I’ve changed
do you?

and this ain’t the same
body I was in when I met your skin
don’t know why I’m so anxious to win
and I think about this often
am I the fucking worst
attempt at a coverup?
my identity’s equivalent worth
(fuck)
take out the power in me

(its almost like I know what I’m talking about)

baby what I told you
is a lie
you cried when you read my journal
I died when you crossed that hurdle
and you labeled me as stupid and running away from my life
soon enough you’ll get why I’m over it already
it’s not that important to me anymore
I’d rather spend time walking with my friends
or playing the show of my life
maybe I was just too invested in it

baby
what I told you straight up is a lie
you say you’re okay inside
yea well so am I
or at least I hide it well
I live so confided in my shell

and this ain’t the same
body I was in when I met your skin
don’t know why I’m so anxious to win
and I think about this often
am I the fucking worst
attempt at a coverup?
my identity’s equivalent worth
(fuck) 
take out the power in me

Same Body

I just wanna clear something up
I’m from a small town in a broken nation
I just wanna clear something up
You’re never gonna change if you don’t make some
You say you’re so afraid, and for what?
If only could make a couple bucks I’d be there
But I play it off
You’ll never see me in the room when I take off

I swear you couldn’t make it up
It’s a policy affair that no one cares about
And I swear I’m done and fed up
And no one’s ever gonna change if we don’t say sumn
Just stay off my back for one year I’m gone
Only worry if I’m wrong
You’re never gonna make it
Running round screaming in your songs
Could be wrong
By your definitions I don’t match your perfect Image
You’re never gonna make it running round screaming bout your affair
I don’t care

I just wanna clear something up
I just wanna
Yeah
(Hi)
I just wanna clear something
I just wanna
(Fuck)


But you’d never know the half of what was there
If you never ask
And you’re goin through the motions as if you don’t care
We know that that’s a lie
Yea you know that that’s a lie
And I know you said it twice
Yea I know you said it twice
Well maybe I’m wrong but you said it enough
Holding the advantage in your clutch
I won’t even mention all your luck
You were only 20 holding down a family on your own
How you’ve grown

By your definitions I don’t match your perfect Image
You’re never gonna make it 
running round screaming bout your affair
I don’t care

I just wanna clear something up

I just wanna clear something up

forever yours

Leave me on my knees
Make me such a mess
And call me on discord
Yea, call me discord
Leave me on my knees
Make me such a mess
And call me on discord
Yea, call me discord
Leave me on my knees
Make me such a mess
And call me on discord

Now I’m waiting on the other line
And you call me up you save me all this precious time
When you call me on discord
Now I’m waiting for your face to shine
Now I’m sitting here drunk and we’re talking on the bathroom tile
Playing ‘two truth’s one lie’
And I admit your blue eyes they drive me insane
Never thought I’d say it but it goes two ways
Now I’m waiting on the other line
For you to call me on discord  
Call me on
Call me on discord
Call me on
Call me on discord

(Dis- dis- dis- dis-)
(Dis- dis- dis- dis-)
(Dis- dis- dis- dis-)
(Dis- dis- dis- dis-)

Leave me on my knees
Call me on discord
Call me on discord

https://spiritofariel.com

i've been dreaming of you inside my bed
if you call me up would i wake up now?
well you chose another good guy instead
and i'm over it and all of that but i miss you now

i want you to see me as someone you can reach when i'm in your head
i'm holding myself cuz i'm lonely as hell and i only see you in my dreams

i've been dreaming of you inside my bed
if you call me up would i wake up now?
well you chose another good guy instead
and i'm over it and all of that but i miss you now

i want you to see me as someone you can reach when i'm in your head
i'm holding myself cuz i'm lonely as hell and i only see you in my dreams

i've been dreaming of you inside my bed
if you call me up would i wake up now?
well you chose another good guy instead
and i'm over it and all of that but i miss you now

don't fret if it wasn't the world we thought it would be
don't panic if you think it's the end
we're gonna make it out taking effort one day at a time
it's gonna be ours in a matter of time
i've been dreaming dreaming dreaming

i've been dreaming of you inside my bed
if you call me up would i wake up now?
well you chose another good guy instead
and i'm over it and all of that but i miss you now

11.16.22

Buy/Support

Dream Analysis

spotlight
coming in hot
a yellow flash is all it takes I see you when i meditate ’til you beeline
you always do
there’s no rational for you staying
so irrational for you to think I wouldn’t

go for all the second dates the morning after
I wonder what the fuq i said
to make you get up and leave

take my place
for now i need a minute

take my place
before i make you leave and throw it all away (yeah)
take my place
and we can call it even
read my face
i wish i was dreaming
it’s all on me
you threw it all away

well I’m not gonna force it
telling horror stories
i couldn’t show you love in a purgatory now i see it
it’s all transitory
if its a yellow-white flash, it’s an allegory i wonder what it takes
i’ll settle for my fate
but i wouldn’t let you wait
you sighed from my mistakes


i wonder what i would be doing if it wasn’t for you
hiding from the truth is all i’ll ever do
ah fuq! i wish i said to you
‘no please don’t get up and leave’

take my place
for now i need a minute
take my place
before i make you leave and throw it all away (yeah)
take my place
and we can call it even
read my face
i wish i was dreaming
it’s all on me
you threw it all away
yeah

and i stay lit
just a little bit
too long cause i wanna catch a glimpse of it you said you didn’t know me anymore no you said you didn’t know me
it’s my fault you let me go

It's my fault you let me go

https://spiritofariel.com

sitting in the country
grinding on my teeth
if hating is so ugly
then why you seek relief?
your lover's gon be angry
if i don't get my piece
so hold up while you're handy
and smile with your teeth

i'm into you baby
we could do it if we try
we could do it all night
and it's on my mind:
did i fuck up this time
taking up all of my time with this denial?

oh my god im so sorry the devil made me do it 
invocate the dark in me
and show me how to use it
through this second death i wake a vessel of the druid
take this cross up from my gaze
i'm wrought for absolution

i can't hear you
i started to want to change
i can't hear you
i let the seraphim slip away!

take me to the frey, take me to the grey, to the spirt
take me to frey, take my phone away
take me to the frey, take me to the grey, to the spirt
take me to frey, take my phone away

we're both in deny
we're both in denial
we're both in deny
we're both in denial
we're both in deny
we're both in denial
we're both in denial
we're both in de-
(x2)

i can't hear you
i started to want to change
i can't hear you
i let the seraphim slip away!

take me to the frey, take me to the grey, to the spirt
take me to frey, take my phone away
take me to the frey, take me to the grey, to the spirt
take me to frey, take my phone away

we're both in deny
we're both in denial
we're both in deny
we're both in denial
we're both in deny
we're both in denial
we're both in denial
we're both in de-
(x2)

one hundred percent you're on my mind
take your percent, not worth my time
take my day just like my life
(my life, like my life)
play pretend by my side
dig your nails in my sides
be your friend, your only friend that won't comprimise

if you tell me 'i want the truth'
you'll say that you love me and talk too cute
i'm one with your presence, i'm one with my youth
i'll settle my end just to talk to you

take me to the frey, take me to the grey, to the spirt
take me to frey, take my phone away
take me to the frey, take me to the grey, to the spirt
take me to frey, take my phone away

we're both in deny
we're both in denial
we're both in deny
we're both in denial
we're both in deny
we're both in denial
we're both in denial
we're both in de-

imma let it be; imma grind my teeth
i'm a mango tree in a quantum field
i might oscillate; i might drop my gaze
i might be displaced; i am spinning plays

hahaha

//thank you christian for helping me with this one @collidingwithmars

2.6.23

Ecosystem (w/ cwm)

https://spiritofariel.com

we're all gonna die

10.10.22

we're all gonna die

New Hope, Chapter I - The Great Divide

I ran home cuz I thought I was fired
And man all these joints are tired
And I said “wait” I was waiting for a serenade
Tell me everything about your damn day
Lay me out front if you threw a grenade
So why?
Do I seem distracted to you?
It’s beautiful to lay awake in my eyes

So watch it all be enough for you to take in
Watch it all be enough for you to let in
I tried to face the great divide
It only tired me out

Date of recording (11.6.23)

The Great Divide

https://spiritofariel.com

@gordonsnyder thank you for believing in me

6.6.21

You (w/ Gordon Snyder)

https://spiritofariel.com

i can't be caught saying this with my boys in the room
but im never gonna let you go
a stupid thought's all it takes to devoid what you do
no im never gonna let you go
my love ain't the evil, i'd share my world between us
you're scared to lose that shit but i'm not
i'm yours don't you see that the space between us is killing me
i won't lose sight of my worth

full album may 21st

I won't lose sight of my worth

Seeing Double 0.o

Light Shines In Me

i hope i don't break your mold
covered in gold babe, hoping your boyfriend knows
oh he's such an animal, doesn't he know?
oh, maybe if you're golden, baby I'm broken

baby this carnage so you better push back
your eyes are easy reading i could tell i should attack
to tell a deeper secret i would do this months back
and girl i'm finding glitter in my hair from the last time
now i'm in your city, you're pressed cuz your bitch wear my coat and you know
baby you know, baby you know

i hope i don't break your mold
covered in gold babe, hoping your boyfriend knows
oh he's such an animal, doesn't he know?
oh, maybe if you're golden, baby I'm broken

Animal

suddenly i'm drowning in water in the middle of the forest
and i'm the only one in harms way
i can't tell if i'm dreaming cuz i took another substance
was wondering if it could just give me a little guidance
and it did and it really helped me out
i was screaming in my room crying out
if there was someone here to save me
a huge pretty painting on my wall that could calm me down

you talk with lipstick and your chin up cuz you're fine
and in the winter you get cozy with the guys
look who ends up empty handed, take another candid
imma get shit from the guys but all the times i told you
i'm really on my side, but you're trying to keep my hand off from the trigger

isn't that crazy? you must really hate me? but when you paint me you say i look amazing, say i look amazing

you talk with lipstick and your chin up cuz you're fine
and in the winter you get cozy with the guys
look who ends up empty handed, take another candid
imma get shit from the guys but all the times i told you
i'm really on my side, but you're trying to keep my hand off from the trigger

it kills me even slower to know that he's below her
he fulfills the role she needs in her life

He's The Reason

honey... did you hear the call?
sun is burning through our walls and money's gonna kill us all
i'm okay, won't live for long
cuz i don't have a say all i can do is find this funny... ha!

i found everything i needed in your touch
tried escaping from reality it sucked
no i'm not scared cuz you make your own luck
oh i'm gonna spend all this money till i'm bankrupt
and i'm fucked up cuz all of this is made up
breathe deep, pop a psilocin and wake up
oh i'm gonna spend all this money till i'm bankrupt
bankrupt

and then i wake up and i'm naked in my bed
it's another day i've dreamt of you if only i could rest with you as lovers
hiding under covers, love under the sun and the drugs 
and then suddenly i'm dreaming that we're face first in flower beds
if you think they're pretty now just wait till everybody's dead and they recover
industry gonna suffer
i wonder how a couple more bucks is gonna save us

i found everything i needed in your touch
tried escaping from reality it sucked
no i'm not scared cuz you make your own luck
oh i'm gonna spend all this money till i'm bankrupt
and i'm fucked up cuz all of this is made up
breathe deep, pop a psilocin and wake up
oh i'm gonna spend all this money till i'm bankrupt
bankrupt

Bankrupt

welcome

thx maddie for reading plato

lyrics:

standing like a boy with a leaf
wondering how to be the man i could be
finding all the proof i need in pages i read
showing me how to see reality

Manifold (Intro)

Take In 'Reality'

Little Lies, Butterflies

New Hope, Chapter VI - Hush

Date of recording (1.9.24)

Hush

New Hope, Chapter XV - My heart could explode!
Recorded 3.14.24

need you to remember that i'm always always always here
speak from love from practice and i'm always always always here
no don't try to convince yourself that i was anybody else
baby don't you see that i'm always always always here
don't try to convince yourself that you're anybody else
i tried to believe that i was always always always always this way

i know it's not fair to you now
i went there back and proud
i feel it every time that i am always always always always here
don't try to convince yourself that you're anybody else
i tried to believe that i was always always always always this way

say what you wanna say forever now (i can't think of a better way)
(always do always do always do)

tell me what you wanna say
tell me what you wanna say wanna say wanna say wanna say
she fancy that I'm someone new
i'm here with you i'm here with you
i need you right over now (tell me i'm okay now)

say i'm okay now (tell me i'm okay now)
tell me i'm okay now (say i'm okay now)
say i'm okay now

tell me i'm okay now!

My heart could explode!

New Hope, Chapter VII - honest
Recorded 2.1.24

oh, don't let em take my breath away again
oh, I'll live forever if I could, if I could
death only matters anyway 
if you have someone to share it with
promise I won't put you on a pedestal
I'll only love you forever
and the sun's getting hotter, oh
but my hope's getting bright
one day we'll have a baby, my love 
one day we'll have a baby
in each other's arms, I love you still
oh, I could look at those brown eyes forever, and see you still

only I know how to love forever
if I could love you still
and only my friends could catch a glipse of the spark
only from the start
read your funny books
and tell me everything inside them
read your funny books
and tell me fuckin' everything

i know the music ain't perfect yet anyway
what the fuck does that even mean?
i'm recording into a focusrite
to tell you i'll love forever

baby I had a dream that you and I were in a library

-st

hmm? (do it anyways)

honest

New Hope, Chapter XI - New Hope
Recorded 2.28.24

New Hope is 20 chronologically ordered recordings from the months of November 2023 - June 2024. Made with two microphones and a focusrite, the raw records play with room feedback and tape speed to reflect the sound of grieving while falling in love. Runtime is 90 minutes and gapless playback is recommended in a setting where you feel comfortable.

New Hope, Chapter X - Just go
Recorded 2.24.24

lyrics unavailable for transcription

Just go

New Hope, Chapter XIV - orbs
Recorded 3.7.24

orbs

New Hope, Chapter V - running through the park yea i'm runnin runnin runnin runnin runnin runnin runnin runnin runnin runnin
Recorded 12.13.23

no doubt, no doubt, no doubt, no doubt, no doubt
running through the park
running through the park yea i'm runnin runnin runnin runnin runnin runnin
running through the park yea i'm runnin runnin runnin runnin runnin runnin
running through the park yea i'm runnin runnin runnin runnin runnin runnin home
running through the park yea i'm runnin runnin runnin runnin runnin runnin
yeah
home
what is this?
what is this?
(runnin runnin runnin runnin runnin runnin)
about me
about me
about me
cause i'm running through the park yea i'm runnin runnin runnin runnin runnin runnin
runnin runnin runnin runnin runnin runnin
oh i'm runnin runnin runnin runnin runnin runnin through the park
yea im runnin home
runnin through the park yea i'm runnin home

running through the park, yea im runnin runnin runnin runnin runnin runnin runnin runnin runnin

New Hope, Chapter XVIII - gotta run!
Recorded 5.22.24
lyrics
don't you love me baby, definitely care
don't you love me baby
oh I found what I found
oh I found it baby, I found the key
oh I found it baby, I found the key
don't you love me baby, I found the key
don't you love me baby, don't you know
don't you love me baby, don't you know
oh I found it baby, I found the key
oh I found it baby, I found the key
oh I found the key, I found the key
oh I found the key, i found the way
gotta run run run, gotta run run run
oh I found the key
oh I found it baby, I found the key
oh I found it baby, I found the key
gotta run run run, gotta run run run
cause oh I found it baby, I found the key
oh I found it baby, I found the key
aura (woo)
oh I found the key, I found the way
oh I found the key, I found the way
oh I found the key, I found the way
oh I found the key, I found the way
oh I found the key, I found the way
aura
your aura
aura
oh I found the key, I found the way
oh I found the key, I found the way
aura
your aura
aura (oh it's time to go)
woah, woah
woah it's time to go
woah it's time to go
it's time to go
(don't you know)
it's time to go, oh it's time to go
it's time to go, oh it's time to go
oh it's time to go

that was nice

gotta run!

New Hope, Chapter II - Red Spell

spells, we were talking bout spells
oh well, we were talking bout spells
hell, don't talk about hell
oh well, we were talking bout hell

now I see the difference don't you need me to rest
I swear my intuition tells me nothin' but the best
oh I need a good c---
so take your intuition, get your fuckin' inhibition out your mind
I don't need nobody here to see me whine
I'm crying, don't you see that I was only so depressed cause the best of the people that I had in my mind
oh why?

baby this is full regeneration, not the way I ride
I'm swimmin' no regrets and babe I only see the sky
I'm wonderin' bout the
woah, nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah standin' in the way

~

New Hope, Chapter III - Blue Spell

this isn't what it seems baby
I'm in a dream, and I'm doing fine
still running from the love that keeps me afraid
still loving how your hair looks when it's in a braid
fell for you when the moon hit the ground and I said "oh"
still waiting for the day to come when you say no
yeah

~

New Hope, Chapter IV - Green Spell

don't you believe?
don't you believe?
don't you we'll be fine, love

this isn't what it seems baby
I'm in a dream, and I'm doing fine
still running from the love that keeps me afraid
still loving how your hair looks when it's in a braid
fell for you when the moon hit the ground and I said "oh"

fell for you when the moon hit the ground and I said "oh"
I'm still waiting for the day that you say you can let me go
I don't wait for the ways that you say "you can let me know"

don't you believe?
don't you believe?
don't you we'll be fine, love

subliminal the way that you would let me go
and the radio is running the show
I care for you I do, I do
but I only have so much for you
and I can't use all my spells


Recorded 11.7.23

Three Spells (Red Spell, Blue Spell, Green Spell)

you gave away all my secrets and I carried away what I regret
can I try to see all the light inside you? I’m trying to see all the light
I know that you’re proud of your features and I cower away as a teacher
and my substance abuse while I’m losing my youth, you do everything i couldn’t do
I was watching from the bleachers, yelling angrier than preachers
ripping up your t-shirt, I kinda liked that t-shirt

so who am I to you?
yea who am I to you?

tell me do you wanna meet her? the girl runnin in the sneakers
does she know that you can see her? i bet ya feel like a creeper
baby now you’re on the big stage!! keepin’ up with what the kids say
I never ever see your hips sway… you should really let your hips sway
so tell me

who am I to you?
who am I to you?
I said who am I to you?
yea who am I to you?

will you pay me any mind?
will you give me a reply?
does it work with your schedule?
does it work with your vision?

yea who am I to you?
who am I to you?
tell me who am I to you?
yea who am I to you?
go go go go!

3.17.25

Creeper

Violet w/ abbot

how much longer is this shit gon' last
call me up say you're glad that I'm well
but when my gaurd falls down 
and the truth comes out
you won't be too proud of me now

see I got blood stains on my white t shirt
and growing pains when I wake up
feeling like I just got hit by a truck
and just to spare you I won't mention what would scare you
if you could be me you'd see I'm shit outta luck

baby how much longer is this shit gon' last
call me up say you're glad that I'm well
but when my gaurd falls down 
and the truth comes out
you won't be too proud of me now

you say take your time but I've had mine
no I'm not asking for yours
(midnight, midnight, midnight, midnight)

all this smoke in my hiatus I'm disassociated
this intoxicant does more than relax
cuz now I'm fucked up thinking bout regrets and what I can't change
bound like tack to the past
no these pills won't make you happy your friends can make you laugh
and your perception's really all that you have
I'll see you when I land
see you when I
see you when I land
see you when I

yeah I'll see you when I land
see you when I
see you when I land
see you when I

perception's really all that you have

video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90nWyCAHRHs

fuck me in the basement
where we'd make out on the couch
in our hometown sneakin' out
been a few years thinkin' bout it
didn't think you cared about me
enough to mention
our old contentions
and our relations
when what you're faced with is paramount
yeah

so maybe
you're why im out of breath
i felt myself compress
hearin' you spent your time well
and i'll savor
the time we have left babe
i'll take what i can get
knowin' all i have is time
yeah

don't know how to say these lines
wouldn't have to lie but you hate the silence
would anyone display their crimes
i wish it didn't hurt when you say you're proud of me

i'm too afraid to say i love you
i said
goodbye
too many times
and put a mask on my face when you say that you're sad to leave
and you were
my world
at the time
and i'm too afraid to say i love you

call her back
say the rest
what you left out, the non-events
apologize
no regrets
when we both know the story has
all that wasted time
agreed the weak decides
i'm here to speak with pride

I wish it didn't hurt when you say you're proud of me

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member/cofounder @anythingcouldbehere

patchymate

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