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Mitch Hedberg - Door Deal (sample), marius verbuta

Bill Hicks - Gifts Of Forgiveness (EARLY DEMO)

Bill burr being a mother drum along

FOOD: A LOVE STORY by Jim Gaffigan 
Read by the author

“What are my qualifications to write this book? None really. So why should you read it? Here’s why: I’m a little fat. If a thin guy were to write about a love of food and eating I’d highly recommend that you do not read his book.” 
 
Bacon. McDonalds. Cinnabon. Hot Pockets. Kale. Stand-up comedian and author Jim Gaffigan has made his career rhapsodizing over the most treasured dishes of the American diet (“choking on bacon is like getting murdered by your lover”) and decrying the worst offenders (“kale is the early morning of foods”). Fans flocked to his New York Times bestselling book Dad is Fat to hear him riff on fatherhood but now, in his second book, he will give them what they really crave—hundreds of pages of his thoughts on all things culinary(ish). Insights such as: why he believes coconut water was invented to get people to stop drinking coconut water, why pretzel bread is #3 on his most important inventions of humankind (behind the wheel and the computer), and the answer to the age-old question “which animal is more delicious: the pig, the cow, or the bacon cheeseburger?” 

See more at: http://www.penguinrandomhouseaudio.com/book/236811/food-a-love-story/#sthash.F2EBtbtv.dpuf

At Midnight I Will Kill George Lucas With a Shovel

Patton Oswalt