at-the-bottom-to-the-top.mp3

ill never be able to finish this one to get it sounding the way i want it to. It has been five years, and I still think about you every day. I hope you are up there having fun with the Gs, my brother. It is hard to write a song about our times because there were so many. The best I can do is try to describe how I feel as the days pass. Days turn into weeks, weeks into months, months into years...and I still cannot accept that you are gone.  i love you all. RIP my brothers who we've lost to the mental war.


(LYRICS)

I been losing all the days again.
They just fade when I reach out
slip away when I breathe in.
And the weeks moving quiet like a soft wind,
Passing by my window while I’m lying in my cold skin. 

Feels like every memory’s a blur now…
Faces loosing colour anytime that I slow down.
And I keep drifting through the seasons with no guard round.
Tryna find a reason I can hold without it fallin’ out. 

If I could slow the time…
Maybe I’d feel right…
But everything goes by…
Faster every night… 

Hold me when I’m losing all the moments that I lived for,
Cause I can’t tell the difference anymore. between before and what I’m headed toward. But every time I try. 
i seem to die in my own thoughts. 

Hold me when the days turn into echoes I ain’t felt in years…
I don’t wanna disappear…
Not again this year.
But i guess I honour your memory by holding in these tears. Like. 

I been walkin through the months like a long dream,
Tryna find the piece of me I dropped inside the off-beat.
Every thought I’m holdin in. Knowing it gets the wrong heat,
And its Burnin up my chest until it cools into a soft grief. 

And the years keep changin without warnin, 
Wake up different people every time I see the mornin.
I been tryna stitch together who I was and how I'm forming. 
But I’m stuck between the quiet and the world’s weight pourin. 

If I could slow down time…
Maybe I’d feel right…
But everything goes by…
Its getting faster every night… 

Hold me when I’m losing all the moments that I lived for,
Cause I can’t tell the difference anymore between before and what I’m headed toward.
Im just missing all my friends who put a end to there own wars. 

Hold me when the nights replay the echo's that I hold in fear,
I don’t wanna disappear…
And every day I think of you and the moment you went here.
I pray I find you in the light when its finally all clear. 

If the seasons keep changin then I’m changing, I know…
If the memories fade then just stay when they go…
If you find me drifting, don’t leave me alone…
Stay close… please just stay close. 

If I could slow down time…
Maybe I’d feel right…
But everything goes by…
Its getting harder every night… 

If I could turn back time…
Maybe I’d feel right…
But everything goes by…
And your no longer in my sight.


AEON (Ft. Cindy-Ket)

check the logic. it’s cold and systemic
a hunger so global, the fear is pandemic
survival? anemic. so let’s get polemic
standing on sidelines, acting prophetic
that’s been my aesthetic
I’ve been pathetic, see
choices out there are harrowing
walls out there are narrowing
if I’m out here collecting dimes
is that selling out or buying time?

systems are rigged, it’s explicit
acting with scorn means I’m complicit
I won’t add to the deficit of love
I won’t push the spirit down just to prove I can break it

I see machines hurting people, it’s massive
my rage against machines can’t be passive
I have to find a way to be effective
to change perspectives

I’m unappreciative
God, it’s so pervasive
the urge to be evasive or abrasive 
I’m trying to find a motive that’s creative
but creation is destruction

here’s a terrifying variable
burdens aren’t curable
I have to teach my kids the world can be terrible
without making their lives unbearable
how do I pass the heat without passing the scorch?
I don’t want them to inherit cynicism
but I can’t lie about the mechanisms
I can’t lie about the prison

decades of liability
managing volatility
testing stability 
to hold anger and love with mobility
I call that agility
I might never master the facility
I might never find tranquility
but I have to try
for the sake of possibility
I pray they can survive hostility
with their hearts intact

I’m unappreciative
but I’m working on my narrative
I’m fighting the imperative
to burn it all down
just trying to live

unappreciative

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