||sad days||

thanks to everyone who's ever been there to support me.

i wouldn't be here without you guys.

this was gonna be for 2k, but fuck it, you guys deserve it.

a letter to my freshman self (prod. purpan)

edit/update: the person who this song was originally written about is now essentially devoid of respect and likability in my eyes, so now it's a ballad for all of the lovers out there who aren't fucking each other over.

good riddance, s.

thanks, p.

thanks, world.

[peace.love.happiness]

e[u].logy (prod. purpan)

@tomppabeats

welcome to the beach.

thank you for the continued support.

i love each and every one of you with all of my heart. <3

sand (prod. tomppabeats)

@yungestbae <-- everybody check out the homie right this second!

thanks to bennie (http://www.instagram.com/cozylile -- hit him up to buy artwork stuff) for the art!

holding yr hand (prod. yung bae)

sick (prod. mt. marcy)

@junyii

LYRICS:
killin' beats but i break away as innocent
i run the club, and none you cats gettin' membership
got a holy grail full of lean when i grip and sip
and i'm finna mix that shit quick with a mister pib
i've been in the crib grindin' like a coffee bean
C.R.E.A.M. bumping loud in the whip while i'm off the green
bars so hard got 'em saying that i'm awfully mean
just a cocky fiend, 'cept i got versace sheets
always been more awkward teen, less philosophy
got me skating by on thin ice like a hockey team
please don't talk to me unless you got a lot of cheese
i'm so sharp, run the field like a soccer cleat
game under lock and key, 'cept i got them cheat codes
faded, sitting and taking shots until i reload
y'all want beef, i turn the scene into a bistro
ballin' so hard you think i'm curry, but i'm me, tho...

muerte

CURRY (prod. junyii)

@mt-marcy

LYRICS:
i'm sick of trembling in fear at the idea of death
since it's always on my mind i just hide in my bed
"everybody's scared of it" is what my therapist said
but my case seems worse, when i've barely been fed

because the kitchen's too far to desire the steps
it'd take to make it down the stairs and try to find a baguette
or something similar that wouldn't make my stomach upset
it doesn't feel like this is real, yeah, my mind is a mess

the only times it seems clear is when music is played
some relatable creator says i'll soon be okay
or when reading poetry trying to soothe the dismay
and i can lose my insecurities in cute little sayings, like

"why frown when the sun goes down,
if you'll wake in the morning to such nice sounds
when the nighttime creeps, well your eyes might weep
but that's just moonlight tryna find nice people"

"why frown when the sun comes 'round
even if you feel shaken or upside down
when the daytime hits, you'll be great, my friend
just make it through this, just make it through this"

"why frown when the sun comes 'round
even if you feel shaken or upside down
when the daytime hits, you'll be great, my friend
just make it through this, you can make it through this"

meurte

such nice sounds (prod. mt. marcy)

FEATURING @BARRENWASTE
PRODUCED BY @KILLEDMYSELF

...and the days will continue coming (feat. barren) (prod. killedmyself)

...and the days will continue coming

@aimless-beats

hey, everyone is someone at least a little bit different online
don't be scared to be honest, okay?
love you
<3

LYRICS:
we all got internet personas
internet personas we hide behind
we hide behind

we all got demons deep inside us
demons deep inside us we try to hide
we try to hide

i forgot who it is i truly am long ago
but i'll keep searching for it while i can

i knew a boy who could outline a shape in a second
that's display was eclectic in a way that was second to none
he had a hand than swam like fish in the seas
and a penstroke that'd bring any critic to his knees
it was beautiful, flowing like the blood inside my artieries
he painted hearts as targets and was practicing his archery
mastering the artistry he carried in his chest
until at best it was a godsend, and worst, it was a part of me
'til suddenly... things began to seem different
moods dissipated into blue and grey pigments
but surface-wise his screen names were never inefficient
as a method to communicate that happiness was with him
so a couple thousand people saw a perfectly inoccuous complexion
while i was tryna talk him through depression
the lesson to be learned is that your heros aren't invincible
just normal folks who often need expression, so pause and leave a message...

if you want; they'd probably appreciate it...

...internet personas
internet personas we hide behind
we hide behind

we all got demons deep inside us
demons deep inside that we try to hide
we try to hide

i forgot who it is i truly am long ago
but i'll keep searching for it while i can

i knew a person who could cultivate the words that they aligned
in a way that could coerce a train to fly
a perfect state of mind in which to learn creative rhymes
until their person was emburdened by the verses they designed
and they began to lose their touch...
the little quirks in all their writing became terse and uninviting
and ingesting any lettering they surgeoned into life
instead of being entertainment was inert and just absurd and all the work was fucking tiring
and suddenly... they were writing less and less
in spite of their success they saw no light and second guessed
the creativity they harbored in their heart
there's only so much fucking artwork you can make 'til you forget the way to start
so a couple million people saw some dipping in the frequency
of music while they fought idiosyncracy
that slept as mental illness... and woke as some peculiar train of thought
that masqueraded as a symptom of a hindering deliquency

i hope that all these words have made you think of me

internet personas, internet personas
we all got internet personas, internet personas (x7)

internet personas (prod. aimlessbeats)

internet personas (prod. aimless)

hey, thanks for 50k <3

lil vocal acting by my homies jake & marcus <3

lyrics:
i think that now i'd call myself a wordsmith
but not because of talent of ability
it's more that i can balance the facilities
of living as a human, while i'm sittin' here decal-ing my sililoquies
and i guess it makes sense, in that regard
i use my brain as a capture card
inhalin' every word i stumble upon
to try to catalog 'em all before the rapture starts

so you can tag along and follow all the wacky antics
like all my stupid problems that relapsing can't fix
"keep your head up out the sand, stop scratching that wrist
before you turn into another anxious ativan kid"
well i guess it's too late... a couple hundred panic states passed
and my broken self ran away fast
feels like i lost my body in a hand grenade blast
with all this absence in my soul, and i can't evade that

so i'm stuck... trapped in a painting of myself
that was made before i changed how i felt
i'm hoping that my other friends can break out and help
but to be honest, it seems like they've greyed out as well
i constantly remember back in high school
sneaking out to kick it with no pay stubs
everything was simpler then, i guess
i only feel free when there's something to escape from

so i'll keep writing songs of longing for the olden
looking to the future for my confidence and boldness
it certainly isn't here, and neither am i
but i think that we've established that enough to decide
that it's time for a change; or, rather, time to revert
'cause we all sorta miss the designs that we were
and maybe nowadays what i write's more diverse
but the patrick years back didn't understand hurt

and that hurts

a wistful remembrance

wordsmith ii (prod. purpan)

produced by @aimless-beats
art by twitter.com/ahahamadork

back at it again

i write inside of the eye of the storm
with a hyphen-divided title that sidles by in the shadows
hyper-drive when you trying to ride beside in the morn
with that iodine on my clothing, i wash it out with the form
no pauses, no breaks, and i don't talk to no fakes no more
they all snakes, no more of that
i could write a gorgeous rap and probably make a quarter sack
but i would rather throw it like a quarterback

motherfuckers hoarded that style, and now they bored of it
i'm bored of y'all, i wish half these cats in my tapestry acted more involved
i wish they'd address me as majesty when i tour the mall
and i wish all the haters that message me could afford it all
it's kinda sad, i don't know what it's like to rhyme that bad
i don't know what it's like to be that kind of mad
i do know what it's like, to sit looking back at the times they had
in passing, but i'm focused on pressing pencil to writing pad aptly

and i don't mean to end abruptly
but i seem to be disgusting all the people here to judge me
and that's lovely, while y'all are obsessing over some painted nails
i'm hopping the safety rails, exiting while the train derails
and this is patience, stale as ever in the passing sense
frail as ever, such a fragile wimp to battle with... yeah
and i don't mean to be a masochist
but after all the shit y'all put me through, i'm kinda glad ya' did

'cause i don't really care for the world these days
the world these days
i got too many homies out here seeing early graves
seeing early graves
and everything is dull when the world's such a boring gray
such a boring gray
i got too many homies out here seeing early graves
seeing early graves

early graves (prod. aimless)

download <3

ukulele by @imtiffany
art by https://twitter.com/phiIotechnicaI

"you were my earth"

atlas

you're my world

@southvb

more like GAYboy lmao RT

lyrics:
i just want my hand held, i ain't talking gameboys
and i ain't been in magazines, but me and you can play, boy
i'm looking for the same joy, the same touch and smolder
that i get when i lay my head down on your shoulder
that's real... i always wanna know how you feel
you bring me out my great depressions, i think you're the new deal
i'm staring at you in the mirror like fucking blue steel
wide-eyed, smiling, i'm just tryna help your mood heal

so if there's anything that i can do
to help the weaker side of you
just lemme know and i can move
my schedule up and down

i'm sorry if i haven't been
the best at how i'm managing
the problems that i'm handling
my head was in the ground

and truly, it's a miracle
that you are even near me, whether
fruitless or endearing
i'll be happy you're around

and if you're feeling terrible,
your sicknesses unparalled,
your headache is unbearable,
just step into the sound

i don't mind at all
my ibuprofen and my tylenol
are yours at the sound of your sirens' call
'cause i ain't letting you hurt tonight at all
tonight at all

i don't mind at all
my ibuprofen and my tylenol
are yours at the sound of your sirens' call
'cause i ain't letting you hurt tonight at all
tonight at all

handheld (prod. south.vibe)

@youngburial

pretty fucking emo so here's this

lyrics:
put up a facade and you saw right through it
told me i was worthless but i already knew it
i don't care how i die as long as i do it
don't care how i die as long as i do it

put up a facade and you saw right through it
told me i was worthless but i already knew it
i don't care how i die as long as i do it
please close your eyes, i don't wanna put you through it
at all

hair in my eyes, i can't see straight
drugs in my veins makes me knees shake
baby, won't you hold my hand while i limp through the hall
feeling trapped in my mind, need an escape

every day is just a mess of depressive episodes
panic in my room over never letting go
singing songs you've never heard about that seven-letter word
this anxiety gon' place me in the wreckage in the snow

i'm tired, so tired all the time
this stress on my back's been severing my spine
no, i'm never doing fine

put up a facade and you saw right through it
told me i was worthless but i already knew it
i don't care how i die as long as i do it
don't care how i die as long as i do it

put up a facade and you saw right through it
told me i was worthless but i already knew it
i don't care how i die as long as i do it
please close your eyes, i don't wanna put you through it
at all

facade (prod. fats'e)

idk here's an ode to my teenage years
p.s. i'm kinda on hiatus i guess

lyrics:
i was 15 reading homestuck on the internet
never smiling, acting edgy, smoking cigarettes
'fore my life had started spinning in a pirouette
i was 15 reading homestuck on the internet

now i'm 20 reading homestuck on the internet
never smiling, acting edgy, never interested
when you talk to me, i'm barely even listening
'cause i'm 20 reading homestuck on the internet

15 reading homestuck on the internet

uhhh yeah @mt_fujitive

lyrics:
it's that awkward diva essence, chronically depressive
stop and leave a message or just talk to me a second
with that java bean aesthetic (grinding), probably dyslexic
if you got me mixed up with all these drama queens

i don't wanna hear that... you can keep that shit at home
rapping in my bedroom... guess i did this shit alone
often too alone, but all these tinder boys are pretty gross
so 'less you tryna go and grab some coffee, please don't hit my phone

lately, that's the only type i've fallen for
frail, tall-ish, nail polish, yeah, i've said it all before
used to grab my daily arizona from the dollar store
and kick it with the homies who don't rly like to call no more

yeah... but i don't call 'em either so it's my fault
slammed my cell receiver on the sidewalk
handle full of ether 'til my mind's gone
you don't need a feature, this is my song

you don't need a feature, this is my song
homie, you don't need a feature, this is...
well, you don't need a feature, this is my song
this is my song... and this

that awkward diva essence, chronically depressive
stop and leave a message or just talk to me a second
with that java bean aesthetic (grinding), probably dyslexic
if you got me mixed up with all these drama queens
(x2)

(pathetic)

my song (prod. mt. fujitive)

produced by @jhfly
mixed by @halberd-3000

lyrics:

you know it's they/them, as in me and most of mine
some identical identity, i keep 'em close beside
open old wounds just enough to bleed out older lines
'til there's no truths left, and i concede to close my eyes

and even though the sleet and snow are peeking through the blinds
i still meet them on my morning walk, sheepishly surprised
used to think this skittish brain might need to be inside
'til neurosis was a locksmith with a key to where i hide

now i keep ice on me, that shit froze
not like diamonds, though--it's april and we still been gettin' snow
but me and all my friends are 'bouta hit the road
not for tour, tho, i really just enjoyed it when we drove, 'cause

you're way less likely to get stared at
by an old white man in a moving car
and yes, i see that really neat flag on your window
are you quite aware that you guys lost the war?

and, yes, i did use the gender neutral bathroom
what is your concern with what i've got going on?
you can fight me in this walmart if you want to
but when you get your ass beat, don't pull out your AR

yes, my fucking nails are painted! what, you think i didn't know?
yes, i wore a skirt today! what's with all the rigmarole?
yes, i've got some makeup on, and yes, bitch, i look beautiful
so 'fore you ask another question, you can get to getting ghost

flowers ep

they/them (prod. jhfly)

produced by @jhfly

lyrics:

i often sit and wonder how your hand would feel
if we were sitting on my carpet sharing chamomile
keep a lot of little secrets that i can't reveal
until we're high at 3 am just sharing chamomile
(x2)

i guess...

i've got a letters that i've written
a few of them i'm tempted to incinerate
they tend to pile up around my desk
at the frequency of sadness and dinner plates
it's easy to get lost inside of memories
it's harder to pretend that isn't bothersome
you told me 'bout your favorite kinds of flowers
so i went to the market and i got you some

i didn't even break down when i left my house
i didn't even get anxious when i went out
you know the words never sound quite right when they leave my mouth
but, darling, just finish your tea, and we'll go lay down
we can go lay down

i often sit and wonder how your hand would feel
if we were sitting on my carpet sharing chamomile
keep a lot of little secrets that i can't reveal
until we're high at 3 am just sharing chamomile

chamomile (prod. jhfly)

produced by @mt_fujitive

lyrics:

life has got me feeling discombobulated, in place of common phrases
all i say are awkward statements in every conversation
often sitting cautious, pacing, dropping frames in talks with strangers
making observations, in that awful cadence
i've been rather quiet since a sophomore
every time my voice comes out my mouth, it sounds like nails on a chalkboard
saving pieces shattered as my age increases faster
i can make my thesis matter if i learn to fuckin' talk more

but that's just an inkling, small talk is always shrinking
and this ship will always sink until we fill in all the gaps
i've made some dumb decisions and evaded inhibitions
digging graves for my ambitions just to make it on the map
which seems ironic at present, given my title
periodically stepping through this recital
i've practiced a thousand times, messaging with my idols
and definitely sounding like a dumbass when i try tho

i treat a soundcloud page like a diary
and push away all the people who inspire me--sorry
so afraid of the person i should try to be
and it seems, by now, they should kinda be sorry

discombobulated (prod. mt. fujitive)

hey cool song coming for 100k
here's a thing i made this morning
also i'm on hiatus

@beet_farmer

lyrics:
wake up, take my morning walk, and pass out on the porch again
shatter under pressure, pilot corpses made of porcelain
terrified of questions, 'specially "lesser than..." or "more than friends?"
i panic over people like a swimmer to a dorsal fin

i'm out my element in every single element
bad with conversations, speak in nervous stares and mellow shifts in tone
in every room i occupy, i play the elephant
and glance at clocks to tick away the moments 'til farewell and dip

if anxious was a role one could fill upon a credits list
i'd grab an oscar every other time i left my bed a bit
performing well enough to leave my colleagues in a deficit
the academy awards would be incredulous

i'm often opulent in time alone, purveyor of the faux pas
horrible at family festivities, silent, phone on
i wander to the dinner table, fumble to the coleslaw
and wish i was at home so i could doze off

||sad days||

m^tt