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blaine

blaine - closer

sorry for not uploading anything, im trying to make some beats to do a decent tape lmao.

beat.09-01-2024

ba19_o29_34_35ap

one small perk of permanently leaving my fathers house is that i can now have a consistent music setup. far from the best thing tho.

for so many years ive felt trapped under his toxic behavior. n recent times, his house has felt more like a state of mind, or a sorta myth i refused to fully believe. its truly funny seeing how much ive grown and how much i feel tht growth stunted by him. im very glad i dnt have to live with him anymore. this is a step in me being not only a man, but a person whos going to choose his family. the weight i feel off me is immense and it feels wonderful. i can finally feel free.

to go with the feeling free theme, both of these beats r all fingerdrumming with light tweaks, inspired by @nstiming09 . he sent me a few beats he made n it made me feel sum. i wanted to go back to the essence of when i was making beats n not clicking in notes. im sorta done with that the new me is going back to the oldest version a little bit. im using a speaker unlike most of my tracks where ive been using the same bluetooth heaphones for 2 years. this is a new era musically as well as physically. i love u all thanks for always rockin w samba de amigo n more importantly rockin with curtis. the real me. love yall <333333

finally free <3

selfprod, last song like this for a while likely

lyr
i hate rapping
i'm so over all the sad shit
i'm so over goin batshit
in my room oh god i've had it
oh god i've had it
i'm so fuckin over rapping
i'm tired of goin batshit
in my room oh god i've had it 

tired of these niggas actin like we friends but we not 
tired of my real friends somehow losing the plot 
keep my name in ya mouth
he get lost to the block
if he look at me wrong i let that choppa blah

[hook]

if you lived the life i live you would probably kill yourself 
if you lived the life i live you would probably-
i get high everyday i love running from myself
i don't care they don't know so it's really fuck my health
so it's really fuck my health
so it's really fuck my heal-
same place working daily it's a self inflicted cell
same shit every song i think every1 can tell
.44 to my mouth boy i'm goin t- (let's see how this shit works out)

ive had it

urgency.
prod. takeyouthere

ashwagandha
i'm hoping the pain will soften
downing a couple pills
be glad I don't do this often

overcome with regret
i'm desolate and upset
reminding me that I'm human
just hurry and take effect

my chest hurting, i'm coughing
I feel like a walking coffin
struggling in my room
when you step in, proceed with caution
tears flooding my face

i'm finally out of options

i'm human, i know

emptiness.
prod. phansyphish

promise you'll wait at the gate
I can go now, you're finally safe
what I'm saying is not a mistake
from this point on, imma leave it to fate

I'm trying so hard to climb of the hole
a typical being that's drained of its soul
emotions are null, spend countless days 
being pulled by strings, I don't feel in control

yeah, my hands are a mess
kept biting my fingers and clutching my chest
I smile and laugh, but I'm always depressed
I'm just so tired of playing pretend

I'm so tired of playing pretend
tryna say I'm ok when I'm out with my friends

it's constant regression
you wrapped me up and then left me to spoil
can't move, can't see, can't breathe
this may be the way that I become food for the soil

subconsciously, making distractions
my soul is in question in spite of my actions
spirit is gone, been aimlessly wandering
shackled by all my attachments

til i'm skin n bones

complexity.
prod. 10fold

why now?
looking down at my phone
red hue starts to cover my eyes
as I'm wearing a frown
spent countless nights trying to drown you out
too sudden, you're showing up now
did a hard reset on my brain
now I'm feeling a way that's unusual now
need to set this pace right here
just wondering how

this anger, regret
and bitterness mixed up with sadness
I'm lighting a flame inside of the void
tryna guide myself through all this madness
this pain, it's subtle
just noticed a rise of insurance
there's venom injected throughout each word
with doses of care and assurance (x2)

already went through the stages
so why am I feeling this way?
nothing has practically changed
but this feeling is nowhere the same
can't say that I don't feel scared
my heart sinks at the thought of that day
in a melting pot of emotions
there's so much shit that I wanted to say

this anger, regret
and bitterness mixed up with sadness
I'm lighting a flame inside of the void
tryna guide myself through all this madness
this pain, it's subtle
just noticed a rise of insurance
there's venom injected throughout each word
with doses of care and assurance (x2)

why now?

honey without the moon

conflict.
prod. qaeru

go tell your mother bout why you been beefin'
with niggas that lifted you up
don't tell your father bout what you been doin'
you said that it's up then it's stuck
we called you a brother, you left us behind
being petty and dumb, well good luck
you spat in my face then gon say it's all love
bitch, it's not, now I don't give a fuck

your project of passion
increasing detachment
I'm taking the reigns so don't ask me for shit
I'm taken aback
tried to make some requests
after dippin' without even telling us shit
got me all spiteful and added yo opp
what the fuck you gon do?
we crossing paths, just know I ain't shaking yo hand
I'm throwing some hands for the fam
that's something yo ass wouldn't do

forsakened yo ties
having them fighting yo battles
audacious to think that you're tough
don't talk about trust
you said the shit that you said
you tried to go out in cuffs
should've just had a discussion
you left us hangin to dry like we laundry
or better, your cousin
something inside of yo mental can't function
that goes for you and yo bitch
both are crash dummies for dumb shit

better just pray you don't fail like yo dad did
he'd put yo ass in the dirt for this shit
so don't tell him bout where all your friends been
he'd turn yo family to ashes
it's really just sad cuz you can't just accept that you acting like him
you're just overly negative
stuck in your head all the time
but it's fine, bro, I get it, but you gotta quit it
you know we're right but you stuck in the mind
that you better than us
you're really not, man, I'll admit it
you wanna die on this hill
don't go out saying you lonely
when you pushed your friends down the hill
all the support that you had was from us
spit in my face, I'll throw acid in yours,
be mad at me, bitch boy, I don't give a fuck

prick

To return is to bring something. I have everything & nothing. Such ugly lifestyle's we have now, abroad turnt roundabouts. Cycles make us? No. Habits break us. From addiction to freedom, whats the difference between them? One so sweet & succulent, the other so green and pungent. Can you tell me wise observer just who is who? Or which is what? For lack there better of, I reiterate this in the form of young love. Two doves, one pure, one innocent. One is innovation the other inclination. Both aren't real, just figments of time, space, matter and math. So I tell you this, do not let your ears fall on decadent brass, all it takes is the right lass or lad to be left upset, in debt, alone & pitch black. Find the art within the flow, equality ain't equity, yet none of us know. So I stand here in remote control, bound by my talent, saying freedom & addiction depend on what day you're havin'

50 Stars

What Am I To Say

Flynn (Dub Mix)

one of my favs
mix, master, vocals, prod = me

i'm human, i know

prtoftheproblem

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