Mental Health and our daily struggles of our everyday life dealing with Suicidal thoughts.

My Bipolar Mind

BitterEnd

AIRBENDER

Everything Sounds The Same

Nothing Finally

Fuck 4-4

23 & Me

EverMind

Imagine the first, the initial feeling, the pure excitement and the hand that takes yours. That jumps in and takes yours up the neverending climbing spiral, that leads silently higher. Perfectly balanced, on mirrored glass stairs, the journey begins. Leading and taking each step higher and faster, with both hands held firm and focused, undefeated, beyond reason, redefining desire. Pushing the climb, higher and faster, fading grip sets its sting. Each hand held firm, rising above a silently broken unfixable path trailing behind. Each step breaks as you lead. 

Still rising yet further a feeling begins, a fading grip weakens, it starts to take hold, betrayed by inherent naivete, careless and cold, neither lets go or stop to consider the woe. Though thousands of stairs continue above, leading inevitably higher it abruptly ends, with a whimper and a sigh, misunderstood the unending climb dies. No more stumbling higher or fears, no more memories to make, the other hands slip, the mirrored glass breaks away, and everything stops for a moment, the memory taken, just one last day to say goodbye. 

Then it begins, the sounds inevitably start to change as it all comes crashing down. In that moment of shock, as the other hand let go, you embrace and face fate, your inevitable gravity. Tears start to fall, and around you seek and reach. You fail to catch even one, for you find they aren't for you, as broken mirrored shards slowly and permanently pierce your grasp and guide your fall. Above you the tears gather, you slowly watch for a moment, in your final fall, you see the purpose flee and the final shards seal your destiny and cloud your fall. For years and years you see nothing, and that is all. 

The tears shed above, surround and protect the one on the inside before the descent. The reverse spiraling nothingness meant to forget, the thousands of mirrored broken moments impossible to mend. Stopped by a wall, the tears make shell, impenetrable and flawless, erasing the sorrow and protecting it as well, for what's inside will sprial for years till tomorrow at the end of it all.  Years falling through spiraling memories and in pain the shards compound, perfectly protecting what's inside from the ground. Unbroken and polished, colored and gathered, tempered the beauty, encrusted the shell. At the beginning, now crashed at the bottom, opened to light, to the world re-awakened, stronger and free, now with breathtaking hues, a masterpiece emerges. Defeated you exist, shards your existence, you see all twisted and contorted, surrounded in emptiness, and this beauty you will never know.

EverMind - Clear

EverMind-Clear

The lyrics for this song are by Rene Hutchinson below:

The Hubris

The fleeting ship speeds, the depths it feeds.
Out at sea, find the Hubris—approaching the weeds,
splitting amongst them to the dwellings of the deep,
of old anchors, and dreams far fathoms underneath.

The battened-down hatches hold the willing who serve:
the misguided mortal, and the starved for nothing unheard,
enamored by Hubris and captain's pretty hat too,
perhaps more letters could portray who is who...

The well-knowing struggle, strive to alter the name,
of the ship to be Change, not Demise, Chaos, or Blame.
Those following orders—and definitively fraught—seek freedom forever;
the first assuredly naught.

Exploding in ash, feeding the engine to go;
barely controlling the helm, one hand weakly gripped onto.
The prideful aloof, the obediently portray,
its Captain supreme shows just what to say,
to promise the nothing fate's eluding to,
and cautiously serenade the enemy and crew,
untenably with gold and temptations of lust,
transporting fate within Hubris to rust.

Choices surround the helm clenched in fate's grasp:
obey the marvel, observe the plan,
follow what's deceivably twisted as grand.

One sacrifice feeds fire; several fires feed the mad,
the Hubris—needs to eat, and eats on everything you had.
Self-fated glory tells you nothing's a cost;
for this paradox he climbs, he stands on a box.

Ride the ride, rent a memory, pay the toll to the man.
The depths be the prize—be they sufficiently grand—
riding silently on the Hubris, following the captain's plan.

Smile as you suffer—just smile like he can—
your compromise leads to the captain's unpromised land,
for what's true to the captain may not be to you,
No man has two fathers, we know this as true.

by Rene Hutchinson 
renehutchinson@gmail.com

The-Hubris

Everything is written so that, I like it. 
Every repetition, it becomes more addictive.
The music for me is like a guilty pleasure.
It is always best listened to alone.
The music plays out, so as to unfold a story. 
There is no hidden meaning, except what it stirs inside you.

If you want to contribute a donation my way, cool, I'll keep making more.

Bitcoin donations 19xcPbusfocU7zVt1ooPyV3Ea2WeRdnvPr

23 & Me

Pseudofire

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