I used to spend my holidays alone
An anthropomorphic oar, pretty bored
Sittin inside of his home, oh no

But then you met me, and I suggested we
Go on a little holiday trip, really quick
And we went down to the Bahamas for a dip
And we just kept going

Christmas can be every day
When you’re travelin' the world and you’re an oar and you’re gay
We ate tangerines in Tokyo
Then caught a flight to Borneo
And spent a day in Rekjavik
The hot dogs there were pretty sick

Every trip ya take is a gift
When you love the livin' hell out of the one that you’re with
We’ve been to Bangalore
and BogoTA
Had onion rings in Omaha

Got high as hell in Amsterdam
And ate up all our Christmas ham

God damn that was a damn good ham

And now the future that we make is our own
Close your eyes and throw a dart at the map, and that’s that,
Off to destinations unknown
I hope wherever we go has more ham

Travelin’s such a wonderful ride
But it’d be a drag without you here at my side
Why don’t we stop for brunch in Saskatoon
Namibia to see some dunes
Chicago just to peep the bean
And also bone beneath the bean

Antarctica if we’ve got time
I hear that France has decent wine
To London when the tea is served
And maybe skip St. Petersburg

Hey what’s the deal with Idaho?
Like should we bother? I dunno.
Singapore or Bora Bora?
Either, oar, cause I adore ya

Either Oar

Livin in France
Out in le country
A little more limited menu than you see in Paris

Got no filet mignon
Got no boeuf bourguignon
No bouillabaisse or creme brûlée or charcuterie

Ahh but when the pangs of hunger
howling in the gut grow stronger
Fangs come out and then I long to
MUNCH ON THE TERRIFIED FRENCH

French HEADS, I’m eatin’ em nightly
Bon apetite mon frère, no need to heat I’ll eat ‘em rare

French HEADS, season ‘em lightly
A bordelaise for Claire, a pinch of pepper on Pierre

HOWLS

Call me beast
Call me a monster
Just don’t call me late when a tasty young shepherd’s in the meadow alone

Go on and shame me
Ah but ya made me
It’s whatcha get when you’re hangin with a wolf in the quiet low valleys of the ecotone

Ahhh I realize it’s reckless
But this wolfy’s feeling peckish
If you don’t protect your neck it’s
CHOMP CHOMP AU REVOIR! Ha ha ha ha

French heads, they’re oh so yummy
Paprika dusted on Denis, a side of skewered Genevieve

French heads, in my tummy
As for below the neck, no thanks
I’m good
I’ll take the check PLEASE

French Heads

I’m a city boat
Metropolitan frivolity’s my guarantee
I get a lotta folks
Steppin aboard to have a drink on me

And I don’t know why
But I sure do cry
Thinkin bout that gal who used to hang out on me
Now she’s gettin into trouble on the seven seas

Ching Shih
You traded city livin for piracy
Ya think she
Ever thinks about a crummy little junk like me
And sure I’m jealous of her pirate ship
But I don’t blame her none for wantin to dip
She’s gotta be who she’s gotta be

I miss the good ol’ days
Rockin in the harbor til the mornin comes
But now you’re makin waves
Heard you really fuckin stuck it to that government scum

And I hope you know
That I miss you so
But I wouldn’t want ya hangin up your buccaneer suit
When there’s swashes needin bucklin and there’s booty to loot

Ching Shih
I heard some people callin you the pirate queen
It sinks me
To know you’re out there on some other boat livin your dream
But I’m happy for your sizable crew
Even if it kinda gives me the blues
Ya gotta do what ya gotta do

You’re out plundering
And I’m left wondering
Would a blubberin landlubber like me
Ever stand a chance out on the open sea

I’m drowning in the ocean
Of my own emotions
May the parting tide carry the tears I cry
To her ship as it slips neath the indigo sky

Ching Shih
It took me a while but now I see
You’re free
As the gulls that skate across the ocean breeze 
Maybe one day you’ll think of settling down
On a cozy boat that’s closer to town
Until then I guess I’ll see you around

Ching Shih

Here left to lurch
Twixt two lovely swaying birch
Trees: Igor of Kiev
Husband to a wife
Who would face near any strife
To avenge his savage death

Olga
She murdered the whole town
We frankly are surprised
She hasn’t thought to chop us down

Olga
Sainthood she attained
But to cross her is to doom yourself
To join the countless maimed

She’ll off your family, Merc your friends
She’ll hunt your cat and dog and when
You think she’s finally calling it a day
She’ll catch you when you’re unaware
Pour acid down your underwear
And laugh because she’s jokerfied that way

She’ll lop your toes into a jar
And pack it up and mail it far
And on your grandma’s birthday she will find
A bloody box addressed to her
Containing nothing less than your
Ten piggies and she’ll lose her god damn mind

Olga
She may be a saint
But rightly pissed to see her sweetie
Split right up the taint

Olga
Legit she’s got no chill
Piss her off if you’d like
To experience being killed

She’ll simply make you poop your pants
That’s right she’ll make you poop your pants
And if you’re think that you won’t poop your pants
Just wait because you’ll poop your pants
Because she’ll make you poop your pants
And kill you once you’ve pooped your poopy pants

You’ll hear a knocking at the door
And when you ask who’s there to your
Relief it’s just your neighbor Joan Calhoun
You open up
IT’S OLGA! FUCK!
She’ll kick your shins and punch your nuts
Then skin you while she sings a happy tune

She’ll slit your throat like that one scene
In Gone Girl, know the one I mean
Where NPH is-- well, you get the gist
If it’s not clear the message here
Is if you hold existence dear
Make sure you don’t end up on Olga’s list

OLGA!

Meteorite Song - Puppet History

Window Song - Puppet History Season 5

Prototype Instrument #73 Song - Puppet History Season 6

Hippodrome Song - Puppet History Season 6

Sometimes your life don’t go exactly how you planned
A volcano eats your wife and a witch kills all your friends

And what else can you do
But hop aboard a spaceship with a french fries and a can of soup

You've gotta believe in yourself even if you’re just a hologram
Even if nobody gives a damn

There's not a single plupple gonna stop you cause you got a plan
Travel back in time and murder Pam

And sometimes you get marooned
Didn’t plan on plupples for your honeymoon

And sometimes you get locked up
Sittin in a cell while plupples plup plup plup 

But somewhere deep inside
You know your tasty pals are gonna find a way to save your hide

You've got a love inside your heart it’s burnin' like a fryin' pan
So you’ll keep existin' if you can

Cause it’s a Hot Daga
A juicy little tale about just doin’ the best you can
And it’s got a hundred billion fans

And it’s critically acclaimed

Plupple Honeymoon

The Dynamic Duet

Pompeii, a beautiful day!
Check me chillin in a geological way
I’m Vesuvius,
Some say the grooviest
Volcano they know in the west coast bay

And excuse-a-me-ah, a but ya see-ah
I got a little case of planetary diarrhea
So uh oh-oh-oh! I’m gonna blow
Ashes up the asses of the masses below

I’m Mount Vesuvius!
And, look, I hate to do this
Just gonna bury yr town rq :(
But spewin’ goo’s my truth, sis :)

Apologies to the bay of Napoli
But I gotta lotta lava gotta get outta me
Well I’m hot and I’m quakin! And shakin geothermally
But it’s not to be taken! Please don’t take it personally!

Pompeii! If you’re feeling it! Shout it back!
Oh, okay, well, they’ve covered in ash. —   

I’m Mount Vesuvius
And, look, I hate to do this
Just gonna bury ur town rq :(
Cause spewin’ goo’s my truth, sis :)

And I’m sorry but I can’t control these grim volcanic urges
And I hate to cake your town beneath my pyroclastic surges
And you have to know that even Mother Nature gets the runs
This could all have been prevented with a million tons of Tums!