Horrible Histories - The Monks' Song

LIFE it rules but it also kinda SUCKS
But you wanna stick around because it’s fun to do STUFF
If only you could rid yourself of all your enemies
Well have I got news for your my friend it’s simpler than it seems

Now you could talk it out and be real polite
Or you could slap em with a glove get in a fancy fight
But if ya wanna keep proceedings clean n fast
I got a pitch, ready for this?
POISON THEIR ASS

Take any recipe, add a drop of me
Round out your four course meal with a fatality
Bottom’s up but oh oh! your time is too!
When they take a little sip of my Bye Bye Juice

A toxic cocktail, an insidious blend
Gently stirred, quickly served for a premature end
Drop drop in the goblet then a couple drops more
They give it a swig, tick tock, bodies hittin the floor

Knock knock, it’s the landlord lookin for rent
And now that arsenic you bought seems like money well spent
Drop drop, "Come on in, grab a beer, help yourself!"
GOOD LUCK EVICTING ME WHEN YOU’RE BURNIN IN HELL

When your dentist tells you ya eat too many sweets
Or somebody at the movie’s like “I’m saving these seats”
Anybody on the road who doesn’t know to use their blinker
Keep it up and get a taste of what I been keepin in my tincture

Now let’s say ya got a list of people making ya pissed
Have ‘em over for some drinks, say Sierra Mist,
Clink clink, raise a glass, here’s to you everyone!
Just be sure to dig some graves, ya gonna need em, son!

A toxic cocktail an insidious blend
Gently stirred, quickly served for a premature end
So play nice, be a pal, refrain from showin your ass
Or you might just be the next one sippin your last

We’re the Bye Bye Brothers and we came to say
If anybody asks you didn't see us here today
When it comes to petty murder we are simply the best
But there are several warrants out for our arrest

Bye Bye Juice

Caveman love

Plague song

Here left to lurch
Twixt two lovely swaying birch
Trees: Igor of Kiev
Husband to a wife
Who would face near any strife
To avenge his savage death

Olga
She murdered the whole town
We frankly are surprised
She hasn’t thought to chop us down

Olga
Sainthood she attained
But to cross her is to doom yourself
To join the countless maimed

She’ll off your family, Merc your friends
She’ll hunt your cat and dog and when
You think she’s finally calling it a day
She’ll catch you when you’re unaware
Pour acid down your underwear
And laugh because she’s jokerfied that way

She’ll lop your toes into a jar
And pack it up and mail it far
And on your grandma’s birthday she will find
A bloody box addressed to her
Containing nothing less than your
Ten piggies and she’ll lose her god damn mind

Olga
She may be a saint
But rightly pissed to see her sweetie
Split right up the taint

Olga
Legit she’s got no chill
Piss her off if you’d like
To experience being killed

She’ll simply make you poop your pants
That’s right she’ll make you poop your pants
And if you’re think that you won’t poop your pants
Just wait because you’ll poop your pants
Because she’ll make you poop your pants
And kill you once you’ve pooped your poopy pants

You’ll hear a knocking at the door
And when you ask who’s there to your
Relief it’s just your neighbor Joan Calhoun
You open up
IT’S OLGA! FUCK!
She’ll kick your shins and punch your nuts
Then skin you while she sings a happy tune

She’ll slit your throat like that one scene
In Gone Girl, know the one I mean
Where NPH is-- well, you get the gist
If it’s not clear the message here
Is if you hold existence dear
Make sure you don’t end up on Olga’s list

OLGA!

Window Song - Puppet History Season 5

(7) The Way I Do (Starship)

Robin Sucks

Choke For The Gold!

Go on 'n' take me
In your pocket, I will ride
Buy a little gumball, do some laundry
I’ll provide

But I’ll tell you man lately,
I ain’t feelin' right
Feelin' rough around the edges
Feelin' a little light

Well, these nasty scammers
Clip me down 'n'
Do me wrong

They got me wonderin'
Where the pieces of me
Have gone

Every day
Bit by bit, whittle me down
Little pieces of me
all over this town

I’m hopin' just maybe
If they clip me enough
Won’t be nothin left except
a pile of me that’s just dust

And who knows
Gust a wind could blow on by
Lift that pile on upward
Lemme see that pale blue sky

Up past the clouds,
glimmer in sun,
then float back down
And scatter me
All over this town

Pieces Of Me

Puppet History