you cant be what i want
thats what you said
i think instead, that ill stay inside your head
dont you feel the dread?
dont you feel the dread?

cant be what i want -- youre feeling guilty
guilt just means knowing that youre not showing
showing what you could be, is that really crazy?
no i dont think so! but what do i know!
i want things to work out
even though they never will
can you keep me around
will you think of me still

you cant be what i want
thats what you said
i think instead, that ill stay inside your head
even though your not mine
i find i cry
in the middle of the night, even though we'd never fight

my unsaid words to you, that i wish youd never leave
that i wish you could love me, and its okay that you dont
if you loved me then you would, and you couldnt and you wont
but just please do not pretend; know you love me as a friend
wish i had you in my arms, wish i kissed you even more
wish i told you that i loved you, on the night before you swore
swore that we were over, and now youre all but gone
i dont think that youll hear this, you'll never hear this song

guilt (prod. greyrock, chemical)

i wanna be your girlfriend!! (taymxru)

i produced this, drums r thanks to @prod-lustri

this body cannot be mine
this body cannot be mine 

my hands, my chest and my face
my arms my legs and my waist
everythibng just feel misplaced
i dont belong in this place

i dont belong in this space
the space between u and i
i think that id rather cry
this body cannot be mine.

this body cannot be mine. (pupsies + lustri)

the attention seekers' suicide note
(the beat i made was too shit for my main acc but i like the lyrics so yeah)

i been feeling fucked up!
always die
always wanna cry
and i hate being alive

mommy says im dumb
and daddy calls me selfish
"the onlyt hing ur goodat
,being manipulative"

i honestly dont care
i honestly say fuck it
i end up dead either way
so u can go and shove it

ur words come from ur ass
u make me wanna puke
i wish that u were dead
i dont know what to do

i dont know what to say
cus youll view me anyway
as a piece of shit
a stupid bitch
just garbage that u wanna throw away

im gonna cut my wrists again
if u dont stop the yelling
i wanna feel the pain and see the blood and see the swelling

so go aehad and test me
cus im just attention seeking
seeking till its over and im hanging from the ceiling

so go ahead
say it again
u hate my guts
i have no friends

i wawnna die
i wanna cut
i cant take this
ive hada enough

so go ahead
say it again
u hate my guts
i have no friends

the attention seekers suicide note - prod. pupsies

this is NOT my genre. HTIS IS A SHITPOST!!!

do u think if i play my cards right
baby
do u think that i can see u tonight?
maybe
we could make things work
i dont wanna jump the gun
fuckin braincells gone to shit
like i dont even know
said we gna die by 20
so we keep it on the low
i love u like a dog
love u like im gna die
when i see u in the grave
boy dont make me say goodbye

all i ever wanted was ur fuckin love
wrote a suicide note let me know when u fuckin go
got the gun right up ur throat
and it hurts to watch u choke
least let  me hold ur hand
let me know 'for u go

gotta play ur cards right
gotta turn a new deck
got a knife to ur neck
dont do shit that ull regret

playin games with my heart
since u wanna see my cry
cus u hate urself so much
u cant even see why

gotta play ur cards right
gotta turn a new deck
got a knife to ur neck
dont do shit that ull regret

gotta play ur cards right
gotta turn a new deck
got a knife to ur neck
dont do shit that ull regret

since the small ass age o 12
u was fucked up from the start
and it wasnt ur fault
but the streets aint got heart

so u aint got any time
and u aint gnna go far
u dont have to reach te finish line, just running is enough
so u call it as it is, and i know that its real tough
but u gotta tough it out cus the love is all ur luck

and i love u like a dog
cus i know ur gna die
when i see u in the grave
boy dont make me say goodbye

goodbye (prod. prodvices)

another day, im throwing hands
throwing bands but nothin stands
in the sand
something new
something gold
and you could do
show the way
lead the blind
so i got shit in my eye?
yea u wanna make me cry
tell me how im gonna die
with a gun right up my throat
take some pills and overdose
no one has to know
tell me where we fuckin go
just cus god dont answer
dont mean he isnt there
whatever higher power
show her in her final hour

now her glasses fogged
her breath is fuckin hot
spit runnin down her mouth
didnt want it to go south

so her moms in the room
screams 'whatd you fuckin do'
the bathroom floor is cold
and everybody knows

i dint wanna die
i didnt wanna see
i didnt wanna know
didnt wanna be me

i didnt wanna die
but here i fuckin am
and now im throwing up
bury me in the sand

so u can hold my hand
watch me as i move on
im sorry, love you mom
know that, even when im gone

so yo ucan hold my hand
i dont wanna be alone
tell me that you love me
so i know before i go

letter to my mother (prod.vinogradov)

idk i like this song
aimkid did the thumbnail

jack stauber - spring cleaning (but u got it from the dollar store)

nobodies gonna save me
Cus i know nobody can
Nobodies gonnba sace me
i will bleed out till i cant

they told me this was gonna end
i wished the best i took my meds 
i always wished to understand
but theres no end 

i realize now i was naive
i feel the the sickness in my teeth 
Ita sinking in and jt wont leave
I guess theres nothing else to see

save me. (prod.pelonn)

i did this rly quick like 30 min and threw sum preset on it i had yea its ok i guess

if id cut my wrist,
then you'd cut your thigh
if id pop these pills
u already wouldve died
and if i ever, even started to cry
id hear u fucking scream
and i wouldnt even try

if id cut my wrist,
then you'd cut your thigh
if id pop these pills
u alr wouldve died
and if i ever, even started to cry
id hear u fucking scream
and i wouldnt even try

one upped everytime,
its like all the pain i feel is
nothing--should be fine
but all that validation that i 
reach for, i wont try
never try again
cus i know that in the end
i wont ever have a friend

u tell me suffering is not some type of competition
but comparin and contrasting makes it obvious the difference
when i look at you and look at me 
its always so clear to see that
you're the worst, i should be fine
i dont know why i lose my mind

i dont know why i get so sick
in your absence, throw a fit
sometimes i think id kill myself
if u hate me if i felt like

nothings ever gonna change
u dont love me, stay the same
things will never go my way
u will always feel more pain

cus if i tried to kill myself
i see u at the hospital bed
crying over my body
maybe that would make u feel the

regret for not responding
god i know im sick in the head
someone make it go away
but anyway it always stays

wrist cutter (prod. t57thetank)

idk WTF this shit is . my mIX is Ass. (and so is the """""Beat"""""""""") BUT........ i wanted so badly to use this song in something.... even though i couldnt get the detuning quite right :(
https://open.spotify.com/track/7B5CYfz6s1J0kQxBTlSSe7?si=6615ecad7b33469f

luv is tuff (ft. desmi archive) <- sample

i love you is a phrase that i shouldnt ever say
i bastardize its meaning just bout every single day
when i ask if u will stay
but all i do's run away
i need you here
babyyyyyyy
tell me why
i cant
take it
any more
i cant stand this
tell me why
i need you to make it betterrrr
its so fucking hard being inside of my head
i just wish that i was...

itz so fuckin h4rd being insid3 of my he4d. (wh1tespace x jxzzytrip)

shit song but lyrics r very accurate lol

oohhhh

im sad every day
but im feeling it hard lately
someone make it go away
my responsibility
kill myself cus im lazy
too lazy to fix myself
leave this earth to someone else
leave this earth for someone else

im sad every day
but im feeling it hard lately
someone make it go away
my responsibility
kill myself cus im lazy
too lazy to fix myself
leave this earth to someone else
leave this earth for someone else

yeah every days a hard day when you dont know what youre doing
stumbling thru life saying god aint this amusing
watch it pass u by 
put a bullet in ur head
yea u wish u fucking could
all u do is cry instead

"you could die tomorrow"
yea i really hope i do
all i feel is fucking anxious
whenever im without you

so i throw up all my guts
and i js forget to eat
i dont do the basics
wtf is wrong with me

wish id js die in my sleep
yeah im just a fucking coward
all i dos make music
then i go to sleep for hours
but the thoughts js gettin louder
it feels so out of my power
but i know that isnt true
gotta pull myself thru

i shouldnt be in love with you
i shouldnt drag u thru the ground
whenever i am around
i js make us feel like shit

yeah i thought that i could love even though i been fuckin hurt
but i know that isnt true
now i know that shit dont work

im sad every day
but im feeling it hard lately
someone make it go away
my responsibility
kill myself cus im lazy
too lazy to fix myself
leave this earth to someone else
leave this earth for someone else

im sad every day
but im feeling it hard lately
someone make it go away
my responsibility
kill myself cus im lazy
too lazy to fix myself
leave this earth to someone else
leave this earth for someone else

i'm sorry
dont accept my apology

don't accept my apology. (prod. tattidar, luffysome)

i've been getting scared
dont wanna manifest my fears
it feels like theres nothing here
like ur gone, should wipe my tears

i know that im overthinking
but it just hurts all the same
i know i shouldnt say things
but i just cant stand the pain

want to write a happy song
but the words all feel so wrong
like im putting on a face
havent felt good in so long

want ppl to see ill stand it
but i know i really cant
even when i try so hard
praying, wishing that i can


so ever since that moment i been feeling like ud leave me like you dont love me as much but i know thats really silly how to feel like its not true?

i know that its not,
asking if i really do? 

when im always hurt, 

hurt just like you said, 
i know its rly dumb, but 
it stays stuck in my head. 
didnt mean to make u hurt

 but that doesnt matter.

cus i did anyways, and my sorrys just a fake
and my sorrys just a fake

can you say it to my face
can you tell me that u love me
i wish id feel your embrace
can you tell me that u love me

i've been getting scared
dont wanna manifest my fears
it feels like theres nothing here
like ur gone, should wipe my tears

i know that im overthinking
but it just hurts all the same
i know i shouldnt say things
but i just cant stand the pain

want to write a happy song
but the words all feel so wrong
like im putting on a face
havent felt good in so long

want ppl to see ill stand it
but i know i really cant
even when i try so hard
praying, wishing that i can

tell me that u luv me. (@izukaonbeats)

my heart aches every time
and i guess its the cycle that e try to fight
e kno its a losing game but e try
am i holding onto the dream too damn tight?
cus i still cant get any sleep at night

no matter hat you do id forgive you
and i dont ho to make that change
ive held your hand and ive held the faith
u break my heart, but its my choice to make
to let you go but i kno that i cant
id rahter have u rip off allm yskin
i might thro up
and get it all on your shoes
ould you forgive me the same ?
the same ay i do for you? 

its a mystery, the ay i feel
i kno im hurt 
but i kno ill heal
so i ait for you
cus thats all i do
cus that all i do
cus thats all i do

and i ant you to tell me
to say that youl lstay
dont push me aay
i can push thru the pain

i dont need to be saved
cus i kno things can change
i odnt need to be saved
e all die anyays.

all your friends can think im sutpid, they can think that im insane
you can all say i need help, that i love all of the pain
u dont even kno the half of aht i feel, aht i beleive
cus im aiting for the change, thats all taht i anna see
and i kno thats its naive, but i call it optimistic
cus i really anna hope that happy endings arent some mystic thing that i cant have, a bullshit dream, theres gotta be, more than i see, im holdin out, please ait for me, please ait for me, please dont let go, please dont let go, dont make me leave

forgive you (prod. eve06)

aahh idk i needed to get my feelings out so this is shit and has my family and noise in the bg lol

i feel so dumb i feel lost
i dont know whats my problem
i could say sorry but i dont think that itd mean a thingg
i know its too mcuh for you i dont mean to intervene 
to be a problem, be a burden, for you to carryy
i wish i wasnt the way that i am, why cant u see?

i love you so much but it seems like i can never show it
i wish there were instructions
i wish i got a notice
i wish i knew the way to be more peaceful in your life
sometimes i wonder if the best way is to leave ur side?

all that i want, is to feel your touch-
can you hold me close
tell me im enough?
cus i love you so
i love you so much...

and im sorry that things r so tough..

notice (prod. 16kibo)

redone n sped up 4 fun ,, this is an oldddd freestyle i didd

he's out of my league!
i try to tell him, but i really dont that hell see..
hes out of my league..
he can do so much that i cant, its kinda amazing but --

hes out of my league
hes out of my league
he doesnt wanna see it cus he doesnt believe it, he doesnt believe.

ah, but hes out of my league

i try to tell him but he really doesnt wanna see how-
hes out of my league

he doesnt get it, i dont think that he wants to believe... (yeah, hes out of my league)

hes out of my league, hes out of my league, hes out of my leaaaagueeeeee...

i try to show him that we're different
but i dont think he understands
he can do so much that i cant..
he can do so much that i can!

hes out of my league
i try to tell him but i dont think that he wants ot see
that -- hes out of my league

i try to tell him but i really dont think hell believe it--
hes out of my league

hes out of my league..
hes out of my lea-aaa-a-a-aa-e-e-e-a-e-a-gugueeee

ah dadadadaaaaa
he can do anything i can
dadadaadaaaa
he can do anything i cant

hes out of my league
hes out of my league 
hes out of my league
hes out of my lea-a-auge

...he beat me at chess...
ha.. yes...

hes out of my league
i try to tell him but i dont think that he wants ot see
that -- hes out of my league

i try to tell him but i really dont think hell believe it--
hes out of my league

out of my league o_o (prod. basil jet)

funbeat (1).wav
this song kind of reminds me of dying or being in a nice place after you die, i liked it so i want it to be here

it is nice to have fun sometimes :)

there's nothing i can say
i think that you forgot
the promises we made

i had always wanted to upload this lol

angel

bitch im not no fucking hood trap rapper gtfo of here i have new grills ok thats why i have a bad lisp. i got grills ok. stop judging jsu tbecaue im rich enoug ht oget grills and you arent!
--- LYRICS --- 

yall all be so typical
reciprocal, drinking from the same cup
shooting the same shit up
with a smile on ur faces
you never been outta luck

how many times u fucked?

u aint got no sickness
u a chipper
motherfucker
got that cheeky smile on ya
like u aren’t js like the others
spit it out
and say you love her
but u never told ur mother
u just let her
watch u vomit
do u feel sick?

do you feel it yet?

the way that ur friends all look at u?
with a smirk smeared on their face-s

got it in your nails
yea your words are kinda tasteless

do you even know 
the last time that you were held
in somebodies arms


looking at your own,
“she shouldn’t be alarmed”
okay good, thats so much better
cus why would u ever lie?
why’d u cheat
and why’d u fight
why’d you take somebodies life?

oh..
right..

but you haven’t done that yet,
so you’re fine, okay good
doing everything you should
got a message in a bottle
does it even hit ur head
do you feel the glass yet
if i dug it in your forearm
dont believe you wouldn’t let me
you’ve got no self preservation
you need helping
something more
yea you never had the answers
fill the holes
of all your whores

does it make you feel much better?
your insignificant life?
… at least you’re alive
all the times your mother cried
can you tell her that you tried?
and if you say you did, could you even tell me why?

“p-p-p-put it in my cup”
..
thats your only love
..
your life has no room for people, 
grow up, get a grip, or we will.


“sh-sh-shut all that shit up”

tell me who you’re talking to?

u look fucking dumb

s-s-sucking on your thumb

bet you wish that you were deaf
so you wouldn’t have to hear the cries of your mom when you left
i don’t think that you were listening

youre so hypocritical,
typical
and expected
you never leave no one guessing
games are all you’re ever good at 
but this shit is overplayed,
man-made
do you like the artificial happiness
that it gave you?

yall all be so typical
reciprocal, drinking from the same cup
shooting the same shit up
with a smile on ur faces
you never been outta luck

how many times u fucked?


who will be there at your death bed?

you won’t outlive all your friends
but all friendships have to end
when you need a representative for God, who will you send?

you can’t save yourself
no, nobody can





P-P-PUT IT IN MY CUP! (prod. by vinogradov)

jolly ass finished the game type beat i made lol
me try to make a normal beat challenge (impossible)


this beat WILL make you smile and laugh and feel joy

guys idk i made this beat and didn't mix it cus it sounds like ass but i already wrote lyrics to it so i had to at least record the lyrics or i was gonna be madder

>_< i’m so trap core nettspend omygosh!

ok fine
it’s my fault
caught me staring at the wall
caught me thinking that you loved me 
caught me thinking, fcking dumb
i dont think i can escape 
…this cycle i keep taking
making, up for all the karma
must’ve done some shit

killed a fucking angel
spit right in the face of god
told him hes a fucking fraud
tell me what mistake i made
cus i’m trying to make up for everything i didn’t do
what ‘bout you?
yall dont know all of the things i could’ve done…

take for granted that i try my best to keep inside the lines
try to keep from ever crying
try to keep my friends from dying
try to hold you, push you through the darkness 
blind leading the blind
feeling reckless
might just blow my brains
it’s all in God’s design

ok fine
it’s my fault
caught me staring at the wall
caught me thinking that you loved me 
caught me thinking, fcking dumb

what a cunt
that i am
knocking at the door , like bam!
sometimes when i hold a knife i think about cutting again

ok fine
it’s my fault
caught me staring at the wall
caught me thinking that you loved me 
caught me thinking, fcking dumb
i dont think i can escape 
…this cycle i keep taking
making, up for all the karma
my souls vacant

ok fine
it’s my fault
caught me staring at the wall
caught me thinking that you loved me 
caught me thinking, fcking dumb
i dont think i can escape 
…this cycle i keep taking
making, up for all the karma
my souls vacant

i’ll kill a fucking angel
spit right in the face of god
tell him hes a fucking fraud
tell me what mistake i made
cus i’m done trying to make up for everything i didn’t do
what ‘bout you?
had my second chance, and i fucking blew it.


ok fine
it’s my fault
caught me staring at the wall
caught me thinking that you loved me 
caught me thinking, fcking dumb

ok fine
it’s my fault
caught me staring at the wall
caught me thinking that you loved me..
i’m fucking dumb.

okfine (prod pupsies)

idk sum quick cus i got bored. not rly the best.. im running out of uploads on this account so i might start another one. i wanna make songs kinda like this vibe but ehhhhh i just dont fit it well

"boy you wanna hold me down, tell me that you love me?
boy you know that i have really never loved nobody but you."

trash magic (cover) - lana del rey

i couldn't mix the vocals good enough and i was too tired to rerecord the lines i lost breath on bc i wouldn't record in chopped segments so ... idk. wtv. cringey lyrics anywys

[vm]

no one could have me around 
i know the end is nearing now
i watch the final sunrise set
i wait to die, am i dead yet?

i think ill throw up first
they said it doesn’t have to hurt
they said it won’t be that bad
they said it cant get any worse

living was too much
i couldn’t love i couldn’t trust…
u didn’t know the real myself
you thought of me as someone else

you thought the good outweighed the bad
but i know where you stand now…
i cant wait to …get out…
i cant wait to get… outtt..

hold ur arms and then ill pout
do you love me, even now?
will you love me when you see my coffin
flowers, dying down..

will you love me once i make sure all the bad parts disappear
but i know that it stems from me so i wont let myself stay near…

furiously vomiting my guts
body rattles, wont shut up
i gasp for air
gargle on bile
even yet, can’t help but smile

even yet, cant help but smile
more happy than i’ve been —  a while
more happy than i’ve been —  a while….
…a while more
and ill be gone
ill never do anyone wrong
i left my debts — all unpaid
sorry, what i didn’t say
i just wanna get away
i am doing you the favor,

(should’ve rerecorded here)

you’re a coward, just like me
so ill finally set u free..

(4 bars…)
aahhhh…..

you dont care?
that’s my fault
i know what im worth
just shut up
is that god
no one will save you
i just wanted
to be loved too….


neverending (prod. traumaticbonds & ‪@onyxx.3990)

old ass song like years old
she wore them red bottoms called louboutin but couldn't walk a mile in em put that bitch on trial put that bitch on trial put that bitch on trial couldnt walk a mile she couldnt walk a mile

hope he cheats xoxo ##$$@!##%% (prod idk this is old asf)

ACAPELLA VERSION SPED UP MACHINE HEART REMIX COVER!!! (ENNN)

piano by 海音良-Umitora- ( https://youtu.be/OSCcEQuGkxA )
vocals by me
lyrics by jubyphonic

just a cover i did not that polished

love me love me love me (海音良-Umitora-)

tried uploading this for years
eng trans lyrics by me

on my way home, all by myself with nobody at all
the sun setting, oranges and reds… it’s sometimes kind
with all the data flying clear int he air
the cities BLUETOOTH broke me down to nothing AT ALL!

jumping into the chuo line
that girl is just a nuisance all the time
she’s been there her whole damn life
that girl went on ahead and died
go and ask the FBI
you’ll never know her message if u try
she was always shouting always crying

channeling power and turning night skies into a wide void
dancing and secrets shared with a cat- don’t tell them that!
with all the data flying clear in the air
the cities bluetooth broke me down again, to pieces!

jumping on a — a ufo
my momma says “it’s a phase”
what does she know!
all alone, her whole damn life
that girl went on ahead and died
go and ask the FBI
you’ll never know her message if you try
she was always shouting — always crying

when i’ve finally studied for these dumb exams
i’m a witch that talks to cats
ill make sure to stream a suicide live show… 
don’t cha know?
better do it fast before i cowardly pull back!

jumping into the chuo line
that girl is just a nuisance all the time
she’s been there her whole damn life
that girl went on ahead and died
with the cats atop the roof
looking down on you idiotic fools
she was always shouting — always crying

when i’ve finally studied for these dumb exams
i’m a witch that talks to cats
ill make sure to stream a suicide live show… 
don’t cha know?
better do it fast before i cowardly pull back!

jumping into the chuo line
that girl is just a nuisance all the time
she’s been there her whole damn life
that girl went on ahead and died
go and ask the FBI
you’ll never know her message if you try.
she was always shouting — always crying!

nya nya nya nyaaa nya nya nyaaaa nya nyaaa

humans… they’re just the stupidest :T
humaaannssss they’re just the STUPIDEST!!! T^T
oouuuuwwwhhhh……….



english cover ruru's suicide livestream show

soghhhhh dont mind the producer tags . peace emoji
its the way 'this is what i deserve! :D' turns into 'this is what i deserve.............................'

do you guys like this old beat i made that i found

kate bush - army dreamers cover (nightcore)

i dont know why i uploaded mid to main. i do that from time to time. my bad. i should end it all... lol just kidding. why is everything so dim.. i cant even b around anyone anymore its so painful n i dont have the energy to be positive, i will js weigh down those around me so i just got rid of everybody but idk what to do next. everything feels so vapid and its my fault isnt it but i guess idk. without anyone else im nothing and i cant see or be myself, but i dont even want to be a part of anyones life since i have nothing positive to offer anymore besides my laziness and having given up.. its js not worth it, for them or me. and for some reason theres a growing bitterness in my chest n i cant stop thinking, i know everyone doesnt fucking like me and i know everyone is just around to get something out of me and pretend until they get it but i have nothing to offer anyways i cant even enjoy being around others bc i know im just being useless and they arent interested in talking to me really so whats the point, i can feel the secondary ness of myself in others lives constantly and i hate feeling like im peeking outside the corner waiting for someone to look at a shitty piece of paper im holding up, a drawing or anything just waiting and hoping to capture their attention for enough time that they might look at me eye to eye

other people make me fucking
other people make me fucking 
other people make me fucking sick!!!!!

other people make me fucking
other people make me fucking 
other people make me fucking sick!!!!!


youre gonna make me throw up
youre gonna make me hurl
youre gonna make me throw up
youre gonna make me — ugh!
youre gonna make me throw up
youre gonna make me hurl
youre gonna make me throw up
youre gonna make me

its the way that people talk
and the way that they sing loud
its the way they think i don’t know that they hate me, i can tell
its the way i know they’re talking when they think that i cant see
its the way you have everything that i worked to get here for…
it’s disgusting, youre disgusting, it’s a piss poor
job at
making
us believe
that you 
could be 
a human being.

i know!
im jealous
insecure
but id
rather be that
than be a fucking whore

other people make me fucking
other people make me fucking 
other people make me fucking sick!!!!!

other people make me fucking
i fucking make me fucking—
other people make me fucking sick

｡˚⊹(𖦹_𖦹)〣

other people make me fucking
other people make me fucking 
other people make me fucking sick!!!!!

other people make me fucking
i fucking make me fucking—
other people make me fucking sick

youre gonna make me throw up
youre gonna make — hurl
youre gonna make me throw up
youre gonna make — hurl
youre gonna make me throw up
youre gonna make — hurl
you’re gonna 
you’re gonna 
you’re gonna make me fucking sick.

mariposa

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