s/o
cuddlegoon -https://soundcloud.com/cuddlegoon
hallownest - https://soundcloud.com/hallownest
novbodi - https://soundcloud.com/novb odi

time (ft cuddlegoon, hallownest, novbodi)

limit your days and live like a machine

cover of bright eyes' song "false advertising"

false advertising

this is a song i wrote about overcoming my mental illness. while i'm nowhere near the end of the journey that it has been, i have learned a lot along the way and improved myself tremendously in the process. the first half of the song represents my state of mind a year ago and before, and the second represents the loving, open-minded, and even somewhat positive (occasionally) person i've become since.

thank you all.

special thanks to chloe, halli, john, jesse, joey (both of you), my mom, my grandparents, my brothers, the rest of my family, my counselors, and everyone who enjoys my music

lyrics:
i'm gonna kill myself one day, i'm sure
i'll be gone and you'll be there still
i've been standing at the edge for far too long; it's time that i jump
or pull me down 'cause either way i'll be gone
and i'm so sorry for the things that i have said
i know it hurts to have to follow
but i've been standing at the bottom of a bottle
with bones made out of glass since i could walk
and i'm still sorry for what i've done

i'm gonna live to tell the tale, i think
i've stared into the mirror for an hour, i don't hate myself no more
and i am sorry for the words that have offended you
and caused an ounce of terror in your stomach
i swear, i swear i'm always getting better
never worse, if only that were true, if only that were true
i can see it in your eyes, it's like a diamond in disguise
it's like a pilot lost his eyes and now he's truly flying blind

flying blind

an ode to addiction (among other things)

yep. still miss u.

lyrics:
the beauty that i once saw in the world
must've transferred itself into you
'cause i feel your precense at every moment
your voice in whatever i do

and i'm tired of trying and laying awake
wishing death would come take me at last
to think i exist is a fable to me
i'm unable visit the past

so i'll rot
in this grave

and soon you will find someone better than me
with a beautiful smile and a daily routine
and they'll take from your heart what i placed when you left
and they'll toss it aside like stale cigarettes

AND YOU'LL BURN ME ALIVE AND INHALE MY INSIDES
AND I'LL TURN INTO SMOKE AND I'LL FLOAT IN YOUR EYES
AND YOU'LL CRY LIKE WE BOTH DID EVERY NIGHT
AND I'LL FINALLY KNOW WHAT IT FUCKING FEELS LIKE

to be free...
to be free

to be free

cover photo taken by mads

chain smoke the hunger away
only eating one meal a day
on a good day, but the good days
will never come

i got so used to loss
that is sort of became part of me
i lose myself in my head
i lose my patience in the agony

i lost my youth in the fallout
of somebody else

who took advantage of trust
and left me hating myself

it's always there in my dreams
i put myself through your hell

why did you do those things to me?

sit down on the side of my bed
and contemplate the endless nothing sat inside of my head
it's such a slow burn, but the candle
is always lit

i got so used to fear
it learned to manifest in me
i fear the ending of it all
i fear your reckless apathy

i fear that everything's boring
and nothing will help

it's like it's all in a cycle
my dwindling health

i feel the breath of the reaper
on the side of my neck

why do i still get out of bed?

reckless apathy

secret handshake - fed up

secret handshake - im a captain without its ship when you're gone

i'm singing songs you've never heard
about a place you'll never go
i'll wear your fragrance like an accolade
and bleed out in the snow

i've got your fingerprints all over me
imprisoned like a ghost
inside some empty little nobody
who's sobbing on the phone

i wanna know

your favorite color
and the ways you like to sleep
i see your shadow on the window
when the day slips into evening

you're the caffeine and the nicotine
i need to leave my bed
you're the sickness in my head
you're the reason i'm not dead

i wanna know

i wanna know

hi how r u i'm ok also this is old

counting all the constellations
i can see without all this pollution
everything will come and go
your permenance comes from all the reminders

always waiting too long
plucking strings from the spiderwebs hanging down
it's all meter when you're living in song
move slowly to an infinite, monotonous sound
barely eating, always staying in place
depression nesting in between these hollow parts
something endless in my monochrome dreams
i'm a nobody now that you've taken my heart

counting all the constellations
i can see without all this pollution
everything will come and go
your permenance comes from all the reminders

limit your days and live like a machine

Rankie

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