have i become the woman you wanted me to be?
do you like the clothes i wear, do you like what's underneath?
how about her touching me, is it dirty to you or clean?
i can put my panties on, don't mean to be obscene.

could you treat me like a little whore?
never meant it as a metaphor.

when i am older, won't tell the children.
between the two of us, my family line is finished.
I'll drink the coffee, float down the river,
music may be the only life i will deliver.

do you listen when i speak?
would you notice if i were to leave?
something real and something fake,
the only thing that my love will ever make.

at least it's something, at least it's loud.
at least i'm singing, you're singing now.
if i am nothing, at least i wrote this.
if i am nothing, at least i was yours for a little bit.

clothesline

a woodland creature, eyes of a baby animal,
in the forest to be found, when no hunters are around. you push my limits when you finish in my mouth.
i dreamt of alice on the plane.
catatonic on a cloud.
used to look so perfect, you didn't notice at the time
and neither did i
and now you're getting married,
and now you're having a baby.
id give my life for one more night in your parents house singing lullabies.
i'm still a baby deer; i'm still growing here.
i have a baby in the back seat; i have a lover on my mind.
a subtle whore, a farmers wife.
i have a baby in the back seat; i have a lover on my mind.
bobby told me of his past life.
once i have a daughter, i’ll be her doe & she’ll be my fawn,
and then she’ll be someone.

farmers wife

blood stains on lace underwear, suck your teeth bite your tongue,
ex girlfriend from iowa, but she's so damn california.
still smokes like she's seventeen, still fucks like a god,
i see her in all my dreams as a goddamn ballerina.

when i'm asleep, i see you in my dreams in a pirouette, a ballerina on set,
the soft candle glow, you dance on your toes,
i still love you and you'll never know.
annie, i bought a ticket to your show with a broken heart,
i sat front fucking row, and i watched you kiss some other girl that night,
i still love you no matter how hard i try.
you wouldn't dream of hearing my symphony.
you look up at me with a hunger, i look down at you with grace.
you saw me for a body, but i saw you, baby i saw you as ballet.

ballet

in another life, i’m the wife of a farmhand.
she cares for the creatures and i love her like a man.
she’s monosyllabic when she gets home from vet school,
making us dinner out of roadkill & beetroot.
in another life, i suck the marrow from your bones.
and once i finish, i say i want to be alone.
it hits you before you know what happened.
you’re buried inside me, like a lamb, like a rabbit.

you touch me pianistically,
fingers buried inside.
you touch me pianistically,
and i die, oh i die, i just die

say a prayer, kiss your throat.
sink my teeth, body’s still warm.
all devoured, all consumed,
i’ll make a great meal out of you.

marrow

promise & charm,
the words you choose, who you are.
my darling, do you know? i have a feeling you must know.

promise & charm,
oh you could go so far.
your body and your voice, vuglar language, pleasant noise.
can you see it? across the world?
let me hear you, pretty girl.
oh, pretty girl.

i come quiet on the couch,
i need you somewhere, not my mouth.
i need it patient, i need it hard.
i need you somewhere, it has to go somewhere.
oh, it just does,
it just does.

promise & charm

Mist bows, sunlight reflects, the wheel of the year comes to an end.

Gregory Allison - violin, viola
Jon Bernstein - piano, rhodes, keys, electronics
Tad Piecka - 12 string guitar, 6 string guitar, electronics

Recorded live with two mics by RAQIA on December 19-20 in preparation for the winter solstice

Mixed and Mastered by Tad Piecka

Subspace

A live album, recorded on tour in California, Oregon and Washington, October, 2019.

Gregory Allison - violin
Tad Piecka - guitar
Jon Bernstein - keyboard