Oh... I'll...

Carve my name into my chest, tell me who I love the best
I don't need all the rest, I'm all I need to get undressed

Boys and girls in magazines, spread their legs to get seen
Brunettes, redheads, twinks and teens, want to be my kings and queens

Other people make me sick, I'd rather sleep with dogs and pigs
Keep your bras and thunder thighs, until I die I'm not deprived.

I am a narcissist
And I can't resist... Myself

I can do just what I please, with no risk of disease
Or false hopes and guarantees, not like all you other fleas
Have a look at my reflection, what a natural selection
Not a hint of imperfection, no one could raise an objection
There is no God to set us free, just this mirror in front of me
But I do not need to worry, in it I see divinity

I will stare into my diamond eyes
I can't tell me any lies
All I need is me

So...
Here's to love and staying faithful, and for that love staying grateful
Living life without the hateful, freedom as soon as post-natal
Never lonely never sad, all I've wanted I have had,
Have a go it ain't so bad, we need fewer mums and dads
Drink a drink to myself, raise a glass to my health
And know that you'll never be, as good a lover as I am to me

I never feel left alone - even when I'm all alone
Ain't that happiness?!?

---

This song contains references to two other songs. The first is more than a little obscure. I saw a LimeWire download* of Jonathan Richman's 'True Love is not Nice' that, like many LimeWire downloads, was incorrectly titled... In this case it was (And I've literally only just realised) simply truncated, so I have known it for years as "True Love I". I took that title, and the theme of the song, and changed it into 'True Love (is) I' - after all, True Love is only 'not nice' thanks to other people. Other people give you up, or let you down. You can rely on yourself not to run around and desert you.
The other song referenced is the Divine Comedy's 'Through a Long and Sleepless Night'. It is an utterly fantastic song, littered with brilliant wordplay. I would love to write something nearly as good, but it doesn't seem to be one of their better-known tracks, so I wrote in an homage.
That song's narrator ("the lonely and perverse") sings "I'd rather die than be deprived//of wonder bras and thunder thighs" - of course, my narcissistic narrator has no such problems!

*Legal disclaimer - not mine!

True Love (Is) I

Suicide Bomber

I'm a suicide bomber but I missed my plane
Perhaps if I hurry I can catch the next train
But it's so hard to run with a bomb strapped on
And when I get to the platform, well the train is gone
I run out to the street and I hail a taxi
One screeches to a halt and I leap into the back seat
I can't hold on, I think I'm gonna blow
So I yell 'take me somewhere crowded!' and off we go

--

We pull up to a cinema that's full up to the rafters
With a film about the police and the man that they're after
I sit down in the middle as lights go dim
And I reach for the trigger as the film begins
An explosion flashes orange, smoke billows grey
When suddenly a hero steps in to save the day

---

He swoops down from the skies in a screaming fighter jet
This film is so exciting, I can't die just yet!
A love scene has me reaching for the trigger again
When the plot takes a twist with a pack of wolf men
Before I even know it, two hours have flown
And I've sat right through the credits, and now I'm all alone

--

Suddenly I realise, there's Jihad to be had
And the church across the street leaves me feeling kinda mad
Oh what was I thinking, this place is empty
And I really need to kill more people than me
I ask the priest 'were did everybody go?'
He says 'I don't believe, son, it's all just for show'

--

I think of one last place has no appeal for me
And I head towards the studios at ITV
I run onto the set of the Jeremy Kyle show
There must be hundreds here, all watching this bozo
I leap onto the stage, with the rabble rousers
And then on live TV I blow up nothing but my trousers

--

I wound up in prison, brought my family shame
But I don't care 'cause I found fame
I know that years from now you'll still remember my name
And my subsequent appearance on You've Been Framed

---

This song is a tricky one. I worry that some people think it's simply laughing at suicide bombing... a touchy subject!
Actually, it's rather sympathetic to them (even touchier!) - after all, to use a cliché, we're all human. However poisonous their ideology, however foolish their beliefs, thy are not LITERALLY monsters. They still lose their keys, they still forget dental appointments... they still have nightmares after eating cheese before bed. Stripping humanity from those we oppose not only gives them more power, but makes us more vulnerable to manipulation from others. Just look how the 'terrorist threat' is being used to justify government control.
I can't leave the house without returning three times for things I've forgotten. I'm always late for work because I get so easily distracted. I find the idea of me trying to orchestrate a suicide bombing quite funny in a way - let's not give the government, media, or terrorists of any persuasion the power to terrorise us.
(Is Jeremy Kyle ever on live? Is it on ITV? Does You've Been Framed still exist? Are there any films involving jet fighters AND werewolves???)

Suicide Bomber

Rat Bit Kit's SECOND full album!
We're a BAND now! Accordion, bass and cajon.
Wall. of. weird.
Ten new songs (Splukiwania), a couple of which are featured on our EP 'CHILL, MAN!' but rerecorded.
They cover everything from misogyny to Afghani folk poetry to the Canadian province of Saskatchewan, in the inimitable howling madness that is RAT BIT KIT!
Five old solo songs rerecorded as a band (REPEAT)...
But there is one bonus rerecorded track only available if you buy the album...

Rat Bit Kit

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