Suicide Bomber

I'm a suicide bomber but I missed my plane
Perhaps if I hurry I can catch the next train
But it's so hard to run with a bomb strapped on
And when I get to the platform, well the train is gone
I run out to the street and I hail a taxi
One screeches to a halt and I leap into the back seat
I can't hold on, I think I'm gonna blow
So I yell 'take me somewhere crowded!' and off we go

--

We pull up to a cinema that's full up to the rafters
With a film about the police and the man that they're after
I sit down in the middle as lights go dim
And I reach for the trigger as the film begins
An explosion flashes orange, smoke billows grey
When suddenly a hero steps in to save the day

---

He swoops down from the skies in a screaming fighter jet
This film is so exciting, I can't die just yet!
A love scene has me reaching for the trigger again
When the plot takes a twist with a pack of wolf men
Before I even know it, two hours have flown
And I've sat right through the credits, and now I'm all alone

--

Suddenly I realise, there's Jihad to be had
And the church across the street leaves me feeling kinda mad
Oh what was I thinking, this place is empty
And I really need to kill more people than me
I ask the priest 'were did everybody go?'
He says 'I don't believe, son, it's all just for show'

--

I think of one last place has no appeal for me
And I head towards the studios at ITV
I run onto the set of the Jeremy Kyle show
There must be hundreds here, all watching this bozo
I leap onto the stage, with the rabble rousers
And then on live TV I blow up nothing but my trousers

--

I wound up in prison, brought my family shame
But I don't care 'cause I found fame
I know that years from now you'll still remember my name
And my subsequent appearance on You've Been Framed

---

This song is a tricky one. I worry that some people think it's simply laughing at suicide bombing... a touchy subject!
Actually, it's rather sympathetic to them (even touchier!) - after all, to use a cliché, we're all human. However poisonous their ideology, however foolish their beliefs, thy are not LITERALLY monsters. They still lose their keys, they still forget dental appointments... they still have nightmares after eating cheese before bed. Stripping humanity from those we oppose not only gives them more power, but makes us more vulnerable to manipulation from others. Just look how the 'terrorist threat' is being used to justify government control.
I can't leave the house without returning three times for things I've forgotten. I'm always late for work because I get so easily distracted. I find the idea of me trying to orchestrate a suicide bombing quite funny in a way - let's not give the government, media, or terrorists of any persuasion the power to terrorise us.
(Is Jeremy Kyle ever on live? Is it on ITV? Does You've Been Framed still exist? Are there any films involving jet fighters AND werewolves???)

Suicide Bomber

Planet Earth Dies With A Shot Of Vodka In Its Eyes

You keep touching my heart,
and I beg you to stop,
You keep leaving it fingerprinted,
My heart, it won't hold,
sentiment overload,
and explode in my chest, obliterated.

I'm a Devil, you're a girl,
We could watch the world burn
and make angels in the ashes behind,
We'll have the stars all to ourselves,
We can select another world
and drink the blood of the third kind.

(Chorus)
I have killed,
and I will kill again,
I have a new-found foe,
That I mistook for a friend,
and I'm calling to let you know,
You'll be the last one to go,
Over the rainbow,
When I kill again.

Well I can leave this mortal shell,
and wreak several kinds of Hell,
On a planet that's been asking for it's death.
And you've been an exception,
To the putrid insurrection,
But I still must start existence afresh.

I'll keep your picture in my wallet,
and your heart in my breast pocket,
To feel it beating when I'm blue,
and by the time you get this message,
The whole world I would have savaged,
Just to bring scorched Earth to you...

(Chorus)

Suicide Bomber

Rat Bit Kit

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