Jonny Rulon was raised by circus clowns in a small town in Eastern Nebraska. He spent his boyhood summers harvesting opium for his neighbors, the Chinese acrobats. He wintered in Madrid, and slept with the bulls. Running, he thought, was overrated. He met a girl there named Gabriella and they fell madly in love. Her father was a cartel member, and wouldn’t have it. Since there love was unrequited, she threw herself from the Spanish Cliffs of Dover. Jonny Rulon was distraught. He became a pirate and sailed the 6 seas, never looking back. Along the way, he found a wounded baby sea otter, and nursed it back to health, naming it Gilligan’s Moist One. Gilligan’s Moist One once saved Jonny Rulon from a three-eyed shark, and sharp-fanged tweeker. They became best friends. Then one night, in a storm on the 6th Sea, Gilligan’s Moist One was lost to the cruel, wicked bitch of the great blue, and Jonny Rulon was alone once more. So he decided to move to Sacramento, California and wash dishes for a living and work on his art. He now resides in a one-bedroom apartment, smoking lots of cigarettes, and drinking black tea laced with morphine, looking out the blinds with his binoculars and trying to catch the shadow-man that’s been lurking outside his window. He feeds the stray cats and has now inherited their fleas. He still hasn’t found that damned otter.

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