"and all the heffers say I'm a yog on my shins guy" 💀🤣

Prince Harry's tadger keeps transporting him into realms of reveries, and we simply can't get enough.

Click 4 Dick Dollars

516: The Prince's Bolivian Fight

Welcome to the far future, where Blobbies buy you on eBay. Frightened yet? Well listen to Regular Features and feel a lot nicer about yourself.

BLOBBYBUCKS

517: Is Carol a Robot? feat. BlobbyWatch

When you wish upon a star, does it come true? It hasn't for me, so far. I'm only asking to test the "makes no difference who you are" hypothesis. I mean it'd be a *bit* annoying if we've all been sucked in by an international wish-granting scam. But it'd be absolutely galling if I was the only sap diligently facing his wish mat towards Orlando and NOT getting his fondest wish granted. (My fondest wish, in case you were wondering, is to see a punk help an old lady cross the road in Piccadilly Circus, like they used to in the '80s.). If you HAVE had a wish granted on a star, the Kilroy team would like to talk to you. 

In this two-boy lesstravaganza, Steve has had his nail bit to shreds by a friend's dog, and Log has noticed a very old song leaves uses frustratingly vague language with regards to the villain of the piece: to wit, who left that cakey boy all out in the wet wets? It's his hackiest bit yet! (I'm allowed to say that, I am him)

Meanwhile, If you want to read a blog written by a Christian in 2010 that posed precisely the same question as Log, but without using the phrase "f**k the mush with your winkle", check out "Nagging Questions: MacArthur Park" on the AnotherThink blog. NO I WON'T LINK IT

Stop Dat Plop

521: Someone Left The Cake Out With Bourdain

In this episode of Regular Features, Log's been playing the hip new rocket propelled grenade Final Fantasy 16. Steve's been caught dumping aspartame into all your favourite sugar free drinks. And Joe's found a prudish new sponsor who'll take us from curse... to worse!

swear on our graves

533: Pardon Clive's Pepsi

This episode is dedicated to the legendary broadcaster Michael "Champ" Parkinson, whom we love. 

Joe processes his grief with a feature about Lord Fauntleroy, Steve deals with his emotions by securing some much needed funding from a cruise company. Gav projects his feelings of anger on to a smoking neighbour.

This episode is sponsored by Cunard Cruises.

welcome to my show

537: My Name Is Little Lord Fauntleroy

You can keep your Emily Maitlises and your Frost/Nixons, because Regular Features is finally pivoting to hot hot politics. In fact, we are the only politics podcast that doesn't have a Krishnan Guru-Murthy constantly riding around on an electric scooter in the background, and that's a Regular Features promise.

In this episode, Log introduces us to the Republican Party presidential candidate nominees, thanks to a couple of hypnotic lanyards he found under his pillow one morning. Steve tries to help out his old friend Roger Helmer MEP with a professional calf massage. Remember to vote or something.

impeach our pockets

538: The Republican Primaries

I'm hungry so this will be a short description. 

In this one, Joe fixes some (very) badly behaving dogs. Steve invite us for a sleepover with "the king of cool" Mister Dean Martin. Log observes us from afar using a telescope.

I'm hungry I'm hungry I'm hungry help

give us kisses

539: Dogs Kissing (Very) Badly

You are in a egg. Oh it is such a big a egg. But you want to be free of a egg. You crack open the tippy-top of a egg. Oh! It is so bright! It is so frightening! Perhap you would prefer to stay in a egg.

But then your eyes adjust to the light of the world that is not a egg. You see three faces. They are lovely faces, all shaped like a egg. One face is called Steve. He says he will tell you the shipping news, and about an indiscretion with his junk in a park. Another face is called Joe. He regales you about yoghurt. What is yoghurt? Is it also from a egg? The final face is called Log. He tells you about his haunted house, Blyth Manor - and that it contains a egg.

A egg! You must leave. You must leave a egg to find out more about all the a eggs around. It is time.

Money for a egg?

540: A egg.

This week we return to The Canal Cafe Theatre for a live show! 
Because it's live, we might sound a bit shitter than usual or refer to something we can see on stage. YOU can fix one of those thing by watching the video version on our YouTube channel. WE can fix the other thing by kicking off with the sound guy. 

Listen to the podcast! https://regularfeatures.com/ 
Support the podcast, get a BEE NAME: https://www.patreon.com/regularfeatures

£££4Pimms

544: Live at The Canal Cafe Theatre (again)

If you have the hiccups, here is a tried and tested method for ridding yourself of the condition, cited by over one hundred old wives.

1. Stand on a railway arch
2. Listen to episode 548 of Regular Features
3. Marvel at Joe's loving obliteration of The Americans
4. Quickly write down the URL of Steve's new favourite charity
5. Stifle a gasp at Log's many confessions
6. Put on your squirrel suit and jump

Your hiccups will be gone because you didn't practice squirrel suiting and are at LEAST maimed.

Give us massive cheque

548: The Wretched Tale of the Cuckoo Bee

Oh, don't go into that cupboard. Don't you dare open *that* cupboard. You won't like what we keep in *that* one. Oh no, no, no. That's where we keep the features. You oughtn't spill any of those. What if you got Joe's impression of Ronnie O'Sullivan all down the lino? What if you drank a bit of Gav's journeys with a confusing taxi driver? And what if Log got out? He might tell you about a horrible time in a gym!

Oh goodness no, close that cupboard now and don't think about it for a second longer. Have a plum. That'll calm you down.

Locker image: “open 19”, by Rupert Ganzer, licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0 DEED

coin for locker?

549: Ronnie's Floridian Locker Disaster

Steve, Log, Joe, Matt and Gav present the podcast that's the same every week

540: A egg.

Regular Features

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