Other versions:
https://soundcloud.com/albobbidwell/the-richest-man-in-town-0
https://soundcloud.com/albobbidwell/take-yr-mask-off
https://soundcloud.com/albobbidwell/the-richest-man-in-town-7
https://thescousers.bandcamp.com/track/the-richest-man-in-town
https://thescousers.bandcamp.com/track/richest-man-in-town

The Richest Man in Town / Take Your Mask Off

Do you think they added the "and decorator" bit to "painter and decorator" because people kept accidentally booking watercolourists to come in and do the spare room? Like these painters kept showing up with their easels, and the person's like, "you won't be needing that buddy-boy, here's some Farrow & Ball", and then we cut to the Tate Modern and there's a contractor rolling a second undercoat on to a Rothko while the guards try to rugby tackle him.

Anyway in this one Joe overhears a fleshy conversation on the tube. Steve's been to see ABBA Voyage. Gav has a Kebab Awards update.

lay all ur coins on me

520: ABBA Kebabra

Hoik up your britches and join us in the Regular Features tide pool, but mind you don't step on a hermit crab or one of those cool wet slugs. They were here first and we are their guests in the tide pool. We must always remember that the wet slug is our hostess. Write it down. Write down in your copybook that the wet slug is your hostess before you get into the tide pool.

In this episode, Joe is visited by a Babadook who wants to set the record straight. And Steve's received a newsletter from Roger Helmer with some top ideas about where to house asylum seekers. Log? Well, Log attended. He was *there*. You can't take that away from him.

we NEED cash

524: Roger Baba Helmer Dook

Our heroes debate a high-concept comedy that passed everyone by.

We Just Watched... Renfield

Who wants to hear a podcast about a gym botherer and a towel muncher? And also with a dash of tooth lover??

£££4Towel

531: Suckin' On My Towels Like You Wanted Me

Batman enthusiasts Tom Reimann and Jeff May revisit the entirety of the Dark Knight’s film and television career episode by episode. Listen as they discuss, deconstruct, and celebrate the highs and lows of over half a century of an insane rich person beating people up in an animal costume.

Tom And Jeff Watch Batman - TAS: I've Got Batman In My Basement & Heart Of Ice

This week we return to The Canal Cafe Theatre for a live show! 
Because it's live, we might sound a bit shitter than usual or refer to something we can see on stage. YOU can fix one of those thing by watching the video version on our YouTube channel. WE can fix the other thing by kicking off with the sound guy. 

Listen to the podcast! https://regularfeatures.com/ 
Support the podcast, get a BEE NAME: https://www.patreon.com/regularfeatures

£££4Pimms

544: Live at The Canal Cafe Theatre (again)

Oh, don't go into that cupboard. Don't you dare open *that* cupboard. You won't like what we keep in *that* one. Oh no, no, no. That's where we keep the features. You oughtn't spill any of those. What if you got Joe's impression of Ronnie O'Sullivan all down the lino? What if you drank a bit of Gav's journeys with a confusing taxi driver? And what if Log got out? He might tell you about a horrible time in a gym!

Oh goodness no, close that cupboard now and don't think about it for a second longer. Have a plum. That'll calm you down.

Locker image: “open 19”, by Rupert Ganzer, licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0 DEED

coin for locker?

549: Ronnie's Floridian Locker Disaster

This is a public service announcement. Thousands of horses die needlessly giddy every year. That's why you should always tell your horse to "giddy down" after it's done giddying up. Around the world today, countless horses are locked in a heightened state of giddy, having been recklessly told to "giddy up" by their enthusiastic riders, but never having had the counteractive phrase "giddy down" lovingly whispered into their giddy big ears back at the stable at bedtime. In some of the most extreme cases, actually, we've seen dead horses who've been 10x or 20x giddied by careless riders, their horpse corpses still audibly teeheeing from the residual gid. And their owners? Nowhere to be seen, unbelievably. But you can be change all that.

In this episode, Log becomes a groomsman and Steve does a feature!

550: A Groom With A View To A Kill A Mockingbird

Here at Regular Features, we like to barge our way through old hotel doors and stumble into the room to find nothing but an open window and a fluttering curtain, then saying "he's gone", before YOU, our trusty sidekick, spots a hat on the hatstand and says "well wherever he's gone.. he's not wearing his hat". That's just how we like to do things, as you well know.

In this episode, Log imagines what it might be like when eventually Laurence Fox leaves us all behind. Matt sets out to invent an entire arts and crafts movement. And Steve's friend deals with news of an impending vape ban.

Ready!?

544: Live at The Canal Cafe Theatre (again)

Regular Features

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