ON ALL PLATFORMS 
(prod. dercept and malloy)

Lyrics:

Take a look inside we are not the same
If I hold my tongue I'll go insane
Man I pray to God that I find my way,
Find my way yeah I'll find my
Look into the past it's been killing me
All the time but I cannot forget
Your face that night before you left
Me broken... I'm broken

Never thought that I would make it this far
All my bones got crushed from the weight of the scars
I kept my promise but you had to move on 
Good God, good God what have I become
Cause it's killing me in silence
I could bounce back, tell my past to keep quiet
Why is everybody staring at me?
I just want to go home baby leave me be
Yeah it's killing me in silence
I could speak up but I'd rather stay quiet
Why is, everything a problem with me?
I just want to go home baby leave me be
Cause its killing me in silence
Yeah it's killing me in silence
Yeah you're killing me in silence
Said you're killing me in silence
Never thought that I would make it this far
All my bones got crushed from the weight of the scars
I kept my promise but you had to move on 
Good God, good God what have I become
Cause it's killing me in silence
I could bounce back, tell my past to keep quiet
Why is everybody staring at me?
I just want to go home baby leave me be

killing me in silence

killing me in silence (prod. dercept x malloy)

https://soundcloud.com/nicolassales

Still waiting for the day when it makes sense
Been having visions of the world where it all ends
Tried to make it known, 
tried to tell my friends
Where to go when you die
well that depends

I’m in the deep end
Tryna make amends
Tired of the trends
I’m underwater 
And I’m coming up 
I got the bends
They can’t understand
Wrote a whole paragraph
Never hit send

They always hating I don’t listen to that nonsense
You’re looking at the world through the wrong lens
Surrounded by some people they some fake friends
You’re worth so much more 
Life is priceless

I’m in the deep end
Tryna make amends
Tired of the trends
I’m underwater 
And I’m coming up 
I got the bends
They can’t understand,
Wrote a whole paragraph
Never hit send

Never hit send
When does this end
Love from every angle got me bending like a square

Overflow the pot
Let it spill away
Inspire with the thought
I radiate the way
Treat it like a game
I level with the pain
I let the mana drain
Arcane up in my veins

Cast a spell
Unlocking all the fucking chains
Hundred fold
But I'm pushing through decay
Swimming up a hill
Fighting with the waves
Crashing down
I create away the day

Create away the day
Thriving from the pain
Living in the grey
Evolving everyday
Create away the day
Thriving from the pain
Living in the grey
Evolving everyday

Create away the day
Thriving from the pain
Living in the grey
Evolving everyday
Create away the day
Thriving from the pain
Living in the grey
Evolving everyday

Still waiting for the day when it makes sense
Been having visions of the world where it all ends
Tried to make it known, 
tried to tell my friends
Where to go when you die
well that depends

I’m in the deep end
Tryna make amends
Tired of the trends
I’m underwater 
And I’m coming up 
I got the bends
They can’t understand
Wrote a whole paragraph
Never hit send

The Bends

⸸ MUSIC VIDEO ⸸

$LOTHBOI x Nicolas Sales - The Bends

Cheers to my homie https://soundcloud.com/sepha-joey for jumping on <3

Lyrics:

Rivilin:

a foggy bed covers home
how did I get here vision is not clear
lost in a maze of streets alone
all i do is fear, withered inside here

yeah there's a vacancy where i mistakenly 
put the trust in the ones i love
laying a wake with a knife pressed to my skull
as the nightmares take control

stuck on a cheap diet of cigarettes 
just so i can keep the hunger at bay
swear to god that someones living inside these walls, 
cus i know that hes calling me name

i don't feel like i'm making sense
when i talk yeah i just regret
every little sentence that leaves my mouth
cus you always seem to twist the words i say

whether it comes from a family, a father or lover 
or something i don't really care
try to explain what the dissociations is like
but they don't really understand

never can be perfect, yeah i know that
but its hard when you look and stare
filled with the judgment of someone else's problems
till it's more than i can bare

it's just a glitch in my personality
feel the anger lurk in me
boiling burning till the circuits 
in my spine start to collapse

pressure is building, the person on my shoulder
tells me that nothing here is real
guess that's fine, i'll just represses everything
until i cannot feel

i never wanted i never wanted all of this
i'm so disgusted, i'm so disgusted i can't quit
the faces changing, i think i'm lost inside my mind
yeah if i don't wake up soon i'm thinking of taking my life

yeah what's the point man, yeah what's the point when you just run
yeah i'm so pathetic, i couldn't understand im done.
yeah my mind is aching, i think depression has just won
yeah if i don't wake up, i think yeah my chances are gone

Sepha:

Look at you taking a part of me away
Every time u make demands and say
Its for my best u know me 
U have my best interests at heart

Our interests are not my interests
I just want to rediscover myself
Again i lost so much but
At least i wrote it all down to remind me in moments like this

Im running away now go
Not cos im a victim no
Just cos i let myself believe that i was your equal but no

U hide under pretenses
False empowerment perspectives
Everything is someone elses fault ur only using ur defences

Im flying away im
Glowing up glowing up glowing up

Look at u take a part of someone else away

Never Trust Anyone Ft. Sepha

Featuring my homie: https://soundcloud.com/slothboipapi

Lyrics:

Rivilin:

Like the band of four, leaving your home in the shire
we only had each others friendship, no other desire
except a ring, a burden around your throat
and the more you press on you find the weight chokes

leave your ghost by the bed, this paths not for the weak
hear the screams in the distance they're stabbing at false sheets
pull out your dagger as they pierce you through the cloak
yeah you watch it turn to dust but the struggle you won't be broke

hear the horns in the distance the north is coming close
feel the fear in the boots but the fire you gotta stoke
just to keep your feet going on, keep with the struggle right
you gotta keep on going, sadly there's no end in sight

and when you finally reach it you find you're on your knees
till you think the ones who love you wanna throw you to the fiends
like please get away how did it turn like this
one day i'll be smiling with everyone that i miss

i didn't understand back then whats up,
i'll bite my lip, take a knife through the gut
and when you see me smile please just dont say
i miss the person right here won't you stay

the dark flame came embraced all my face
if i turn yeah i'll see myself yeah replaced
and when you sing i'll try to rise up again
and then we'll see a perfect home through the lens

$lothboi:

I got to bone to pick
I’m tired of the holiness
The higher I be up the flying hit me with the turbulence

Surrounded by thought me
I might’ve had lobotomy
There’s something in my head that ain’t apart of what I want in me

I’m splitting like I’m missing
All the glue up on the leather

I’m hitting like a whippet
When I mix it all together

I’m fitting like a condom on a dick in chilly weather
I be slipping when I’m falling but a spark will make me better

(Spark Sound)
(exhale)

Leme hold a bit
Gas so strong
Bouta blow the bitch
Up

(exhale)

Leme roll this shit
Gas so packed
Bouta fold a bit
Yuh

Get a load of this
Man so up
Bouta jump and get stuck

Plan so fucked
Bouta duck
And get bucked

Man no luck
Just refuse
To get stuck

Waterford Ft. $lothboi

Wake in the classroom windows shut
The last thing I remember’s the truck
A reflection sees that I got crushed
I guess this is what they call bad luck

Put my hands on the ground and push myself back up again
Gasp from the corner when they see my face, a lost friend
They know the look but they can't remember a single name
Am I trapped in a hell forced to lay here and decay

They feel like they know what it's like
To sense like you're not real lost in time
I try to explain to you I care
It's just all, it's all in my head

Realities just a kick in the teeth
Numb yourself out to not feel a thing
Derealization comes with the flood
It's like my souls been dragged through the mud

Whiplash to the devil in front of me
He looks familiar reflections key
Cus that person  was always me
Dragging coffins around  to keep peace

change your mind now perspectives are skewed
He wants to speak about how I was used
So easily no he didn't have to do a thing
Cus this hell was brought on by me

Cracks in the window frame speak the truth
They  show me memories of how I was abused
A family tormented in pain
Bottled down to ignite the flame

He tells me secrets of when I was a kid
I didn't know much but he knew I gave in
To jealousy acts of blindness, corrupted fiend
I guess the one I really hated was always me

They feel like they know what it's like
To sense like you're not real, lost in time
I try to explain to you I care
It's just all, it's all in my head

Realities just a kick in the teeth
Numb yourself out to not feel a thing
Derealization comes with the flood
It's like my soul’s been dragged through the mud

Lets Go

LYRICS:

Put a collar on my neck for me to explode
You don't trust a single thing I say so I hold
Hands over ears just to block out the noise
My world is fucking painted red, triple vision watch the time go

Feel my fucking bones start to stretch out my skin
A fucking loner he can't communicate from within
So he's awkward and shy, doesn't have any friends
Until they fucking see him suffer feel so sorry for him and pretend

That  everything is alright, no you will be just fine
Fucking sick of hearing words of delusion it's like you’re in my mind
The world that I love floating straight up above
I'm watching hells jaw under as you give me a shove

And I fall, it didn't take long just to hit the bottom
Of the bottle on the side a cigarette to chase the lie
So nicotine a day keeps the hunger at bay
So I'll just starve myself alone in the anguish I'll fade

It's just head pain we feel 
that keeps us alive
yeah we ache to serve a god that doesn't give a flying fuck
watch the anguish of a lover it's like he wants us just to suffer so

So why do we care
about who we are
If I could find a way to finally just say that I'm coping
Watch the ones who say they're hoping but your hopes just left me choking

Yeah, Yeah

Watch the world around me swallow me whole
The sky cracks open blood tears flood the empty hall
Screams of a lover as she’s sucked in the void
Panic attacks take over when I'm stuck with a choice

Do I stay here or swim
I guess I'll never know 
Life’s a fucking joke when wake up and you just suffer
Getting jealous of another whose normal, so wounds we cover 

So the world doesn't see confusion comes from a lover
Who knows your not fine you're breaking, you struggle to get up
And you just smother out any tiny bit of her doubt
She hasn't got the strength to help so you just wait all this out

Until you make friends with the person down in your chest
They try to make you feel so better but they know you cave to stress
So a little bit of hate comes again with the waves
You starve your own body out just to block out the pain

It's just head pain we feel 
that keeps us alive
yeah we ache to serve a god that doesn't give a flying fuck
watch the anguish of a lover it's like he wants us just to suffer so

So why do we care
about who we are
If I could find a way to finally just say that I'm coping
Watch the ones who say they're hoping but your hopes just left me choking

It's Inside

LYRICS:

Cus I don't wanna be a lot
Don't wanna don't want her to take her spot
Yeah, she wants to see me, wants to be choosed
I don't feel anything, nothing for you

Drip from my nails and I stop
Freeze and I panic, I panic a lot
Bitch on my side she knows she’s not the one
So we take some more pills and forget what we've done

Cus I hate everything you say, 
Hate how the, hate how the way we changed
As I'm looking at you, yeah the pain starts to breathe
Down in the anguish, my thoughts start to flee

Cus I hate everything I am
Hate how, hate how the way you stare
I know under the ocean the sky is so blue
Living in danger I'm losing to you

Watching a friend getting crushed
Bothered by pressure and feeling disgust
What is the point, what is a dream
Why do I chase all these feelings

Don't wanna be another letdown, you know that I am 
I don't wanna let anyone in again
It's all my fault, I know that you’re fine
I don't wanna waste any more of your time

Nothing to no one you know that it's true
Wake in a fog and the covers consume
There's no daylight inside here
I'm not coming out just to find im always used

The person that matters is always just you
Peeling my skin back to feel something new
I know I don't belong here
The pressures weighing down on my mind

Cus I don't feel alive anymore snap back and I wake on your floor
Can’t tell what’s fact from fiction I think I'm just losing my grip

Friends change up I just can't relate, overdosing on something that's fake
Every time I try to be myself I feel like they wanna take

Everything that I've built to be, lacerations build up and bleed
I thought the pain inside would stop but we both know that it never leaves

Should I stay if no one will care, we all know that life isn't fair
So I just bide my time inside this hell until my skin starts to tear

Yeah, starving myself on the daily and now you portray me
As someone whose joyful and happy, that’s crazy
don't want to save just salvage my throat
So some words can still come out so you can still cope

Put on a pedestal I don't deserve this
I'm just a scumbag who somehow just surfaced
Do you know I just write these songs as hope
I'm far from perfect I still just choke

On emotions, I can't get out
See the keys inside now snapped down
Seeing the ones that you love now just stop and just stare
Guess you realize now that no one will care

Im unstable, im unable 
To open up and talk about it
Suicide tendencies coming at friends in the waves
Taking your hand now I'm stuck in a grave

Nothing more, nothing less
Left disgusted by my friends

What's the point when I'm gone
I just know I don't belong

Cus I don't feel alive anymore snap back and I wake on your floor
Can’t tell what’s fact from fiction I think I'm just losing my grip

Friends change up I just can't relate, overdosing on something that's fake
Every time I try to be myself I feel like they wanna take

Everything that I've built to be, lacerations build up and bleed
I thought the pain inside would stop but we both know that it never leaves

Should I stay if no one will care, we all know that life isn't fair
So I just bide my time inside this hell until my skin starts to tear

I Hope

LYRICS:

Have you noticed that the soul repeats yeah withdrawal symptoms losing sleep
Yeah manic patterns these walls breathe now close around me try to leave
It's in my vision that abyss when you close your eyes do you see
The lines and traces, everything from iris burns illuminate

When the black curtain falls and I see everything I try to reach
Do I just run to try and chase it make my mind up losing patience
Risk it all embrace the fall as I collapse and i still crawl
So I can feel something just more than being static left on hold

I want to be something that's human but you know that’s hard for me 
I disconnect from everything from ones I love the friends that cheat
And I'll just drown my liver out, I swear my body hates itself
For having a fuck up control decisions that will break my soul

So label me the one you hate the one you fear the one that breaks
From every encounter he has made, to try and fit it no he shakes
At explaining at what it's like to not fit in to not feel real
So I'll just sit and bite my lips until the blood has soaked my chin

Becoming Real

LYRICS:

You know I can't be someone that you depend on
Cus you know when you hit me up I will not answer
The consequences of separation are never easy
And when you’re all alone you hit me up, say that you need me

But I'm sick of that, I don't wanna be used to the grave
Panic attacks hit the stage open up I'm in a state
Dont wanna talk about feelings why can't I be left alone
I'm not coping, I’m not good, I didn't think that it would show

Yeah cus, I didn't want to be someone that you depend on
I didn't want to be the one that didn't answer
You said "Hold your tongue cus I don't want to hear you ever speak,
You just stay inside, haven't had a reply in a week."

"I hope you suffer in the bed that you have made for yourself
Are you happy all alone, in this hell are you content?"
"Yeah I don't care about you, I guess this is goodbye,
Cus I still don't understand the reasons why you wanna die."

Cus I hate you, when you break me, you choose
It was always us two back then I was confused
It's always when I see you falter I slip up to
I see that you are amused by the fact I need you

You know I couldn't help you when you just suffered
You know I couldn't be something that you wanted
Always getting up at me like I made a mistake
Push us back and then we break, constant fighting, say we’re fake

You wanna reprimand me for times when I didn't understand
Don't want to explain it to me so you give me the backhand
You say that I'm selfish for trying to be someone that just cares
But you run away, ignore me then just give me a blank stare

So what the fuck is up with it, I get it yeah you hate
Everyone who doesn't understand the pain that you create
You say you wanna tear them down in hopes that they never exist
I guess we all just have opinions and to you they don't mean shit

I see, "You suffer in the bed that you made for yourself
Are you happy, all alone in this hell are you content?"
"Yeah you know I care about you, I guess this is goodbye
And I still don't understand the reasons why you wanna die."

Cus I hate you, when you break me, you choose
It was always us two back then I was confused
It's always when I see you falter I slip up to
I see that you are amused by the fact I need you

Cautious

SMILE :)

SIR!

SPOTIFY

CHRIS RAIN - SIR!

Self produced / Sad  

CONTACT: RIVILINAU@GMAIL.COM

I Hope

Rivilin

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