AND SO THE AGONY BEGAN

https://linktr.ee/Rivilin
big love to my homie: https://soundcloud.com/skylar_allen

watch the image of me move slow
your angry voice always just makes me stow
the fear I held as a child deep inside
until the skin starts to break and I crumble

down down down in the undertow
friends rise above me as I sink below
into this hell that I made here all on my own
im sitting past rock bottom contemplating suicide yeah wheres my soul

you said id never be anything yeah so why try
floating inside of a capsule till panic subsides
a lack of serotonin so we take SSRIs
medicated by someone else to keep my life in a line

I stay high so I can just pretend that everything is fine
I still have memories of my father in the back of my mind
decide to ruin a family name so I can just pretend
That everything will be fine when the morning starts with the end

pop a pill to relate
cant connect it’s too late
digging flesh wanting more
making cracks in the core

hells above so below
you’re tethered in my soul
in reverse watch the lights
fade back and forth till im gone

I fucked up I cant change
wait a sec ill explain
slipping tongues in the rain
the best times I’ll never gain

the forest always yearns
I hear it calling concern
until I fade away
maybe my life is in vain

Skylarallen:

I can tell from your eyes
See the hate
Deep inside
I’m too late
Never mind
Feels like I can’t get it right

Fool me once
Fool me twice
I come back
Kill the lights
Curtains up
Show is done
I won’t bring you back to life

I learned from every mistake
Trust is not something you break
And when I got too much on my plate
I just remember its fate
Who knew how much it would take
When i got myself in the way

Watching these clouds turn to gray
I’m washing memories away


They told me you won’t be nothing except a let down
Ill watch this world burn to ashes before i melt now
When they turned their backs I was laughing with every step
I went from searching for what’s right now I’m taking everything left
Can’t shake this feeling inside
One minute I close my eyes
Then it’s right back to a life
Where I’ve got nowhere to hide
Try to pretend that I’m fine
When I feel so paralyzed
I feel your words in my spine
With every day I’m alive

Now my backs to the wall
I feel nothing at all
And I wonder how I got here
All the pain from the fall
I feel nothing at all
I feel nothing at all
I feel nothing at all

The Fall Ft. skylarallen

https://linktr.ee/Rivilin

you said no yeah I don’t want to see you
well that’s fair yeah I get that I am being used
cut-up fucked up on the inside
im scared to death cus I thought you’d be right by my side

black eyes staring straight through my skin
I can see the transparency within
it’s like I wasn’t even there no no no
sometimes the pictures that you took showed me I could disappear

I fucked up wading down the hospital isle
you said forget about me, I begged to stay for a while
so wrap your arms, wrap your arms just around me
turn to stone, lose control push away and be alone

I know you hoped i suffered I know your with another
cus hating me was your favorite past time
I know you break and stutter your minds fucked take another
another pill just to help you forget my name

my bones are now disordered kick down the glass now cornered
crawling out on my stomach just to feel more pain
dialed up you never answered, you left me here abandoned
could it be that this isn’t love

you said no yeah I don’t want to see you
well that’s fair yeah I get that I am being used
cut-up fucked up on the inside
im scared to death cus I thought you’d be right by my side

hospital beds, I see my mother give a smile
she'll hold my hand as I push myself into denial
you could have been there even as a fucking friend
I hate myself cus I couldn’t hate you when you left

broken knuckles hit the wall pain it shudders through my core
it’s not the type of pain that relates to my hand being broke
drive me to the hospital screaming at me all along
sorry im not perfect, im not worth it, I just really try my best

not to be too much, to fucked up
it’s hard to cope when you say it’s just all  in my head
cus our loves a messy masterpiece were both fucked up and on our knees
begging for a drug just to take away the fucking pain

Weathercast

https://linktr.ee/Rivilin

Yeah, yeah break through the front door better call a medic
Yeah I feel like shit man its to be expected
cus you know that im not comming, know that im not comming
back from this back from this

take a hit from my blunt and I fade into the couch
new phone who is this, till you say it’s been a week
since I’ve been outside yeah I don’t give a fuck
got my homies and the crew sipping tea in the call


yeah I don’t give a fuck about anyone anymore
yeah I stay inside building walls up in my mind
cus we make lies, blame each other then here comes the fall
take a sip of my cup blanking out these awful thoughts

wanna push the drugs on me push me on the floor
until I end up cold in the freeze laying in the morgue
At least I’ll fucking  go out with a style when im dying
Gucci fucking jacket on my back hit my head in with the gat

im sick of fucking feeling like I wanna die
hang high with the noose bathing in the light
I got my homies right here with me
but they don’t understand a fucking thing

I wanna get up but im half alive
stuck in my fucking bed until I break and cry
I wanna just say im ok  
but sometimes this life is too hard

Yeah, running down the hallway gravity is giving
now im slipping on the floor I see your face and yeah your grinning
cus I hope these dreams fucking don’t mean shit
cus every day it feels like they wanna make me quit

so we sneak out to the backwoods rolling up a fucking blunt
laying on my back seeing clouds burst into the sun
yeah im sick of fucking overstressing
I always got anxiety on my mind can I fucking feel alive

wake up not real, feel like I am slipping here
dissociation in my head, two steps back, and it’s not clear
if im controlling my body or not 
I used to freak out on the daily about this shit and now im here

So I just fucking deal with it and let it flow
I guess it’s working out now don’t think about it and just go
yeah so what’s the point of fearing something that you don’t control
better let go, let go, let go of this

Azure Rain

Big love to:  https://soundcloud.com/akacarpenter
https://linktr.ee/Rivilin

mentally fucked in my own way devil wanna maintain 
another connection with me so I just cannot sustain
stomaching another fucking lie 
like you pull me into the abyss and smother out my eyes

playing naughts and crosses on my arms to tell if im alive
I don’t really feel the pain so I still question my life
so the devil tells me its just the god that I have to blame
gave me too much self-awareness so I think I am insane

seeing double fucking vision of the knife to my neck yeah
question if I really want to do this but I know that I just won’t
cus im a fucking coward yeah I admit, 
I couldn’t defend my friends, they let go in a fucking minute

tell me have you ever seen a flame extinguish by self-loathing
watch the light go out of their eyes as you know they’re not coping
so we sit in this room, watch the water rise above our necks
yeah I can’t catch my breath yeah I can’t feel a fucking thing

so I detest
about the way you fucking look at me, I feel your eyes burning so deep
and I confess
I couldn’t stand the way you spoke to me so I just cut off and fucking 
left this hell
where you welded shackles yeah all around and now im sinking further down
into myself
im building a wall above around my head so I hope i don’t let you fucking in

- AKA Carpenter

Oh, creep in the skin like an insect
Finding my solace I lay in the nest
and I soar like an albatross, I rest in the air

but im more like a phoenix, come burn me and test if I care
when you're looking your best, they stare,
so you better pose for a photo
I fuck with the voyeurs when they putting bread in my pocket
I'm only complaining the moment it stops

The eyes can weigh heavy like lead vests, be careful please
yeah you stole my heart like a vandal, oh, but you're there for me
I'm lost in myself and I lean on the lamp post, I'm embarrasing
I'm settling now with my fate, I take lemon and ice with the kerosene

Save Us Ft. AKA Carpenter

shout out to https://soundcloud.com/slothboipapi for jumping on this track <3

Yeah, take a step back see the faces under yeah they scream
get my life back from the ones who say they're real to me
feel the train tracks vibrate under as you intervene
get a flashback, realize now that  suicide is free

memories stack, like a knife it slices and I bleed
(I FEEL FREE)
realize now that, the options there if I just want to leave
(FOLLOW ME)
feel my spine crack from the pressure of the stress it creaks
(I FEEL FREE)
flick a match down watch the embers burning at my feet
(FOLLOW ME)

cut up slice down, I don't want to talk now
(DOWN THE HOLE)
change up lose faith in a god who betrayed
(NO, NO)
everything that we tried to be
(ANIMALS)
we're just human yeah why can't you understand
(WE’RE ANIMALS)

how cruel could you be, to give a body to someone so weak
(DOWN IT ALL)
it's not like you to intervene, then why’d you put a curse on me
(FOLD, FOLD)
deteriorate, fatigue, chemistry wasn't your expertise
(MAN THE ZONE)
you lied, then left, guess this father never cared
(BURN IT ALL)
 
is this it is this all I have to show yeah im done
burnt alive in this hell, guess the anguish yeah it won
watch my soul start to leave yeah guess he had enough
I should have left with him I guess we'll say im just shit out of luck

what's the point when the sky it bleeds and starts to take control
lacerations scar my skinny  guess my heart yeah you just stole
hit me up, hit me up, and say that my love was a joke
the emotions in my throat, they start to swell as I just choke
 


Burn the world ash I’m doing god a fucking favor
Watch me self destruct and I’ma send you to your maker
All together now let's walk to hell it's getting cold
Know the devil waiting, keeping on saying, that we gotta go

I ain’t giving up
God ain’t give a fuck
Seen a light

Spoke a lot of words
Nothing in return
Wouldn’t bite

Why the fuck I try
Urging me to fight
For a light

Broken by design
Not a fix
When you redefine

I ain’t giving up
God ain’t give a fuck
Seen a light

Spoke a lot of words
Nothing in return
Wouldn’t bite

Why the fuck I try
Urging me to fight
For a light

Broken by design
Not a fix
When you redefine

I ain’t giving up
God ain’t give a fuck
Seen a light

Spoke a lot of words
Nothing in return
Wouldn’t bite

Why the fuck I try
Urging me to fight
For a light

Broken by design
Not a fix
When you redefine
 
is this it is this all I have to show yeah im done
burnt alive in this hell, guess the anguish yeah it won
watch my soul start to leave yeah guess he had enough
I should have left with him I guess we'll say im just shit out of luck

what's the point when the sky it bleeds and starts to take control
lacerations scar my skinny  guess my heart yeah you just stole
hit me up, hit me up, and say that my love was a joke
the emotions in my throat, they start to swell as I just choke

Lazarus Ft $lothboi

Rivilin:

I know anxiety lives in me 
if I stay here will I lose my mind I think I've already passed that time
plagued by derealization feel like im looking through a fucking glass
feel like this ain't my body im just in a dream will death wake me up

these drugs no they don't mean shit when this body doesn't feel even real
can’t keep up a fucking job it feels like im just blessed with bad luck
try to explain it to someone but they don't understand
like why can't I be normal for a second so I can feel human

my body on this cold concrete no furniture fucking around
convinced these shadows on the walls are out for me till im in the ground
take a step back id like to realize that im ok it's just my perspective
It cus feels like im living in my skull like nothing is real and this is all a dream

till I take my life and I wake up, maybe then ill be happy in this place
my psychologist doesn't get it, no amount of therapy can change what I feel
I tell my mother that im ok, that im just going through a rough patch
this is my reality, ill fake a smile and say that im fine

floating above this city,
if I let go will I suddenly fall then can I wake up
to me, this place isn't pretty
I feel disgusted when I see myself suicide’s not enough

there's a constant battle in me
gravity has given in hear the wind roaring as I collide
with the concrete end it quickly 
my eyes snap open breathe heavy, every time I die I wake up

Coaastgxd:


Every time I die I wake up
Every time I die I…

This time I'm just fine running away
And I'd sell my soul just to better the days
I never get a hold of this, I throw it away
I never know what to say, I make the same old mistakes

I been playing in traffic with my emotions and 
I'm closer to a rope than I been in a fucking minute, oh
Every time I think I'm getting better, I end up fucking sendin'
Now I'm back to the motherfucking beginning tho

Can't sleep and I can't wake up
"Life's tough, get a helmet and, shit, man up"
I been stuck and I'm spinning my tires up in the mud
Going nowhere fast, The ash floating over the sun

Rivilin:

my body on this cold concrete no furniture fucking around
convinced these shadows on the walls are out for me till im in the ground
take a step back id like to realize that im ok it's just my perspective
It cus feels like im living in my skull like nothing is real and this is all a dream

till I take my life and I wake up, maybe then ill be happy in this place
my psychologist doesn't get it, no amount of therapy can change what I feel
I tell my mother that im ok, that im just going through a rough patch
this is my reality, ill fake a smile and say that im fine

floating above this city,
if I let go will I suddenly fall then can I wake up
to me, this place isn't pretty
I feel disgusted when I see myself suicide’s not enough

there's a constant battle in me
gravity has given in hear the wind roaring as I collide
with the concrete end it quickly 
my eyes snap open breathe heavy, every time I die I wake up

Scarlett FT. Coaastgxd

Shoutout to my homie https://soundcloud.com/broadus972 for jumping on the track.

Rivilin -

im not wanted yeah were toxic, fair
im stuck down here no eyes to see the sun
cus you don't care, the devil stares
well that's just me, he breaks free when im shy

this love is dead, you know it yeah
my wrist they bleed black ink to block the light
the darkness stares it beckons yeah
to end my life so I can touch the sky

im not wanted im not needed
I know that's the truth when you block out my sight
I don't get it, so just say it
that you found love in someone else’s eyes

im disgusting, yeah believe it
that once im gone yeah I am gone for good
cus im stunted, i don't want it
the love you gave to me makes me alone

Broadus:

It was never love you gave to me, your options open
take advantage, treat me like I caused the damage, hold on
I can never, see the light out, you eclipsed me from who I could become
then you consumed, every moment, then you turned to run you’re a loaded gun

Not Wanted Ft. Broadus

Yeah, yeah

flip a coin and lay it on my eyes
I can tell that you're not surprised
little bones just overgrow
and you think that its fine to just cheat

I guess it’s true that loves bittersweet
think of him when you're just on me
it's like my fingers snap and start to break
this is just more than I can take

im pacing back and forth inside an empty room
where the door is always closed until the ghosts are going home
where the devil on my shoulder says I look pretty lost
as he gives a big grin my stomach fills with disgust

but I gave in, and I let him 
and he tormented me again
so I came home to nothing 
yeah what was there to expect

I stay alone in my bed
I guess that's just for the best
don't go out I don't eat
I can't take it, I just sleep

wake up again, don't exist
bury the shame in my head
I just sit there I don't breath
I just smile now I can't leave


every day it starts, the doubt becomes a hole
always stay at home but scared of being alone
and when you open up you find your let down
smother up your face so you can't make a sound

when reflections come through,
and the distance between us is unfathomable
when the mental states true,
and I hate this existence, it's unexplainable

so where does that leave me, I don't know
the emotions are crushed down, below
so then it's bottled up inside 
scratching at the walls where it cracks and I find I can't hide

but I gave in, and I let him 
and he tormented me again
so I came home to nothing 
yeah what was there to expect

Wake Up Again

ART BY VEXXVI
https://www.instagram.com/vexxvi/

OPEN UP, GET LET DOWN
CLOSE OFF ALL THE WINDOWS NOW
NEVER GOING, NEVER LEAVING
TAKE MY CHANCES AND JUST DROWN

ALL THIS HATE, FORMS A CLOUD
BURN MY NERVES OUT HIT THE GROUND
COULDN’T SAY THE WORDS I WANTED
SO WE LEAVE ME, NEVER FOUND

WATCH THE SKIN START TO BLEED
FEEL THE CRACKS AROUND THE SEAMS
A PERFECT FAMILY ON THE TV
GUESS THAT WASN’T JUST FOR ME

FEELING BURNT, FEELING USED
YEAH I ALWAYS HAVE TO CHOOSE
DO I STAY OR DO I GO
YEAH SOMETIMES WE HAVE TO LOSE
 
DIDNT GET IT, REPEATING THE WORDS I SAID IT
OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN UNTIL YOUR BRAINS RESETTED
SCRAPING UP ALL THE PIECES AND PUTTING YOU BACK TOGETHER
STRUGGLING, STRUGGLING, STRUGGLING UNTIL I COULDN’T TAKE THE PRESSURE

THEN PUTTING THE BLAME ON ME, I WAS SUFFERING COULDN’T YOU SEE
I THOUGHT I WAS JUST MEANT TO BE THE ONE YOU LOVE BUT YEAH YOU JUST USED ME
DANCING ABOVE THE OPEN SKY, FEELING MY BEDROOM JUST COLLIDE
LET THE EMPTINESS ENVELOP MY CHEST AS I JUST TRY TO HIDE

NOW IM FLOATING AND FLOATING
I EMBRACE ALL THE BLIGHT
YEAH THE PAIN IN MY MIND
IS CONSUMED BY THE LIGHT

FEARING ILL FALL
IM SCARED ILL LAND ON YOUR KNIFE
WISHED ID MAKE UP MY MIND
SO ID LET GO OF THIS LIFE

THEY WILL ONLY LET YOU DOWN

ART BY SUICIDALGALLERY
https://www.instagram.com/suicidalgallery/

LYRICS:

jealousy got me messed up
fade out with a cloak made of pain
brittle bones start to snap I watch you come back 
the mental illness covers my eyes black

empathy isn't needed
this world that I create is my own little hell
watch your family just concede when they ask you to leave
yeah the cracks in my skin start to fray

it's like my bodies stuck in static, all my emotions going manic 
as the floor just starts to crumble and im falling, falling down
I harbor guilt from the resentment, maybe love was never mentioned
mind is filled with ignorance as the devil starts to consume

aspirations with the drugs take some more it's not enough
id rather feel something empty than deal with all the pain
a cloud it forms around my head depression says he's now my friend
im always empty all alone, I guess ill face this on my own

it’s what I see in my dreams, is this real watcha mean
contradicting on every word that I try to say
I try to be only me, it's all the hate yeah it seethes
there’s complications yeah every time that I try to stay

im on my knees now crawling pushing down, try to leave
this hallucination is clouding up your mental state
feel the flame at my feet watch the sky swallow me
their’s hesitation on all the words that I try to say


PARADOXX:

On all the words i try to say 
But i can't get them out of me

It's a double edged sword 
every time i speak i get blood on my palms 

I try to stay calm and collected but everything's breaking down on me 
I'm selective of the words that i speak but it's counquering me 
I get trapped in my mind all the time 

I feel my body rotting away from inside out 
But i can't be bothered to scream , I'm too weak to make a sound

And all this angst , all this doubt is eating me up alive
But i let it happen so who can i blame , I'll seek myself out

Hard Ft. Paradoxx

ART BY SUICIDALGALLERY
https://www.instagram.com/suicidalgallery/

I feel your jaws start to wrap around my neck
so disgusted with how I left
I feel the anguish in my bones, watch them snap I turn to stone
try to ignore the pain

I see the flesh around my heart rotted with hate
this wooden home, it screams my name
no grand design above the sky 
skin is burning with the lie watch me embrace the void

im a waste, im a vermin, a piece of shit, hurting
doesn't matter if I stay I’m always just lurking
the ghost between us, the floorboards and concrete
it doesn't matter now when you don't amount to something

To people that you thought just really cared
but they leave you on the ground when you’re choking, not coping
And now you're embraced by the emptiness you never loved
and you’re watching as he consumes everything you came to trust

down the alleys where you grew up and you never understood
what it means to just care, what it means to just stare
with the blank eyes when someone’s just falling
to suicidal tendencies, they always get the best of me

so tell me why you’re never fucking calling
never checking on me until you need something to waste your time
just leave me the fuck alone
cus id rather be dead to you than something

Yeah depression hits me up, says he loves who you are now
I want nothing to do with you
invade my dreams and give me nothing, no I couldn't see you bluffing
find a lover, feel disgusted from you


feel my consciousness hit my stomach, weighs a ton it's dragging me down
I got nothing to give to you
you took the best then left me stranded, filled with hate then reprimanded
come tomorrow empty-handed from you


so bury me out the back where I can't hear a thing
I don’t want to be something more than a dream
but you know that’s not fair how you're always in mine
always plaguing my thoughts waking up and your gone

my friends say that it doesn't get better than this
is being tormented just some form of a bliss
these glass walls that I construct just seem to crack
and like a puppet I just always come back

yeah so it always turns this way when your friends turn fake
and you don’t have a lover to remember your name
so you crumble at the fear when you don't know yourself
pills from a psychiatrist, yeah it sucks they couldn't help  

with the constant torment knowing that you never will belong
with the piercing stares from family where they love to prove you wrong
like what you do for work yeah your looking half alive
yeah I swear I have been on repeat since I nearly died

say you wanna understand but you can't, I never said I wanna be alive long
it feels like im not living in my body
like who am I to you, am I just a joke of someone that I used to be
use me, abuse me until you leave again, im sick of living like I want to kill myself

Visionary

ART BY SUICIDALGALLERY
https://www.instagram.com/suicidalgallery/

LYRICS:

I see you crawling up to me on your knees
I see the rage building up in your eyes as I leave
it's like when I open my mouth reality stops and I can't control what I see
my body isn't mine now another person takes control when my mind breaks down

bursts of anger seem to cloud up my vision then my mind snaps back, hands covered in blisters 
now every day repeats in the same cycle, just stuck in a fog and I can let go of
who I was who I am who I could been, I can't live with the way that you just look at me
self-disgust builds a tiny little home right next to the place that I used to call my soul

what was I meant to say, how was I meant to react that way
a best friend confined, I wished he was dead I wish he never survived
the night I broke his face all the anger consumed and replaced 
I never came back alive the person I was, was the one who lost sight
 
yeah, emotions are boiling under my flesh, 
feel the stress rising up through my gut until nothing’s left
cus it's eating out the best of me, I tried to make you never see what's wrong with me
And even when I needed you, yeah you said that you gotta leave

Yeah so isn't that perfect I get it now, 
I search for something in places that won't be found
and then you find someone who builds a little cage inside your chest
where they change you and tear you down, find you gasping for your breath

and it doesn't help that best friends wanna, fuck with you
thought they had my fucking back guess im just easily used
I wanna fuck em with the gat blood splatters soak into shoes
Damn I guess it's what I lack, the courage to speak my truth

so I say it in these songs, yeah I fucking hate you
if I saw you in public I think id have to break a tooth or two
but self disgusts builds a tiny little home
where I find myself embracing the guilt all alone

Burn Notice

Cheers to my homie https://soundcloud.com/sepha-joey for jumping on <3

Lyrics:

Rivilin:

a foggy bed covers home
how did I get here vision is not clear
lost in a maze of streets alone
all i do is fear, withered inside here

yeah there's a vacancy where i mistakenly 
put the trust in the ones i love
laying a wake with a knife pressed to my skull
as the nightmares take control

stuck on a cheap diet of cigarettes 
just so i can keep the hunger at bay
swear to god that someones living inside these walls, 
cus i know that hes calling me name

i don't feel like i'm making sense
when i talk yeah i just regret
every little sentence that leaves my mouth
cus you always seem to twist the words i say

whether it comes from a family, a father or lover 
or something i don't really care
try to explain what the dissociations is like
but they don't really understand

never can be perfect, yeah i know that
but its hard when you look and stare
filled with the judgment of someone else's problems
till it's more than i can bare

it's just a glitch in my personality
feel the anger lurk in me
boiling burning till the circuits 
in my spine start to collapse

pressure is building, the person on my shoulder
tells me that nothing here is real
guess that's fine, i'll just represses everything
until i cannot feel

i never wanted i never wanted all of this
i'm so disgusted, i'm so disgusted i can't quit
the faces changing, i think i'm lost inside my mind
yeah if i don't wake up soon i'm thinking of taking my life

yeah what's the point man, yeah what's the point when you just run
yeah i'm so pathetic, i couldn't understand im done.
yeah my mind is aching, i think depression has just won
yeah if i don't wake up, i think yeah my chances are gone

Sepha:

Look at you taking a part of me away
Every time u make demands and say
Its for my best u know me 
U have my best interests at heart

Our interests are not my interests
I just want to rediscover myself
Again i lost so much but
At least i wrote it all down to remind me in moments like this

Im running away now go
Not cos im a victim no
Just cos i let myself believe that i was your equal but no

U hide under pretenses
False empowerment perspectives
Everything is someone elses fault ur only using ur defences

Im flying away im
Glowing up glowing up glowing up

Look at u take a part of someone else away

Never Trust Anyone Ft. Sepha

Featuring my homie: https://soundcloud.com/slothboipapi

Lyrics:

Rivilin:

Like the band of four, leaving your home in the shire
we only had each others friendship, no other desire
except a ring, a burden around your throat
and the more you press on you find the weight chokes

leave your ghost by the bed, this paths not for the weak
hear the screams in the distance they're stabbing at false sheets
pull out your dagger as they pierce you through the cloak
yeah you watch it turn to dust but the struggle you won't be broke

hear the horns in the distance the north is coming close
feel the fear in the boots but the fire you gotta stoke
just to keep your feet going on, keep with the struggle right
you gotta keep on going, sadly there's no end in sight

and when you finally reach it you find you're on your knees
till you think the ones who love you wanna throw you to the fiends
like please get away how did it turn like this
one day i'll be smiling with everyone that i miss

i didn't understand back then whats up,
i'll bite my lip, take a knife through the gut
and when you see me smile please just dont say
i miss the person right here won't you stay

the dark flame came embraced all my face
if i turn yeah i'll see myself yeah replaced
and when you sing i'll try to rise up again
and then we'll see a perfect home through the lens

$lothboi:

I got to bone to pick
I’m tired of the holiness
The higher I be up the flying hit me with the turbulence

Surrounded by thought me
I might’ve had lobotomy
There’s something in my head that ain’t apart of what I want in me

I’m splitting like I’m missing
All the glue up on the leather

I’m hitting like a whippet
When I mix it all together

I’m fitting like a condom on a dick in chilly weather
I be slipping when I’m falling but a spark will make me better

(Spark Sound)
(exhale)

Leme hold a bit
Gas so strong
Bouta blow the bitch
Up

(exhale)

Leme roll this shit
Gas so packed
Bouta fold a bit
Yuh

Get a load of this
Man so up
Bouta jump and get stuck

Plan so fucked
Bouta duck
And get bucked

Man no luck
Just refuse
To get stuck

Waterford Ft. $lothboi

LYRICS:

Didn't wanna get it, didn't wanna face it, yeah, a family’s torn apart
Two kids in the middle I was only 13  when I knew that I was stuck
Swear I was hearing voices coming from the walls, my father freaked out and just stopped
Forced to talk to a psychiatrist who medicated me till I was cut

Tried to understand but I couldn't, Zyprexa just made me fall asleep
What did you expect from a kid who didn't have a stomach just to eat
So I made friends with the stars, they said that I wouldn't get far
But I found comfort in always being alone and trapped in my own

So don't tell me that you’re sorry for what you did
Because you're not, yeah you're not yeah I know that you are not
Cus I don't care, what's done is done I can't forget
Because I'm stuck yeah im stuck in a place with my own thoughts

Am I not real, I realized that I don't fit in
You can't accept, can't accept me for who I wanna be
Im overwhelmed, I'm not comfortable in my skin
This isn't me, isn't me, when will my mind find some sleep

A few years later nothing changes just a kid stuck in a rut
Putting on a facade for family just so they won't bother me a lot
Been twelve years since I was diagnosed with depression thought there was a cure
But the SSRIs numbed me out until I felt like I was worse

I want to explain it but I've realized no one cares for who you care
No one is special, no one is gifted, mental trauma that makes a star 
When there's nothing left I'll probably kill myself to let go of this pain
Cus I'm always tormented by myself when I forget my own name.

So don't tell me that you’re sorry for what you did
Because you're not, yeah you're not yeah I know that you are not
Cus I don't care, what's done is done I can't forget
Because I'm stuck yeah im stuck in a place with my own thoughts

Am I not real, I realized that I don't fit in
You can't accept, can't accept me for who I wanna be
Im overwhelmed, I'm not comfortable in my skin
This isn't me, isn't me, when will my mind find some sleep

Stuck

LYRICS:

You know I can't be someone that you depend on
Cus you know when you hit me up I will not answer
The consequences of separation are never easy
And when you’re all alone you hit me up, say that you need me

But I'm sick of that, I don't wanna be used to the grave
Panic attacks hit the stage open up I'm in a state
Dont wanna talk about feelings why can't I be left alone
I'm not coping, I’m not good, I didn't think that it would show

Yeah cus, I didn't want to be someone that you depend on
I didn't want to be the one that didn't answer
You said "Hold your tongue cus I don't want to hear you ever speak,
You just stay inside, haven't had a reply in a week."

"I hope you suffer in the bed that you have made for yourself
Are you happy all alone, in this hell are you content?"
"Yeah I don't care about you, I guess this is goodbye,
Cus I still don't understand the reasons why you wanna die."

Cus I hate you, when you break me, you choose
It was always us two back then I was confused
It's always when I see you falter I slip up to
I see that you are amused by the fact I need you

You know I couldn't help you when you just suffered
You know I couldn't be something that you wanted
Always getting up at me like I made a mistake
Push us back and then we break, constant fighting, say we’re fake

You wanna reprimand me for times when I didn't understand
Don't want to explain it to me so you give me the backhand
You say that I'm selfish for trying to be someone that just cares
But you run away, ignore me then just give me a blank stare

So what the fuck is up with it, I get it yeah you hate
Everyone who doesn't understand the pain that you create
You say you wanna tear them down in hopes that they never exist
I guess we all just have opinions and to you they don't mean shit

I see, "You suffer in the bed that you made for yourself
Are you happy, all alone in this hell are you content?"
"Yeah you know I care about you, I guess this is goodbye
And I still don't understand the reasons why you wanna die."

Cus I hate you, when you break me, you choose
It was always us two back then I was confused
It's always when I see you falter I slip up to
I see that you are amused by the fact I need you

Cautious

I’m not suicidal I just hate to exist
a pessimistic piece of shit doesn’t care if he’s missed
it don’t matter, what you say anymore 
I’ve reached the point of fucking breaking screaming out through the door
 
what if I stay, would you tell me I’m ok and just stray 
further down that path until we just break
you start to tell me that it’s just too much to fake
you need to focus on yourself so stay away
 
yeah, so tell me why I never see the bright side of life
I’m barley hanging by my fingertips they’re burning with fire
the ground below is way too far if I fall I won’t be fine
and when my face impacts on rocks they’ll probably say that I died
 
but I didn’t, I’m still here, 
the cracks in my skull have appeared
I scream out, to nowhere
I see death, make me disappear
 
I never, I never thought I be stuck forever
together, together, take my hand face the pressure.
get better, get better, on your knees for their pleasure
we sever, we sever, emotions like what ever 
 
the rain falls down 24 hours a day
it never stops, see it rising as it starts to decay
the walls around, warping floorboards with age
it’s like I’m stuck in the place; there’s no time here so just stay away
 
cus everything brings back the memories, 
sometimes I wish I died in that car crash just let me be
but I can’t change the fact from fiction if I can’t tell what is real
like who am I, I don’t know I can’t feel
 
I know I’m trapped behind the glass of crt monitors
the static breathes inside my conscious, built upon promises
notice my head just starts to turn and looks me straight in the eye
I see someone who isn’t me turn back and give me a smile
 
well, that’s it, I’m still here
the one who breathes is the one that I fear
I scream out to nowhere
the glass cracks as I disappear

Coal Mine

at an intersection
the traffic has piled up from the crash
a figure just stares, 
in the driver’s seat with his face just smashed
 
oh hey, that’s just me
how did I get here again
oh, wait a sec I see,
I was waiting here for the mend
 
but then the car just sparks
the fire just starts in the engine block 
it starts to rise up from my feet
I just look I can’t make it stop
 
I watch the skin just peel and melt
my body stuck to the frayed seat belt
I turn my head to look out the window
I see you screaming as I just let go
 
it’s when you’re coming down, down again
I couldn’t hear a thing that you said
you’re coming down, down into stress
screaming how you wish you were dead
 
it’s been a few weeks, come collect my ashes up
place me by your bedside this situation just sucked
you couldn’t find a photo of me with a smile
singing to yourself to embrace the denial
 
you think it’s your fault that you weren’t there on time
if I could have turned back maybe he would have been fine
I’m watching above yelling it’s not your fault
but nothing can change that when your consumed by distraught

Lemon Avenue

LEDs blind me
yeah, stigmatism covers up what I wanna see
when I’m looking at your pretty face, yeah you got me
wrapped around you little fingers yeah, my soul was free for the taking
 
it’s like what did you mean I didn’t get it
stuck in the past with my obsession
got a collection of memories 
burn them on the wall for all to see
 
it’s like what is that smell my flesh is burning
stuck in the tide I see you turning
fragments of wood sticking out your flesh
the void is leaking from my chest
 
my friends now covered in the dragon’s rot
they didn’t seem to mind that I was stuck
with the crows above calling out my name
didn’t seem to matter how much I changed
 
loved ones passed out in the burning house
smoked bellowed in my lungs and I’m left in doubt
like was I the one to start this flame
didn’t mean to burn out now nothing remained
 
now the clouds above are looking at me
filling their guts with my pity
crying out loud, I’m smothered in shame
resurrection the love I called pain
 
now the fragile bodies pile up like logs
turn my back on my problems cus I know its a lot
this reality is nothing that I could dream
guess misery has finally found his peace

I guess the person that just I really miss is me
yeah, what have I become
misery just finds a way to seep into me
I guess it’s time to say that I’m done
 
every day is suffering so please won’t you leave
you only care to know that you’ve won
sink into the past to find that memories haunt me
this wasn’t something that could be love

sick of me, sick of us
yeah, every time I try to
explain it I seem to rot
yeah, fake friends corrupt
 
yeah can’t get grip on myself fingers are shaking losing patience
of me and the place I call home from the start I was just alone
lather myself in drugs to feel nothing cus it better then feeling something
cus I don’t want to feel this anger again from a childhood where I didn’t understand
 
the consequences of being different pushed aside there was no interest.
of understanding who I could be and who I became
until I met you I thought you were everything that I deserve
you brought hell to my mental state I didn’t think it could get worse
 
down here now in the abyss I see friends are suffering  all the same
burning out our mental trauma from the bones of family ones that lay 
when the osulouths come down and change the forms that we try to portray
distorted figures is what became, no face could recognize the pain.
 
how do we survive when we don’t understand the person in front of us
disgusted by reflections of everyone that just seem to pass.
now time doesn’t wait for now one, so we ignore the issues and drown it out
so, we live in constant agony fill us to the brim aching doubt

I miss me

In my dreams, in my dreams I’m framed for murder
Run away a bit further, they say I did it cus they hurt her
You pushed him through the window,
watched him splatter hit the girder
 
You through your phone its just a burner,
Your face is up and, on the server,
They pushed you into limbo watched you scatter,
need some nurture
 
but you didn’t get that though
you’re running down alley ways that foreshadowed
your demise and the end of this
and as the sun creeps in I feel the skin just burn
 
and as you hit me in the face I freeze,
slow static to the ptsd,
and the shakes start to come with this
and you feel like yeah, you’ve just lost everything
 
When will I be free, I wanna be just me
But I get no rest from nightmares plaguing me in my dreams
Yeah, I just want them to leave
 
Theres no time to grieve,
 As my mind deceives
I beg to the ones above that I have some reprieve
 
As I go further down, it surrounds me
The doubt in my mind it gets so cloudy
Yeah, to the point where they don’t allow me
Just to be and live alone
 
Cus they’re scared ill hurt me
If I was serious, I wouldn’t be lurking
But instead, they just don’t understand
They all point and stare.

Murder

Rise up from the rubble, there's no ground to stand
The promise of it getting betters just bland
You come to my home where I chose to withdraw
This battle inside isn't something that's fought
 
This towns now deserted since they shut the gate
They covered their faces while we got betrayed
You find you're still standing above your own flesh
I thought I was happy, I guess this ain’t it
 
That's when I turned around at the sound of a voice
You’re saying I’m glad that I’m finally here
Still don't know where I am really 
If I think about it, then it's clear
 
This place is where you go after
you get consumed by your doubt
And that voice I heard starts to guide me
And leads me outside this house
 
This is where you left your family
Tell yourself that they never cared
Here's where you stay, and you'll suffer
Until your bodies repaired  
 
It feels like time never changes
Since night seems never to come
And now your left here in limbo
I ask yeah what have I done
 
I never wanted it to be like this,
I didn't think that I was going to be missed
I thought I’d be happy but this isn't it
And now I realize, I’ve left my soul in a pit
 
It doesn't matter anymore I already chose to quit
Selfishly just cut my ties as I am found in a ditch
Tell myself if I had stayed, I would have still just done it
I’m all alone, into the depths I submit
 
I don’t really get it but my skin just flakes
Overwhelmed by flowers I burst then decay
As insects crawl inside, they gather within
They salvage what’s left of me, I just can’t win
 
Become isolated I’m one with the fear
That dissociation never disappears
And when I open up, I get ostracised
I think somethings wrong I guess that’s not a lie
 
I just try to reach for help out there, but there was nothing for me to grasp
heart held fast but I could never fathom, just how long despair would just last
like what are you stupid, none of this is real, come closer and soon you will feel
the judgment of ones who said they’d be there, with that it all became clear
 
and when I woke up bandages surround me, I guess this time they’ll same I’m sincere
And when I told them I am not coping, you know they won’t interfere
Just lock my mental state up in a capsule, hiding it will make you feel real
All it did was numb me out, until I knew that I was not here

Let the fire consume me

Come to in a bathroom tub, waters on, frozen I’m stuck
can't believe I'm here again, broken arms I can't pretend
that it's just normal to be pacing these hospital rooms
tryna search for something but every time I get a little closer, I'm consumed.

wake up, wake up
You’re floating above the sky, you think the clouds are rushing past
you feel like you’re just alive, for once in your life,
but that's just it, it builds up and then you fall upon knives, like what’s up

Worst part of it, I’m just repeating myself over and over and over again
nothing changes; I just stay, try to get up it's too late
set on fire, melted down, regenerated these flames are bound
to soul when I am found, I'll be screaming without a sound

teeth filled with the flesh of another, 
you don’t want all of this, you don’t want to be missed
I see the faces coming forth from the shadows,
they're brewing down to a cyst, they leave my neck tied and twist 

stare down from the edge I can’t breathe
I see death’s stare looking straight into me
He says, If you fall hit the ground; fall apart
I'll pick your little pieces up, but can't fix a broken heart, I loathe

I look up to see that no one is there 
it's just the grey sky that latches, fills me up with despair
I try to reach up, yeah, but no one replies
constantly tearing at my skin just to see if I'm alive

Welcome to hell you said. didn't imagine it'd be like this
gone unfed, can't afford to eat, yea this world is far from bliss
blessed above with dissociation, try to get a grip losing patience
as you push your nails through my hands, flinching back I didn't understand

yeah, there’s no meaning to it; you just enjoyed it
see my face fill with pain, breaking bones to remain
Yeah, to be the one you’ve chosen, my eyes are frozen
on seeing your smile decay, grind me down you betray

and there’s just me, laying in this bedroom alone
and sometimes I hear the noises scratching at the walls they beckon and call
yeah just to see some type of change, they want me to cave so they can control
what's fucking left of this body as I drink myself a hole, and you say

teeth filled with the flesh of another, 
you don’t want all of this, you don’t want to be missed
I see the faces coming forth from the shadows,
they're brewing down to a cyst, they leave my neck tied and twist 

stare down from the edge I can’t breathe
I see death’s stare looking straight into me
He says, If you fall hit the ground; fall apart
I'll pick your little pieces up, but can't fix a broken heart, I loathe

I look up to see that no one is there 
it's just the grey sky that latches, fills me up with despair
I try to reach up, yeah, but no one replies
constantly tearing at my skin just to see if I'm alive

University Telephone Hotline

I dance with the ghost as a child drawn out
screaming in my dreams I doubt
that anyone can hear me now
with a voice that's scraped with a razor, I'm just a stargazer
 
who wanted to reach heights that no one saw,
the thing about that once you fall you’re gone
hang me out with the noose that's made of your lies
meeting you makes me wish I wasn't alive.
 
cus, I don't wanna hear it when it’s just all about you
now you're flicking out your razor saying that you wanna cut through
 
yeah, you're putting pressure on my mind, and it makes me wanna die
yeah, I’m scared of the public, I think I’ll stay inside
cus, I don't wanna hear it when it’s just all about you
 
Wake up, cold feet, get out of bed to yesterday’s static
pass out, don't think, scratched out eyes of the photo that you just
don't want to keep, will I find a place to mend but I just can’t
get on my feet, so I’ll just stay in the house where I am high
 
Hey, that's me, by the tree line of the cul-de-sac where I grew up
hands over ears, don't want to hear an argument from my father
years pass in a blink, still end up crying to my mother
a fuck up, that's me, so what if I take drugs to cope.

Hey, that's me

Taken from the album Ratrose


PULL ME OUT ALIVE, PUSH ME TO THE SIDE
FEELING WEAK, LOOKING BLEAK, LOST MY LIFE TO FUCKING SLEEP, YEAH
I KNOW YOU’RE, YOU’RE PRAYING, HOPE I WILL DIE
IM NOT GIVING UP, YEAH IM GONNA BE ALRIGHT

I WON’T SAY A THING
(I WONT I WONT I WONT) 
WHY CAN I NEVER LEAVE
(I NEVER, I NEVER)
YOU SAY YOU HATE ME
(YOU SAY, YOU SAY, YOU SAY)
WHY CAN’T YOU LET ME BE?
(WHY CAN’T YOU, WHY CAN’T YOU)

I’M TRAPPED IN THE PAST, ELIMINATE MY HEART
CUS I FEEL SO SHIT AGAIN I AM SO SICK OF YOU 
BREAKING DOWN I WONT CHANGE, ITS THE SAME SHIT, IT’S THE SAME DAY
CAN YOU TELL ME WHY AGAIN, I AM SO FUCKED TODAY?

WELL SORRY, ITS CUS YOUR FUCKED IN THE BRAIN
A NEW DISORDER COOL, WRITE IT DOWN AND CLAIM THAT I AM SANE
SICK TO DEATH OF FAKING ANYWAY, SAY WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY
YEAH IM JUST A PIECE OF SHIT ANOTHER FUCKING SOUND CLOUD KID, 


BEST FRIENDS, LIAR, BACK STABBED, FIRE
BURNING IN MY NECK, CIGGERETES, YEAH, NO I WON’T RETIRE
LOOSE ENDS, HIRE, DEADBEAT, CRIER
THROW ME IN THE CASKET, YA BETTER LIGHT THAT SHIT ON FIRE

(2x)

I WON’T SAY A THING
(I WONT I WONT I WONT)
WHY CAN I NEVER LEAVE
(I NEVER, I NEVER)
YOU SAY YOU HATE ME
(YOU SAY, YOU SAY, YOU SAY)
WHY CAN’T YOU LET ME BE?
(WHY CAN’T YOU, WHY CAN’T YOU)

junk dog

Cheers to my mans 
https://soundcloud.com/sepha-joey

Lyrics:

Rivilin
--
there’s something creeping down my bones
I think it’s you cus you’re the only who makes this your home
I don’t wanna know where you are
your drowning at my thoughts, but I think that I know I’m alone

I know I’m something that you discard
just like my father I was never fucking worth it in the end
my skins peeling off my fingertips
I think I’ve had I enough, I know that you wish I was dead
 
twinkle little star
how could I ever reach this far
wont you cut me up
break me down and say I’m all yours

manic depressed in the brain I’m fucked anyway can’t live a day without thinking I’m insane
these walls are breathing all again I see these faces laugh in the end
at me and I think it’s all pretend but deep down they know there alive inside me
breathing, changing, morphing me into something I hate

I can’t take it anymore man I wanna say that I’m ok but I’m not
I’m breaking down on the daily, shaking everyday I feel like I’ve lost
its ok, its ok, I never mattered anyway, just a fucked up in high school
lost where I wanted to be, lost what I wanted to see cause of you

family petitions to get admission into mental hospitals I hate
cause they don’t wanna see me anymore they can’t deal with this manic state
waking up in my bed alone, waking up all again its shown
that I have no faith in you, I don’t have faith in my own soul

where I do go in this journey, where do I turn when the path just always ends
with you and me facing each other turning pages I can’t mend
all these scars there shown deep down in my skin
I feel like, I’ve lost again

SEPHA.
--

Another 9 to the 5 
Another break to the bottle 
Break my pride and throttled
From the dust
Of the drab 

I’m Living for someone else
Im living someone else’s struggle 
Head gains weight and strains 
I’ll take a flight 
From my brain
Medicate - Play ur game

Well
Talk buys time in murder
Escape u then I’ll serve ya
Night sky beats like a war drum
It beats my ears 
In demon hums 
It treats my deer
To forest scum 
Consumed by willing forces
Participate In Clauses 

alarm beats 20 times
Out of speak out of rhyme 
Wake up 
Get to fuck
Another day 
Another grind X2
Fuck.

Bad taste (Ft. SEPHA.)

wake up cold sweats, not breathing
mind changing you’re just leaving
me alone we’re alone
again I, always fall

wake up my smile is leaving
my memories deceive me,
here alone, we’re alone
in my dreams where I roam

I’m missing all your kisses
wanted posters say I’m missing
you’re touching my cheek, 
anxiety wants to say he’s all  home again

resting inside my ribcage,
to awkward so im misplaced
better friends, better lies
you know that we cut ties

but I still sing songs about you
and I still feel that all the doubts true
building up inside my chest this wooden frame it wouldn’t last
from all the emotion you set fire to when you just watch me burn

you try to deny the fact that I fell in love with you
smoking so much that I mask the intentions through
but it doesn’t last,
built-up of years, yeah you really define my  past 

wake up cold sweats, not breathing
mind changing you’re just leaving
me alone we’re alone
again I, always fall

wake up my smile is leaving
my memories deceive me,
here alone, we’re alone
in my dreams where I roam

I HATE HOW I SEE YOU IN MY DREAMS

Feature Artist: https://soundcloud.com/sepha-joey





Lyrics:

Rivilin:

When I speak do I still disappoint you
The walls they open up and I seem to sink through
Shadows embracing me is this what I’ve come to be, just the empty hollow husk
Will I find closure here, or will I close the book and just disappear 

I can feel the bones sticking out of you
I see your ghost sitting right next to me I wish it wasn’t true
You’re haunting me every day
I wish it wasn’t me who got addicted; I see you’re so conflicted

With this situation, I watch you caved in
No, You weren’t the same person when I saw you getting thin
No, you stopped eating every day
I see the drugs took away the pain so you just withered away

So sing me to sleep
Won’t you just sing me to sleep
You’re at the edge of my bed,
I see your bones you’ve gone unfed

Your knuckles they bleed
I see your mind split in three
Im just a moth to your flame
No, I won’t scream out in pain

SEPHA:

Tell me that u feel the same way I do
Haven’t figured myself out enuf 
Let alone two 
Feel the same way I do
Feel the same way I do
Feel the way that I do yet u change it to a problem of yours 

I know that’s such a burden of me to ask
Taking on the weight of ur ex lover
And a new task
I really ask a lot of u
Really ask a lot of u
Really yeh but times gone fast and u forgot the things i love

The willow trees 
Would hug the breeze
We baked in sun
Ur hand would tease
I’d forget the anger
Or argument
And please u
as u want again

Always x 4

FATIGUE(Ft Sepha.)

Lyrics:

fighting with anxiety a pointless war inside of me
how come I hate the ones I love, taking pills it’s not enough
I’m so numb its a tragedy, hooked on a tendency 
can’t get rid of these dark thoughts in my head why do you snuff me out

mix the good times with the bad
tell me when did I become so sad
flicking channels on the tv 
just to see the static shining through

choking on depression it stabs so deep
straight through my ribs, it feels like I’m breaking
flashing blue and white in my eyes
I hear my fans begging for more

more of the sad times, 
I’ve never sunk this low
it feels like my hearts on the floor
chuck it out it’s going cold

see friends and the faces that I used to love
they pass by straight in a blink
I know they still want me to keep going 
I will carry on

staying afloat with best friends by my side
yeah  they know what it’s like when
I feel like I’m not coping 
I’m sinking down into your red eyes

yeah your fingers in my soul
yeah I’ve never felt this cold
so numb from the pain
shutting down, block it all away

closing the doors to my house
yeah I’m in too deep
watching the water rise 
above my neck, I can’t catch my breath

when will I get a break,
no, I don’t wanna take
medication to make me sane
yeah I wanna be free

Snuff Me Out

Check out my homieg: https://soundcloud.com/slothboipapi



$LOTHBOI SOCIALS
https://soundcloud.com/slothboipapi
https://www.instagram.com/slothboipapi/
https://twitter.com/slothboipapi
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvTBeo88L7HY4UBp7eoIoxA
https://open.spotify.com/artist/6pqww89mdTNMrYjqcCzi1x
https://itunes.apple.com/us/artist/$lothboi/1453479844


LYRICS

RIVILIN:

Shaking in your hand, not it won’t stop
Panic attacks seem to reside in your blood
What’s it like when you lose touch
Waking in your bed, im the failure that you couldn’t just love

Flicking your ash on my cheek, 
I don’t want this I don’t want
Cutting me down so deep
I feel like im just not enough

lip tremble eyes struggle just to focus now
weighing on my conscious I just feel like im about to drown
covering my ears, the water rises
your voice still blocks the horizon

I see your ghost in my dreams
explaining why you just leave
depression got too much
and you just had to block out the noise


$LOTHBOI:

Drown in pain
Drown in hate

I feel the pain
All in me

Shallow breaths
Steal my life lately
Tight my chest the
Panic hates me

Panicked thoughts all in my head yeah
Memories replaying dread man
How can I be expected
To live this life, shit this aint it

2nd verse

Manic depression
My body be trembling

Tight in my chest
I ain’t think I’mma make it

Gasping for breath
Cuz these demons gun take it

Fighting for life
But I’m breaking to pieces

Cry through my days
Why do I hate me

I’m not okay
My mind is crazy

What can I say
I’m feeling hazy

Why do I hate me
I’m tryna save me

Burning my skin just to forget the pain
Seeded in memories inside my brain
Tryna forget my collection of bad days
Inside my head the trauma did some damage

Sloth ain’t the same he’s been changed from the pain
and bet Rivilin’s trauma still haunting his days
We fight past our memories living in pain
but we’re Void of the happiness we lost that day

Not Enough (Ft. $LOTHBOI)

https://linktr.ee/Rivilin

wheel snaps head turns whiplash vision black
you know im doing fine, so fake I always lied
suicide on my mind won’t live to 35
am I even alive, no emotion I can’t cry

don’t feel a thing now that the nerves are gone
anxiety it spawns, feel the chills right in my spine
ash skin it burns the mental scars they hurt
you can’t kill what isn’t alive anymore

check my phone just to see you hit me up
yeah I cut you off for a reason yeah just check the dms
it always felt like you were suffocating next to me
we change give up

it’s so sad to see that you went to rehab
im glad your back but your still half-alive man
I always drive past the places that we use to love
two best friends never talk again man

cus it’s a shame that it ended up this way yeah
always hitting me up for some extra money
Like even if I gave it to you what’s the point
you just spend on drugs just to get fucked up again

hollowed cheeks not doing well i can see that
all the track marks on your arms yeah I feel that
cus I always split myself for you
like why do I put myself through this

Yeah so what is it like to wake up and not feel like your not in your own skin
well homie let me tell you something 
it feels like im a prisoner in my skull
so won’t you just break it open and just let me be free

well mental health doesn’t work like that
did you really think the drugs would put your life on track
like what did you fucking expect of me
I had to cut you off and just leave you know it killed a part of me

cus every day I regret not coming back, yeah 
Cus Every day it hurts to see your face like that
so lifeless eyes dull it’s like someone just took your soul
we both know it was the girl we both fell in love with

she was feeding drugs to make us break, I took chances and escaped
look at you compared to me, im back on track with my own dreams
cus my hands were tied when my car flipped
rearrange my mind just to find out you weren’t even a friend

It's a shame

https://linktr.ee/Rivilin

im a scumbag, not your friend
say you wanna get him back, let’s pretend
that my heart is still intact, it’s on the mend
yeah you know that’s a joke, but you don’t care, you don’t care at all

time can get fucked it breeds despairs
yeah for a second just stop it’s not fair
lost in a messy background, a nightmare
now your cutting circulation I can’t bear, I can’t bear at all

your eyes they break me, they just stare
yeah you love to play with my soul until it’s dead
Yeah now im just a puppet, no theirs no end
yeah where do I turn, I don’t know, I don’t know anymore

time can get fucked it breeds despairs
for a second just stop it’s not fair
lost in a messy background, a nightmare
now your cutting circulation I can’t bear, i can’t bear at all

Scumbag

https://linktr.ee/Rivilin

https://soundcloud.com/ripthepetals


Rivilin

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah cus I feel like you don’t really get it
cus you hate me but you don’t wanna admit it
could I love me but the reflections not a spitting image
constant water, a downpour where you said I needed therapy

do I sell my soul to a hospital where I know I won’t get better
because this anger builds from a childhood where I just watched over my brother
I was only fucking 13 when I stayed home from school just to look after my mother
because depression lives in the worst places in the worst places when everything just falls

RipThePetals

Lay down, lay down, lay down
Fake smile, fake crown
Im missing every fucking inch of you
So baby hit my phone and come around, maybe we could go and

Lay down, lay down, lay down
Fake smile, fake crown
I paint my face with a grin, but really hate everything
I hate my skin, baby can you come and

Can you fucking tell me that im good enough
Give me reassurance, yeah I need your love
Trauma from my past makes it hard to trust

I hate everything from my skin to bone
Rip the fucking petals on the pedal stool
You only ever call me when your high or alone

Oh boy am I always alone
I'd rather wait to give that bitch my throne
Instead of fucking every weekend
They don’t love me, they just want Petals, yeah im fucked I know

Lay down, lay down, lay down
Fake smile, fake crown
Im missing every fucking inch of you
So baby hit my phone and come around, maybe we could go and

Lay down, lay down, lay down
Fake smile, fake crown
I paint my face with a grin, but really hate everything
I hate my skin, baby can you come and

LAY DOWN FT. RIPTHEPETALS

https://linktr.ee/Rivilin

Check out my homie: https://soundcloud.com/yates-xv

--

Lyrics

RIVILIN:


Yeah, separation comes all the time, 
like a book without the pages, im just left hung up in stages
always trying to find ways to mend the spine
you got a collar on my neck with medication just to try and fix my mind

So won’t you paint my shadow on the wall in blood-red
so maybe one day I can look at it and just say that im fine
so won’t you sketch me on your canvas till I’m perfect
until you cover the outlines till im nothing, till im nothing to you

So won’t you, yeah won’t you, yeah just leave me the fuck alone
Cus im better here on my own, because im better here, better here
Cus you know that, yeah you know that, I always welcome you with open arms
It’s time I let go and brace the calm, but you know that it hurts, that it hurts.


remember the time you drove me to the hospital
yeah I try to be a minute but I can’t deal with commitment
yeah everyone needs some help sometimes
yeah but you weren’t helping me you just want to take and leave

like a ghost, in the background, I float around
bouncing from wall to wall I don’t want to be a letdown
always hitting me up on the flip phone
Yeah I never answer cus I don’t wanna be dependent on

YATES XV:

I know it’s off-topic
But I don’t feel nothin
I was at the top now I’m sitting at the bottom
She saying that I’m dark like my hearts gone rotten
I’m in my fuckin head but I’m Steady fucking Poppin
White oxycodone
I don’t open up
These drugs that I’m takin
Make me feel loved
I don’t wanna dream
I just wanna run it up
See me in my past life
Lookin like a god

Man it’s so fuckin funny
All the shit that I’ve done
Say I’ve lived my life
I just sit in the cut
All these drugs that I’m takin
Got me messed up
And I know I’m not happy
But I’m smiling
Just for fun

So tell me that I’m happy
Tell me I’m all good
Explain away my pain
Let me know it’s all good
Fuck I need help
But I’m barely fuckin breathing
I don’t want help
When the pills give me feeling

JUST LET GO FT. YATES XV

Self produced / Sad  

CONTACT: RIVILINAU@GMAIL.COM

Rivilin

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