this is fucking awesome. gained a follower.

STREAM

APOLOGY

Featuring my homie: https://soundcloud.com/slothboipapi

Lyrics:

Rivilin:

Like the band of four, leaving your home in the shire
we only had each others friendship, no other desire
except a ring, a burden around your throat
and the more you press on you find the weight chokes

leave your ghost by the bed, this paths not for the weak
hear the screams in the distance they're stabbing at false sheets
pull out your dagger as they pierce you through the cloak
yeah you watch it turn to dust but the struggle you won't be broke

hear the horns in the distance the north is coming close
feel the fear in the boots but the fire you gotta stoke
just to keep your feet going on, keep with the struggle right
you gotta keep on going, sadly there's no end in sight

and when you finally reach it you find you're on your knees
till you think the ones who love you wanna throw you to the fiends
like please get away how did it turn like this
one day i'll be smiling with everyone that i miss

i didn't understand back then whats up,
i'll bite my lip, take a knife through the gut
and when you see me smile please just dont say
i miss the person right here won't you stay

the dark flame came embraced all my face
if i turn yeah i'll see myself yeah replaced
and when you sing i'll try to rise up again
and then we'll see a perfect home through the lens

$lothboi:

I got to bone to pick
I’m tired of the holiness
The higher I be up the flying hit me with the turbulence

Surrounded by thought me
I might’ve had lobotomy
There’s something in my head that ain’t apart of what I want in me

I’m splitting like I’m missing
All the glue up on the leather

I’m hitting like a whippet
When I mix it all together

I’m fitting like a condom on a dick in chilly weather
I be slipping when I’m falling but a spark will make me better

(Spark Sound)
(exhale)

Leme hold a bit
Gas so strong
Bouta blow the bitch
Up

(exhale)

Leme roll this shit
Gas so packed
Bouta fold a bit
Yuh

Get a load of this
Man so up
Bouta jump and get stuck

Plan so fucked
Bouta duck
And get bucked

Man no luck
Just refuse
To get stuck

Waterford Ft. $lothboi

LYRICS:

You wanna come and tell me that you’re different, no
You couldn't understand your delusional,
I take a knife straight to the gut again
I wish I could just be normal, man

You wanna come and tell me that you get me, no
Your vapid appetite consumes your soul
Waking up again to feel disgusted
The one I hate’s myself again

With eyes shut and everything's frozen
Your tongue stumbles up as you burn in motion
Everyone’s still and just stops and stares
Shows no one will help you as no one will care

Gravity stalls as I float up gently
Please just stop cus you know I'm empty
Feeling this pressure inside of my head
My skull it cracks as I burden the share

Cus I know, this misery comes in waves
Sink a bit lower as I try to betray
A painting of emotions on fire decayed
Living in the back of a car we changed

Hold up, I need a break
From the, tears raining pain
And then you dissect me, it's all the same
Living in a world where the mind’s a maze

Wearing that necklace around your neck
Yeah isn't it a noose that's carving debt
Spending all the money you have 
On frivolous things that didn't amount to anything

I tried to be someone that just cared
But there was only so much that I could bear
It's like I was living in a house 
Where the wires were blown and the fire just started

Somedays I think I didn't make it out alive
My skin’s still charred and burning up inside
They’re breaking through the walls of my room
They're getting closer and they'll consume

Everything I've dreamt to be
As anxiety boils inside me
See depression lives here yeah and he's messed up
I'm gonna crack his skull to leave

You wanna come and tell me that you’re different, no
You couldn't understand your delusional,
I take a knife straight to the gut again
I wish I could just be normal, man

You wanna come and tell me that you get me, no
Your vapid appetite consumes your soul
Waking up again to feel disgusted
The one I hate’s myself again

The Call

LYRICS:

cus I don't wanna be the one 
that comes to you just to pick up the pieces
when the drugs enter your veins the face I love starts to change
desperation comes with the withdrawals, cold shakes

it's like the person that I loved isn't there now 
the void came through and consumed all that was found
rearrange my spine constant pain now
you hang me up in the light I'm a letdown

cause I'm just a mess bathing in stress, everything I tried to be to you
the god in the clouds doesn't exist we make our own hell from living in bliss
at least we just thought the drugs would just come take away the pain and just leave u all numb
that wasn't the case, I watched you fade out strung on the couch and then living in doubt

an empty shell of who you used to be you know that it wasn't fair to me
huffing on gas watch you collapse bathroom chemicals start a relapse
remember the time I broke through the door to see you’re wrists cut with blood on the floor
torment inside torment around I wish I didn't stay as your body was found

Sorry I'm Late

Wake in the classroom windows shut
The last thing I remember’s the truck
A reflection sees that I got crushed
I guess this is what they call bad luck

Put my hands on the ground and push myself back up again
Gasp from the corner when they see my face, a lost friend
They know the look but they can't remember a single name
Am I trapped in a hell forced to lay here and decay

They feel like they know what it's like
To sense like you're not real lost in time
I try to explain to you I care
It's just all, it's all in my head

Realities just a kick in the teeth
Numb yourself out to not feel a thing
Derealization comes with the flood
It's like my souls been dragged through the mud

Whiplash to the devil in front of me
He looks familiar reflections key
Cus that person  was always me
Dragging coffins around  to keep peace

change your mind now perspectives are skewed
He wants to speak about how I was used
So easily no he didn't have to do a thing
Cus this hell was brought on by me

Cracks in the window frame speak the truth
They  show me memories of how I was abused
A family tormented in pain
Bottled down to ignite the flame

He tells me secrets of when I was a kid
I didn't know much but he knew I gave in
To jealousy acts of blindness, corrupted fiend
I guess the one I really hated was always me

They feel like they know what it's like
To sense like you're not real, lost in time
I try to explain to you I care
It's just all, it's all in my head

Realities just a kick in the teeth
Numb yourself out to not feel a thing
Derealization comes with the flood
It's like my soul’s been dragged through the mud

Lets Go

LYRICS:

Put a collar on my neck for me to explode
You don't trust a single thing I say so I hold
Hands over ears just to block out the noise
My world is fucking painted red, triple vision watch the time go

Feel my fucking bones start to stretch out my skin
A fucking loner he can't communicate from within
So he's awkward and shy, doesn't have any friends
Until they fucking see him suffer feel so sorry for him and pretend

That  everything is alright, no you will be just fine
Fucking sick of hearing words of delusion it's like you’re in my mind
The world that I love floating straight up above
I'm watching hells jaw under as you give me a shove

And I fall, it didn't take long just to hit the bottom
Of the bottle on the side a cigarette to chase the lie
So nicotine a day keeps the hunger at bay
So I'll just starve myself alone in the anguish I'll fade

It's just head pain we feel 
that keeps us alive
yeah we ache to serve a god that doesn't give a flying fuck
watch the anguish of a lover it's like he wants us just to suffer so

So why do we care
about who we are
If I could find a way to finally just say that I'm coping
Watch the ones who say they're hoping but your hopes just left me choking

Yeah, Yeah

Watch the world around me swallow me whole
The sky cracks open blood tears flood the empty hall
Screams of a lover as she’s sucked in the void
Panic attacks take over when I'm stuck with a choice

Do I stay here or swim
I guess I'll never know 
Life’s a fucking joke when wake up and you just suffer
Getting jealous of another whose normal, so wounds we cover 

So the world doesn't see confusion comes from a lover
Who knows your not fine you're breaking, you struggle to get up
And you just smother out any tiny bit of her doubt
She hasn't got the strength to help so you just wait all this out

Until you make friends with the person down in your chest
They try to make you feel so better but they know you cave to stress
So a little bit of hate comes again with the waves
You starve your own body out just to block out the pain

It's just head pain we feel 
that keeps us alive
yeah we ache to serve a god that doesn't give a flying fuck
watch the anguish of a lover it's like he wants us just to suffer so

So why do we care
about who we are
If I could find a way to finally just say that I'm coping
Watch the ones who say they're hoping but your hopes just left me choking

It's Inside

LYRICS:

With eyes wide shut did you expect much
A kid 16 stolen car burnt clutch
30 of the limit, yeah losing traction to the sludge
My car goes up the boundary yeah that's the first time that I lost touch

In my brain or something it's still a stain on my name
Try to reach out to someone but all that's left pain
Are we truly on our own in this life
You bring a kid out who can't walk and put his neck to the scythe and you

Ask how he's doing, does he have a job yet
You’re always locked in your room, yeah are you upset
It's not like you would even understand if I explained
A father's expression is numb when you just bring shame
 
I had a conversation with the devil in the undertow
No matter how hard you work you will still someone that you loathe
Yeah I know I will be always someone that I just hate
At least I can admit so I put up with the weight

I'm just a burden, just a burden
Everything’s too much I’m still hurting
Im uncertain, im uncertain
If I stay can I still say im alive

It’s disturbing, it’s disturbing
Every time I leave it’s not working
I'm just lurking, I’m just lurking
I'm sick of always living a lie

A life tied to the noose yeah always bad news
Do I stay do I go, yeah I never can choose
Making friends with the pills it's the same
See another psych who has to see a paper note to know my name

Give too much empathy, you'll be tread on
If I'm not careful I'll end up gone
Can't stand up for myself when I tell them I just need a break
Keep on pushing on my mental state I'll end up in a shallow grave

And I’ll sink, sink into somewhere I don't know
See my life down here and I'll say please go
I don't want to know about something that I will never be
There's a heavy weight on my chest and I think I've met defeat, alone

Feel the hate peel the skin, just a heretic within
Or at least your god would say
What's the problem yeah what's wrong thought I made this one strong
Chuck him down to the side, see what's messed up inside

I'm just a burden, just a burden
Everything’s too much I’m still hurting
Im uncertain, im uncertain
If I stay can I still say im alive

It’s disturbing, it’s disturbing
Every time I leave it’s not working
I'm just lurking, I’m just lurking
I'm sick of always living a lie

All I Bring Is Shame

LYRICS:

You know I can't be someone that you depend on
Cus you know when you hit me up I will not answer
The consequences of separation are never easy
And when you’re all alone you hit me up, say that you need me

But I'm sick of that, I don't wanna be used to the grave
Panic attacks hit the stage open up I'm in a state
Dont wanna talk about feelings why can't I be left alone
I'm not coping, I’m not good, I didn't think that it would show

Yeah cus, I didn't want to be someone that you depend on
I didn't want to be the one that didn't answer
You said "Hold your tongue cus I don't want to hear you ever speak,
You just stay inside, haven't had a reply in a week."

"I hope you suffer in the bed that you have made for yourself
Are you happy all alone, in this hell are you content?"
"Yeah I don't care about you, I guess this is goodbye,
Cus I still don't understand the reasons why you wanna die."

Cus I hate you, when you break me, you choose
It was always us two back then I was confused
It's always when I see you falter I slip up to
I see that you are amused by the fact I need you

You know I couldn't help you when you just suffered
You know I couldn't be something that you wanted
Always getting up at me like I made a mistake
Push us back and then we break, constant fighting, say we’re fake

You wanna reprimand me for times when I didn't understand
Don't want to explain it to me so you give me the backhand
You say that I'm selfish for trying to be someone that just cares
But you run away, ignore me then just give me a blank stare

So what the fuck is up with it, I get it yeah you hate
Everyone who doesn't understand the pain that you create
You say you wanna tear them down in hopes that they never exist
I guess we all just have opinions and to you they don't mean shit

I see, "You suffer in the bed that you made for yourself
Are you happy, all alone in this hell are you content?"
"Yeah you know I care about you, I guess this is goodbye
And I still don't understand the reasons why you wanna die."

Cus I hate you, when you break me, you choose
It was always us two back then I was confused
It's always when I see you falter I slip up to
I see that you are amused by the fact I need you

Cautious

SMILE :)

https://soundcloud.com/xorochii
prod soprettyanxiety

Knock Knock

[Music Video ↓]

$LOTHBOI x Xorochi - Knock Knock

Bad Luck

SPOTIFY

CHRIS RAIN x RØNIN - "BAD LUCK"

Self produced / Sad  

CONTACT: RIVILINAU@GMAIL.COM

Sorry I'm Late

Rivilin

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