I don’t trust my barber
I’m not certain he knows what I want
he’s taking just a lil too much off the front
and that’s not what we discussed 
no it’s not

this a new barber
I ain’t ever been to this person before 
we don’t have a common jargon 
we don’t have a solid rapport 

staying out of town so I found him on yelp
tryna stay zen
but im feeling like help 
I’ve made a huge mistake
(bad Will Arnet)
getting back to the point-

i’m paranoid my haircut is not going well
cuz im not recognizing any of this muthafucka’s moves 
haven’t seen “Hair In Between Two Fingers” yet
where’d this muthafucka go to school?

not to mention that he’s using, like, big office scissors 
I know those aren’t regulation barber clippers 
also why am I strapped to the chair?
arms AND legs?

I don’t trust my barber
(hmmm)

I’m very very skeptical to say the least
why’d we have to meet at 2am? 
in this empty windowless building?

what’s with all the plastic sheeting?
and why are you stabbing me now?
this is the worst haircut I’ve ever gotten
I’m bleeding and blacking out 

I don’t trust my barber
I just woke up locked inside a cage
And my hair is still super uneven 
I should complain…

but I don’t wanna bother anybody
(POLITENESS)

this is unpleasant
I’m really disappointed in yelp
this is taking way longer than I expected
plus I’ve been repeatedly beaten with a belt

In retrospect, I regret not bringing in a picture as a reference
that’s on me and I accept it 
nevertheless I’m starting to suspect that this guy is never gonna finish my haircut 

I don’t trust my barber 
0 out of 10
would not recommend 

I wonder if I’m ever gonna see my family again
I wanna look good and I also wanna live
I wish I wasn’t chained up next to where I shit
but they say the perfect haircut doesn’t exist
so I’ll take it for what it is-

(OH NO HE’S COMING)

I Don't Trust My Barber

R.B.F.

BBL DRIZZY BPM 150.mp3

This was supposed to be the conclusion to "Dear Moleskine".. recorded some time back in London. Oh well.. Write your own tale of depression and eventual redemption! Best of luck! 

Moleskin Conclusion

Drake - Duppy Freestyle

"Time", from Iman Europe's debut album, Nami.
Written and performed by Iman Europe
Produced by @wayne_valentine
Voicebox by Prestige

Time [Prod. by [w] & Prestige]

drums by Lege Kale


I could let you have it
you could be my habit
you could be my woman, right
I dont want you half in
anytime I know
you're living in a hole
anytime I know

I could let you have it
you could be my habit
you could be my woman, right
I dont want you half in
anytime I know
living in your head
theres a backdoor

my little one
she is so bad
bad as the sun

well she break me then i fall
I dont know the half of it anymore

I could give a fuck about you
she can get whatever she need
everytime that she look at me
I feel weak in the knee
wanna try to be fancy, love
I could give a fuck about you
you know that I do my girl
feel it when you come in close
you always hit on the nose
never know how you could know

treat me like one
treat me treat me like a
I dont know the half 
why would you want her
treat me like the queen 
slap your knees 
like you been laughing 

chorus

I could be yours if you wanted

tell me

Habit

I wrote a rap about Smurfs based on a beatbox/singin' the dang Smurfs theme song by Zach Braff and Donald Faison. From episode 115 of the podcast "Fake Doctors, Real Friends."

I hope yall enjoy. 

Also, if you're either Zach or Donald seeing this, I would like to be one of those people who get to talk to you on the podcast. I think we would have a nice time and it would be good and also nice.

Smurfs Rap (Fake Doctors, Real Friends)

"I'm A Joestar" by Open Mike Eagle

Listen to this track and more at adultswim.com/singles

Open Mike Eagle - "I'm A Joestar"

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVjC5d9__3_eYSfXOp09ftQ

I Don't Trust My Barber

Rob Tanchum

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