Let You Go

I ask if he’s still on dating aps.  If he’s still embarrassing both of us.  He spirals and tells me to take a plan b and that if I discuss our marriage with anyone he won’t pray with me.  I feel like I did something wrong for maybe two hours - exactly what gaslighting is supposed to do.  I get home in the morning.  He’s angry, and manic.  I’m calm, and silent.  I represent a mirror and he doesn’t want to change the truth.  We go for a walk together.  He’s speed walking, yelling, venting, manic.  I keep up.  He’s my husband and I don’t want to abandon him in this.  I’m not scared.  I feel sorry for him and I’m listening, he feels like there are ops all around him - gaslighting me to feel bad for asking him not to be a dating ap weirdo - and yeah, as a poc he does have eyes on him.  That’s not what’s happening here.  If he was white with a loser weakness for dating aps I would still be asking this question lol.  He tells me I’m supposed to be different, asks why I’m not being different.  The first words I’ve said in an hour, “are you being different?”  Him, silent.  He married exactly the right one. 

Back at the house and he’s re-regulating.  I’m so glad for his mind heart and body.  I’m exhausted.  Shower.  Laying in bed, trying to get back in touch with me.  He’s beside me.  Tried on a mask to maybe go to DC.  He starts touching me with love, we hug.  It’s beautiful.  I love him, I’m not against him, I’m for us and our dance with deen.  We start kissing.  The way we kiss is jannah on earth.  From the first time we never needed to practice.  We’re the same style, warm tongues melting us into one.  Holy union.  I think this is why God swt made sex so pleasurable, to re-regulate with our spouse.  He mounts me.  I love the weight on his press into my creamy soul.  I love him.  He flips me and I bow down for him, my only one, eternal spots for him.  Back arched, he pumps his heavy life I vowed to take.  And strokes a deep finish.  I feel close again, better.  Then he cheapishly slaps my ass, and says, “take the plan b.”  

My holy union high crashes - oh.  
He fucked me for his power.  
I fucked him for our peace. 

That night he goes out (to cheat with Michelle).  
I don’t say a peep.  God swt tells me all. 
I learned what speaking does. 
His choice to waste the gift of our deen.

Naser, a prodigious young talent emerging from Melbourne's vibrant electronic music scene, captivates audiences with his enigmatic aura and mastery of the decks. With an unwavering passion for Psy Trance, he showcases unmatched finesse in his DJing skills, taking crowds on ecstatic journeys regardless of the venue.

Watch the All I Have Official Video:
https://youtu.be/t1IsG1DBKaI 

https://ryx.myflodesk.com/closer

Let You Go

RY X