You had the perfect word to give to me 
But it was caught somehow
And now I’m clawing at your throat to get it out
But I was careful with what i had found
A footprint set into the solid ground

And you have quite the nerve
If I was you I wouldn’t be so sure
That anything you love is coming back
And you were hasty with your ambition
Thinking that you were the only one

Did you forget about me?
Did you forget about me?
I was waiting hoping that you did.

If you’ve had enough bloodshed
You are always free to leave
If you’ve had enough bloodshed
You can leave the rest to me
I have a knack for those kinds of things 

Was I delicate enough?
 Do you think that you can stitch it up?
 Triangle shaped wound
Is it time to give up
Standing on the precipice
Lying through our teeth (Triangle shaped wound)

And you have all the nerve that you were born with
And a line  straight to your heart
Pardon me for picking you apart
And you know I have been discarded once
Long enough to fester in the dark  

Did you forget about me?
Did you forget about me?
I was waiting hoping that you would.

Won’t turn on,
Deceiving light.
Did you forget about me?

Triangle Shaped Wound

Moonlighting

Lately I’ve
been dreaming my
tongue was swollen,
bitten, eaten out,
oh, but they were kind,
they left me with my
eyes, soft and closed
and moving,
generating movies,
a shame to go to waste
if there’s nothing I can say.
If you’d like to be replaced,
we can replace you.

I was holding out,
you were managing your doubt
so well until now,
so well until now,
but I was holding out,
you were managing your doubt
so well until now,
oh, well until later,
but I won’t control my fast cascading temper
forever.

Were the trees shivering?
Or are you hiding in them?
Makeshift shelter
for inclement weather,
an eye in the sky over my head,
or are you leaving me for dead?
Frost forming out here
while I search,
light pouring in the corners
illuminates my breath,
dissolves every circumstance.

If you’d like to be replaced,
you could’ve fooled me.

I was holding out,
shelter held under the clouds
so well until now,
so well until now,
I was holding out,
shelter held under clouds
so well until now,
oh well, rebuild later,
but I can’t control how fast they fell the timber
forever.

Call off the dogs,
call off the knocks,
I know you sent them,
I could use a little privacy,
call off the ambulance,
call off the avalanche,
you know I give into my paranoia easily.

Where are you going?

I know it’s you at my door
and I know what you want.

I was holding out,
checking locks and standing ground,
so well until now,
so well until now,
I was holding out,
so well until now,
checking locks and standing ground,
oh well, you’ll find me later,
but I can’t control my finger on the button
forever.

Call off the dogs,
call off the knocks,
call off the search for answers,
call off the graceless fruitless chase,
call off the dogs.

Dogs (Until Now)

tell me

You would always search for being loved
I wondered what that was about
If you could keep your distance from me
I think that that’s what I would do
If I were you which clearly I am not
If I were you which clearly I am not
I’d keep my distance from me
We can reverse our previous history 
You know

You have such a penchant for leaving out
All the details of the war
And I could be kinder to you
If I thought that’s what you deserved
If I were you I would be ready with the sword
If I were you which clearly I am not
I’d keep my distance from me
Don’t you know that this is scrawled in our histories?

I was found hiding out in
Hallowed ground you shoulda left me there
Had I known you were sacred
I would not 
Let you be tainted

You would never overlook the message
In the bottle on the shore
I suspect there’s something in there
That I don’t want you to read
If I were you I would be careful with the words
If I were you which clearly I am not
I’d keep my distance from me
The knowledge comes with volatility
You know

You can play the medic and tend to my wounds
We’ll let the fever pass
And I can ball my love into a fist and see if that hurts more
If I were you I think I’d learn to throw a punch
If I were you which clearly I am not
I’d keep my distance from me
Though I could use the company

I was found hiding out in
Hallowed ground you shoulda left me there
Had I known you were sacred
I would not 
Let you be tainted

I get carried away by the thought of old age
Wondering if I’d trade wisdom for a handful of days
If I get elevated further than I deserve to be raised
I’m dragging you with me, you can stand in my place

Distance From Me

You Didn't Love A Disease

I made a name
In the intervening years
Took care of some things
And started to forget
The songs that I wrote
I must have stood by cause
I scrawled them in my blood 
And we’re still catching up
And the size of my heart
That is caught in my throat
Didn’t shrink like i thought it would 

Kerosene keeps me warm

Kerosene keeps me warm
I’ll burn until it’s gone
The years cascade I’m overfull
The runoff is lapping at your door
Eulogized and atomized you
For the sake of song
Kerosene keeps me warm
I think I’ll hold out  until the storm is gone
Then i’ll be out for more

You should see what I am writing about now

The endless thrum
Has just begun
In the mountains
That i met you in

The walls closing in
Are a part of my skin
It’s been a while since i
Embarked into the wilderness  

I was Bitter i thought
For a justified cause
Because  taste in my mouth
Never sweetened enough
And the shift in perspective
That i thought wouldn’t come
Didn’t hurt like i thought it would


 

Kerosene keeps me warm
I’ll burn until it’s gone
The scars are healed a decade in
I couldn’t see the future then
An eternity of knowing me
Feels just a little long
Kerosene keeps me warm
And to burn it all down
By this point feels wrong

Kerosene Pt. 4

I was penitent
Ignorant
Digging up through the trenches
Buying time for cheap
And wholly devouring it

I was savoring
The water squeezed
From the wood that was
Encasing me 
Pulling at shackles
Hoping they would bend
Until

I’m free (the terror never lessens)
I’m free (it’s a shame, it’s not your shame)
I’m free (once I pick your bones clean)
I’m free (everyone starts moving)
Everyone starts moving

It was violent
Unthinking force
A tragedy that has been rehearsed
There is so little to resort to
When it comes time to resort

It was shelter from the rain at first
It was the stone that keeps my innards cold
Dismembered into parts
Cartilage, hope, meat, sinew, and bone

I’m free (the terror never lessens)
I’m free (it’s a shame, it’s not your shame)
I’m free (once I pick your bones clean)
I’m free (everyone starts moving)
Everyone starts moving

Everyone Starts Moving

It’s new
The pieces I detached to bring to you
And I may slouch as I get used
To moving in this way
I tried
To separate the muscle from the hide
And what is left, my very best
Impression of my life

I’m going to lie down

My life
Bundled up in parts and auctioned off
And trying to be grateful for the price
You think I’m worth
For now
The walls around my heart are coming down
Exposing the bare wires that spark
To cough the ideas out

I’m going to lie down

A month
I tried to live deliberately and failed
Frustrated, I continued to persist
The person that I was
Take note
The well is dry, I hope I filled you up
And what you got was nourishing enough
I’ll still be around, but

I’m going to lie down

I'm Going To Lie Down

You can find me at the bottom of the barrel
You can find me in the dog ear of a page
You can find me close to quitting 
And I will happily admit it
You can find me in the digits of my age




You can find me where the oak has turned to dead wood
You can find me where the salt gets in your throat
You can find me staring fondly
At a world that doesn't want me
You can find me in the hymns I never wrote


You can find me where the footing is uneven
You can find me where the soil has been dug up
You can find me cruelly chiding 
The song that is inside me
You can find me where my heart is not enough


You can find me in the timbre of the evenings 
You can find me in the dredgs left in the cup
You can find me at the summit
Though I never really loved it 
You can find me where the days are getting rough 


You can find me on the road without direction 
You can find me in the middle of a map
You can find me defending
A definitive ending
You can find me submitting to the trap
That holds me steadfast where I'm at.

I Dont Want To Die With A Song Still Inside

clear air I wonder
what’s the clap if not the thunder?

sandstorm in a blur
it’s never what you heard
the drywall pouring out my mouth
is not a resolution

you’re waiting to be fed

make believe
a chance at tyranny, a lightbulb
far away and always changing colors
keeping time
duality
the oscillation between reason and 
a hungry hateful god
that’s got his fingers on your pulse now


pleurisy 
the wheeze of lungs lost in the haze
in out ribs in out ribs in  
the easiest days are the ones where I remember
you’re just a balloon that I have 0 been letting out

the pressure’s going down


don’t retrieve
the symbolic easing of time
forty years and a scar
 that looks just like me
a tragedy
made of mirrors and lonely shoes
far too small for growing feet
like mine used to be

hope is a bug
wings for the beloved

The Great Spider Slipped A Stone Into My Pocket

"this is a fun handshake you can do with your best friend" available on soundcloud now, elsewhere soon.

The Great Spider Slipped A Stone Into My Pocket

sadloaf

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