literally my goat i cant wait to see what u do next

🔥 It’s giving loads of vibes!!!!!! Fucking fire song!

'87 Benz
I just sit back, I hit the gas
Ride through the wasteland broken down buildings and piles of trash
I moved as far away as I could to get away from the past
I'm just a scavenger looking for copper and metal to scrap
And I don't wanna be that, but I don't wanna be that
Pack up my bags like don't worry I'ma be back
Can't find no home I can't find anywhere that I wanna be at
Home's where the heart is but I'm fucking heartless so that don't mean jack
Kill my throat from all this nicotine and vapor I inhale
I never used to but this stress got me not doing well
Work so much but this self motivation it can be hell
I roll my mary and I just put myself up in a spell
My weak brittle bones, I need phosphorus
I just need some love but I can't foster it
And i do what I love but I just lost the bliss
They only show the love when it’s posthumous
Tell me it means
Tell me it means
Tell me your train of thought when you shut yourself off from me
Save it please don't talk to me
Please don't talk to me
I don't know what it was but something's been off with me
And I don't wanna be that, but I don't wanna be that
Pack up my bags like don't worry I'ma be back
Can't find no home I can't find anywhere that I wanna be at
Home's where the heart is but I'm fucking heartless so that don't mean jack

phosphorus (with brody)

via @universalchill
prod jolst x viera
music video: https://youtu.be/J9w6bF2pk90

go home,
go home 
out the cold
i feel so cold 
so cold
i just wanna keep you warm
but you lay in the dirt
in the dirt

n jus go home 
go home 
out the heat 
i am so hot 
so hot
i need your helping hand but u just let me burn
let me burn 

and this happens like every fucking autumn 
baby let the leaves fall down on my coffin 
i’ll make u a coffee when i leave in the morning 
the morning 

im fuckin geeked up when u be callin
i’m sorry that i slur i know u just don’t want it
i can’t help myself bein sober 2 boring 2 boring 

ima sleep in a little bit don’t hit my phone up
it’s not like i’m hurting anybody out here

i cancel all my plans and just cut the cord cus i need two 20’s for my head to feel clear

talkin bout 20’s i jus pop and pop them 
i know it’s not cool but im already here

i need a pretty girl to just cock her shotgun
and evaporate my heart 
i don’t wanna be here 

n i can’t make the music if the energy ain’t right 

n i can’t focus up unless there TR in my sprite 

i pour the pinewood till my chest don’t feel so tight 

2 fucked up u can’t kill me twice

think my heart just caved in 
i’m thinking bout all the time that i jus wasted
texting u but i don’t get a reply
like no way

i’m just a waste of space and
even with this music i don’t think i’ll make it
i’m spilling all my guts on this stupid
fucking iphone notes page 
x2

tarnished (jolst x viera)

prod @sorrow_bringer

 it really does kill me that i'm not able to showcase what i create/put out how i want it to be, but the piece itself matters the most to me. hopefully one day i'll be able to put together like a music video/lyric for a majority of what i put out, but for now, this is all i got. thank you so much for supporting me and music to this point. i really, really appreciate it. more than just that. this is everything to me. thank you for listening. <3

i'd fuck off if you'd just ask me
but everybody else just stands there, laughing
i really thought this through
yeah, it's you
something bout the way you stab me
then patch up the wounds
kinda like it never happened

brass knuckles mounted on my fists
sweat n grease; let it drip
like a typhlosion, my body is molten
i will not let opportunity slip
it's all for the kid, that i had been
i fucking miss him, but i shouldn't let
adolescence turn to codependence
just how in the fuck did we grow up to this

i'm sorry if you don't like my voice
cause i don't either, i do not have a choice
i take a break for a couple days
then i come back, just to fill the void
i'm so annoyed by every noise
and a breath away from breathing poison
a leap of faith isn't what i'd take
just freefall into clairvoyance

i don't keep track of the shit i accomplish
trying my best to avoid being pompous
now the weight of the world's being pushed on the girl who had given me hope
for the things i had wanted
ain't that some bullshit
honesty lies in between the cracks
of what we deem that is evil
but we can't live without it
can't live without it

oh, it feels like i stall time
when i submerge myself in a foreign pathogen
all feels well, till i cross that path again
flicker the blood off your hands into mine
what an orthodox method of covering crime
i just wanna cry
she just wanna crash
just leave me behind
there's no going back

but, what if i fuck this up again
would you be my only friend
my mentality's kicking the bin
cause honesty lies within sin
with every thought, grows ornery tension
every night i'm a loss, and i'm building retention
stars don't cross if you don't pay attention
my tears don't drop if they're not worth a mention
you cannot feel what i feel.
she's probably not even real
i'm probably not even real
so i'm going in for the kill

i'd fuck off if you'd just ask me
but everybody else just stands there, laughing
i really thought this through
yeah, it's you
something bout the way you stab me
then patch up the wounds
kinda like it never happened

did it ever happen..

retention [prod. sorrow bringer]

cover of jude's (sleepwater) "nervous"
guitar by caves
reprod by me


miss you bro :(

sleepwater - nervous (cover)

prod. nevrfall and branwen  
@nevrfall 
@branwenmusic

i take this small one and bend 
its like this battle dont got a end
i can get so in my head but still fuck what they say 
i dont know you and you not my friend
i know that i said i wouldnt get fucked up today
but look at me here i am 
i always end up just going the opposite way
if they try to tell me that i cant 
ill do that shit just to spite you and laugh
fuck out my face bout that i give a damn
i dont know you i dont trust you thats facts 
that shit is just how it is 
i would change it if i could but i cant
i let the world try to make me abandon myself
just to be something for them 
just to be something for somebody else

i push away
everything because i need help
bleed out
on the tile i left a big puddle
i love something
and it gets me into big trouble 
do u need enough 
all these tests i hope i bleed enough 
i left that old part of me where 2016 was 
reasons 
i dont need to ever speak of
leave me 
in a big clump
ima big cluts 
bleeding 
from these thick cuts
i can get rid of 

when i stretch
and this conflict eats me to my bone
cant this toxic world leave me alone 
its ingrown 
if its wrong 
let me reap what i sow

dont go closing your eyes
you never know whats gonna wanna come n hurt you right
and when your outside keep some sort of weapon close to your side
im so sick of hearing bad news somebody died 
and it goes like 
dont go closing your eyes
you never know whats gonna wanna come n hurt you right
and when your outside keep some sort of weapon close to your side
im so sick of hearing bad news somebody died

dont go, closing your eyes

love song 4 the ghost i see in my room sometimes 

original beat by killedmyself (chopped and pitched)
additional violin by my good friend Mohini 

its not somethin else
its exactly whats the most obvious
its so easy to tell
and im no good at hiding it
its rly not that hard to figure out
the obsessions not mutual 
i know u like me but not as much
i wanna be what you think about
i cant help but fall in one sided love 

and im stuck in it  
i get so dumb in it 
there might be something
to make me feel more whole 
somehow 
your touch that feels like home 
but then u cast me off and i end up more alone
strung up
im just a puppet
u can make me dance 
im happy to perform 
in ur bed
im nestled up and warm
hoping 
the night can last more long 

ive been numbed up i dont feel it 
i dont feel the touch im too hollow
can u help me get more human 
maybe some emotions to borrow 
i think im the worlds best escapist 
back then i just didnt wanna exist
so i buried my head in the sand
look at all the time i wasted

. . . . .

when im in your arms it felt so warm like home

Lyrics:

[Yokai Dreams]

something's been eating me up as of lately
i'm never enough and i feel like they hate me
can't blame anyone but myself
i don't have no one else
i don't take no ones help
i won't take yours
after it all i am still just the same me

weak
maybe i'm an asshole
i'm scared but i won't let that show
no king
sick of this castle
i'd leave but it's too much hassle

got a tortured mind and a broken heart
i barely recognize me
u wouldn't understand a thing
mind over matter but both mine are weak

[hero]

if it's really what you wanted then there's nothing to forgive (AAAA)
trapped in cells of condemnation my mind is gonna give
depression comes in cycles
2nd guessing come in sweeps
what my friends are spouting
you'd have to torture outta me

everything
i think
i say
and all i said
i meant
i'm not jus gonna skim right past it
go get fuckin bent
"you wouldn't understand it"
bitch it's happening to me
"mind over matter"
but both of mine are weak

mind over matter w/ yokai dreams (prod. vowl x brothel)

Hiding In The River

guitar and drums done by noah walker @mr_innervue

Stranger.demo (2021 version)

i reach, for air
i'd scream, but the sound's not there
i wait for a wake
right around when i jump from the brink

draining all the joy out
seem always annoyed now
constantly devoid, how the moment pales my skin
had it sorted out,
now my soul's just sore, ouch
they say i'm a solider,
i just never peek my head out of these trenches

nothing's really here for me
it hurts to laugh
it hurts to speak
there's nowhere else i'd rather be,
than put at rest with nobody
if time should wind a single hand,
then who am i to reprimand
the data flow that leads my stand
of former thoughts and severance

met with bloody stares
spirit broke the mirror
tumbled-down eyes glare
"it always could be better"

the toad in my throat drowning notes 'till they're gone
if they crash, should they float to return to this pond?

if i'm stood a stance of lax
consider that form of attack
procrastination ticks away until delay becomes a gift
given all i am is shit
sat distraught over some bricks
counting melodies won't counter how i feel when nothing sticks

i reach, for air
i'd scream but the sound's not there
i wait for a wake
right around when i jump from the brink

draining all the joy out
seem always annoyed now
constantly devoid, how the moment pales my skin
had it sorted out,
now my soul's just sore, ouch
they say i'm a solider,
i just never peek my head out of these trenches

trenches

nothingmuchEST2016 (prod.grimgar-dx)

its fun to forget
✷ 
NOTHING MUCH FOREVER 
.
.
.
.

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dont go, closing your eyes

someplace ...

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