artwork by ouch591 on IG! https://www.instagram.com/ouch591/

vocal mixing is garbage, not sure if I want to upload this anywhere else yet so SoundCloud heard it first. 

edit: I think the vocals sound a tad bit better now not sure I replaced the original file with the newly mixed one.

Lyrics:

I have to be the better man now
I never even got to ask how
I have to be the better man now
and if I don’t they’ll always look down 

I’m at the bottom,
still getting deeper but it aunt a new problem 
but it gets worse, every time I try to solve em 
tryna keep it steady I’ve been tryna keep it solid
didn’t mean to pick it but I somehow still got em
no how many times I try to rearrange I pick the same mistakes again,
sometimes I wonder why and wonder how
but maybe that's just who I am

the demons in my head I try lock away
it’s makes no sense no matter what I do they stay
so what if I can’t get any better after all
will I become the man that I despise

I have to be the better man now
I never even got to ask how
I have to be the better man now
and if I don’t they’ll always look down 

please you gotta understand I’m clueless
nothings making sense to me and I don't wanna do this 
I didn't choose it, fuck I didn't choose it
man I wanna lose it this just confusing me 
lightheaded I gotta make some decisions
it’s normal I know it isn’t
I’m just tryna make it seem like it’s worth it 
like it’s worth it 

I have to be the better man now
I never even got to ask how
I have to be the better man now
and if I don’t they’ll always look down 

I don't know how to do this
nobody askin 
I never saw it in me

I’m just tryin make it
tryin my hardest 
but you don’t ever ask me

collapse (demo)

I had a lot fun making this lol idk enjoy
working on a better prod version with some friends soundcloud heard it first

temptations (demo)

made this track back in 2017 and honestly I wish I still had the project file for this, one helluva country banger.

I don't understand

you know when you chicken out at shooting your shot? this is that song where you didn't.

art by smolcicada on IG!
www.instagram.com/smolcicada/?hl=en

lyrics:
I said listen can you hear my heart beat, you said hey I got somewhere to be
I said oh my god you acting so fine my eyes are all wide I make you my wife like
I said oh my god the way you move is driving me crazy
Please don't stop I need you now I need your love daily
Settle down for a second please, I ain't tryna pass out you make me so nauseous
Making me stumble my feet, I'm down on my knees you've broken my posture

Taking your time you're stuck in my mind, don't know what's right I gotta rewind
Taking your time you're stuck in my mind, don't know what's right I gotta rewind
Taking your time you're stuck in my mind, don't know what's right I gotta rewind
Taking your time you're stuck in my mind, don't know what's right I gotta rewind

I had to put a strap on me just to settle me down
You could ship to asylum or set me up as a clown
now I'm giggidy so giggidy and now I'm getting fidgetitty
I'm tryna make sense of it nothing gives me clarity, now wait

You got me acting down bad, I can't believe it's exactly as it sounds man
So much trouble just to get myself together huh
Now Imma listen just so I can remember

I said listen can you hear my heart beat, you said hey I got somewhere to be
I said oh my god you acting so fine my eyes are all wide I make you my wife like

Hey, can you go and move outta my face, I've been tryna settle shit in my pace
I've been tryna make shit my way, my way my way yeah

Hey, can you go and move outta my face, I've been tryna settle shit in my pace
I've been tryna make shit my way, my way my way yeah

Taking your time you're stuck in my mind, don't know what's right I gotta rewind
Taking your time you're stuck in my mind, don't know what's right I gotta rewind
Taking your time you're stuck in my mind, don't know what's right I gotta rewind
Taking your time you're stuck in my mind, don't know what's right I gotta rewind

Hey, can you go and move outta my face, I've been tryna settle shit in my pace
I've been tryna make shit my way, my way my way yeah

temptations

PLEASE

sanjay. & lushroom - WHAT DID YOU SAY

@lushroom

SPOTIFY

ASSUMPTIONS

the plan // 100wm

what u were 2 me

it's the way that you talk
it's the way that you feel
doesn't matter I know I can't compete
in the air that you breathe 
from the eyes that you see 
I know that you won't look back at me
don't really care if you hurt me baby
I'm used to the heartbreak lately 
and I thought maybe if I confess it would hurt just a little less but i'm stupid
put you in this position don't need your decision, cuz I already know
I know that you only want the best for me
it's okay you can blame it on me
you don't want me falling in too deep
i guess I'm not enough
I don't really care about the way you treat me
I know that I'm not the man of your dreams
don't care if I'm losing sleep
I guess I'm not enough
it's the way that you talk
it's the way that you feel
doesn't matter I know I can't compete
in the air that you breathe 
from the eyes that you see 
I know that you won't look back at me
do you do you do you do you want me in your life?
do you do you do you do you want me in your life? (like I do)

restless

2myself

sexy as from before (feat. shiloh)

s*xy as from before (feat. shiloh)

fadedv2

I don't want u to fall in love unless it's with me

prod @616ayelmao and me 
lyrics:

Maybe I'm better off
Not saying anything at all
You know I love you so
But I can't seem to let you know

Am I not obvious
I'm so obvious
Am I not obvious
I'm so obvious

You make me sick, not in a bad way, I try to make sense of it
I get so scared try to relax, but I can't think straight when I'm next to you
The things that I wanna say never seem to come out of my mouth
I think I'll keep it to myself again

Obvious, am I not obvious, obvious

I know it's all in my head, so I'm sorry
Played myself yet again, I'm just a homie
I'm being selfish again, I'm better than this
I just need to get over you

Obvious, I'm so obvious, am I not obvious, I'm so obvious
Obvious, I'm so obvious, am I not obvious, I'm so obvious

I know it's all in my head, so I'm sorry
I'm being selfish again, I'm better than this

obvious

Lyrics:

What can I do?
With nothing to lose?
What can I do?
With nothing to lose?

Act tough but I break to easily
Big dreams but I fall to quickly
Gotta keep my head up it's okay I know you'll make it
Just push it to the side you know you ain't gotta deal with it
Deal with it, come on man just deal with it
Just push it to the side you know you ain't gotta deal with it
Deal with it, come on man just deal with it
Just push it to the side you know you ain't gotta deal with it

What can I do?
With nothing to lose?
What can I do?
With nothing to lose?

Call me crazy I know I'm sensitive
Pick up the pen and I write and write again
Why's it always the same shit?
I don't know

Deal with it, come on man just deal with it
Just push it to the side you know you ain't gotta deal with it
Deal with it, come on man just deal with it
Just push it to the side you know you ain't gotta deal with it
Deal with it, come on man just deal with it
Just push it to the side you know you ain't gotta deal with it
Deal with it, come on man just deal with it
Just push it to the side you know you ain't gotta deal with it

You ain't gotta deal with it.

DEAL WITH IT

me and yihong (@616ayelmao) love this song. I did the vocals and yi hong did the amazing mix. @bickleboy supremacy! Stream Gut Feeling.

Bickle - Apocalypse Love Song (Cover)

ART BY (IG): kelpono.draws

[EDIT:] DUE TO THE LARGE POPULARITY ON THIS SONG FOR SOME REASON I AM RELEASING THIS ON ALL MUSIC PLATFORMS THIS WEEK STAY TUNED FOR THAT 

i don't even know how to categorize my music into a genre anymore.

i was suppose to make this all serious with effort but it just sounds kinda bland to me. Although I will say I am getting the hang of flstudio more but I still have no clue on mixing and mastering anything or how to match up beats with vocals precisely.

but hey atleast it's better than nothing.

lyrics:
tears and scars forever lost, take me back at any cost.
life so cold and dark I wouldnt wanna be alone
Oh i need someone to stay with me,

What would I do with a heart of steel, 
protect what I love when I don't even feel.
Taken the chance to fix what I need
nothings right I need a chance to breathe 

for now im gone, for now its gone
you know im lost, im always lost

empties skies among the silence, wary demons out behind us
shot in the dark that I would want so bad to catch
but I know you wont be there when I do

What would I do with a heart of steel, 
protect what I love when I don't even feel.
Taken the chance to fix what I need
nothings right I need a chance to breathe 

for now im gone, for now its gone
you know im lost, im always lost

heart of steel

a song compiled with different love stories including mines. 

this is something I worked on a while back while my friends in school thought I should make a song specifically targetting heartbreaks and love in general and this is what I made. 

never really did anything with it but here it is now for the whole world to see so enjoy?

lyrics:
now we’ve all fallen in love before,
and there’s always a person you can’t ignore.
you try to stop but your heart wants more,
till you find that person you’ll always adore.

this first guy fell in love with a girl who’s so sweet,
he gets butterflies every time their eyes start to meet.
She’s a girl from the land of maple syrup,
The love he felt lifted up his spirit.

but eventually she had to go, and the boy just had to know, as she went overseas he screamed don’t leave but it was in his head, he whispered it out in bed, but it was hopeless as she left. 

this other guy had his eyes on a girl, 
and he thought and thought about her.
he was oh so shy with love in his mind
as he let it out I think he might die 
but deep inside he let out a cry.

oh, he just couldn’t do it, he had to forget it all.
so he fried his brain till he wasnt the same but deep inside he still feels the same oh no
he’s got nothing to lose. As he lays there in his thoughts, there’s nothing he can do.

and finally my girl, she would always make my world, I would ponder and wander around and think about the things that we used to do .
even if she was perfect there were always flaws, and I must admit I was also wrong.

it was complicated and now we’re gone but I’m still quite unsure, I’ll forever in her eyes be immature.
we’re no longer friends and it ended poorly our love and drama always seemed like a movie and all I ask for now is at least a pint of forgiveness.
There seems to be no end in this.

love was no longer a choice it just seems to happen ,when you meet the right one it’s a chemical reaction, oh it’s true. you’d do the same for love too.

a song about love is what came to me I had all my issues in a melancholy dream, but their still here, so I guess I’ll live in fear. 

a song about love.

Available on Spotify and other streaming platforms!

a sad song about love

some new stuff, been re-posting old works and archives but here's something that i came up with today. Hope you guys like it.

lyrics:
i said I'm tired of it all 
last night i tried to make a call 
but no one answered. 
i feel abandoned. 

I've shut up all my empty doors 
I'm hiding in my own world 
but i know I'm not alone 
but why does it feel that way? 

i can't call you anymore 
and it sucks that i need you more 

sometimes i wonder if you think 
about the days that we would dream of 
but now it's empty 
it's was all me 

you probably enjoy 
watching me destroy myself 
i bet you do

you told me 
i should learn to love myself 
before i love anyone else

if that's the case, if that's the case
 how can i? if i hate myself?

i can't call you anymore

i had it removed because I didn't like it as much as my other songs but its gotten quite popular on spotify so it's back up.

lyrics:
in just a couple months I'll be turning 17,
18s just another year away and im still processing.
I'm still not big yet and my grades havent rised
I kept my hopes low and there's still no still no surprise but
I'll make it somehow 

This is not a song about you this is a song about me instead
I'm tired of writing shitty love songs on a paper that will never get read
I try to sleep comfortably but there's bed bugs on my bed
I wanna make some better songs but I can't find the chords in my head

I told myself that I would fix my overall mentality 
Aprils almost coming soon and the third days just for me
There's peoeple and dreams that all stop me from dying
but all this bullshit just makes me wonder why
I'll make it somehow

This is not a song about you this is a song about me instead
There more you hear the song again you might think that I'm a hypocrite 
but this is just what i'm saying and it all comes from my head
I'd write a lyric here and there but I think I'll stick with this instead

not a song about you

one of the songs I'm most proud of making, I hope you guys enjoy this single. <3
gonna be dropping this song on all streaming platforms this saturday so stay tuned! soundcloud heard it first!

lyrics:

I keep staring at my phone, hoping things will change, but it'll never be the same
you would ask me how i feel, asked me if we're real, I told her we would never break

time, it seems to move so slow, but then it goes so fast, but it never seems to last
I can't seem to see at all, I'm blinded by my trust, I soul is clogging up with dust.

cause baby i dont know that, i dont even know if im okay
im living in a dead past, i dont wanna keep on staying the same x2

now im starting to see how things can never really live up to 
expections that never will come true

broken heart and a open back, expose my thoughts and its pretty bad but
I stay strong and I pray that I can move on

cause baby i dont know that, i dont even know if im okay
im living in a dead past, i dont wanna keep on staying the same x2

(time is slowing passing me, I cant always seem to be,
the perfect one inside your dream, im trying im trying baby im trying)


~radio effect
cause baby i dont know that, i dont even know if im okay
im living in a dead past, i dont wanna keep on staying the same


cause baby i dont know that, i dont even know if im okay
im living in a dead past, i dont wanna keep on staying the same x2

(no one seems to be here anymore i wanna go back i wanna go back
I dont wanna be seen anymore just leave me alone just leave me alone)x2

(time is slowing passing me, I cant always seem to be,
the perfect one inside your dream, im trying im trying baby im trying)x2


~outro
time is slowing passing me, I cant always seem to be,
the perfect one inside your dream, im trying im trying baby im trying

cloud of doubt

gonna be releasing some more stuff like this, kinda happy with this so far but I might work on some more folk / indie stuff next time. 

coming out soon on all other streaming platforms.

lyrics:
lately ive been thinking whats the matter with me
years and months have passed but I'm stil reminiscing 
coming back from hell oh I don't know if I'm good
people tell me everything I know that I should  

but i take it easy, come on baby
show me what is right
I think im going crazy, a little hazy
I think I lost this fight

i can never let you go,
gotta fix my self control
heard things I will never know
feelings i can never show

push away, I know you felt it
run away, I keep on tripping
I dont know, how things are different 
wondering, if nothing changed

my head is growing tired of writing songs for you

but i take it easy, come on baby
show me what is right
I think im going crazy, a little hazy
I think I lost this fight

(you know)
i can never let you go,
(i said)
gotta fix my self control
(im lost)
heard things I will never know
(im dead)
feelings i can never show
(come back)
i can never let you go,
(to me)
gotta fix my self control
(show me)
heard things I will never know
(my destiny)
feelings i can never show

i can never let you go

just gonna pull this out of my music vault as well. I really wanted to upload this but I was unsure if it was good or not.

lyrics:
I cannot help but see, all your broken pieces 
of your heart just laying on the ground

you shouldnt have to know, what i thought of you
when we were together I just wanna stop this pain

i see ya, i hate it, i know that youre right
I love it, i take it, i dont know so why

i know that, i broke it, i know that you cried 
i saw it, i felt it, but i didnt try 

so what? i dont wanna be the one who keeps on giving you a chance
i caught you talking by my back and you said nah man im just joking
like are you kidding me? you think i wanna be the guy who gives his shit for free

I cannot help but see, all your broken pieces 
of your heart just laying on the ground

you shouldnt have to know, what i thought of you
when we were together I just wanna stop this pain

oh my mind just clogs up these feelings 
scattered all the time it's so decieving

I can't help me please reply
I need someone I might cry
take me back oh bleed me dry
head up so high I might fly

I cannot help but see, all your broken pieces 
of your heart just laying on the ground

you shouldnt have to know, what i thought of you
when we were together I just wanna stop this pain

I cannot help but see, all your broken pieces 
of your heart just laying on the ground

you shouldnt have to know, what i thought of you
when we were together I just wanna stop this pain

pieces of a broken heart

decided I wanted this to be the highlight for the ep.

lyrics:
i gotta lotta things to say but with you I can't talk
I just hide behind excuses I don't the heart
I've been waiting for so long to finally move on
but here's comes back old feelings and i'm falling back in love

I I'm feeling like i'm losing my mind
It's like I've never opened my eyes
i don't know what to do x2

the burgandy boy falls in love with a friend
he's upset because it happened again
the burgandy boy knows what he has to do
let it go dont let her know the truth

the burgundy boy

made a lil sad song but I made a meme cover art / title so it's not all gloomy.

chords: Amaj7, Emaj7 on a loop
as for the finger picking tabs it was freestyle so I don't remember ehe
lyrics:
I feel so lost and scared 
I dont know what to do
I'm falling down the stars
I'm falling down the stars

I feel so lost and scared 
I dont know what to do
I'm falling down the stars
I'm falling down the stars

i thought i was okay 
I know I'm not that great
but something feels so off
something feels so off

I'm falling I'm drowing you noticed
I'm lonely i lost it I'm hopeless

fall in love cant go back oh I'm dying 
get a grip lossen up oh i'm trying

I never wanna be so hurt again 
when i fall in love we always turn into friends
I never wanna be so hurt again 
when i fall in love we always turn into friends

I feel so lost and scared 
I dont know what to do
I'm falling down the stars
I'm falling down the stars

i thought i was okay 
I know I'm not that great
but something feels so off
something feels so off

i thought i was okay 
I know I'm not that great
but something feels so off
something feels so off

i don't feel so good

I don't feel so good

did a collab with this awesome dude named @schmidtybeats you should really check him out. had fun working on this small project so hope you guys enjoy this track!

slowly fading (prod. schmidtybeats)

prod by @ericduboisprod
artwork by @kelpono.draws (IG)
coming soon on all streaming platforms! 

this is very different from what i normally do but it was very fun working with Eric on this project, the song went through a lot of changes and we had it held back for a long time before we actually decided to release it when we worked on it around summer, hope you guys enjoy this as much as i enjoyed making!

just a friend (prod. eric dubois)

artwork by (IG): emma.otional 
^^^^^^ please support her she makes great stuff!

a song i wrote for @quibby

lyrics:
6 hours apart I cant take this
we're like the moon and the sun always waiting 
I hope you feel same way about it
I dont wanna talk in the dark always doubting

I know my songs are not that perfect at all
I just hope I can shine like the stars, for you at night

we just talk all night day but
I can never see your face
I'm lying in my room
i wish im next you

I cant wait until we meet up
when you drive just save a seat
I wrote this song for you
I hope you notice too

6 hours apart I cant take this 
we're like the moon and the sun always waiting 
I hope you feel same way about it
I dont wanna talk in the dark always doubting

I hope that I am not bothering you
I wanna hear your voice and change the mood

I know that we have only met
but you always have a thought in my head

six hours apart (demo)

sad sad tunes

lyrics:
you you said I should change 
my heart was just a game
you tore it out its gone

I'll change the way I am
I'll be a better man
I'll make it all okay

I should've known
I was wrong
I'm so dumb
i'm so numb

crush crush me down to bits
pour me in a glass
and boil away my skin

i stare stare into a mirror
see my stupid face
and wonder when I'll change 

I should've known
I was wrong
I'm so dumb
i'm so numb

dumb

ask me if i'm okay album - coming soon -

lyrics:

i want them to look me in the eye and say they care, 
when i need someone to talk to no ones here,
I think i make things worse, so they're all scared 
I cant seem to look both ways, nothings clear

I hope they leave my casket open. I don't wanna die alone,
I always end up losing more friends, I don't wanna make them go.
I never get a happy ending, the page is gone i'll never know,
and I just wanna know my feelings, feelings I will never show.

i'm deep i'm deep in your thoughts, i'm lost i'm so fucking lost
you know that i cannot see, all the things that happiness brings
I lay I lay in my bed I don't feel a thing I don't feel a thing

I hope they leave my casket open. I don't wanna die alone,
I always end up losing more friends, I don't wanna make them go.
I never get a happy ending, the page is gone i'll never know,
and I just wanna know my feelings, feelings I will never show.

I hope they leave my casket open. I don't wanna die alone,
I always end up losing more friends, I don't wanna make them go.
I never get a happy ending, the page is gone i'll never know,
and I just wanna know my feelings, feelings I will never show.

open casket

what, what am i doing now?
why do i feel this way?
I can't seem to figure out,
I don't even like my name.

I get out of my bed,
I forgot things I said.
you know it hurts my head,
when you leave my words on read.

all my words just seem to leave a mark,
everything is just a little dark.
musics just another form of art, 
singing songs about my broken heart.

what am i doing?

ask me if i'm okay  - coming soon -

i cant feel my heart. you know im not strong
Im so sick and tired, i dont know whats wrong

i dont wanna make any mistakes now
I've done too much you know what i am talking bout 
im self depracating and i know its not okay 
all this humilation is filling up in my place

hold up hold up i just wanna think a second 
dont you know that know thats my heart that you keep on stepping
but i know that im not taking every moment of my chance 
ive filling up my thoughts with stupid pictures of my past
i dont wanna be the boy you keep leaning on for cash
i just wanna be a kid and never think about my path

i can't feel my heart

i really wanted to make something because I was in the moment but this is how it turned out.

if you're wondering where the anime is from in the cover picture it is called Usagi Drop.

if i had a backyard

</3

@lushroom

in stores everywhere!!
itunes/spotify/apple music + more!

IG: @lushroomm | @scaredkrow

Huzzah!

>:c

@lushroom

in stores everywhere!!
itunes/spotify/apple music + more!

IG: @lushroomm | @scaredkrow

oh no

<3

@lushroom

in stores everywhere!!
itunes/spotify/apple music + more!

IG: @lushroomm | @scaredkrow

six hours apart

take care of yourself

clean friends
@lushroom
@616ayelmao
@jazjellykelly
@cdotc
@maggery
@gylsmusic
@quibby

sanjay.

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