original song
https://soundcloud.com/jessescc/dirty-ft-heylog

heylog verse only

heylog - dirty

produced by zoltar

lyrics:

the waiting game's begun 
so i can't talk a lot
she's got it figured out
while i'm left in the dark
there's no escaping me
i'm bound to my own fears
'cause this is who i am 
i've been like this for years

do you think that i'll change?
'cause i'm so scared i won't
i know it's up to me
but i can't be on my own
affliction takes ahold
and punctures through my face
i wanna hide my soul
but i can't erase mistakes

dysregulation in the dome 
disadvantaged and alone 
nobody ever checks on me
'cause they know i'm out of hope
why do i take up this space? 
i'm not worthy, i'm afraid
how can i make it more clear that
i'm never really okay?

right from the start, i was a mess 
there was no saving me 
i took it all straight to the heart 
now i've got jealousy
the greenest eyes you've ever seen
staring carefully
i'm sorry that i'm not that strong 
my heart forsakens thee

uncertainty has guaranteed my futility
i'm like a tree stuck in the dark 
suffering and steep 
and while i'm stuck behind a screen 
there's no agency
i've come to realize i'm not free 
there is no release

i came on too strong 
but how is that wrong?
i can't help it if i have a heart
that's full of love
fuck what they all say 
i'm borderline insane
i wouldn't get close to me
if i were you, i'd run away

i'm a liability
i burden those close to me 
don't you ever feel like you're the
only one who's lost at sea?
reading all your messages 
feel the sting inside my chest 
pace around my room until i
write off every word you said

even if i was found dead
i'd hope that you won't regret 
everything you never said
i don't want that in your head

at the end of the day 
i still care about you
regardless of our statuses
i know you'll find truth
the boundaries we put in place
will keep us en route 
we all change, but honestly 
we can't forget our roots

anima

you know love
we can make it better if we want to
i don't mean to undermine who
you truly want to be
and patience
is something that i struggle to take on
but i'm trying my very best
don't lie
i can see the hatred in your eyes
your hollow heart
forever keeps me memorized
how selfish
the fact that you never compromise
so what's it gonna take?
'cos i can barely take another second
i lie awake waiting for your embrace that will
never change and i hope you can see that
but you're just a faded memory
it's just too much to stay
it's getting hard to breathe
my chest still closing when you're next to me
i wanna keep you safe and i promise you'll see
that life could be so perfect when you want to dream
please just tell me why
the lights went dark in your eyes
my heart beats out my chest and now i find no hope
my heart beats out my chest and now i find no hope
my heart beats out my chest and now i find no hope
my heart beats out my chest and now i find no hope
my heart beats out my chest and now i find no hope
my heart beats out my chest and now i find no hope

and now, i find no hope

angels of porn II ( nicole dollanganger - cover )

produced by rick hardy

@xona

-lyrics-
I could be the things you need alone
your friend, a random person on the road
Ill listen, you can let go of control
a guardian with nothing to uphold

console me, this dream with no teeth
want only to feel what you mean

~

the way it’s gray to look, I get choked up
the slower type of trauma in my lungs
I’m blacking out when I show any love, It’s artificial, reasons why I’d run

I wake up when I want but I don’t like to know that I am me which I can’t hide
time and time again I lock in eyes, reflection of myself, I see all the lies

~

is it worth to reach to the asphalt or will I regret my life?
could you hold me closer than ever? cause I don’t think I feel alright

desert what I think
you got me back on my knees
I said “I don’t wanna know” but it’s the way that I be
so I came back to my room
the cycle tends to repeat
apart from talking to you
I know that I won’t be seen
no, I won’t be seen
no, I won’t be seen

teeth (rick hardy)

kinda meh
produced by chalyre

(pull up chalyre)

(whoa whoa)
(whoa whoa)
(yeah yeah)

youre sowing doubts
run your mouth
little bitch what are you talking about
hoe reroute
don’t come around
the dogs will sniff you out
hear that sound
best get down
6 feet underground
why you frowning?
you too scared to duke it out?

your bloodline ends with you under a pyre
shame how you went and turned me into a liar
quit holding on youre fighting for survival
just let it go youre stuck in your denial

im seeing ghosts
took another hit to feel some more
pussy what you waiting for?

grip the steel
how’s it feel
9mm your meal
quit begging your fate is sealed

ill disappear
6 months from me you won’t hear
this clone looked into a mirror
ill turn into what you fear

cleanse

conversation, we should give it up
i think im struggling to fight you
and theres no need for me to act so tough
id throw my life away to find you
and we can stop, tell me its enough
inflict all the damage you want
you can bruise my bones and be rough
id never tell you to stop

this is the only time i get to hear you
ive wasted all my life, trying to see you
and i dont go outside, cause im ashamed to
id rather stay and hide, its what im bound to

gore

gewl

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