[ 𝙍𝙚𝙩𝙧𝙮, 𝙌𝙪𝙞𝙩, 𝙂𝙖𝙢𝙚 𝙊𝙫𝙚𝙧 | 𝙎𝙥𝙤𝙠𝙚𝙣 𝙋𝙤𝙚𝙩𝙧𝙮 ] 

𝐓𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐨’𝐬 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐝 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐧.

I met a man during a partial lunar eclipse who was as eccentric and free spirited as I am. He was 6’2, shades of eyes like a falling comet, meeting the river that changes when he’s high or not, and I really had rosy colored glasses for him as we played 90’s video games at a small-town café.

We experienced seasons together, some more than twice, but becoming more misaligned along the way. Memories of our jokes, eating together, singing, sharing stories from our reckless years, and to being vulnerable with each other is what’s kept me to hold on during the stormy seasons of the flaws and sins we both accepted from each other. We were from different worlds, but our demons knew how to party together. 

The same demons that caused my ego to be triggered countless times, and with every end we had that I thought would be the last... we came in full circle again like a relapse. I stayed through the nights under the covers of your masquerade as you tell me you’re only mine. Because you are, for the night, and when you still feel me as yours, I don’t exist for the next few weeks, till you realize my essence might’ve not stayed in your sheets but stayed in your soul, the same way yours left a mark on mine.

The last I saw you, was the night before we met almost 2 years, and a day away from the night we first played mario kart 64. But the rosy colored glasses I had on fell weeks ago before I saw you. I see through all of you now. I know when you’re really happy, I know when you hold back a tear while you talk about something sad that happened to you, I know how you are when you distract yourself so much, it makes you feel like you’re on autopilot, and I know how you look when you’re pulling a façade.

I’ve learned a long time ago that not everyone has taken this incarnation for the sake of realizing enlightenment. Nor have they incarnated to heal their traumas and grow beyond their comfort zones. So, I won’t try to intrude your path anymore. But, I’m not bitter about the steps you chose to take, cus I know you can still get to the dreams you want to land in, I’m just not sure if I’d be there to see it. 

Being with you transformed my heart into expansion as I was patient with you from times you’ve kept me at arm’s length, the same reason on how I realized one of us has to stop playing our never-ending game. 

I didn’t want to play with you anymore, because, I really...loved you. I love your light. I love your dark. 𝐈 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐫 𝐌𝐢𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐞𝐥. And, I may not know much about love, but I know two things. You wouldn’t play with someone you love, and if you really love someone... sometimes, you have to let them go.

Retry, Quit, Game Over

VII