While I'm tempted to flex my obsession with folklore to guess what the quiz's four vampire types could be, this is BuzzFeed we're talking about...

...so I'm just going to go with pop culture vampire types and go with Dracula, Nosferatu, sexy romantic pop culture vampire, and to throw this writer a bone, the Chinese jiangshi, since those show up in Western pop culture often enough.

Maybe by "Underworld," te second quiz means like a criminal underworld?

This post has been Fact Checked by the Team Edward Army.

Cursed Child Part One Act One (first half of)

We're finally here! The play that has loomed over us for the entire run of the podcast is finally in our hands. After years of hearing about the Trolley Witch and reading complaints about Mary Sues... it's time for Cursed Child!

We went very long on this episode, so I've split it into two almost 2 hour episodes. This week we tackle the first quarter or so of the first play (this is technically two plays!), the first half of Act One. There's plenty to discuss here: the history of the play, how much involvement JKR had versus her collaborators, and the unrealistic expectations the publishers and JKR may have set for the fanbase that doomed this play before it ever had a chance... and that's before we get to the play itself, which involves time travel wife theft and bad parenting galore!

Episode 153: The Theatre

Cursed Child Part Two Part One (Act 3)

Wowza! This act is A Lot, but we are not immune to its charms. In the world of Evil Hogwarts, only the campiest survive... and even then some of them don't! We chat about the refreshing return to the tongue-in-cheek lower stakes presentation of the early novels that this play provides, as well as the few odd moments where it fumbles by reminding us that the series became Very Serious. We also have a blazing fast Evil Draco redemption arc, a Snape vs Umbridge title fight, and something called the Blood Ball... which we can only hope gets more time in the play itself. Finally, Liz takes us through an incredibly funny article from one of our favorite websites that is still Extremely Mad about this play all these years later.

Episode 157: Time Crimes

Act 3 part two!

The second half of the act 3 roller coaster is aimed directly at our asses. We have a Cool Villain Reveal, flying, a comedy Cedric performance (that's the guess, at least) and a whole host of other moments so over the top it's hard not to be delighted. We discuss how strange this all feels coming off of Deathly Hallows, how different Thorne's work feels from JKR's, and how the fandom might have came to despise something so full of the kind of fan service you might expect people to hail as a victory lap.

Then we continue our descent into linguistic nightmares (play one act two part one of two etc etc) with a listicle from one of our favorite websites...

Episode 158: One Couldn't

Twilight chapter 11/Midnight Sun chapter 12

Well, well, well! The money fandom is in shambles as two franchises race to the bottom of the box office. This week's chapters are the closest together these two books have been yet, so we have a fun time analyzing both characters' contributions to a very, very long conversation they have with each other about who loves the other more. Which one of these lovers is more persecuted? Edward and Bella are both petty, passive-aggressive, and myopic--they're honestly kind of perfect for each other. After that, we head on over to Goodreads to browse the "Twilight rip-off" section. Are the accusations fair? Do any of them sound good? Did celebs write any of them!?

Episode 172: The 2004 Getting Up on the Cross Olympics

Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore

Well, here we are. After actual years of filming delays, author controversies, and a theatrical release we didn't feel like spending money on, we've finally watched the third and hopefully final entry in the Fantastic Beasts series. Thankfully, for as predictably awful as it is, it's awful in some very unpredictable ways--and per tradition, we have an episode here for you longer than the movie itself. We discuss its bonkers ideology (weirder than the last movie, somehow!), its cute animal body count (shockingly high!) and so much more.

Episode 173: Movie-shaped

Twilight chapter 14/Midnight Sun chapter 18

We convene a Late Recording to deliver a rowdy episode about a rowdy pair of chapters! Bella has invited Edward into her house, but what's going to happen when there's only one bed!? It turns out that they won't, naturally, but things will get incredibly weird, between Edward admitting that he has been watching Bella sleep and Charlie entering a game of Spy vs. Spy with Bella to make sure she's not sneaking out to see anyone. We discuss Edward's music taste, how the sleep-watching reveal goes down in Twilight vs. the Midnight Sun version we've been dealing with so far, the strange high-wire act between romantic tension and abstinence fantasy, and much more. 

These books are so weird.

(We touch ever so briefly on the JK/Walsh news that broke right after the last episode dropped and we declared no news for the week, but if you don't want the rundown on that skip to 8:30 to get to Maximum Ride)

Episode 177: You Smell of Frieza

Bella visits the Vampire Family.

After a recent run of Shriekcast After Dark recordings, we record a little earlier to beat the heat! We chat about morning television and blockbuster adventure movies based on YA movies before moving on to discuss our chapters. Edward has decided it's time to introduce Bella to his family, but how will she react to his giant windows and chessboards?

Episode 178: Morning Show Fandom

Twilight/Midnight Sun chapter: Carlisle

It's another no news week so far for us (knock on wood) so we spend our time at the anchor's desk goofing off and talking about private planes, Star Trek: Voyager, pricing errors, and movie lengths. Our chapters this week were incredibly short (Twilight's was 10 pages!) and maybe the most pointless content in both Twilight and Midnight Sun so far, but we have a good time dissecting what little there is to this gripping story about a guy who won't stop telling his new girlfriend how cool his dad is. Then, in the third segment, we consult several of the most popular online quizzes to determine something very important: what kind of vampire are we?

(mild content warning--we don't dwell on any specifics for too long, but Edward has another Sickos monologue this week and it's just as CSI/Law and Order SVU as last time. If you don't want to bother with this, skip ahead 15 minutes or so after Liz gives her content warning to bypass the whole discussion)

Twilight/Midnight Sun chapter: Carlisle

It's another no news week so far for us (knock on wood) so we spend our time at the anchor's desk goofing off and talking about private planes, Star Trek: Voyager, pricing errors, and movie lengths. Our chapters this week were incredibly short (Twilight's was 10 pages!) and maybe the most pointless content in both Twilight and Midnight Sun so far, but we have a good time dissecting what little there is to this gripping story about a guy who won't stop telling his new girlfriend how cool his dad is. Then, in the third segment, we consult several of the most popular online quizzes to determine something very important: what kind of vampire are we?

(mild content warning--we don't dwell on any specifics for too long, but Edward has another Sickos monologue this week and it's just as CSI/Law and Order SVU as last time. If you don't want to bother with this, skip ahead 15 minutes or so after Liz gives her content warning to bypass the whole discussion)

Episode 179: The Peacock Box

Twilight/Midnight Sun chapter 'The Game'

The Money Fandom is out of control this week and we check in with the aftermath of the latest round of WB/Discovery news and lament how close we might have come to Fantastic Beasts meeting a dark fate. Then we have a packed chapter to discuss: Billy is making veiled threats! Bella isn't understanding them! Edward is running really fast next to the freeway! And of course, the long awaited baseball game--which, it turns out, is a lot different than the infamous movie clip. It features way more oversharing from Esmee, that's for sure. Finally, we attempt to take a vampire boyfriend quiz, but are forced to improvise mid-way through when the website craps out. 

cw for child death and self harm this week; no serious details (in fact the discussion is mostly about how out of the blue the scene is) but if you're not in the mood for that skip ~1:24:00 (when we start talking about Esmee at baseball) to 1:30:00!

Episode 180: Net Zero Vibes

Twilight/Midnight Sun chapters 'The Hunt'

We ease into our new evening schedule with a check-in on the Peacock Box before discussing a truly electrifying chapter of our vampire romance novel(s). 75% of the way through the book, conflict is here! ...In the form of some French guys we've never heard of. How will Edward mind-read his way out of this one, and can he earn any boyfriend points along the way? Plus, while there wasn't time for a third segment this week, don't you worry: we take a spontaneous and extended detour in our chapter discussion this week that has massive third segment energy.

Episode 181: Vampire Talent Trees

Twilight/Midnight Sun chapter 'Goodbyes'

The classic Song of Throne and Games button gets a workout this week as we discuss dudes' heads exploding on the new one of those shows, along with the rumor that a Wizarding World HBO show is in the works (again). We've also got quite a chapter to discuss: one with a brisk, thrilling pace that falls apart the instant we prod at any of its ridiculous setup. We've got dudes running, more Tracker Lore, and spy base shutter doors (???) and much more to get through on this week's Shrieking Shack!

Episode 182: Shutter Island

Two lapsed Harry Potter fans on a journey back through the books they (used to) love so much. Updates every Friday!

Episode 179: The Peacock Box

The Shrieking Shack

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