'Live at Bush Hall', out now on Ninja Tune: https://bcnr.lnk.to/bush-hallSo

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Live at Bush Hall

Across The Pond Friend (Live at Bush Hall)

"In my restless dreams,
I see that town.

Silent Hill.

You promised me you'd take me
there again someday.
But you never did.

Well, I'm alone there now...
In our 'special place'...
Waiting for you...

Waiting for you to
come to see me.

But you never do.

And so I wait, wrapped in my
cocoon of pain and loneliness.

I know I've done a terrible
thing to you. Something you'll
never forgive me for.

I wish I could change
that, but I can't.

I feel so pathetic and ugly
laying here, waiting for you...

Every day I stare up at the cracks
in the ceiling and all I can think
about is how unfair it all is...

The doctor came today.
He told me I could go
home for a short stay.

It’s not that I'm getting better.
It’s just that this may be
my last chance...

I think you know what I mean...

Even so, I'm glad to be coming
home. I've missed you terribly.

But I'm afraid, James.
I'm afraid you don't really
want me to come home.

Whenever you come see me,
I can tell how hard it is on you...

I don't know if you
hate me or pity me...
Or maybe I just disgust you...

I'm sorry about that.

When I first learned that
I was going to die, I just
didn't want to accept it.

I was so angry all the time and I
struck out at everyone I loved most.
Especially you, James.

That's why I understand
if you do hate me.

But I want you to
know this, James.

I'll always love you.

Even though our life together had
to end like this, I still wouldn't
trade it for the world. We had
some wonderful years together.

Well, this letter has gone on
too long, so I'll say goodbye.

I told the nurse to give
this to you after I'm gone.

That means that as you read
this, I'm already dead.

I can't tell you to remember me,
but I can't bear for you to
forget me.

These last few years since I
became ill... I'm so sorry for
what I did to you, did to us...

You've given me so much and
I haven't been able to return
a single thing.

That's why I want you to live
for yourself now.
Do what's best for you, James.

James...

You made me happy."

Endless Trash Vol2

Broken Promise

I HOPE YOUR CONDOM EXPIRES

Burbank Princess

'Forever Howlong', out now on Ninja Tune: https://bcnr.lnk.to/forever-howlongSo

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Besties

what could you find? Lost in these sacred halls...

lost in sacred halls

antidepressants

Uncover.

i feel like i waste my time so much even still, but im throwing this old thing up here officially somewhat (as a single), why not ^^ 

hopefully it won't be the last time i sing on something 

Timewasting

back in 2021 I made the entire first half of this track out of field recordings as part of an assignment ( and mainly to try prove my own skill to others at school :P) but then half way through, I decided to do away with the idea, and free myself from my own restrictions. Let myself just make a really fun track from whatever. 

I had kind of stumbled into something more self-reflective than I thought back then, and latched onto the idea. In the end this song is meant to reflect my personal transition, letting myself ascend past my own mental illness and becoming a person I want to be, or wanted to back then rather, before I came out as trans, or before I felt comfortable letting anyone get close to me ever again. 

I never really intended to show it to anyone outside of my class, but around 4 years later, idk, I feel an urge after flicking through old music of mine in my old hard drive to share it. The whole first section is either sounds from the streets in Brighton in the UK, or those sounds heavily morphed into everything you hear. The second half is me having fun and being free with a bunch of silly sounds and samples :3

This feels different from what I'd usually post, but I want to post it anyway. This song is a hallmark for me actually forming into my current day self, who is a lot happier, confident, and content, with a lot more close friends and loved ones than before, and I'm glad I decided to keep going to get here where I am today. Hopefully it's a bit fun to listen to ^^

ilu <3

Broken Promise

Sidekick of a Brooding Man