This is a little song that came to me one night in March 2023.

Here are the words:

What do you do when the world's all askew
and everything's out of its place?
Nothing is right and try as you might
You just can't stand the pace.

Chorus
Upside-down and downside up
Back to front and front to back
Inside out and outside in
It puts you in a spin.

What do you do when your life's in a stew
and nothing is going your way?
It's all too much to handle or touch
And you don't know what to say.

What do you do when you're feeling blue
and nothing makes any sense?
Maybe a song or a smile will help
to make you feel less tense.

Welsh Chorus
Dibyn-dobyn, dobyn dibyn
Igam-ogam, ogam-igam
Miga-moga, moga-miga
Mae popeth o ei le

The Hedgehog Understands

Dibyn-dobyn / Upside Down

This is a little ditty I came up with in May 2023. The original plan was to make a song based on interjections like er, um, oh and so on, Then I decided to add other words to make it more interesting. The tune came to me as I was playing around with some chords. on the uke.

In this recording all the instrumental parts are played on the baritone ukulele.

Here are the words:

ho ha hey
Let's dance and play
hey ha ho
Let's put on a show

ah eh ee
Let's swim in the sea
ee eh ah
Let's dance on the bar

er oo um
Let's eat something yum
um oo er
Let's make a big stir

bee ba boh
Let the music flow
boh ba bee
Let the people see

ho ha hey
That's all I've got say
hey ha ho
It's time to go

Ho Ha Hey

Here's a little song I wrote in June 2023 for no particular reason. This recording features me singing and playing the baritone and tenor ukueles. The chords are D G A and A7. 

Here are the words:

A little patience, a little patience
Can help you through your day
Just count to ten, and take a breath
If things aren't going your way.

Life can be tough and the road can be rough
But patience can smooth the way
So look at the sky and give it a try
And your worries might fly away

There's no need to rant or rave or rage
There's no need to stomp or shout
Just a little patience is what you need
To let your worries out

We've all got things we need to do
And places we need to be
A little patience can help us all
To get from A to B

A little patience, a little patience
Can help us through the day
Whatever the weather, let's keep it together
And have a little patience today.

Patience / Amynedd

This is a little about time song I wrote in July 2023. This recording features me singing and playing the baritone ukulele (the chords are D, G and A), and you can hear one of my clocks at the beginning (with a few effects added).

Here are the words:

Time is a flowing
It just keeps on going
And nothing or no one
Can make it stop

There's never enough
To do all the stuff
That we need
And want to do

We save it, we spend it
We waste it, we lend it
And it just keeps
Flying by

Time is a river
An ocean, a sea
It ripples and flows
And rushes by

A stitch in time 
Might save you nine
So take your time 
And do things right

They say time is money
It's not very funny 
So do hurry honey
There's no time to loose

Time can run out 
Run over and away
It's an illusion you know
But it's here to stay

It's time to go 
It's the end of the show
Time to fly
And say goodbye
And say goodbye

Time / Amser

This is a little song I wrote in August 2023. Here are the lyrics:

Farewell, Farewell
It's time to go
Goodbye, Goodbye
It's time to fly
So long so long
It's time to run
So find your goat
And get your coat

Cheerio, cheerio
It's the end of the show
The bell has rung
And the large lady has sung
The curtains are down
And seats are up
So find your  toad
And hit the road

Toodle-oo, toodle-oo
No time to stew
Just slip away
You cannot stay
Go well, stay well
It's time to yell
Take care, take care
Wherever you go

See you later 
alligator
In a while
crocodile
See you soon
Big blue baboon
Walk out the door
Dinosaur

Farewell

This song came to me in August 2023 when I was playing with words related to stuff and nonsense. This recording features me singing and playing the baritone ukulele. The chords are Bm, Fm and Em.

Here are the lyrics:

There's so many people
With so much to say
No matter what you do
They'll say it anyway 

It's all stuff and nonsense
With not a fact in sight
They spout it all day
And all through the night

Truth doesn't matter
Research is a waste
Lies are more juicy 
And more to their taste

Don't be fooled by hogwash
By piffle and by tosh
It's all a load of humbug
Spouted by the posh

They'll reel you in
They'll convince you it's true
And if you believe them
You'll be in a stew

Stuff and Nonsense

This is a song I wrote in September 2023 inspired by some of the silly phrases that come up in the Scottish Gaelic lessons on Duolingo. It's in the style of a waulking song, a type of song that was traditionally sung in Scotland while women were waulking tweed cloth. This involved pounding it on a table to shrink it and make it more watertight. Songs helped pass the time and gave a rhythm to the work.

Here are the words:

Tha spùinneadairean-mara ann am Port Rìgh 
Ruith air falbh, ruith air falbh 
Tha guga aca is iad ga ithe
Ruith air falbh an dràsta fhèin 

There are pirates in Portree
Run away, run away
With the salted gannet they like to eat
Run away right now

Tha Niseag ag òl IRN BRU
Ruith air falbh, ruith air falbh
Is dannsaidh i san talla a-nochd
Ruith air falbh an dràsta fhèin 

Nessie is drinking IRN BRU
Run away, run away 
And she'll dance in the hall tonight
Run away right now

Tha bradan beag anns a' drathair 
Ruith air falbh, ruith air falbh 
Is buntàta bòidheach air a' bhàr
Ruith air falbh an dràsta fhèin

There's a small salmon in the drawer
Run away, run away
And an pretty potato on the bar
Run away right now

Tha leòmhainn a' leum ann an Leòdhas 
Ruith air falbh, ruith air falbh
Is tha Leagsaidh leisg ri a leannan
Ruith air falbh an dràsta fhèin

A lion is leaping in Lewis
Run away, run away
And lazy Lexy is with her lover
Run away right now

It can be sung in one or other of the languages, or in both, as I do in the recording.

Ruith Air Falbh / Run Away!

This is a little ditty I came up with in October 2023 based on the saying 'the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence'.

Here are the words:

The Other Side
The grass is greener
or so it seems
and the sun never sets
at least in your dreams

Chorus
On the other side
On the other side
Things seem better 
on the other side

The trees look taller
from where you stand
and problems seem smaller
and everything's grand

Chorus

Over on your side
of the tracks
the things you have
might be things I lack

But the things I have
might be things you want
and we're rarely happy
with the things we've got

Chorus

Things may seem
so fine and dandy
and the weather's great
and the shops are handy

But it's all a matter 
of what you see
what's ordinary to you
might be special to me

Chorus

The Other Side

This is a song in the style of a sea shanty that I came up with in May 2024 for no particularly reason. 

Here are the words:

On a wet and windy day in the month of May
We set sail across the bay
In fine sailing ship called the Bonnie Bonnie Bee
Filled with cake and rum and cats and tea

Chorus
Horo we're off to sea
To see what we can see and be
Horo we're sailing free
in the Bonnie Bonnie Bee

We sailed across the seven seas
and ate lots and lots of cheese
We sailed on rivers and on lakes
and ate lots and lots of cakes

We moored in bays and coves and ports
and met folks of many sorts
We found things to marvel at
and bought many many hats

We sailed through many a fierce storm
and sought places nice and warm
We found a few and stayed a while
which really made our captain smile

One day soon we'll cease to roam
and return to our distant home
but until that day we'll sail along
and try to stay strong

The Secret Herring

Off To Sea

This is a song I wrote in October 2024 about all the pesky terms &  conditions that few of us ever read, and even fewer understand.

Here are the words. The chords are Dm, A and Gm.

Terms & conditions apply,
and with them you must comply.
You've ticked the box, 
you've signed your name,
you've read them all, or so you claim,
but we all know that's a lie,
and terms & conditions apply.

If the things that we supply,
harm you or make you cry.
You could complain, 
but it's such a pain,
and would be in vain, and drive you insane.
So why go to the trouble and try,
as terms & conditions apply.

If it's bad or falls apart,
or won't even start.
It's not our fault,
so don't blame us,
as to make a fuss would be superfluous,
as terms & conditions apply,
and with them you must comply.

Terms & conditions apply,
and should you fail to comply,
we can take car,
we can take your house,
we can take your kids and pets and spouse,
we can take your hopes,
we can take your dreams
we can take your plots, your plans and schemes,
we can take your ambitions,
we can take your goals,
and we can even take your very soul,
as terms & conditions apply,
and with them you must comply.

We hope you have nice day,
and everything goes your way,
but if nothing works,
and it drives you beserk,
there's nothing we can do, other than smirk,
as terms & conditions apply,
and with them you must comply.

Terms & Conditions

I came up with this song in July 2012 while pondering the phrase ‘my hovercraft is full of eels‘, as you do, and thinking what other things might be filled with animals. That phrase doesn’t feature in the song, but there are plenty of other similarly useful phrases in it.

The song is about those who cause chaos wherever they go. I haven’t identified any particular people, but you probably know one or two like that, or maybe you’re one of them.

This recording was made in July 2025. It features me singing and playing the baritone ukulele, and high and low whistles. The images were made with Microsoft Designer.

Here are the words:

The attic is overflowing with ardvaarks
The bath is brimful of baboons
The curtains are covered in custard
And mustard drips from all the spoons

The table is teaming with turnips
And the potatoes are eyeing the peas
The cushions are crammed with cream crackers
And the cat’s eaten all of the cheese.

There are dogs playing poker in the pantry
And smoking fine Cuban cigars
And as soon as they run out of money
They’ll be racing around in toy cars

The sink is swimming with penguins
And the fridge is flowing with fudge
There are ferrets fooling around in the cellar
And the carpets have turned to sludge

I should have learnt my lesson
I should never have left them alone
I only popped out for ten minutes
And look what they’ve done to my home

Wherever they’ve been there is chaos
And wherever they are there is more
I only popped out for ten minutes
And now I can’t get through the door.

Chaos / The Tidy Person's Lament

I write songs and tunes, play a few instruments, and like singing. To earn a living I run a website about languages and alphabets (Omniglot). I also make a podcasts about words and language on Radio Omniglot.

Chaos / The Tidy Person's Lament

Simon Ager

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