Spongebob Gary come home

Iphone Remix (Siri Says)

Shanks.

No Strings

When Genevieve La June the founder of Skirt Club UK, asked me to give a comedic speech at her New York event (a all female sex party for straight women) I was THRILLED. It was not an easy task they gave me, to deliver a speech on Women's liberation since the 1920's to 100 New York City bad ass bitches in 1,000 dollar matching Agent Provocateur lingerie sets, sipping pink champagne greedily awaiting me to finish my silly speech so they could feast on each others innards. Subsequently, I couldn't have been more nervous, but in the end everyone was laughing so hard I thought they'd pop open their corsets, so I've concluded I killed it. Despite this I ultimately failed in my goal, which was to finally have sexual congress with a pair of XX chromosomes.
  
To be fair I had a pink albatross hanging around my clavicle because I have been toying around with the idea of bisexuality for some time. Primarily after a major break up when I quietly thought to myself, that's it, i'm finished with foreskin...bring on the V.  Don't get me wrong, as an ex party girl burning man junkie I have invariably had multiple experiences of varying degrees of disaster, with women. Most of them sadly wearing festival shit like fairy wings, glitter and nipple pasties...women who probably say things like "i'm only doing this because Mercury is in retrograde and I just finished my moon celebration...hold on i need to take out my yoni egg before we start" - shoot me) 

Despite my XXX rated desires, most of these experiences ended up looking like a PG13 scene from Girls Gone Wild Panama Spring Break (2002) because when there's 2 sluts baked on drugs no one is actually going to pull the trigger and eat two day old party vag that's been marinating in shiny lame/lycra hotpants in the sun in places without toilet paper. It's just not going to happen. #blindleadingtheblind.

I've concluded that YOU NEED TESTOSTERONE or an actual Lesbian because straight women are all talk, flirt and ego and in the end it becomes just that. Talk. If you listen to me, you probably know I can talk my way in or out of anything. Throughout my sexual life I would create super sexy girl on girl moments.... only then to fall victim to the tiny Woody Allen spermatozoa worry wort that lives on my right shoulder that likes to remind me that Michael Douglass got throat cancer from munching so much box.  

What's my point? In my mind I am this sexually fluid, open minded sex goddess ready and willing to participate in any and all adventures. In reality, I am a fucking coward shaking like a leaf in a hurricane when ever I have to leave my comfort zones and try something new. It's pathetic. I am working on it.

So I went to this party. The rest is history. 
A huge thank you to Skirt Club for allowing me into your world it was the ultimate litmus test.

Music : My Neck My Back - Khia
             I Kissed A Girl - Katie Perry

website: https://skirtclub.co.uk/
Instagram: @skirtclub

Host note: the founders are IN the photo above

No Strings

Sir Pretty TOEZ 42vers