figuring out how to walk
on my own two feet
i think there’s something
wrong with me
it has to be.
lucky me, i don’t know
what’s in my head
will finding out
even make a difference?

i don’t know

i have decided that i do not care whether i live or die to see my destination
whether i see it alive on earth or from the depths of hell, inside a conference room where satan himself is projecting my final moments onto a smartboard for all of his demons to point and laugh

i do not care

cant you see, i have places to be. 

experiencing life all at once
i didnt know it would hurt this bad
holding back tears, crying in secret
trying so hard for no one to see it
what would one more bump
do to my phyche
maybe if i fucked up my brain
it would fix me
what would one more bump
do to my phyche
maybe if i fucked up my brain
it would fix me

brain damage

532A (Loop)

a promise is a promise

standard, two half-steps down

the world i'm in is still
a room is still a room
whether i am snug in sleep
or feel my life through foggy lenses

there's still time until
you're living with me too
keeping your own pulse and
pacing yourself through impaired perception

carrying a dream
a hum and then a whir
you see you're your own angel
the choice you didn't make was your Blessing

you really do not know
any better water
you salvage your saliva
you realize nothing was tepid

any better water

68 bpm 68 bpm Disquieting Hum + Fata Morgana

this is the elves

Atrophy
Is scaring me
I'm diseased, but getting rid of it
Takes care of me
Willingly
You're scared of it
I'm scared of me

Take your issues and throw them out, 'cause I don't wanna
Deal, with you, right now
I don't wanna 
See your face when I'm crying
If I had options, I would kill you, kill you, and kill you
Take your issues and throw them out, 'cause I don't wanna
Deal, with you, right now
I don't wanna 
See your face when I'm crying
If I had options, I would kill you, kill you, and kill you

I could you kill you, I could
I could you kill you, I could
I could you kill you, I could
I could you kill you, I
I could you kill you, I could
I could you kill you, I could
I could you kill you, I could
I could you kill you, I

Take your issues and throw them out, 'cause I don't wanna
Deal, with you, right now
I don't wanna 
See your face when I'm crying
If I had options, I would kill you, kill you, and kill you
Take your issues and throw them out, 'cause I don't wanna
Deal, with you, right now
I don't wanna 
See your face when I'm crying
If I had options, I would kill you, kill you, and kill you

Dr. Paul Dudley White Bike Path

intro

ffm.to/just-holdin-on-inst

Just Holdin’ On (Instrumental)’, a standalone single lifted from the upcoming Notes (Deluxe Edition) - an expanded re-release featuring edits, remixes, and live versions from Haines’ album Notes.

Stripping away the vocal of the original, the instrumental version puts the composition’s architecture in sharp focus: a downtempo, chilled hip-hop pulse, boom-bap drums from Marc Mac (4 Hero), and a lush Rhodes progression by Michal Martyniuk. With the space cleared, Haines’ saxophone and flute melodies step to the fore, long-line phrases and subtle harmonics that underline the tune’s mood of quiet momentum.

Produced & recorded by Nathan Haines
Mixed by Nathan Haines & Clinton McCreery
Strings arranged & recorded by Jonathan Crayford
Written by Nathan Haines, Michal Martyniuk, Ethan King & Marc Mac

Nathan Haines - soprano saxophone, flute, synthesizers
Michal Martyniuk - Fender Rhodes
Kevin Haines - acoustic bass
Marc Mac - drums
Peau Halapua - violin
Sarah Spence - cello
license


Notes (Deluxe Edition)

Just Holdin' On [Instrumental]

Perfect for late-night study sessions, cozy coffee breaks, chill afternoons, or rainy evening dreams. Whether you’re winding down for sleep, taking a solo bus ride through the city, waiting in the quiet corners of an airport, or just need a soft soundtrack for your thoughts, this track brings calm and comfort every time. Soft beats, mellow melodies, and a gentle atmosphere; ideal for relaxing, focusing, or just escaping the noise. Play on repeat for the ultimate chill vibe, anywhere, anytime.

Use cases

Studying for exams

Coffee time in your favorite café

Late-night reading

Rainy night moods

Chilling at home

Solo adventures on the bus or train

Airport alone time

Background music for deep thinking or journaling

Prepping for sleep or just drifting off

a promise is a promise

sky bound zoo