“HAIZEE is not just a DJ, he is an experience.”, HAIZEE

He is a state of mind.

HAIZEE (AKA: Hayzeeee, the human tripod, Tickle me HAIZEE or Mixmaster HAIZEE) is an enigma, surrounded by intrigue, shrouded in mystery and sometimes covered in chocolate.

He is the transporter of minds and souls to an amazing frantic paradise that, while leaving you knackered, strangely also leaves you feeling re-invigorated. To watch HAIZEE DJ is a part of life. Cocky? Perhaps, but certainly not arrogant, HAIZEE is now in control of the minds and bodies of his audience. A very precise and confident body language gives a visual indication to what he is playing as he acts out each track.

Yet, he is not dancing; this is something far more emotional. Imagine watching a porn star having hot, rough, yet passionate but dominating sex to a breathless, wailing lover which, in this case, comes in the shape of plastic pioneer products. Forceful, dominant, aggressive yet somehow tender and caring. The visual impact allows your body to further immerse itself in the ecstasy he is submitting you to; your ears alone cannot possibly absorb everything that he is throwing at you.

HAIZEE’s blend of ultra-violet jaw clenching bass heavy genres mixed with strobing euphoric bright bangers combined with his use of effects on the mixing desk which maximises every beat of every track to create that unique HAIZEE sound. His precision mixing at incalculable speeds is part of the show; as each track mixes in you can positively feel the dance-floor elevating to keep up with the frantic and energetic DJ that has them all by the balls.

When HAIZEE makes eye contact with you, even if only be for a second, you get to experience the ultimate unique sensation of him seeking your seal of approval. In that moment you have transcended being a mere audience member, into being part of what will almost certainly be the set of the night. The sheer euphoria you feel is exceptional. And then at the end, breathless, skin tingling and with a grin on your face from ear to ear, you feel as though every drop of energy has been sucked right out of you, just like those few moments after one of the best orgasms of your life.

Now most see him as the Richard Branson of dance music, only without the profile or the money, but with the charm and charisma to make the sluttiest schoolgirl blush, and a willingness to whore himself out to whichever musical style will be in vogue next week, he is to crowd management what Harry Potter is to Voldemort.

But few know about the private side of HAIZEE. Despite having his life story woefully misrepresented in the Hollywood hit movie A Beautiful Mind (and the subsequent porn remake, A Beautiful Minge), HAIZEE has played more than his part in encouraging the gradual disintegration of decent society.

HAIZEE is all about the music (sometimes). If there is one thing you can guarantee from him (aside from being overcharged or the forgery of drinks vouchers), it is musical selection. HAIZEE is equally at home playing a smooth progressive opening set that builds the crowd for peak time as he is to raising the roof.

He is a man who could draw a crowd as he strolls to the service station to get a pack of crisps.

Available exclusively for mosque openings, bar mitzvahs, swingers sessions, christenings, jamberoos, children’s parties, office functions, charity fundraisers, supermarket openings, special guest appearances, memorial services, harbour cruises, school fetes, beautiful baby contests, treasure hunts, weekend retreats, pet shows, Elvis conventions, Lions Club events, strata meetings, teddy bear picnics, corporate golf days, wine tastings, sports meets, street protests and any other form of gathering greater than five people, HAIZEE is Avicci, Calvin Harris and Deadmou5e rolled into one, at a third of the price.

Musical genius has never been so accessible.


I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End. I am also partial to women's clothing.

Followers of Dom Gilchrist