I'VE BEEN SEARCHING FOR QUIET MY ENTIRE LIFE. NOW I'M HERE, AND IT'S NOT ENOUGH. IT'S ENOUGH TO LET ME SLEEP, BUT TOMORROW I WILL WAKE UP, MY BRAIN ITCHING AGAIN. I'LL LOOK FOR SOMETHING TO SATIATE THE BOREDOM. I WANT TO FEEL IT ALL AGAIN. MY LIFE IS QUIET, AND I'M READY TO RUIN IT, TO START OVER. I WOULD DO IT ALL-STILL BREAK MY FOOT IN THE SAME PLACES, STILL KISS ALL THE WRONG PEOPLE, TAKE ALL THE WRONG PILLS, AND GET IN THE WRONG CARS. JUST LET ME FEEL IT AGAIN. I DON'T REGRET IT. I HAVE ENERGY FOR PAIN. I HAVE MOVEMENT. I HAVE A HEART THAT'S GOING TOO QUICKLY. THERE IS STILL AN INSATIABLE HUNGER THAT LIVES INSIDE ME. I CAN NEVER BE SATIATED. I WILL ALWAYS WANT MORE OF IT ALL. I MAKE PLANS TO SEE MY FRIENDS, AND THEN I CANCEL THEM. I MAKE PLANS TO DIE, AND I CANCEL THOSE TOO. I'M STUCK WAITING, MY SKIN TOO TIGHT, MY SKULL TOO THIN FOR THIS BURN. MY MIND IS SCREAMING. THE SHAPES ARE CLEARER, AND MY BONES ARE A WHITE-HOT FIRE RUNNING THROUGH MY BODY. I'M ALIVE, AND THE PAIN IS BURNING-LIKE HEALING OR DAMAGE, BUT I CAN'T REALLY TELL.

Produced by The Disassociated Press soundcloud.com/jasondub2023

Life’s filled with ups and downs. Just gotta know how to accept the worst, to get to better days.

Schizophrenic. 32. July 15, 1992 🎂

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