Trying to write songs! Still getting used to how my voice sounds. Please listen with headphones.

Help me break the pattern of the centuries way before me
Of narcissistic men preying on your self-esteem and your body

Why do I attract broken people, why is loving you oh so evil, when do we begin to fall apart? 
Why did you have to be so deceitful, why couldn’t we all just be equal, why do you rely on me to repair you?
Sleepless nights and crying endlessly, holding in all this anxiety, while you talk to your friends who barely saw me
Constant arguments that you’d always win, loneliness that’s caused by your gaslighting, compassion that’s returned for your deliberate conniving

So this why I think before speaking, knowing that you’re always listening, and criticizing the things I have to say
But you’d go on on and on talking about philosophy and your pessimistic views
Meanwhile friends would sit around you, captivated and yet confused
But the worst thing they’d do, is turn theirs eyes to you and say I guess you silently support his view
But all I thought to myself was “fuck you”

Why do I attract broken people, why is loving you oh so evil, when do we begin to fall apart? 
Why did you have to be so deceitful, why couldn’t we all just be equal, why do you rely on me to repair you?
Sleepless nights and crying endlessly, holding in all this anxiety, while you talk to your friends who barely saw me
Constant arguments that you’d always win, loneliness that’s caused by your gaslighting, compassion that’s returned for your deliberate conniving

Break the Pattern

In the middle of April 2021, I got a phone call from the contact tracing team that I might have been exposed to COVID-19, and that I had to isolate myself for 10 days. The self-isolation started out feeling like a vacation. I caught up on TV shows that I’ve been wanting to watch, listened to podcasts, and ordered some food without feeling bad about it. I was having a great time, until when I woke up the second day and realized that I had 9 more days to do the exact same thing.

The piece captures various emotions I experienced during the isolation. The solitude was introspective and meditative, but also made me feel stir crazy at times. I have a feeling you know exactly what I’m talking about – we all became masters of solitude, whether voluntarily or not, in this last year. I’d like you to reflect on the feelings and the thoughts you had when you were in your room by yourself, while we listen to this piece of music together.

on solitude was commissioned and premiered by flutist Meera Gudipati in July 2021.

on solitude

아무도 이야기하지 않는 이슈에 대한 팟캐스트, 아이팟

무언가 중요한 이슈이지만, 선뜻 꺼내기는 힘든 이슈들.

꼭 짚고 넘어가야할 것 같지만, 밥 먹으면서, 카페에서 얘기하기 힘든 이슈들!

저희 호기심 많은 남자 둘이 한 번 파헤쳐보도록 하겠습니다.

♬BERKOP Radio :: 아이팟 1화

Read by the Oberlin College Choir in May 2018

Autumn Reflections

Composer
Yale School of Music '21
Oberlin Conservatory '18

on solitude

Soomin Kim

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