SPANDEX MOOSE IN THE VPC

Fandom: Lord of the Rings 
Character: Bill the Pony

BILL THE PONY
BILL THE PONY

I started from the bottom then one day four hobbits came
They said let's get poppin' and we went to weather top n hey
I've got a brave heart like William Wallace, honest
But when those wraiths got on us I ran like they were coppers

But then I drank from the well in rivendell
now I'm unbeatable strap on your seat-a-belts
cos i got those buffs like gandalf right after he fell
and I'm oh so furry just like beast and belle

you'll only ever be half of me
they named the prancing pony after me
(that's not canon) mmmm shut up!
I'm the valiant stallion you're as soft as butter

I'm like if rainbow dash n lil sebastian
had a passion for smashin' call me lil lil sebastian
just imagine! i'm magic
I'm such a Star they be callin me Patrick

BILL THE PONY
BILL THE PONY
BILLNBILLNBILLN
YOU FINNA KNOW ME

Let me introduce you to my fellowship it's hella sick
We'll be BFFs forever man we'll never split
Gandalf, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, damn!
Boromir, Frodo, Merry, Pippin, Sam!

Fording rivers, crossing plains, climbin mountains day on day
Did you think I'm quittin on this mission? Neigh!
We're at the lake, chillin' by the gate
can't get inside , gandalf's in a rage

wha wha wha what's Elvish for friend?
"Mellon" and this is how it ends?
my protestations falling on to hollow ears
man ya'll a bunch of Boromirs!

enjoy your bloody trip to mordor orcs are 
round every corner sorta hope you fall in water
n get slaughtered n quartered cos it gotcha
I'm off ya'll enjoy "THE WATCHER!"


my teas gone cold I'm wonderin why
I got out of bed at all
the morning rain clouds up my window
but I can't see at all
and even if I could it would all be grey
put your picture on my wall
it reminds me that it's not so bad
it's not so bad...

Dear mister horses aren't allowed inside the mines
I ate your lembas bread good luck i'm sure you'll be just fine
It's been six months and still no word, I don't deserve it
I was your mane man now you carry the pots and pans you pervert

Frodo don't know you like I know you Sam, no one does!
They don't know what it was like as Shire lower class
Hey Sam I just blazed ya westfarthing! Dare me to ride?
You know that song by Bombadill where nothing happens
and everyones confused, that's kinda how this is
you could've pulled me off the floor
anyway I gotta stop now cos I'm a little horse.

VPC 7 Round 1

Spandex Moose [Mike Bananas, Frank Danger] - Bill The Pony

Super Mario Match Maker

Welcome one and all to the mushroom kingdom
Gettin' in mah groove I assume ya thinkin'
it's all PG, keep it honest like Lincoln
But they're tryna keep it hush dude just like Clinton

Baby Mario, Luigi, Baby Daisy, Peach
there's gotta some freakin' going on beneath the sheets
Bowser Jnr, Baby Rosalina, so freaky
women always gettin wet and wild with waluigi

wahhhhhh I'm not a shy guy
maaaan I was surprised to find
Princess Peach is out pimpin' peeps and
Birdo's doin' blowies on the cheep cheep beach

No more Paper Mario now we're usin' rubbers
On Toad's rockin' chode not tryna make mothers
and we're not even gettin' to the milestone yet
Cos your slipslide ride make my dry bones wet

You can pick and choose down at Big Boo's Haunt
the keys are in the bowls and it's on like Kong
There's gonna be jungle hijinxs witcha neighbour
we're making mistakes at mario's match maker

Mario might make you moan
Bowser's got a beast below
Peach is playing ping pong
But Donkey Kong's dong
Don't do no wrong

Mario might make you moan
Bowser's got a beast below
Peach is playing ping pong
But Donkey Kong's dong
Don't do no wrong


We're down in the basement lookin for DUCKHUNT (da cunt)
We're on an odyssey that's a homer run
If you know your Greek epics that's a sneaky pun
I'm also down here doin' cheeky cums

You know Wario's always playin' by himself
It's a good thing too cos the dude truly smells
Myself man I've got an abundance of wealth
I'll trade you 100 coins n I'll give you one up wahh

I don't want diddy kong baby gimme daddy kong
big balls like tanuki bringin' that daddy dong
whip it down my warp pipe pappa don't fear
I pinkie promise there's no piranha plant here

Treat me like Yoshi I'll be swallowing ya aggs
But once you've finished I'll be packin' my bags
I've gotta leave sweetie, not far to go
it's not you it's a me, Mario!

You can pick and choose down at Big Boo's Haunt
the keys are in the bowls and it's on like Kong
There's gonna be jungle hijinxs witcha neighbour
we're making mistakes at mario's match maker

Mario might make you moan
Bowser's got a beast below
Peach is playing ping pong
But Donkey Kong's dong
Don't do no wrong

Mario might make you moan
Bowser's got a beast below
Peach is playing ping pong
But Donkey Kong's dong
Don't do no wrong

VPC 7 Round 2

Spandex Moose [Mike Bananas, Frank Danger] - Mario Match Maker

Coconut Surprise (Slop Slop)

(digging)
Hey Frank! Frank!

What?

Check this out! I found a tape recorder!
Looks like a minute or two of battery left!

Great! We can use it to send out an sos

Welcome to Island Time Live! The number one rated (and only) program on Island TV! Please welcome your host... Mike Bananas!

Hey! Thank you so much! Hey how bout this one Frank. Check out these stretches!
What are you doing...
Pilates of the Carribean!
(Frank) So thirsty... help help!

chilling on the island
feeling like a pirate
cos I think I got scurvy
Haven't eaten in days

Cos coconuts equal diarrhea
And no TP makes a red-raw rear
(Been a year), and a little bit of poo between two good friends

urrgh...

time for a key change more like a seachange
when i do wees out my dick I get pee pains
Went from yellow, to turning red
Speaking of red, I got terribly sunburnt

Coconut solo!

Tree solo!

Crab solo!

Oh no! Frank what did you do to Sebastian?

Ate him.

I bet he was tasty, I feel so hungry.
So hungry... gonna eat Frank

(Frank) wait what?

I said I gotta be Frank I got a back up in my spank bank
300 days since I had a dank wank
And I really need to bust in a coconut
(Frank) Bust in a what?
Don't drink em! slop slop

slip slap gonna whack on a hat
walk down to the waves using hair from my back
to make rope (you've lost it..)
Look an Oasis! I guess today I gotta bring it back to you

(not even how it goes...)

Alright! Well goodnight everyone, hope you enjoyed the show. I know I did. I host the show. Me. Mike Bananas. Every week. So until next week. See you later!  


mike! mike! tell them the coordinates
Oh yea! 
BATTERY DEPLETED

VPC 7 Round 3

Spandex Moose [Mike Bananas, Frank Danger] - Coconut Surprise (Slop Slop)

Ooh, it's a sexy ass beat in the headphones
I was moving my feet even when I was alone,
Now we're close, and you're closing the door
I want more, baby show me what you got

Like a head in the sky, feeling so high,
Now I'm being lain down low, so slow, oh my
So nice, we caress, fingers run across your chest
Running through the little hairs, like a nest, come here...

I get close and I whisper in your ear
All the things you know I wanna hear, and some you don't
I say "Mike, every castle needs a moat", "and you know,
that you're mine, you protect me like the outermost

wall of a keep", "you're the lord to my lady, but baby,
there's something you should know":
They're saying we make fun of rap. They say we're whack.

They say we're whack?

"You're making fun of rap!"
wHy dOn'T yOu cRy aBoUt iT
"You're rhymes are fuckin whack!"
wHy dOn'T yOu cRy aBoUt iT
"I wish you'd take it seriously, it's not good, not for me"
wHy dOn'T yOu cRy aBoUt iT

Ohh, I'm in bed,
tucked up tight for the night, I'm wrecked, all set,
For a helluva snooze, got a flight direct
Down to noddy land, I body slam,
Down on the sheets, so silky soft,  
And I'm lost in the dreams in my head, instead

DING DING on the phone on my nightstand
Right then, message on read
"They're saying we make fun of rap"
"They say we're whack"
Now I'm shell-shocked staring at the text
Hit em with the "new phone, who dis?", Frank says "dude it's,
me" and you know what's next 
We hold each other tight, we cry together 
We try to make it better cos we're so depressed

And the messages are coming in the streams.
Y'all motherfuckers mean.

"You're making fun of rap!"
wHy dOn'T yOu cRy aBoUt iT
"You're rhymes are fuckin whack!"
wHy dOn'T yOu cRy aBoUt iT
"I wish you'd take it seriously, it's not good, not for me"
wHy dOn'T yOu cRy aBoUt iT

When you, go hat shopping you want a hat
So how is that bad? Your feedback is whack
Not my raps, I'm hot and my rapping is sick
Like a dog when its got a paralysis tick

Click click, have you ever ever felt like this
When strange things happen and you're going round the twist? (this is a reference to an australian show you don't know)
A group from Down Under just went over your head (this is a reference to how you didn't get that last reference)

We're under ya bed, like Sulley, 
And we're landing on the Hudson
Guns on my belt, I'm hot and my rapping is sick
You can celebrate this dick

*random hype noises*

Spandex Moose is the best band!
In the VPC, every year!

Spandex Moose are the best rappers!
In history, this is some Wu Tang Shit

Celebrate (Spandex Moose!) come on!


It's the moose, dawg
Number One like Hoops, dawg (this is another funny reference you don't get but it's funny trust me)
Thats the truth, dawg
Two man wrecking crew, dawg
We're just front-page news, dawg
Call us Murdochs

We're from the Antipodese
Yeah antipod-eez nuts

You had garlic? How bout you garlic my butthole

Kings of the mic
And if you don't like it?
wHy dOn'T yOu cRy aBoUt iT
*mic drop*

VPC7 Round 4

Spandex Moose [Mike Bananas, Frank Danger] - wHy dOn'T yOu cRy aBoUt iT (ft. Joey Zed)

I DON'T GO OUT!
I just stay at home
COS THAT'S WHERE ALL MY SHIT IS (shit is)
so don't hit up my phoooooonnnee

I won't even leave you on read nah
Like I know you're definitely my friend but
I'm gonna do that thing where I flick down the screen
and pretend that I didn't see ya,

but I seent it, Gotta get the mood right
set my smart bulbs to candlelight
whip it out, gonna work on myself
journaling for my mental health

how I feel: good
sense of self: strong
what I want: pud
sexy elf: wrong

therapist asked me to write my thoughts
sitting here in my jimmy jam shorts
Asking what I do when I'm home alone
Motherfucker y'all already know

I JIMMY JAM WITH MY JIMMY JAM SHORTS ON
I JIMMY JAM WITH MY JIMMY JAM SHORTS ON
I JIMMY JAM WITH MY JIMMY JAM SHORTS ON
JIMMY JAMMY JIMMY JAMMY JIMMY JAMMY
SHORTS ON!

I JIMMY JAM WITH MY JIMMY JAM SHORTS ON
I JIMMY JAM WITH MY JIMMY JAM SHORTS ON
I JIMMY JAM WITH MY JIMMY JAM SHORTS ON
JIMMY JAMMY JIMMY JAMMY JIMMY JAMMY

I DON'T GO OUT!
COS THAT'S WHERE ALL THE PEOPLE ARE (people are)
And I'm in a lockdown zone
So I can't really travel far--BUT

I got feet pics if you want 'em
I got feet pics if you want 'em
I got feet pics if you want 'em
I got feet pics if you want 'em

Spandex Moose onlyfans
Only man's but trust me...
they're good

I'm not alright, I'm not good
Feeling like, I've had too much pud
I'm not alright, I'm not good
Feeling like, I've had too much pud

too much pud? too much pud
too much pud? too much pud
too much pud. too much pud.
too much pud. too much pud.

Hi Mike, it's your therapist. I wanted to talk to you about these journal entries. I'm not sure I really understand what's going on. You keep writing about jimmy jams? Not sure what those are. And why did you write about feet pic--

by the time you hear the next drop
the jam shall be within you.

I JIMMY JAM WITH MY JIMMY JAM SHORTS ON
I JIMMY JAM WITH MY JIMMY JAM SHORTS ON
I JIMMY JAM WITH MY JIMMY JAM SHORTS ON
JIMMY JAMMY JIMMY JAMMY JIMMY JAMMY
SHORTS ON!

I JIMMY JAM WITH MY JIMMY JAM SHORTS ON
I JIMMY JAM WITH MY JIMMY JAM SHORTS ON
I JIMMY JAM WITH MY JIMMY JAM SHORTS ON
JIMMY JAMMY JIMMY JAMMY JIMMY JAMMY
SHORTS ON!

(phone call)

VPC7 Round 5

Spandex Moose [Mike Bananas, Frank Danger] - JIMMY JAM

ROUND 1 - Sincerity

Vocalists:

Write a sincere song.

Throughout history music has been used in tandem as both an expression of passion and a way to communicate difficult messages.  Many times throughout history, things that may not have been acceptable to say via spoken or written word—or may not have been as palatable or visible—have been communicated through music.

Whether it was coded messages to help slaves navigate the Underground Railroad, the protest songs in the 1960s that helped change and shape the American culture, or a love song a young man wrote to propose marriage to the love of his life, music has been used to accomplish some very important things.

This song should be important to you.  It would be easy to go for the cheap laugh by planting your tongue firmly in you cheek and being ironically or satirically sincere, but that’s not what this challenge is about.

One of the most vulnerable and challenging things to do as an artist (especially a musician) is to make art about something that you honestly value and care deeply about.  Criticisms of these songs can feel very personal and more weighty than with other songs because of the gravity of the content.

This song can be persuasive, defensive, accusatory, romantic, grateful, encouraging, heart-warming, hate-spewing, philosophical, political, spiritual, or epistemological; but the one thing it must be is sincere.

Producers:

Produce and mix this song in a way that is vocal-centric.

Your task in this challenge is to craft a song that showcases not just the vocal track, but the lyrics of the song.  Make sure your composition, arrangement, and mixing all serve to highlight the lyricism of the song.  This could mean minimal instrumentation, breaks to highlight certain lines, dynamics that complement fluctuation of
the vocalist’s lyrics and delivery.  It does not mean simply making the vocal track louder.

Vocalist/Producer Challenge 2, Round 1 Entries

Happi MC & Matt Cassel - Thoughts of Home

ROUND 5 - Amalgamation

The Final Challenge is to utilize any combination of the techniques you've learned during the competition to make the best track possible.  This round is weighted double.  As in, this rounds score counts as two rounds.

Vocalist/Producer Challenge, Round 5 Entries

Happi MC & MC Squared - (Ft. Carlo Delos Santos)

ROUND 4 - Sampling/Alliteration

The Task:
Vocalists: Demonstrate your talents of alliteration.

Producers: Create a beat using entirely sampled sounds. Every sound in this beat must have originated acoustically. If it never entered a mic, you can't use it.

Vocalist/Producer Challenge, Round 4 Entries

Happi MC & MC Squared - A Conversation

ROUND 3 - Synthesis/Multis

The Synthesis/Multis Challenge:



The Task:
Vocalists: Utilize polysyllabic rhymes in your track so that at least 50% of the lines in your song are involved in a rhyme of 3 or more syllables.

Producers: Create a beat using entirely synthesized sounds.  No sound used in the creation of your beat may have originated acoustically--including drum samples.

Vocalist/Producer Challenge, Round 3 Entries

Happi MC & MC Squared - Objection!

ROUND 2 - Hook

The Hook Challenge:

The Task:
Vocalists: Write a track with a great hook! You must write the lyrics of the hook. You may write a melody for the hook. You cannot perform the hook.

Producers: You must find a guest vocalist to perform the hook written by your team vocalist. While your team vocalist must write the hook, you may tweak the lyrics and/or melody. As the producer, whatever lyrical/melodic/rhythmic edits you decide will improve the hook and make for a better final track are up to your discretion.  You will communicate to the guest vocalist what they are to perform. There are only two categories of people who may not perform this hook for your team:

Your team vocalist
A core (i.e. vocalist or producer) member of any other team in the competition

Vocalist/Producer Challenge, Round 2 Entries

Happi MC & MC Squared - What Do I Do Now? (Ft. MC Squared)

ROUND 1 - Narrative

The Task:

Vocalists: Using the challenge tools, write a narrative song.  While you should not sacrifice the other qualities of your writing, the most important thing about this song is the quality of the story itself and your presentation of it.

Producers: Your challenge this round is one, in part, of composition, but primarily of dynamics.  The first step is to ensure your beat is compositionally appropriate for the subject content and type of story your vocalist will be telling.  Once that’s sorted, tailor the dynamics of the beat to the structure of your vocalist’s story.  Use techniques like dropping certain instruments, instrumental dynamics, and harmonic progression to help tell the ups, downs, twists, and turns of this story.  Think of this as being equally the beat and the score of your team narrative.

Happi MC & MC Squared - Can't Ignore The Carnivore

Here we go again, baby, the return of the Moose
And we still got the fresh rhymes, the fresh crew
The fresh lines, the fresh two, it's so true
Chasing money and the honeys like I'm Winnie the Pooh

So guess who, call me Cyrus like I'm boarding Con Air
Cos I'm a virus in your system and you better beware
Better prepare, got memes that'll crash your server
You'll be seeing Grumpy Cat cos imma do you a murder

BRIDGE
Still number one, yea we still come first,
Still sick, still wanna know how magnets work
Imma let you finish inna minute word to Kanye
Come on everybody, dicks out for Harambe

CHORUS

Cash us outside, talking to the ladies on the reg
Call us Super Smash Brothers cos we do it togeth
-er, bitches be like Dragonborn, make em shout
Saying Fus Ro Dah when they blowing my candle out

Shrek is love, Shrek is life
You about to get Shrekked when we party tonight
Call me Solid Snake I'm always hiding in boxes
And the ladies be like Gollum, saying "give me the cockses"

BRIDGE
Still number one, yea we still come first,
Still sick, still wanna know how magnets work
Imma let you finish inna minute word to Kanye
Come on everybody, dicks out for Harambe

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

Spandex Moose - Virus Video (Edited End)

Walk into the party, bottle of bacardi, and you know your boys on fleek
So sleek, cos I'm wearing Ed Hardy, chinos khaki, wearing a mask for that enhanced mystique
And it's Halloween, so all the costumes are obscene, can't believe what I'm seein in this sexy scene
Not to demean, but these outfits are crazy, someone was a sexy submarine, periscope lacy

A racy magistrate, wig so shapely, coming on to me a little to hastily
Pretty sure that I just got groped by a pastry chef, that was a little unsavoury
This isn't safe for me, I guess my costumes a little too sexy, these people are animals
Actually factual, cos I’m pretty sure I just saw a dude being eaten by cannibals

I look again cos it can’t be true they’re cooking men on the barbecue like Hannibal

I was hoping for a sexy night!
Sexy people giving sexy frights!
I was hoping to have sex tonight!
But these crazy motherfuckers eatin flesh tonight!

I just wanna make a sexy scene!
With sexy you, and sexy me!
But it seems, errybody gone crazy!
Shady motherfuckers in this bitch, good gravy!

I need water but the slaughter that I find got me panicking, I'm fuckin manic, man I'm fucked
What's happening? Everybody's murdering each other, this is utter chaos, what if its the drugs?
I saw them take em, I took a few as well, one or two so I could chill but now I'm stuck in hell
I feel unwell, I bet any minute I'll be breaking into houses with my mouth full of brain cells

Now the walls are crawling and I spilt my drink, my shirt's ruined, I need a minute so I can stop and think
Take a swig, take a swing, get these motherfuckers off me, if there ain’t a fight right now, then there’s gon be
Zombies, chewing at my arms and legs, the undead, crawling over each other just to get on me
I’m strongly against being eaten, beating these monsters off me ain’t the meat I was meaning

Another drink, glug glug, chug-a-lug, and another, but every single sip is getting rougher
I spit it out, cough and splutter and I hear somebody mutter saying "which one of you dickheads even brought this motherfucker.
Throw him out", on the ground, and I'm passing out, to the sound of the pounding in my head
And somehow even with the amount that I drank, come around in my own damn bed

I was hoping for a sexy night!
I got too fucked up, got extra hype!
I took too much drugs, went against advice!
Now I'm lying on my couch wi' electrolytes

I was hoping for a sexy scene!
But the sexy people got extra mean!
And now the doorbell ring, knock knock, its the cops
Mr Danger, how about you come with us

What? What did I do? What are you even talking about?

Sir, multiple witnesses report you assaulting people at a party last night while screaming about...quote "cannibals trying to eat my dick". Was that you?

Uhhhhhhh...

VPC6 Round 2

Spandex Moose - A Sexy Halloween (Good Gravy!)

PLACE YOUR VOTES NOW!
CHALLENGE:
Just like hip hop has its Four Elements, a certain musical festival that is most assuredly not a donut (^_~) has elements of its own.

(Some of) those elements are: chiptune, video game music (VGM), visualism and nerdcore hip hop. This challenge will have teams integrating these elements into one track.

To start off this alignment, we bring you three videos, brought to you by none other than visual artist Pixelseed!

Crave: https://youtu.be/jnDDc_0CvJ4

Droids: https://youtu.be/YKvSww3lEhw

Mosquito: https://youtu.be/ZMfCpci01G4

Your job, as a team, is to pick the video you like the best, and then create the soundtrack to it! 

Seems easy enough, right?

Well, producers, your challenge is to tie in chiptune elements into your song.  You can go as minimal or maximized as you’d like, but the element(s) chosen need to be clear and identifiable.  Oh and if that wasn’t enough, we’re going to need you to build the hook of your track around an arpeggio. You can flex your muscles and write a completely original one yourself, but if that seems like too daunting a task, then you can borrow one – but it must be from a video game.

Vocalists, you’re here to represent nerdcore hip hop at it’s finest.  We want to see you whipping out your finest multisyllabic rhymes – at least 50% – to be precise.   Oh, and we need you to really get your point across by including some fire adlibs. 

So that’s it, really.  Not too bad huh? All you need to do is pay homage to your sister scenes. 

Oh, and don’t stress too much if you’re unable to edit your song to the video you choose, while you’re welcome to do it yourself to achieve perfection, we will also do it on behalf of anyone who isn’t able to.

VPC6 Round 3

Spandex Moose - SCIENCE!

Stand and Deliver
VPC6
Round 4

Stand and deliver, you lyrical knaves and you DAW desperadoes!

The fourth round of the VPC is upon us and the Czarina has decreed that the melee is to commence post haste and without delay! But, the weapons of this melee are being expressly decided upon to limit the savagery and supreme saltiness that could arise from a less honorable contest of verbiage and virtuosity. And the weapons that have been elected to be the tools of this test of talent are - characters from the domain of literature, both classic and modern.

Right, now that we got all of that high brow verbosity out of the way, let’s get down to the nitty gritty.

Vocalists, you need to bring your baddest, maddest most raddest battle rap / diss tracks, but doing so IN CHARACTER of the character assigned to your teams. I’d spend some time learning the ins and outs of who you’ve been assigned, get to know them well, and become one with them.

The duals!
https://bit.ly/2pX8u1V

Producers, you’ve got a lot of free reign on how you want to design your beats. The only thing that we ask of you is that you incorporate a sample in your song from any form of existing media relating to your book. You can use samples from movies if it’s been made into a movie, audio books, TV shows, theatrical productions, the options are almost endless.

VPC6 Round 4

Spandex Moose - Crack Sherlock (Sherlock Holmes - A Sherlock diss)

Spandex Moose - Childhood Home (Ho Ho Ho Christmas Remix)

[ft. Rappy McRapperson, Ca$sand₹a Mon€t aka Ca$s Mon€¥, Ellen DeGenerate aka Christmas Carol, Climate Change Jeff and Fuck The Whole World Fred]