VIAL OF TEARS

produced and mixed by me
mastered by cubox
featuring @wulfstxr67

They like please do better, if you really want to you could be whoever
Shrug it off, whatever
And people say they’re by my side but then put in no effort
If you ever showed me love, I swear to God I don’t remember
Please just go away, whoa
I won’t ever leave my room, you don’t know what I’ve been through
Lately I just get consumed, do I have a place in Heaven
I don’t know, I don’t know, sin swallows
I need a strand of light that I can borrow
Maybe an example I can follow
Black rash all on my chest, I dread tomorrow
I take it up the chin each time my praises ring hollow
And I used to say I’d never drink, yeah I said I’d never smoke
But I’ve been pushed to the brink, now I guess I’m doing both
But I still care ‘bout what you think, so these things you’ll never know
When I feel like I can’t breathe, anything so I can cope
Anything so I can cope

And they like oh he said a bad word
I hear the chit chat, wish a friend of mine would ask first
Your legalistic self would quit on me and that hurts
You say that you stand for the kingdom, think you got it backwards 
Pull me out, life is tossing me around
I can't find my sense of purpose, I'll just stay put on the ground
Pull me out, if there's one thing that I've found
Human beings are so fickle, they would rather let me drown
And I wish I didn't care how you feel
I been medicating 'cause these problems getting real
You don't know how deep this runs, I just want my skin to peel
Asking God why do I hurt so much, this wasn't in the deal
‘Cause I’ve been conditioned from the jump
To be silent when it hurts, don’t open up to anyone
If the roles had been reversed, would they be so quick to judge
If I let them see my world, they’d say I don’t know the Son
Sin swallows, sin swallows, sin swallows, sin swallows
Take it up the chin each time my praises ring hollow
Sin swallows, sin swallows, sin swallows, sin swallows
Take it up the chin each time my praises ring hollow
You ain’t say nothing when I’m drowning in depression
Your meanings lack the depth when appealing to ascension 
Extending your lies to cripple my corrections
And taking away what makes me feel my best when
I’m turning from righteous to being a human
Expecting a fallacy paragon fusion
Hypocrite red tape to silence intrusion
I’m running away to be lost in confusion
Sin swallows, sin swallows, sin swallows, sin swallows
Take it up the chin each time my praises ring hollow
Sin swallows, sin swallows, sin swallows, sin swallows
Take it up the chin each time my praises ring hollow
Ahh
Go ahead and brace your wretched self
Blegh

SIN SWALLOWS (ft. wulf)

SIN SWALLOWS (ft. wulf) [PROD. CVONS]

produced and mixed by me
mastered by cubox

Wide awake while I'm under the knife
I feel everything, tell me you can see this anguish in my eyes
I know you hear me, why don't you just end my life
I know that what I've done was wrong but how can this be right
God please end the surgery
My anesthetics did me dirty, but you're hurting me
Put me to sleep, Lord, I beg you
I don't have the faith to push through all of this although I pretend to

Yeah, I'm a reject
Don't think I fit this image, I been posting for their respect
Yeah, but there's a problem in my weak flesh
If I play it right, it might stay something they won't detect
I need a breath, but they have high expectations
I'm not the same person as the one they've seen on stage and
Let's face it, I can't make a thing of these pages
My passion's ran out on me, I've been maimed by stagnation
Popped the eyeball, all I did was slap a cover over it
I post a pic and smile, pray to God that no one notices
It's my fault, I'd be quite the fool to say you don't exist
But if they'd seen my private life, I swear they wouldn't know the diff
Now I'm so far deep, I wonder if there's hope in this
There's glass on the bathroom floor from when I'm throwing fits
I used to be Satan's pawn, I think I've grown from it
But moments like this make me question if I'm over it

WIDE AWAKE WHILE I'M UNDER THE KNIFE

WIDE AWAKE WHILE I'M UNDER THE KNIFE [PROD. CVONS]

produced by lotsky and tempotic
mixed by me
mastered by cubox

The words escape me a final time
And so the character I've made for myself
Shrivels up and dies
I doubt my halo still exists within your mind
'Cause I'm counting all my failures, maybe
It's best not to try
Baby, I cannot explain why I'm feeling this way
'Cause in theory it should all be perfect
I'm logging out 'cause my eyes are heavy
Lashed out, you did not deserve it
Obsessing over what I hope you won't say
I hope to God the argument was worth it
'Cause you're the reason I can push through pain
My love please don't shut that curtain

Please don't crop
Me out of the portrait
My heart throbs
For you and you alone
I'm torn, tell me
Am I a burden
I'll keep my eyes averted
If I'm not what you're yearning for

Well, I'm still looking at you
With the deepest of affection
But my newfound paranoia
Is a threat to our connection
I've lost my grip
But I hope you can love me
Nonetheless
Nonetheless
I'm still looking at you
With the deepest of affection
But my newfound paranoia
Is a threat to our connection
I've lost my grip
But I hope you can love me
Nonetheless
Nonetheless

Please don't crop
Me out of the portrait
My heart throbs
For you and you alone
I'm torn, tell me
Am I a burden
I'll keep my eyes averted
If I'm not what you're yearning for
Please don't crop
Me out of the portrait
My heart throbs
For you and you alone
I'm torn, tell me
Am I a burden
I'll keep my eyes averted
If I'm not what you're yearning for
Mmhm, yearning for
If I'm not what you're yearning for
Man

NONETHELESS

NONETHELESS [PROD. LOTSKY & TEMPOTIC]

produced and mixed by me
mastered by cubox
featuring @717na

Hard to feel the ache when the heart goes numb
Stare goes blank, no I'm never having fun
Been detached from my old self
Staring at the ceiling fighting lethargy with no help
Wasting my time, who am I gon' tell
Oh well, I'm wasted on my mattress
Won't go turn the lights on, I'm too lazy and distracted
Thinking 'bout my former self, that guy is such a has-been
I ain't tryna learn today, let's form another habit
I was talking big talk, now I'm here
My mental is sick God, are you near
I really need to hear you, please give me a clear view
Demons in the mirror might be closer than appear to
All your solutions are in vain
What's the root of my stagnation, every day's the same
Say something useful or get out my face
Think I'll medicate before I get the chance to blow out my brains

I won't go outside because I'm feeling too bad
How the hell I go from riches to rags
Everybody runs their mouth but they will not understand
I'm so tired of being used and distressed
What is there to gain from this life of uneventfulness
Used to think I'd graduate and live my life in excellence
They all used to be so proud but now I'm living check to check
Looking back on me and I can barely see resemblance
I'm so jaded, I'm so faded
I'm so jaded, ain't worth saving
I'm so jaded, ain't worth saving
Ain't worth saving

I'm so jaded, do you know what you put me through
Yeah you got me messed up, I can't look at you
Yeah you turned me to a douchebag acting rude
Now I feel a little better 'cause I got these trues
In my truey jeans I see the way you look at me
Why you hate me I don't know it's a mystery
No I can't stand the way you look at me
No I can't stand the way you look at me
Look away
I don't need you I'm a different beast today
Look away
You still hate me, girl, I see it in your face
Look away
I'm so fed up with your bs and your ways
Look away
Look away

Affirmations don't do jack for me I just want an escape
It's so hard to make my peace with the ways that things have changed
I can't see why you would love me in my times of disarray
Trauma bonding with my secrets, think I'll take this to my grave
Hand to my stomach I'm heaving
Sift through these thoughts of confusion for reasons
I'll just embody my weakness
Try pull me out, but I'm already sinking
Try pull me out
All my ambitions are fleeting
I'm so jaded
Give me a sign to believe in

JADED (ft. 717na)

JADED (ft. 717na) [PROD. CVONS]

produced and mixed by me
mastered by cubox

Apostate kitten, make no comment
As you pirouette and break your promise
Drive a couple more blades between my ribs
Cephalic torment, that's the state I'm in
And maybe part of this is all my fault
But I can read the entries in your heart
And I have learned that trust is far too weak
So I now crush this ring under my feet

I left you flowers on the curb
Came back to find them undisturbed
The petals withered off into the dirt
Now shrug it off like no one's hurt
I left you flowers on the curb
Came back to find them undisturbed
Withered off into the dirt
Now let's pretend like no one's hurt

Could have given you a better future, you meant everything
I was thrust back out now I can't get one single breath in me
I panicked when I caught you, would never have guessed the part two
Should have listened to my parents, should have never tried to argue

I looked forward to November
Still can't wrap my mind around it, now I can't even remember
If I ever saw a flag so red it matched the embers
That's why I'm so unavailable to those who make an effort
And I wish sometimes you'd call me so that I could find some closure
I've had close to zero sleep for way too long, lost my composure
When I wiped the tears off your cheek, really thought that it meant something
Even wrote, released a song for you but now I see it's nothing

I left you flowers on the curb
Came back to find them undisturbed
The petals withered off into the dirt
Now shrug it off like no one's hurt
I left you flowers on the curb
Came back to find them undisturbed
Withered off into the dirt
Now let's pretend like no one's hurt

FLOWERSONTHECURB [PROD. CVONS]

CvonS