Every down can provide an up. A positive look at 2020 - 2021.

Lyrics & Vocals - Susan Husband

Backing track - 'Free' by Deniece 'Niecy' Williams, written by Deniece Williams, Hank Redd, Nathan Watts and Susaye Greene and produced by Maurice White and Charles Stepney

Sample - 'Magic Moments' by Perry Como: music by Burt Bacharach and lyrics by Hal David.

Lockdown Mixdown (So Close to Home)

This is a track that was produced as an alternative to the one that Sony denied us use of, to go over the end credits of a film I made - 'Knock Knock' - written and starring me, Susan Husband. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3551948/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1a

The original was part of another film's sound track and sung by Doris Day. I guess they didn't want their brand associated with a burqa-wearing football fan and her brown sauce-loving puppet friend. Their loss.


Piano - Anna 'Pianna' Bovolenta

Violin - Joanne 'Violin' Davies 

Vocals - Susan Husband

I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles (performed & arranged by Anna Bovolenta, Joanne Davies & Susan Husband)

If you've got 50p shoes to sell at the country fayre and they're not selling very fast, play this tune and they'll be gone in no time at all. Please be sure to mention my name when they do. Just whistle it on the wind.

Lyrics & Topline - Susan Husband

Fiddy Pee Shoes (At The Country Fayre)[MC SuHu Cheapfoot Remix]

A sonic painting / musical poem that is one man's take on what it's like to be in a relationship with a prostitute.

Lyrics & Topline - Susan Husband

Spaghetti Puttanesca

Recorded live at The Museum of Comedy www.museumofcomedy.com during October's 'Husband's Half Hour' podcast. This is a skewed cover of Cher's 'If I Could Turn Back Time' written by Diane Warren, released in 1989. 

Subverted lyrics by Susan Husband.
The Elastic Band are Bartosz Zawlocki and Lisa Gordon.
Matt Roper is Matt Roper.

For the entire podcast, please go to https://soundcloud.com/museumofcomedy/husbands-half-hour-at-the-museum-of-comedy-podcast-02


Lyrics:

If I could Turnpike Lane,
If I could find Archway, 
I'd take Bank those words that hurt you, 
And Euston.

I don't know why I Farringdon the things I did,
I don't know why I Hillingdon the things I said, 
Pride's like a knife it can cut Barkingside, 
Harrow and Wealdstone they wound sometimes.

I didn't Golders Green to hurt you, 
I didn't wanna Pimlico, 
I know I Maida Vale, but baby

[Chorus:]
If I could Turnpike Lane, 
If I could find Archway, 
I'd take Bank those words that hurt you,
And Euston.
If I could Upminster,
I'd give them Waterloo, 
Then you'd love me, love me
Heathrow Terminals 1 & 2 (and 3).

My world was shattered I was Finsbury Park,
Like someone took a knife and drove it deep Cutty Sark,
You walked out that door I swore that I Leicester Square, 
But I lost everything darling then Edgware.

Too strong to tell you I was Surrey (Quays)
Too proud to tell you Homerton,
I know that Kensal Rise, and ooh...

[Chorus]

If I could Turnpike Lane 
If I could Turnpike Lane 
If I could Turnpike Lane 

Oh …baby

I didn't Golders Green to hurt you,
I didn't want to Pimlico,
I know I Maida Vale,
But ooohh

[Chorus #2]
If I could Turnpike Lane, 
If I could find Archway, 
I'd take Bank those words that hurt you, 
And Euston. 
If I could Upminster,
I'd give them Waterloo, 
Then you'd love me, love me
Heathrow Terminals 1 & 2 (and 3).

If I could Turnpike Lane 
[to fade]

If I Could Turnpike Lane (Live) by Susan Husband & The Elastic Band featuring Matt Roper

The anthem you need to play to the love of your life when you find that there's three of you in the relationship, only one of whom has been designed by Steve Jobs (RIP).

As featured on Episode 4 of Husband's Half Hour, recorded on 7 December 2014 at The Museum of Comedy.

Subverted lyrics - Susan Husband
The Elastic Band are Bartosz Zawlocki and Lisa Gordon.
Matt Roper is Matt Roper.

Always On Your Phone - lyrics:

Maybe I didn't keep you 
Quite as entertained as I should have
Maybe I didn't tweet you
But we were in the same room anyway
Little things you could have read and seen
Just by looking at my face

You were always on your phone
You were always on your phone
You were always on your phone

Tell me, tell me that your battery hasn't died
Give me, give me an app that shows
How much I’ve cried, how much I’ve cried

Maybe I should’ve trolled you
To stop those lonely, lonely times
I wish remote controlled you
You forgot how to verbalise
And you made me feel second best
You could’ve given me a ring, but

You were always on your phone
You were always on your phone
You were always on your phone

Tell me, tell me that your battery hasn't died
Give me, give me an app that shows
How much I’ve cried, how much I’ve cried

You are on your phone
I am here with you
But we’re so far apart
Because your phone it has your heart

You are on your phone
I am here with you
But we’re so far apart
Because your phone it has your heart

You are on your phone
I am here with you
But we’re so far apart
Because your phone it has your heart

Little things you could have seen and read
Just by looking at my face
You were always on your phone
You were always on your phone
You were always on your phone

Always On Your Phone (Live) by Susan Husband & The Elastic Band featuring Matt Roper

Lyrics & Topline - Susan Husband
Music - Bartosz Zawlocki 
Guitar - Bartosz Zawlocki 
Vocals - Susan Husband

Oh My Days

Empty Space (I Wanna Wake Up)

Lyrics & Topline - Susan Husband
Music - The Male Hayley
Lead guitar - Bartosz Zawlocki | Rhythm guitar - Trevor Anderson | Bass guitar - Rikki Clark | Drums - Lisa Gordon | Vocals - Susan Husband

I can really imagine Sky Sports using a snippet of this for their idents.

There’s two of us and each one of us can have some of it 
There’s two of us but there’s one of us who’s having none of it 
Between the two of us only one of us can have all of it 
Just some of it is not enough for me
I’m not the man you used to be

I’ve fought I’ve struggled all through the night, I’m getting some of it
I’m not the one for giving up the fight, I’m getting all of it
Between the two of us only one of us can have all of it
Just some of it is not enough for me
I’m not the man you used to be

This is mine tonight
This is mine…

This is mine tonight
This is mine tonight
This is mine tonight
This is mine tonight 

We can but tell you that
This is what it feels like to be warm
We can but tell you that
This is what it feels like to be home
Home 
Home 
Home

Your cold cold heart is gonna get colder
My hot, hot behind’s gonna say that I told you so

This is mine tonight
This is mine
This is mine tonight

The Duvet Song

Lyrics & Topline - Susan Husband
Music - The Male Hayley
Lead guitar - Bartosz Zawlocki | Rhythm guitar - Trevor Anderson | Bass guitar - Rikki Clark | Drums - Lisa Gordon | Vocals - Susan Husband

IVF Baby

Lyrics and arrangement of Rod Stewart's 'Do Ya Think I'm Sexy'* sampled by Susan Husband.

*written by Rod Stewart, Carmine Appice & Duane Hitchings.

Like when you take off your boots
After skating at the rink
It’s like you’re still on the ice
That’s what your head makes you think
I been on tinder so much
And we don’t even meet
And I’m starting to swipe right on your face in the street

Swipe right
You must like me a bit, right
Swipe right
If you think I’m fit, right
People say it’s shallow and they’re probably right
But if you’re face looks shifty I ain’t gonna swipe right

Swipe right
You must like me a bit, right
Swipe right
If you think I’m fit, right
People say it’s shallow and they’re probably right
But if you’re face looks shifty I ain’t gonna swipe right


Like a bad doctor I’m losing patients
With all of your excuses and all of your cancellations
Fell asleep, double booked, haven’t got time
Remind me when was meeting me such a crime
Waste men waste men you silly, silly waste men
Shopping for ingredients you may as well taste them
Mimetic relationships in the palm of your hand
Great if you’re looking for a no night stand
You walk the walk boys, so talk the talk boys
Meet the girls or be the virtual noise

Swipe right
You must like me a bit, right
Swipe right
If you think I’m fit, right
People say it’s shallow and they’re probably right
But if you’re face looks shifty I ain’t gonna swipe right

Swipe right
You must like me a bit, right
Swipe right
If you think I’m fit, right
People say it’s shallow and they’re probably right
But if you’re face looks shifty I ain’t gonna swipe right


We’ve been chatting for a bit and things have gone quiet
Already had too much now we’re on a chat diet
You’re a waste of my battery
You’re a dog in a cattery
You’ve been holding that ball for more than 6 seconds
You don’t even play or bend it like Beckham
So much choice and you don’t want none of it
Half –baked chats you’re just having for the fun of it
Fun what fun, you’re just time-wasting
Mine and yours, mate…I’m going wine-tasting

You don’t remember where I live
You don’t remember what I do
You’ must’ve asked 3 or 4 times now yeah
And you still ain’t got a clue
Vague goals get vague results 
That’s why you never get dates
And you only get insults
A hundred matches
Yet you never get a strike
Well I’m the Tinder Norman Tebbitt 
So get on your Tinder bike

You must like me a bit, right
If you think I’m fit, right
People say it’s shallow and they’re probably right
But if you’re face looks shifty I ain’t gonna swipe right

Swipe right
You must like me a bit, right
Swipe right
If you think I’m fit, right
People say it’s shallow and they’re probably right
But if you’re face looks shifty I ain’t gonna swipe right

Back in the day people met face to face
They invested already, didn’t have time to waste
But now people chirps from the comfort of home
We’re all sitting here on our thrones of foam
BRB gonna get a drink
Might never speak again, Emoji poo, wink
Next man please there’s an endless supply
What’s the point of that when the demand ain’t high
It’s Quality Street not Quantity Street
There’s a reason for that, you got that, sweets
Swipe right
You must like me a bit, right
Swipe right
If you think I’m fit, right
People say it’s shallow and they’re probably right
But if you’re face looks shifty I ain’t gonna swipe right

Swipe Right

Susan Husband's Commercial Montage Voice Reel

Susan Husband's Animation Voice Reel

Guide track for a safer London campaign to warn against taking unlicensed minicabs.

Lyrics & Topline - Susan Husband

Cabwise Calypso

Word Painter of caucasian persuasion writing rhymes for every occasion. A lyrical urban comedy body living life like it's a full time hobby.



Su Hu

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