Album: you helped me write my s------ n---

A quiet document of moments that weren’t supposed to last—you helped me write my s------ n--- is a short, intimate album of three songs and a final spoken word poem. It sits somewhere between memory and unfinished letters, a soft place for the things we don’t say out loud.

The opener, "i hope it kills me," loops a slow, hypnotic guitar phrase—four alternating notes, picked in threes. As it swells halfway through, an acoustic guitar shadows the same pattern while a faint hissing distortion creeps in, like something breaking the surface.

"why can't i just rot" follows with a more urgent tempo. Acoustic guitar leads again, joined by piano and a fragile synth line that pulses beneath everything like a heart too aware of itself.

"what if there's no heaven?" is stripped raw. Played in one take, the acoustic guitar stumbles a little, but that imperfection holds a kind of truth—like someone trying to hold it together while quietly falling apart.

The final track, "but you didn’t know," is a spoken word poem. Unadorned and plainspoken, it lands like the last line of a letter never meant to be read.

This isn’t a polished record, and it doesn’t want to be. It’s something left behind, maybe on purpose. It’s for late nights, for headphones, for the moments when silence feels too loud.

I hope it kills me

what if there's no heaven?

Suicidal Blues is the solo project of a Hull-based musician making noise out of feeling – not just emotion, but the kind that crashes, hisses, and won't leave quietly. It's the raw sound of sadness, confusion, moments of clarity, and a defiant, untrusting hope. Blending noise rock, experimental indie, and emo, the music isn't about perfection; it's about being deeply human and utterly imperfect.
Most tracks are caught in a single take, reflecting an urgent desire to capture the emotional moment before it fades. Expect thick, saturated guitars and layered reverb creating flawed, full soundscapes. Every lyric is chosen carefully, often obscured in the mix – a way of being honest while protecting the most vulnerable parts. Themes of loneliness, entrapment, and emotional contradiction run deep. This is music made to understand feelings that are too loud to ignore, and hopefully, to help others do the same.

what if there's no heaven?

Suicidal Blues

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