Written by Jill Barber/Ron Sexsmith 
Produced by Les Cooper
From the 2009 album Chances and 2012 Mischievous Moon (US Only)
Recently heard in the Netflix Original Series "Orange Is The New Black"

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Scammer’s Ninja is a smoky, slow-burn swing in the style of a Pink Panther prowl—low clarinet and sax curling around a velvet bass line while a seasoned voice tells the truth with a half-smile and no apology. It’s the story of a woman who’s seen every trick in the digital age and cuts through scams with one quiet flick of wit. No drama. No raised voice. Just the elegance of someone who spots the plot twist before the scammer can type “hello dear.”

It’s mischievous, confident, and sharper than it looks—an anthem for anyone who’s ever outwitted a fraud before finishing your cup of cocoa.

***** Lyrics *****

Verse 1
He slid in my inbox with a silver-tongued hello,
Slick as a salesman with nowhere to go.
Promised me the moon, “a future in the industry”—
But tripped on his spelling, his scripted flattery.

Pre-Chorus
I don’t raise my voice—don’t need to expose.
Just watch his script unravel like a run on panty hose.

Chorus
’Cause I’m a Scammer's Ninja—
I see the shape beneath the glitter.
One swift move and poof—he disappears.
As fast as a scammer can flitter

I slice the nonsense clean apart—
And leave them stunned and faint of heart
One clean slash through their tangled little tale.
I’m quiet, fast, and I never fail.

Verse 2
And then one came swaggering with “Atlantic Records” pride,
But Google burned his story down before he even tried.
I let him twist a little, let his script run thin—
Then dropped the truth so hard he never showed again.

Pre-Chorus
It’s amazing how bold they get when they think you’re naïve—
Sweetheart, I can smell the plot twist before you can even breathe.

Chorus
Cause I’m a Scammer's Ninja—I can out vipe a viper
I’ve got moves like a cat and the aim of a sniper.
Your script falls apart while my cocoa’s still hot.
I know exactly what kind of creature I've got.

I see the trapdoor beneath your silver tongue—
I’ve danced with wolves who reek like dung.

Verse 3
I used to answer kindly, give the benefit of doubt—
But life taught me— some rot from the inside out.
Now I stand with truth and words that never shake—
A woman who knows what wolves look like awake.

Bridge
Look— I’ve got better things to do than babysit fraud.
Like writing songs, roasting pork, living life, thanking God.
But sometimes the universe hands you a toy—
A shiny, ridiculous, fake-profile boy—
And I let myself play cat and mouse a little.
So sue me for enjoying just a nibble.

I don’t go looking for trouble. Life’s too short for that,
But if nonsense wanders in uninvited— carrying a bat
I’ll open the door just enough to let truth speak for itself.
Then I close it, add the bat to the collection on the shelf.

Final Chorus
I’m a Scammer's Ninja— I slice once, cold as winter’s grip.
You blink, and your flimsy story collapses and flips.
Somewhere out there he’s rewriting his script,
Wondering how it fell apart so fast.
Simple. He met a Ninja who comes equipped,
He was simply and laughably outclassed.

Outro
They toss their bait, I smile inside
The threat is lost on them
They fish and plan, I don't condemn
My strike is lethal, so they run and hide.


Ninja

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