If anyone still particularly cares, I'm in a position at the moment where I can't make new music, so here's an old track that never made it to SoundCloud before.

I need to download a bit so I'm going to diarize some of my thoughts here for the sake of my mental health, which is currently a bit pants. Might be something I get into the habit of in the future because these ramblings can be quite useful to turn into future lyrics as well as helping me express my thoughts.

2023 was (deservedly) a really difficult year for me. In my personal life, I've caused a lot of pain for others and I've endured a lot of pain in return. It's been a really shitty time and I only have myself to blame. 2024 has seen new challenges and is proving to be harder than I ever thought it would be, but I'm hopeful that things will get better between now and January 2025 when I can take even bigger steps in life.

I can't really avoid the fact that my life is really in the toilet at the moment and it's going to take a lot of work to get back on my feet. It's exhausting trying to process all the loss, guilt and sadness I feel while also working to build a new life from scratch. But hey, maybe it's going to lead to some really good, super dark new music when I can actually get around to being creative again. It works for Depeche Mode after all, whose new album in 2023 will probably be a big influence on what I make.

I have to adjust to the strict lifestyle I need to live, especially in 2024. It's going to be tough and probably quite isolating, but I guess I need to learn to be okay with being on my own before I can accept new people in my life. I wouldn't want to drag anyone else into the mess that is my life at the moment anyway; I hope by 2025 I'll be back on my feet and living a happier life after a fresh start... that feels like a much better time. Perhaps 2024 will be a good chance for me to get my head down and work on a full album or something like that.

In spite of all the bad times, I have to hold on to hope about the future. I still have a small handful of people in my life who have stuck by me through thick and thin; people I love and care about undyingly. I want to succeed for them as well as for myself. I know they're going to play a massive role in my life in the future, as well as any new people I may meet.

So for now I want to end with a bit of hope. I may have an insane amount of work to do to build a new life, but I know I must and I know I can. Patience is vital, as is looking at the big picture and thinking long-term. All the trials and hardship of this 2 year period will be worth it for a lifetime of happiness that I want to come after.

So for anyone still listening, thank you for being here and for your patience. I love you all.

The Waiting Game

Synth Goblin