i wrote a really long winded explanation on my feelings about this song and then accidentally pressed the refresh button before saving. i'm cooked chat.

i'll try to remember my thoughts.

this song has always been kind of difficult for me to decipher but recently I think I've been able to understand it. many theories are that it's about an internal struggle between two complex emotions after a heartbreak, but with the release of ttb reloaded, it is more solidified within me that the song may be about the same two people in ttb.

to me this is supported by the fact that in the original, 心中会議 (shinjuu kaigi, "lovers suicide conference") was sang as サミット (samitto, "summit; meeting; conference"). and, in ttb reloaded, the original bridge was replaced with the final lines of shinkai summit, (paraphrasing) "it's because of your graces that this me survived. i'm your shadow - always with you" and the final lines of ttb were replaced with the singer saying that even if they will be hurt over and over, they wouldn't choose to be anywhere else, where as the original version ended to suggest that the resentment of the singer became so overwhelming that they felt the need to get even.

so because of these things, I think that shinkai summit is about wanting to hurt someone who hurt you, but ultimately realizing that communication is key. as someone who has adhd and was recently diagnosed with bpd (but we kinda been knew), it is unfortunately very common for me to cycle through overwhelming shame and overwhelming resentment - cycling through feelings of "i'll never be enough. i hate myself" and wanting to punish myself to "why am i not enough for you? i hate you" and wanting to punish the other for all the hurt I've endured from all angles. it's difficult to be direct about my feelings because I want to be liked, but lack of communication often leads to that resentment. my rational brain knows this is illogical, but it's easy for my emotional brain to kick into overdrive and want to find someone to blame for everything.

i think ttb and shinkai summit are a pair that resembles that cycle. where crime and punishment is about resentment towards yourself for not being enough turns into resentment towards the other, shinkai summit is about resentment towards the other for seeing you and being empathetic turning back into resentment towards yourself. 

i think the bridge and the chorus are very powerful, with the bridge saying (paraphrasing) "in the time spent waiting for you to hold my hand, I killed every version of me that couldn't stand being alone", which resonates back to ttb in the first two choruses talking about how the "me" that loves "you," but "won't be loved back" supposedly, should just be killed. i think in the last chorus, the singer realizes that their current self is still one that wants to be loved, saying "i didn't survive through skill, it was just luck. the reason i survived was completely because of you. I'm your shadow - always by your side." I think they feel that even though they've been understood and forgiven by the other, they still are someone who looks down upon themselves and idealizes the other person, and continues to feel shame, comparing themself to only a shadow - not even someone that gets to stand next to the other and feel like a normal person.

as with all my arrangements i usually want to try and keep a lot of elements of the original song but try to add elements of my own style as well as try and make it have a bit more of a resemblence to my experience with these emotions. i thought it would be fun to keep the verses simple and contemplative, but give the choruses that rush i get when my emotional break kicks into overdrive and shoves my rationality down the garbage disposal and I act out on my emotions. even if I don't do much damage, i'm so used to wanting to be liked that even the smallest bit of showing my contempt gives me adrenaline haha


arrangement, tuning, mixing: me
song: 心壊サミット by DECO*27

shinkai summit ft. some luo tianyi -arrange cover- (public demo | wip ver. 2.0.2)

here are some projects ive been working on in the background from 2024 in chronological order!

jan. - dancing alone original song wip
feb. - trail behind my house original song wip
mar. - deco*27 medley piano test
apr. - shinkai summit arrangement wip (newer version uploaded)
may - psycho killer feat. ciflower arrangement wip (newer version than uploaded)
jun. - good kid original song wip
jul. - behind the mask arrangement demo (full uploaded)
aug. - lion dance original song wip (samples performed by hiroshima) (newer version uploaded)
sep. - good luck, babe arrangement wip (newer than uploaded)
oct. - hereditary affection withdrawal syndrome original song wip (newer version uploaded)
nov. - inconsequential original song wip (newer version not uploaded)

2024 music wips

30-minutes-later edit: i fixed the bass and also decided you guys get arsloid and tianyi's supporting vocals

the last public demo of this arrangement before it will hopefully be finished, and soon. I'm working out the finishing things and hopefully will commission some art, but the vocals are done and I'm so excited to show what I've whipped up with tianyi <3

i've been told this is very 2000s pop, but i'm not sure what specific genre

I MADE THAT BLACKLETTER JAPANESE TEXT MYSELF THANK YOU

song - 心壊サミット by DECO*27
arrangement, art - me
inspired by the art used in the original upload, created by Chameleon Man (the art has since been taken down from piapro)

shinkai summit -arrange cover- ft. arsloid's harmonies [final public demo | wip ver. 2.0.7]

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i will be a vocal synth producer someday. in the meantime, i'll post various projects.

he/she/they 

https://existentialdreadtaco.carrd.co/

discord: existentialdreadtaco

email: existential.dread.taco+contact@gmail.com

♠️ ×≠×≠×≠×≠ ¡!¡!¡ ≠×≠×≠×≠× ♠️

New tracks tagged #心壊サミット