ITS Terminal
Verse
Holy fuck the air feels so good
Yo soy tu captor
I don't need food when I'm in a good mood
Nevermind my mood got ruined
So quickly
Over something I can't even remember

Chorus
It's still always December in my brain
I'm coughing and drinking again
Think there's something up with my brain
It's called "Bad Brainz" & it's terminal

Verse
Holy fuck the air feels so good 
Yo soy tu captor
I dont need food
Not when i'm in such a good mood
Nevermind my mood got ruined so quickly
Over something I can't even remember

Chorus
It's still December in  my brain
I'm coughing and drinking again
Think there's something wrong with my brain
It's called "Bad Brainz" & it's terminal

Unfound

Its Terminal

Flipped

I really think I lost myself this time
Even if my life used to be in shambles
This time I got messed up
Caught in dry grass
Plants with half spikes
Sticking to me like a cat in a pool of styrofoam balls

This time around everything flipped backwards
As if I was in a mirror dimension where nothing was going my way
Lives in psych wards
Working towards leaving

And this backwards flipped dimension
It's like recieving pure negative energy sometimes
As an example
Being forced to transition medically again even tho i did it already at 15
Dealing with the very common issues regarding social transition
Despite dealing with it almost ten years ago?!

How fucked up is it to have to be brought back while eternally being stuck in a specific state of trauma
Unable to even speak to defend yourself
And being forced to be present

For real having to be brought back to moments when I wanted to sever my limbs & kept escaping from home just to be safe
And why's that?
Because of the dysphoria, all the dissociation, the anger, the fact that i got called stupid
Denied my basic human rights
Having to fight every single fucking day to be alive & stay alive by fighting for my rights as a trans man
It felt like the sadness would never end
This is what I am  dealing with again
FFS why do I have to fight again

Flipped

Misconstrue

You know the fucked up thing about all of this's that if I do end up killing myself
Having the government give me euthanasia
For all the pain and suffering

Humans are probably going to misconstrue & theorize that maybe I have a core that's my birthname alter

No matter how many times we go over this the solution turns up the exact same
Well, except for some other times
But that's not what's this about

It just ain't
Y'all are gonna have to wait for more
Hmmmmm NANANA

As was being written;
People, humans, entities, beings, creatures, mammals
They may take my art in the end and make it their own
Have fun stealing y'all

To finish off, just one more "haz paro"
I am the writer, a simple mere writer
Those that know what I mean to write
Will know what I mean to write
Right?
RIght

Misconstrue

Anubis

I just think it's funny
How in the afterlife
(Examples: Heaven, hell, & purgatory. Tartarus & Ulyssees. Being rebornt. Your existence dissappearing forever "poof" turned to ash. The kingdom you'll see is two foot wide & six foot deep. You are put in a casket, no more, no less. You become your own God AD. Dante's inferno. Could be we are already dead. These are just example, once again I cannot speak for every human, being, species, pal, mammal, creature, entity)
You will all die,,, eventually
Me? As for me I got my own plans After Death
I'm gonna be a ghost with a white sheet that can float, go through walls & other solid opaque structures, naked with holes in the sheet for the aesthetic {eyes}
I will be your poltergeist
Potentially send good vibrations when the world needs it
I will explore the world as a spirit
A wandering lost spirit
Meeting other lost souls
Lend a hand when blood & water relatives need it
Last but not least
I will explore the deepest parts of the ocean
Meet & greet with the monsters of the world
I lied that wasn't the last
I will explore the vast expanse of space & greet the void
I lied again, that's not the last thing
I will meetup & hangout with my alien parents once again
So they can hear my solution & response
Lastly I will be a video game character
In spite of always having been one, though that really ain't for here rn
Maybe I'll speak or rather write of it soon
Remind me, ok
Anyways for example, IE (whatever the fuck term you want to use for example)
I could be a teen/young adult immune to a virus in a postapocalyptic world killing uknowho
Or I could just be a Pokémon trainer, &/or a Pokémon itself
Because remember, this is after death
Of course, the obvious one that happened when i have died lots of times.
Pitch black, no awareness of a body or soul
A state of permanently being on opiates
Choose what ya want pillies, heroin, fentanyl, & finally carfentanil with a two day long high after 4 Narcan injections
Being in complete peace
And to end on a note
All this can be done simultaneously
After Death of course
Death is what you make of it
And to finish, I will be with all my lovers
Also at the same time
All simultaneously
And unsimultaneously
As afaik time does not exist as its a manmade structure

So here we are Ahhhh death
ahhhh sweet death
So multidimensional
Multifaceted
I cannot speak for all the dead

Anubis

ESDLR
El Show De Las Ratas

None of what I write can be misinterpreted or misconstrued
No longer shall I tolerate that which has not been improved

I struggle to walk as my hardened bones
Stretch & walk accross worlds
All while the wind passes through me
As a tumbleweed
Carrying the souls
Left shunned, lost, displaced, erased, & unattended
Tending to them & being tended to

I remember being younger
Sometimes I'd go over to my parents house
There was an area for garbage and recycling
& whatnot
It had very large bins for different kinds of garbage and recycling

Everytime we'd drive past
There would be oodles of rats running and leaping through gaarbage
As if it were the most important treasure
Garbage and that which contains garbage are held with high value & standard

As RataQ, I can assure you of this
But I cannot speak for all rats

Anyways this has gone on longer than I expected
I would just like to say that the Rat Show or in Spanish "El Show de las Ratas" will always hold a very special place in my heart
I will cherish those moments forever

Then downtown I took drugs & fell in love with a rat pack
That later rat pack fucked me back to life after an intentional overdose

ESDLR

Sick Lizard

Soy una lagartija o lagarto enfermo
Me cortaron mi cola
Mi amor o mas bien decir
Mi cuidador me trato bien
Me daba comida y agua y todo
Pero al fin todo se tiene que acabar

Un dia un niño muy joven me toco y me escape
Soy una nueva lagartija
Typo Salamander
Creo que en Español es Salamanca
Era todo negro y yo lo deje ir
Cuando era joven
Me pregunto porque attraparian la un lagarto en un tanque de tamaño tan chico

Mucho de lo que escribo no mas llena la pagina
Ya ni valgo nada
Soy una verguenza
Mis palabras no significan algo?

Cuando solte la lagartija lo deje ir como  si nada
Al principio senti la exhiliracion de que me iban a enojar con migo
Pero mis amigos me entendieron
Y desaparecio la lagaritja o lagarto
Se sintio baboso entre mis manos
Y si me gustan las lagartijas pero no tengo buena relacion con los babosos del bosque
Si tengo muy buena relacion con los baboso del mar
Y para agregar tambien tengo buena relacion con los babosos que tienen concha
De veras no me acuerdo como se llaman en Español
Pero se que se llaman snail en Ingles
¿A mi? Me gustan los reptiles (lagartos) y ambhibianes (tortugas)
Enfermo Lagarto

Sick Lizard

Safety

Juxtaposed
Posed in a manner
That paused
The posing stars
Sneaking away from wars
Cars
Mars
And the deepest pits of tars

Quickly through quicksand
Shifting and tussling
Why step in it
When there are always ways & options to slip sideways
Go around then
Or grab that vine and swing over
If neither of those options are suitable
You can always just step in it
See how it feels
See how you feel
Sinking low
Like when  falling through thin ice
Do you think anyone would help?
I'd say it depends on who's there with me
Human life and death hold significant yet unimportance
Our apathy has grown more (duringf these areesa[this lyrics supposed to be croseed off but i sung it anyway...)
Are the scales all or nothing?
Or are we all just living in different parts of the world?

The sand flitters down for 1 minute before having to be flipped over again
We are the ones flipping it 
Enciting a never ending cycle
Need a hand from the quicksand?

Safety

IANSL
i forgot the abbreviations for this so idk dont know what to say

Honestly I wrote IANSL as an abbreviation except now I forgot what it means
So I guess this song belongs in liminal space

My cat had 4 (four) kittens
I watched as one of them was gripped by the neck and carried under an armoury

I'm actually kind of pissed off that I forgot what the abbreviation stood for
All I know it was a real good one

As the saying goes "If it's meant to come back to your brain, then it shall come back to your brain," (or its too anxious to show up)

I sit on dark green couch and observe the sprinkler spurt bursts of water towards grass and pavement that used to be dry

Alas all dry pavement becomes wet if in dangerZone for rainfall, sprinkler, agriculture mass sprays, hurricanes,
ah this song got dealt the low hand from the very beginning what with the entire forgetting thing
I got snake bites just in case they try to poison me gtg also I'm a Scorpio

A hypothalamatic hypochondriac
You know what that means?
Honestly not really
Anyways, it is not about what is written, it's about how it's emoted and sung

IANSL

END THE CENSORSHIP AND REWRITING OF MY WORKS, Y'ALL ARE REPEATING THE SAME VICIOUS AND VIOLENT CYCLE OF DIMINISHING TRANS AND MENTALLY ILL VOICES

Planet
Verse 1
I'm getting sick of being on this planet
I used to be so sick that
I  threw up almost everyday
I don't know from what
Or why this was happening to me
All I know's that it hurt so much

Chorus/Refrain
I used to bring those around me at school
Joy and despair
Hurting myself from all the strife at home
Doing damage to myself
That I knew there would be no repair
Knowing I controlled my pain when in reality I couldn't
And neither could any therapist

Verse 2
I was the kid at thirteen slitting my wrists
And chopping up my arms
Until there stopped being room on my arms
I only cut on the underside of my forearms and always wore a sweater
Sometimes wrapped my arms up in non-sticking elastic bandages

Bridge
I just kept trying to kill myself
While the words of my father repeated over & over again
I just wanted it to stop
It soon became a habit
Turning on music that matched my emotions
To cast away the echoes of my father's words

DangerZONE

Planet

It's about guilt & grief

Good Reason
Verse1
"Tiene buena razon,"
I'm not sure who said it
Je ne sais pas
Well me neither
So I guess we'll just keep going in circles
Until we find the true culprit
Although I wonder if there truly are culpable ones in life
Or those that take the fall
Those that shift the blame on themselves
Y otros llenados, queriendo echarse la culpa
Cuando no siempre alguien tiene que tener culpa

Chorus/Refrain
It could be that's just how it like
Someone takes the blame for feeling guilty
Despite doing nothing to affirm these beliefs
The only thing I want to say is that
Taking the blame
Doesn't take the pain away

Verse2
At the same time guilt & grief
Are like crab and lobster
Imagine, being in a supermarket
And the lobsters & crabs have nothing to hold their pincers
They suddenly make an escape
Rapidly skittng across the supermarket floor
Little feet tip tapping on most likely linoleum tile if you're in a fancy supermarket
All of a sudden a couple lobsters climb up your flesh and cling onto you
Same goes for the crabs latching onto you for dear life LITERALLY
You have become their vice

Bridge
As time goes on they begin to grip tighter on your skin
At first it was a pain
A sudden-stinging-pincer-like kind of pain
They just want to live
They're scared to be eaten
You are their savior
Pinching your skin until it hits bone
Until the fat & skin they cling to for dear life starts to redistribute
The pain gains in intesity
You either go numb
Or feel everything you never felt before becoming the vice
It stays with you for so long doesn't it
Eventually your close ones get used to it
To your grief & pain & guilt
The idea that they have to force themselves to get used to it makes those lobsters and crabs cinch onto your skin even more
I end up thinking the more time goes on they'll start to see the grips they have on you less
But I could be wrong I guess

Good Reason

I'm a 23 year old trans guy from Vancouver, Canada that is currently residing in Temixco. I'm a Scorpio.

I like hippos, cheetahs, wolves, penguins, kiwis, echidnas, anteater, pangolins, & platypi.
I am polyamorous, and pan-demisexual.
I like skateboarding, playing hockey, skiing, hiking, being in the forest, wandering late at night, deep fried pickles, painting, drawing, & music. 
I play guitar, piano, & clarinet. 
I write & record my own songs. 
I can speak in French, Spanish, & English. 
My favourite number is eight (8), & my favourite colours are green, blue, & orange (in particular order).

I have chronic illnesses: Fibromyalgia, Anxiety, Depression, Bipolar, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder/Trastorno Limite De Personalidad, Schizophrenia, Dissociative Identity Disorder, & Substance Abuse Disorder. 

just imagine how it feels to be me



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