You feed a hand that bites
You know this isn't right
But you never learned to fight
Cause your dad wasn't there

Day folds into night
While you thumb the knife
Scheming up a way
that you can get some blood from stone

Yeah, you seem to think
You need another drink
But you're just washing down
The thoughts you think that you don't want

Sell me something good
I need to feel it
Tell me all the ways
I can maximize my luck

Give me a break
Why is it that you only take
From the poor
My heart can't take this anymore

I got a money tree
Trapped inside this seed
But the powers that be
can't foresee the verdant leaves

It's a travesty
The way we're made to leave
our hearts at the door while we
Sell our time for finder's fees

I need to get some air
I know that life isn't fair
But I just need a second
So that I can catch my breath

There's a millionaire
Underneath the stairs
He's eating beans while waiting
for his kids to disappear

Give me a break
Why is it that you only take
From the poor
My heart can't take this anymore

Broke

I made this song for Bop Pop, a weekly songwriting challenge. This week's theme was "Break."

Celestial Jailbreak

I feel my grip slipping from the time
Misunderstanding what I had to find
Now I'm counting down the hours
I have to wait until the morning comes 
To sweep me off my feet
And thrust me back into the sweltering heat

Oh throes of chaos
Take me away
From these meandering days
They all feel the same

I can tell that you don't think I am right
But you just keep your lips tight to avoid a fight
Now the silence keeps gnawing at my thoughts
I try to drown it out but I keep getting caught

Oh throes of chaos
Take me away
From these meandering days
They all feel the same

The Drunkard

There's fear in my heart
That just won't go away
Stuck in a rut
Don't have the heart to play

But I know that I can't
Keep going on this way
I need to get myself out
Into the daylight
To get right

Give me that big, big sky
Give me that big, big sky
I'm finally spreading my arms, I'm ready to fly
Oh, give me that big, big sky

Now I'm sat in my car
Been driving for hours
The trees have all
Overtaken the towers

And a smile's come out
I ain't feeling so sour
As I take in
The smell of the flowers  

Give me that big, big sky
Give me that big, big sky
I'm finally spreading my arms, I'm ready to fly
Oh, give me that big, big sky

Big Sky

Feeling my way up the wall
The stones have all began to fall
Where once I stood I now crawl
I guess you just can't have it all

Give me a reason I'm all out of breath
If this is a test I'll cough it up 
who really cares when you are the best
If you act like a pest, you act like a pest

Your daddy tried to teach to invest
But you're just making it up
Telling me that you're only down    
For now

I still miss you
I still miss you
I still miss you
I still miss you

Picking off the scraps of glue
It's always too late,   too soon
Standing alone in my room
Taking turns away from you

Pick it up gently, don't want it to break
You really can't take more than you give 
Want me up early but keep me up late
We both always sensed this was a mistake

Killing us slowly 
It feels like folding when you want to bluff
We both like it rough
But not like this

I still miss you
I still miss you
I still miss you
I still miss you
I still miss you
I still miss you
I still miss you
I still miss you
I still miss you
I still miss you

It's Always The Lonely

Felt that notion washing through my hair
I heard you fine, it's just that I don't care
I'd think you'd agree that I've been more than fair
Now I just want you to leave me alone

I need something that's real
This throbbing won't stop, it just won't stop
I need something that's real
It never ever stops,  nothing ever stops

I get the feeling that there's something on my mind
But when I check  it's never quite there
I'm holding on but the ground keeps slipping by
And Ivery time I check I'm lost, never found, never found
 
I need something that's real
This throbbing in my head won't stop, it just won't stop
I need something that's real
It keeps pounding away, it never ever stops
nothing ever stops

Goblin

When the sky above
Finally opens up
What will it all have meant

The sea, she takes away
All of the messages
You try to preserve in glass

I don't have a name
That can stand the test of time
But I have got these rocks

They weigh on me
Keep me safe from harm
While everyone else drifts away

I'll lay it all on the ground
Give up what I've found
If it helps me come down

I need another chance
So I can prove my worth
But that's more than I deserve

My words drop like stones
And sink into the depths
And I am left adrift

But I still can smell
The plants that root themselves
Into the land you lost

Now I stand in front of you
O, can't you see the truth
Or is it too late for that?

I'll lay it all on the ground
Give up what I've found
If it helps me come down

I'll lay it all on the ground
Give up what I've found
If it helps me come down

& Center

With a cough and a sneeze
Caught in the breeze
A squall of doubt and denial

Can't see the leaves for the trees
The birds for the bees
And I've forgot my way home

Give your hand a squeeze
But you just tease
Telling me I've got to do this on my own

I'm down on my knees
I'm begging you, please
It doesn't have to be this way

I try and hold it in
But it all comes spilling out

I try and hold it in
But it all comes spilling out

This weight on my chest
Won't let me rest
It lingers like a ghost in the night

I gave it my best
But I'm feeling less
Like I ain't never gonna get this right

You say it's not a test
But I'm so obsessed
With the thought of losing this fight

An uninvited guest
I'm lost in distress
Chasing shadows, grasping for the light

I try and hold it in
But it all comes spilling out

I try and hold it in
But it all comes spilling out

Sneazy Breezy

Before there was nothing
I'll go there again
You think you sound smart
But I've heard that before

I can't stomach
Looking at their lunch
I can't handle
Being here

It starts to fade after
billions of years
But you can't stop counting
the hairs on your ears

Time isn't cruel
It's you who aren't kind
The spokes of its wheel
Just move us along 

In the beginning
There was nothing but sound
Then a heat so deep
Couldn't look it in the eye

I'm walking through Times Square
Cause I forgot to take a right
How is this worth dying for
How is this worth dying for

People weren't made to hate
They learned that on their own
When they gave up their days for a down
payment on a home

But in the beginning
There was nothing but a sound
Then it all came flooding out
Then it all came flooding out 

I wander gently
Into the sun
Outside they watch me
I start to run

You speak so quickly
To fill up the space
Can't you hear the screaming?
Shut up, it's not your fault

In the beginning
There was nothing but sound
Then a heat so deep
Couldn't look it in the eye

I'm walking through Times Square
Cause I forgot to take a right
How is this worth dying for
How is this worth dying for

People weren't made to hate
They learned that on their own
When they gave up their days for a down
payment on a home

But in the beginning
There was nothing but a sound
Then it all came flooding out
Then it all came flooding out

The Beginning

You run your tongue across my face
Now I'm awake, and it's not even eight
You catch me in the eye
Before you run away
hoping that I'm following

Been crawling up the walls, trying not to fall
Like Rand Paul, you're feeling all too small
Cause you can't, yeah you just can't
lift the weight
Of the tomato paste

There's chicken in the air, how is it fair?
That's the good stuff, and you've waited long enough
I open the lid, you're licking your lips
I take out a chunk
and you snatch it up

Grover, Grover
he smiles
and all the while
Wondering
When he can have some more

Grover, Grover
he smiles
and all the while
Wondering
When he can have some more

Always have a backup plan
Cause sometimes first tries don't always pan
Got up on the counter, when no one's around
But couldn't get the carcass onto the ground

Patience surely is a virtue
And good things come to those who wait
But not too long, that's the point of this song
Gotta get what's yours
'Fore your days are gone

Grover, Grover
he smiles
and all the while
Wondering
When he can have some more

Grover, Grover
he smiles
and all the while
Wondering
When he can have some more

Grover's Smile

Every morning seems I'm waking up late
from the wrong side of bed and of this town
And every face I pass don't seem to really smile
They're just plastered on upside down frowns

Can't never seem to catch a break
what's mine they always take, so what's the use?
Seems like I'm always short a buck
Cause my change, it's always loose
 
You know, I wasn't looking for nothing
But then I catch your eyes from across the room
Take another drag from the spliff
Then I'm making my way over to you

The sun's gone down, night's rolled round 
but it feels like I've barely gotten up
Still fulla doubt but I just got to, got to
got to, got to get out

Throw on something lit and hit the streets
With nowhere to go
When I showed up to the spot you were at
How was I to know?

Wasn't looking for nothing
But then I catch your eyes from across the room
Take another drag from the spliff
Then I'm making my way over to you

A change is coming
This is just the start
I can feel it
Deep inside my heart

Don't know what's wrong with me
I ain't ever felt this light
And suddenly my days
are starting to look bright

You know, this living never
really felt worth the fight  
But before now
nothing ever felt this right

Wasn't looking for nothing
But then I catch your eyes from across the room
Take another drag from the spliff
Then I'm making my way over to you 

Yeah you know, I wasn't looking for nothing
But then I catch your eyes from across the room
Take another drag from the spliff
Then I'm making my way over to you

A change is coming
This is just the start
I can feel it
Deep inside my heart

Transmutation Jawn

Now I'm rebuilding the API Server
From Django to Rust, yeah I'm a fast learner
Proof of concept that's a real head turner
Yeah, no breaks, just gas, I'm a top earner

You built a castle out of cardboard, demand
Yes-man hires
Unravel a colossus built of sand
Ozymandias

Now I'm walking up the walls again
Now I'm starting to withdraw again
Now I'm waiting for the commute to end (yeah)
Now I'm waiting for my time to begin

But even when I close my eyes at night
I'm drilling props and reinventing the wheel
An urge to write the wrong and wrong the rights 
When can I stop this thinking (and just feel)

Clutter forever, it's boxing me in
Light has been stifled, my will grows thin
I'm falling down on my hands and knees
Begging you please, relieve my needs

The more you get ahead in this game
The more you see  everything is the same
Face it, you're never gonna prove them insane
And one of these days, it'll be you who's to blame

Some go and call me arrogant (they're right)
I love's me a system
I can build it up cleaner, reverse engineer it
I ain't no victim

Now I'm getting deeper and deeper
Now I'm getting closer to code that's a keeper
Now I'm drinking more yerba mate
Yeah, now I'm sleeping, yeah now I'm a sleeper

Sometimes you just gotta clean your dishes
Let your hands mingle with the water like they're fishes
You're gonna meet a lot of cowards, a lot of bitches
Sometimes dreams are best left as wishes

Clutter forever, it's boxing me in
Light has been stifled, my will grows thin
I'm falling down on my hands and knees
Begging you please, relieve my needs

Clutter Forever

If there's one thing my brother loves
It's The Nightmare Before Christmas
We'd watch it every Halloween
And run it back for Christmas
Now he only visits
When it's the theme for the light show
The New York Botanical Garden
All strung up in merch

Nostalgia is a plague
Upon your mind
You close your eyes
And dream of the past
And when you're awake
Your jokes are all quotes
Haunted by ghosts
That never cared about you


Nostalgia is a plague
Upon your mind
You close your eyes
And dream of the past
And when you're awake
Your jokes are all quotes
Haunted by ghosts
That never cared about you

Do you get it?
Do you get it?
Do you get it?
I don't get it
Do you get it?
Do you get it?
Do you get it?
I don't get it

In the glow of old screens
We find comfort in shadows
Each frame a reminder
Of who we used to be
Yet in the stillness
The echoes grow louder
The warmth turns cold
And we slip away

Nostalgia is a plague
Upon your mind
You close your eyes
And dream of the past
And when you're awake
Your jokes are all quotes
Haunted by ghosts
That never cared about you

Do you get it?
Do you get it?
Do you get it?
I don't get it
Do you get it?
Do you get it?
Do you get it?
I don't get it

Folks wearing memories
Like badges of honor
Talking about shit
They remember they liked
When all you want for the future
Is how things used to be
You've got one foot in the womb
And one in the grave

Nostalgia is a plague
Upon your mind
You close your eyes
And dream of the past
And when you're awake
Your jokes are all quotes
Haunted by ghosts
That never cared about you

Do you get it?
Do you get it?
Do you get it?
I don't get it
Do you get it?
Do you get it?
Do you get it?
I don't get it
Do you get it?
Do you get it?
Do you get it?
I don't get it
Do you get it?
Do you get it?
Do you get it?
I don't get it

Nostalgia Is A Plague

Raga for Sad Boys On Coke

The moon shines so bright
Igniting the night
But that's no source
It's just a trap
From the other side

You're talking extra loud
You got us all enthralled
But you've got small veins
In your arms
and your legs

The lines go on for days and days
But you're running out, you're feeling afraid
And the morning's coming up
faster, and faster
 
And you're tightening your grip
And you're clinging to the edge
Cause you're so fucking sure
that this time
you're going to make it 

Big
Big
Big
You're going to make it
Big
Big 
Big
You're going to make it
Big 
Big
Big
You're going to make it
Big

Well look who's finally up
Put on a shirt
Pull back the shades
The sun sears your eyes
And you're already cutting it up

Pushing back the fear
Holding back your tears
Searching for that quiet hope
That you're still going to make it

that you're going to make it 

Big
Big
Big
You're going to make it
Big
Big 
Big
You're going to make it
Big 
Big
Big
You're going to make it
Big

Make It

I  made this for Bop Pop, a weekly songwriting challenge. This week's theme was "Resolution." 

Lyrics: 

My father the recluse; philosopher king
Protected by an omni-capable queen
I always wondered how he gave her a ring
Consider here, the misspent lives I've seen.

All these whos and hows I never want to be
Generational trauma on a family Christmas tree
They'd wonder how we could ever end it.
My resolution is to mend it.


Studies bring my mind to a dullard's drifting doze
I wonder why I still wander these tomes
Philosophers babble on in indecipherable prose
Heidegger said existence is evinced by poems

But all this debt and labor and adulthood’s obduracy 
Won't afford an hour for divining true poetry
Time wonders how I could ever find it.
My resolution is to just write it.


There's too much to learn, you had better pick a lane
It's shameful to deign that a mind can be so claimed
Embedded with stains, and trivia it can't maintain
I'm corrupted, an idle ascetic becoming untamed. 

All this knowledge made me powerlessly free
Too pure for a Plato, too tired for Diogenes
I hope to god you don't turn out like me.

Or hope to whatever it is that we both believe.

1080p(oetry)

Been busy talking to
inanimate object, or what
Cause I've been thinking about you
But I guess if I messed up that's just
yet another thing that I happened to have forgot
about

So when the dressing comes leaking through the leaves
And you're begging for reprieve, just remember
Yeah, this is what you asked for
Gotta watch your tongue with djinn and ape-like paws

The syrup doesn't always come from the trees
You can't always trust the bottle, you know
60 bucks in and there's a score to settle
Let's go, Bud, pedal to the metal

Its always why, but never when
Gotta save the time
Its always there, but never then
Why do I even try
(get lucky)

Pick me up some daddy issues from the pile in the park
You can get under the fence through a hole after it turns dark
Someone threw them out to screw over their ex
And I'm just trying to do my best (get lucky)

Now I'm picking out the fiberglass
From in between my toes
And I notice my nails keep on growing longer and longer
As I wonder if I'll ever belong

Its always why, but never when
Gotta save the time
Its always there, but never then
Why do I even try
(get lucky)

Its always why, but never when
Gotta save the time
Its always there, but never then
Why do I even try
(get lucky)

GET LUCKY
GET LUCKY
GET LUCKY
GET LUCKY

Get Lucky!

Phlegm in my throat, I don't need a reason
It's spring out there, but this weather's out of season
Dialed in like you're ready for a fight
Slicing up the powder like a trailer park Shawn White

Jump cut, freeze-frame
Your feet are stuck in the kitchen
Sneezing up gunk
this shit is heckin' bitchin'

A monster of an attitude, blame it on the altitude
Making moves, fake gestures gratitude
One two step, your finger's on the trigger
Think you got the best of me, but I just come back bigger

Can't stop now, I'm recording a speedrun
Paint in my pocket, not gonna be outdone
A vector predilector with the leather handled handgun
Counting out bills, just tryna have some fun

Snow fall phone calls
Everyone's acting so uptight
So freaking uptight 
Crystalline lines
Guiding us all back
to our rightful home

Telling me all about it
I'm not listening
I nod in agreement
With eyes glistening

You're pulling up videos that you want to show the crew
I'm zoning out, cause none of these is new
// I know that I should just go
Time's dilating, tired of waiting for a dose
Scratch my itch and I'll give you a bloody nose
// But the blow's got me wired up
Leg's bouncing, and now I'm announcing
Hey, does anyone else want to step outside?
// So what the fuck is up?
And where my ciggys at?

Snow fall phone calls
Everyone's acting so uptight
So freaking uptight 
Crystalline lines
Guiding us all back
to our rightful home


Snow

Repetition is the key to repeating yourself.

Again & Again

I upload songs on here for a song-a-week songwriting challenge called Bop Pop

For my old account see soundcloud.com/bayindir2018-2020

New tracks tagged #BopPop